ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

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ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Jun 23, 2019 12:58 am

Welcome to the third annual Realistic Online Bouts of Technological Scuffles! Here's ya brackets - the matchups are on there, I'll have them written out in here in the next day or so for all yall that dont wanna go through multiple links.



A matchup of filthy creatures. But which will fight the dirtiest? Mudcrab's going in one claw forwards, one back. Black Dog spins up and charges in, with Mudcrab, also up to speed, meeting it in the middle. Black Dog turns a little to the right just before it slams into Mudcrab, hoping to clip one of Mudcrab's forks, but this just results in Mudcrab hitting Black Dog's corner instead. As the turn had raised the corner up a little, Mudcrab even gets a lucky hit on Black Dog's left fork, bending it upwards and flipping Black Dog over backwards. That fork won't be wedging any more, but Black Dog's got lots more and is still spinning. It turns and charges Mudcrab again as Mudcrab comes in, hoping to bite off a wheel, and the drum-to-drum impact flips it backwards again, setting it upright once more.

Both are now trying to outdrive the other and get in a good hit without being hit in return. Mudcrab seems better controlled, and has less gyro to deal with, but it's still not finding a good angle of attack given Black Dog's wide drum. Still you've got to attack at some point, so it goes in. Another drum-to-drum clash sends Mudcrab flying this time, with a bit of a gash in its drum. Black Dog follows up quickly with another hit, but its drum wasn't at full speed and so it's just taking a small chunk out of Mudcrab's rear wheel. The rest of the match passes similarly, with neither competitor able to get a knock out blow, but both taking damage. Black Dog finally gets the hit to Mudcrab's fork that it was looking for, taking one out, but knocks Mudcrab over with the same hit. Its forks, meawhile, are also looking pretty tattered as well.

Both drivers end frustrated they couldn't hit the other out, but they're too skilled to give the other the opportunity. The judges will have to decide this one...

Damage: 3-2 Black Dog
Control: 3-2 Mudcrab
Aggression: 3-2 Black Dog

A very close decision give you your winner, Black Dog.

The Terrible Toad Twins vs Found God in a Tomato

Fuck, that's a mouthful of a match name. Anyway, all three bots get up to speed, the toad duo tucked neatly together, advancing side by side, in what I'm going to arbitrarily dub as Black Dog Formation. Meanwhile, Tomato sort of wiggles on its way out, colliding with the left frog and shunting it away somewhat. The right frog manages to dash in for a solid hit, tossing the somewhat spun-down ring spinner up and over in the air, as the other frog reels from the impact, a hefty gash along their front. The intact frog keeps up its assault on Tomato, throwing it up a second time, as its buddy comes back in to join in on the fun, the two juggling hits between one another. Throughout this, Tomato isn't being given an inch to spin up for a good twenty-odd seconds, though eventually manages to squeak away for a bit. The toads reform the Black Dog Formation, approaching again, this time the bots colliding weapon to weapon, the same frog being hit once more, getting spun away and starting to smoke up. The remaining toad goes ham, throwing Tomato once more, spraying what looks like a little plastic across the floor as Tomato lands. It would seem that one of the omnidrive wheels on Tomato has shattered, leaving rollers strewn across the floor. A third hit from the remaining frog sends Tomato up and over again, breaking off more rollers, and seemingly stopping the disk. Tomato attempts to shuffle away, but it turns out it's pretty hard to mover with three half-wheels, eventually leading to a count-out.

The Terrible Toad Twins win by KO in 1:42!

OwO bot 2000 vs Mekabu

This fight basically starts as your stereotypical “2 verts circling around each other trying to find an opponent for like 30 seconds without doing anything” fight. Finally the two come in approximately head-on, with Mekabu trying to get its forks under the sides of OWOBot 2000’s, but it’s Mekabu who gets popped up in the air. It lands upright but OWObot comes right in with another smack that tosses it onto its back. Mekabu flees, but isn’t able to get enough distance to safely self-right and has to just point its discs at OWObot and hope for the best as it charges in.

And Mekabu gets sent flying again. It’s righted this time, but there’s a nick in its wedge and one of the long side forks has lost its tip. It goes in aggressively though, and after a couple of inconsequential exchanges OWObot’s fork rides up into the discs and it gets tossed about ten feed backwards in a 360 backflip. Now one of OWObot’s forks has been bent upward a bit. Will that cause problems for it?
Yes, it appears it will! There’s another big hit by Mekabu that sends OWOBot 2000 careening onto its back. The disc kicks it back over, but as it bounces down it’s at a really bad angle and gets hit in the side. It’s launched again, wobbling from gyroscopic precession, and bounces onto is back again, the disc clattering to a stop. It’s just barely limping around, but the disc isn’t a very effective skid and it can’t maneuver that well. Mekabu circles around a bit, sizing it up, and tries to attack the side but isn’t able to get much of a bite. It backs up, lines up again, and charges – oh, and OWOBot 2000 was nearly sent out of the arena. It comes down on its wheels and runs away, but the disc isn’t spinning up. Uhh… I think the belt might be gone?

In any case, OWOBot puts up a heroic fight with its forks, managing to get under Mekabu a couple times and once jam a fork against its opponent’s shaft collar and keep the discs at bay. However, eventually Mekabu’s able to get a solid hit that punts it over the high wall and out.

Your winner, by OOTA in 2:03, is Mekabu!

Sixpounder vs Kirby

If you have to remind the writer that your bot isn't technically breaking any rules, that says something about your robot building. But that's none of my business. (Sips tea.)

Anywho, you've got a wacky, colorful, strafing Kirb with a star-rod Chomp hammer against an overly detailed chrome hot rod. The hot rod's put a railing on top of its plow to stop the hammer, which gives it confidence as it charges in to slam Kirbo against the wall. Kirby's mecanum-strafing slowly around the arena, hammer at the ready, and as it gets slammed fires away lustily. Kirby's body lurches into the air as the shaft of the hammer slams down onto the hammer-blocking rail, giving it a neat new V-shape look, sort of like angry eyebrows. Sixpounder lifts Kirby up against the wall, but Kirby fires its hammer again, dealing a lighter blow to the plow as it careens off sideways. The plow lowers and Sixpounder chases after it, catching up before Kirby can aim its hammer properly, but as it gets shoved gets another hit in before it its slammed into the wall once more.

Sixpounder is able to stay in control the entire match, but its shiny, smooth chrome plow is starting to look more like a mustache, and a lucky hit from Kirby has also partially seized one of its front wheels. Alex looks apprehensive as the fight goes to the judges.

Damage: 5-0 Kirby
Control: 4-1 Sixpounder
Aggression: 3-2 Sixpounder

A surprisingly close 8-7 decision gives the fight to your winner, Kirby!

Idiot Triangle vs Antbar and SawnDisc

So Billy has one good point here: Idiot Triangle is slow. The upside here is that the cluster can pretty well control when and where they get hit. The downside, as is about to be relevant, is that when you're that slow, accidentally driving into the wall is near impossible, which puts a stop to the baiting tactics very early. Billy goes to his next best plan of sacrificing SawnDisc to slow Idiot Triangle down. SawnDisc does not take the hit well at all: the weapon has a chunk taken out of it, and it looks like some important internal components have been OOTA'd. Idiot Triangle bounces away, into a wall, almost to another, and for a moment it looks like Antbar may just have a chance to do some real damage, but even at partial speed, Idiot Triangle hits just a bit too hard for Antbar's armor. The first hit isn't too bad, thanks to Antbar's weapon armor, but Antbar fails to secure an OOTA and by the time it's recovered from recoil, Idiot Triangle is almost at top speed again. The next hit punts Idiot Triangle back a fair way, but the impact seems to have killed Antbar's weapon. Idiot Triangle takes advantage of the distance created by the recoil to spin up to lethal speeds, and the next hit seals the match.

Idiot Triangle wins by KO in 1:22

HardWired vs What's the Scoop

The crowd lights up as the big chair on wheels is carted into the box for the first time, the novelty of such a unique design not being lost on them as it quickly becomes the crowd favorite. It stares down a fairly bog-standard looking vertical spinner, whose driver isn't really sure what he's looking at, but he knows he wants to win. It's robot fighting time.

HW3 gets spun up right off the bat as WTS charges across the arena at it. Scoop charges up the wedge to monster-truck over HW3, but the lower robot angles slightly as the two meet. unfortunately for Ethan, his robot's disc is unable to get much purchase on the slippery chair, and WTS sails up and over the spinner, getting to its back end. Scoop starts to turn, its wheels slipping on the steel floor as it fights its long narrow wheelbase. By the time he's even close to turned around, HardWired is already attacking its wheel. Once again, the plastic flexes, keeping Ethan from gaining the upper hand he desperately wants. This sort of back-and-forth goes on for a while until the spinner finally catches something on What's the Scoop, popping it onto its back wheels as it torques itself upside-down. Wham tries to use this to his advantage, slotting his big upside-down scoop against the vertical spinner so he can start pushing, but his front wheels are too far forward and he ends up slipping up the wedge again. This time, though, Ethan's angling trick is able to bite that big corner on top, sending WTS into a barrel roll, where it lands on its side. WTS flails around for a while while HW3 has fun laying into it, but eventually the fight comes to an end.

Aggression: 3-2 HardWired III
Damage: 5-0 HardWired III
Strategy: 3-2 Hardwired III

HardWired III wins an 11-4 decision.

Entropic Degeneration vs Black Salvo

There’s a reason I’ve been stalling on writing this and it’s because ED confuses me. Why does it have… any of the things it has in this combination of them :V. well at any rate Black Salvo comes out aggressive and ED is waiting with open arms – open enough that its wedges are on the ground, but also so far open that Salvo is able to get underneath the crusher arm and start shoving ED about far before Rocket can think about getting those slow crusher arms around BS. She still tries, mind you, but it just kinda puts her at a wonkier angle that prevents the saw from doing much of anything. And honestly, that’s kinda just the fight in a nutshell – ED tries to get stuff done, and there are some saw marks in the top of BS by the time the match is over, but mostly the slow and complex bot is comprehensively out-driven by the simple rambot, and there’s really no doubt in anyone’s mind where the JD is going.

Aggression: 4-1 Black Salvo
Damage: 3-2 Entropic Degeneration
Control: 4-1 Black Salvo

Your winner, in a 10-5 decision, is Black Salvo!

Beaned vs Post Traumatic Stress

Right so fragile multibot vs big fuckspinner of doom. This should be a pretty easy match to deci- aaaaand w0lf didn't RP.

...or, wait, yes he did. Turns out these MENSA-level gentlemen put their strategies in two different threads! What rascals these guys are.

Anyway, Post Trumatic Stress revs up and gets the ever-recognizable death hum going, while YSM basically goes "Brick, I choose you!" and has it charge at PTS. Will it be able to withstand the force of PTS' ~100something pound* weapon?!
*haha oops this is FW, so probably 10-15 lbs or something along those lines

Answer is: no, BRICK isn't able to stop a weapon heavier than it. PTS' blade comes awfully close to swiping at the main chassis, but instead grabs a hold of the wedge's side panelling and flings it across the floor. It lasts a few more hits before the 6 armor chassis finally takes a direct shot and shatters like glass.

And then one of the other two sub-5-armor bots gets tapped once and dies. Let's go with... coin flip real quiiick... Coso. Yeah, that one. The GIANT SAW snaps into something like 4-5 pieces and one of said pieces lodges itself into an arena light. Mini Something, wanting to go out on its own terms, uses the clamp-lifter weapon to OOTA itself.

Post Trumatic Stress wins by part-KO part-surrender in 1:27.


Hard News vs Madscience

Madscience starts spinning up and spewing flame while Hard News box rushes... and also spins up. The first hit sends Madscience about halfway up the high wall behind it before careening into the center of the arena, slowed down significantly but otherwise looking fine. Hard News was less lucky, having been flung sideways, completed a full roll to (thankfully) land right-side up, and showing some wobble on the weapon - it looks as though a small chunk broke off the tip of the bar. Madscience is able to get up to full speed, still flaming like a troll on Reddit or 4chan or whatever is popular these days. Hard News attempts to get the weapon back up to speed, but the coining from the damage on the first hit results in a hard-to-drive bot. Madscience slowly creeps at Hard News while Wham desperately tries to get control of his bot back with mild success. This may be the slowest-moving chase I've ever mentally applied the Benny Hill theme to. They do eventually meet one more time, and well... you look at these weapon and armor stats and tell me what you think happened :V

Madscience wins by KO in 1:01

Flipcake vs Ilwoon

The two bots size each other up, Flipcake’s flipper against the, uh… flywheel hammer spinner thing of Ilwoon? How the fuck does this robot work? It’s making an ominous humming noise, but the weapon is dangling from its supports like a clock pendulum, deceptively calm. A slight bit of wheel lift as Ilwoon turns to keep Flipcake away from its side betrays the real danger, though. Or something. Assuming it actually works. Anyway, Flipcake’s trying really hard to get to Ilwoon’s side, but not getting away with it, and ends up getting under it. The hammer comes to life with a violent jolt, swinging around a full 360 degrees, popping both bots in the air from the force, and… glances harmlessly off of Flipcake’s wedge. It’s got the power, but it doesn’t have that much reach, especially with that tooth geometry. It’s really going to have to get Flipcake WAY up on that wedge to get a good hit.

Anyway, after some more back and forth jockeying for position, Flipcake goes for Ilwoon’s corner but gets wedged again. Ilwoon this time learns its lesson and guns it for the nearest wall, sliding way under Flipcake and high-centering it, but as it fires Flipcake uses its own flipper. Ilwoon’s counterweight hits the arm as it raised, pushing the bot into the air, there’s another solid but ineffectual blow on the flipping wedge, and the combination of the two weapons’ action sends Ilwoon tumbling up and over onto its side.

Flipcake backs off and takes a victory spin. Ilwoon’s wheels don’t touch the ground in that position, the weapon I’m not sure about. Let’s see. The bot’s hum turns into a whine, and there’s the shot! The hammer doesn’t hit the floor, but it sends the bot rocking back and forth like a bar spinner that’s broken in half as the hammer spins madly, but it eventually flops back onto its side. For about five seconds it sits there, and there’s an exasperated gesture from the ref before the countdown starts, but the weapon fires again. It’s not pretty, in fact it’s awkward as hell, but Ilwoon slams the counterweight and then the main hammer into the floor in rapid succession as the weapon whips around, and manages to just barely kick itself up and over its rear wedge and back onto its wheels.

Flipcake wasn’t expecting that. It’s going back to the same going for the sides strategy, and finally gets under, getting under Ilwoon and tossing it in the air again – unfortunately onto its face, where a well-timed shot from the hammer easily rights it. And after a bit Ilwoon gets in again, and this time slams the weapon down right on top of Flipcake’s flipper mechanism. This is the part where a normal hammer would retract its weapon… which Ilwoon can’t do because it only goes one way. It settles for pinning Flipcake against the wall while it spins its flywheel back up, then backs off, comes in again under Flipcake’s side, and gets another huge hit. Flipcake’s stuck going in circles, and not well enough to crab across the floor. I think this is over!

The ref counts Flipcake out, and Ilwoon promptly celebrates by dry-firing the hammer and flops onto its side in the process.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:45, is Ilwoon!

Y.V. vs Admiral

Y.V. first starts the fight by rushing to Admiral. Admiral however, tried to get away from Y.V., baiting it to steer to the side instead. Y.V. does it, and it overseers from that, so Admiral flips it, sending Y.V. high into the air, before it lands. Fortunately, Y.V. lands the right way up in the end, and didn't go OOTA. After this, Y.V. decided to aggressively go to Admiral head on, succeeding in it. Both bots initially, interlock, but then Y.V. gets the better of the wedge war and outwedged Admiral. However, Y.V. has a little bit of problem pushing Admiral with the wheel setup, though it still can do it effectively to prevent Admiral from escaping at least, lifting the lifter slightly to prevent Admiral from escaping, before slamming it to the wall at high speed and lifting Admiral again quickly, overturning it.

Admiral soon tries to self right, but Y.V. is able to catch it, before repeating the slam and lift. Y.V. is successful in this regard as Admiral is helpless. Then, one minute left, while Admiral does get some damage from all the slams, it still works decently, and it tries to bait Y.V. to turn again, successfully forcing another slight oversteer that Admiral exploits, flipping Y.V. around. This time, Y.V. is inverted, but quickly self rights, though Admiral catches and flip it again. It's not that optimal this time though, and Y.V. goes back to it's wheel. Y.V. finally decided to strafe around Admiral, and goes head on again, outwedging Admiral for another slam and lift. Admiral nearly J-hooks out, but Y.V. lifts Admiral in response, before wedging it again. Y.V. soon get Admiral to the low wall, slamming and lifting it out of the arena. However, before Admiral can get out fully, the time runs out, though Y.V. can't stop the lifter in time, so it goes to judge's decision regardless of the OOTA

Judge's Decision:
Damage: 3-2 Y.V.
Control: 3-2 Y.V.
Agression: 3-2 Y.V.

Winner: Y.V. by JD (9-6)

Nuclear Plague vs Hallucinogen - LIGHTWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

We have two near-identical bots with identical stats and very similar strategies. Ready to see how this plays out? Me too. They both want to go weapon-to-weapon, so they do. Nuclear Plague gets the better of the first exchange, marginally. While damage is identical for both bots, Hallucinogen gets popped up into the air and gets forced into playing defense upon landing. Following a few more of those types of hits, HFL decides weapon-to-weapon isn't worth it anymore and starts zigzagging at his opponent to get an angle on the forks. Guess what Nuclear Plague does in response: nearly the exact same thing to try and force more head-on collisions. This approach method works out much better for Hallucinogen, who gets in some nice hits that don't really do a whole lot of damage but still look good to the judges. I guess I should point out now, they're both trying to flip each other, and neither is really succeeding, so they just keep on hitting each other and racking up shock damage. By the end up the fight, both weapons have slowed down slightly from all the shock damage adding up, but even as the buzzer rings they get one last hit on each other and launch themselves into opposite walls for a dramatic finish to a tense fight.

Aggression: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Damage: 3-2 Nuclear Plague
Strategy: 3-2 Nuclear Plague

Nuclear Plague wins by a 9-6 judge's decision!

Storm Worm vs Star Spangled

Both bots go straight for each other. Storm Worm pressed it's lifters in the ground to outwedge Star Spangled, while Star Spangled moves at the same speed, but still slower than Storm Worm, which accelerated quicker. So far, the 2WD static wedge of Star Spangled is fine. Star Spangled, however, then tried to angle in on Storm Worm, so Storm Worm reacted accordingly, but oversteered a bit. This allows Star Spangled to get underneath, but Storm Worm quickly escapes. Storm Worm then gets baited by Star Spangled, which drives slowly to the lifter, only to back off and escape at full speed. At this time, Storm Worm also reacted by lifting, so Storm Worm backs off at quicker speed in an attempt to reset it's lifter and press it again, while Star Spangled give chase, eventually getting to the same speed. Storm Worm doesn't have time, and it gets outwedged. However, Storm Worm fires it's flipper and lifters as well as back off to free itself, though it still catch a little mistimed flip, as Storm Worm is able to back off pretty quickly, from Star Spangled that throws it forward a bit.

Storm Worm, however, recovered after landing the right way up from the flip, and then, pressing it's lifters, it doesn' t fall from the same trick that Star Spangled do again, as well as being able to get around the angle in attempt and wedge it head on. Star Spangled then get flipped a bit by Storm Worm, with Storm Worm immediately getting under again, before flipping again, this time throwing Star Spangled over it's back. Storm Worm then gets under Star Spangled as it tries to self right, and immediately lifts as Star Spangled is about to fall into the lifters. Lifted up, Star Spangled is taken to the wall and pinned against it for 10 seconds while Storm Worm lowers the lifter as the timer is about to run out, before quickly getting under Star Spangled again before it can recover. Storm Worm then pushed Star Spangled to the low wall, pinning it there again. Finally, Storm Worm, backing up for the final time, is able to accelerate quickly to Star Spangled before it can recover yet again, and used it's lifters and flipper in conjunction, getting Star Spangled out of the arena.

Winner: Storm Worm by OOTA (1:58)

Venice Queen vs <3

VQ starts out and attempts to flank :heart: but Maxi makes that not easy with this mecanum drive. VQ also has to be wary of those side-hammers which could pack a punch to Queen’s vulnerable side armor. The two bots circle for a bit before VQ sees an opening and angles in. Maxi fires the hammer, but it hits part of VQ’s front armor, and bounces off harmlessly. The hammers retract and ready to fire again as quickly as possible, but Venice Queen is already there and slipping under <3’s forks and lifts :heart: up.

Maxi fires the hammers again, but only the base of the hammers hits VQ and doesn’t do any damage, but the impact is enough that VQ loses its grip on :heart: and Maxi quickly retreats, hammers retracting.

Both bots set up again, but Maxi retreats for the nearby wall to try to prevent VQ from getting another good angle on him. Only problem here is that it will be hard to fire those hammers, but Maxi is playing the defensive game, now. VQ goes for a side, and :heart: to face him. Fine, except that Maxi temporarily forgets his proximity to the wall as he fires the hammers, causing his bot to ‘kick out’ from the wall due to the weapon impacting it. VQ gets the opening that he’s been waiting patiently for and slips under with the lifter, again.

VQ then has :heart: up on its back against the wall, and this is the low wall. VQ tries for the OOTA, but Maxi retracts the hammers and they act a bit like self-righters as they cause :heart: to fall over to one side off of VQ’s lifter. VQ immediately gets back under :heart: before the hammers can fully reset and pins/lifts again until the ref calls for pin release. Both bots then move out towards the center of the arena and engage in some cat-and-mouse tactics. VQ teasing :heart: to fire its hammers and getting clipped one or two more times. Then, time is called.

This one is going to the judges-
Damage: 3-2 <3
Control: 3-2 Venice Queen
Aggression: 3-2 Venice Queen

Your winner, by a 8-7 Judges’ decision, is Venice Queen!

OverCutter vs Circuitz

THE BOX IS LOCKED THE LIGHTS ARE ON IT'S ROBOT FIGHTING TI- oh for fuck's sake these two guys seriously both wrote 400-worders for this 3-armor-bot meme fight. I mean, does it *really* matter if I write this match, given one of the competitors ragequit? Right? So I'm opting out of this one. G'night everybody!

...what do you mean "I'm under contract"? That's some bullshit, but hey whatever life's full of bullshit. IT'S ROBOT FIGHTING TIME.

Overcutter hustles itself forward a few feet while Circuitz teleports halfway across the arena. I think one of these bots may be slightly faster than the other. Jules, knowing that one hit means taking 12-damage-instant-obliteration, is sure NOT to ram in headfirst and instead starts drifting all the way around Overcutter. There's a few close calls, with Circuits straying dangerously close to the blade multiple times. After some lol eurobeat ecks dee action, Circuitz gets behind a gyro'ing Overcutter and goes for the sauce, NYOOMing in at a speed that's best described as "really, really fast". The flip, while not all too effective on it's own, is exponentially enhanced by the ram Circuits delivers and the fact that Overcutter immediately takes off like a goddamn helicopter on impact. Launch pad 1, we are a go. Overcutter lands just short of the wall... but then bounces off the ground and lands outside the arena. Eh, I guess that counts.

Circuitz wins by TKO in 0:56.

P.S. to Jules, if I have to play hide-and-go-seek to find your config buried at the bottom of some imgur album, you're probably doing it wrong.

Dubior Jr. vs PneumatiX

This fight is a tale of two inevitables in classic robot wars style. In the red, we have unstoppable power: Dubior Jr.’s monster flipper, incredible drivetrain, and complete lack of armor. In the blue, Pneumatix, with the superior wedge style: Can Pneumatix survive long enough to get its own KO? Will dubior land any monster flips? Find out, after the commercial break.

[off mic but returning, sounding hustled] what do you mean I have to read the commercials? This isn’t the 1930s!

sigh … Have you ever felt like your horse is too shy? Ridden it into battle only to discover that a single fired cannon or landing artillery shot spooked the hell out of it? Well then do I have the horse training class for you! Come on down to 4th and state’s petsmart and enroll in Henry Derringer’s newest innovative class; Bombproof Your Horse: Teach Your Horse to be Confident, Obedient and Safe No Matter What You Encounter!”

And we’re back! The box is locked and we’re ready to go, so let’s get to it. Both bots are out aggressive, slamming into each other. PneumatiX wins out, and tries to shove Dubior towards the short wall. With no other option, Tri guns it straight up and over, and just barely avoids the early surprise OOTA. They both face off in the neutral for a very short while, before they just go face to face again. PneumatiX gets under, and turns this into a nice little run on of bullying for quite a bit before Dubior manages to get control of things again. This time Tri tries to angle in and gets a swipe – but can’t get fully under. PneumatiX ends up winning out on the next major exchange, and again he snowballs things greatly – nearly getting the OOTA – before dubior manages to force neutral again.

Once again it’s given up quickly, dubior firing excitedly as soon as it looked like he might have gotten under from a corner. His whole body is flung upwards from the power of the flip, and PneumatiX is able to dig deep under and deliver a big slam and flip that is, unfortunately for him, up into a tall wall. Dubior flops free and escapes, but pnuematiX is able to track him down again, and delivers a series of flips, out-wedges, and pins that see the last minute or so of the match lie squarely in its favor. That is, until the very end – Dubior manages to finally get under and deliver that absolute MONSTER of a flip it can give – but PneumatiX lands just on the edge of the wall as time expires.

Aggression: 3-2 PneumatiX
Damage: 3-2 PneumatiX
Control: 3-2 PneumatiX

Your winner, in a 9-6 decision , is PneumatiX!


Hati vs Lethal Target

Hati doesn't fall for LT's 'reverse and swerve' tactics and uses his control advantage to angle in on the spinner, stuffing its blade with only minimal damage. Hati easily high-centers LT and slams him into the arena walls, then tries to take him to the low wall to send LT OOTA. He gets LT up onto its back, but can't quite get it over. Hati then backs off as the referee calls for the pin release. LT manages to get back onto its wheels again and spins up its weapon, but Hati is right there to stuff it into the walls again.

And this goes on for the rest of the match. Impenetrable brick vs not-so quite optimized horizontal spinner.

Damage: 3-2 Lethal Target
Control: 4-1 Hati
Aggression: 4-1 Hati

Hati wins by 10-5 Judges' Decision!

Don't Strangle the Martian Horses vs NKC - MIDDLEWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

Both bots come out pretty aggressively. Martian Horses is strafing and weaving back and forth, the flywheel whirring up to speed, and is initially able to get in a hammer blow on the top of NKC’s plow, but that pops it up and lets NKC get under it and start shoving it towards the wall. It carefully lifts, and the saw starts to bite in, but DstMH fires the hammer the other direction into the floor and jostles itself free. It’s off the lifter now, but NKC keeps up the pursuit, wedging it again before it can spin back up and getting it against the wall. It brings the saw down, but in the process its lifter tips MH sideways and it ends up cutting into the side panel – for a few seconds, before MH fires its hammer again, and actually sneaks it around the side of the plow and knocks off one of NKC’s decorative exhaust pipes.

Again MH is free, but NK is just not letting up on that aggression, and MH is spending a lot of its time backing away, strafing around, and trying to get space to get in hammer blows, and it is getting a decent number of hits, but most of them are on NKC’s very sturdy plow, and every time it fires, that’s an opening for NKC to attack. On the other hand NKC hasn’t been able to really get definitive long-term contact with its saw because NH keeps either retaliating with hammer blows or using its weapon in the other direction and just vaulting itself off of NKC. The problem is it keeps overturning itself by doing that.

Finally MH actually turns around and tries to use its flipper end, but it’s still having so much trouble dealing with the very long reach of NKC’s forks – firing its flipper up into the saw is dangerous, though! There’s a shower of sparks, and NKC’s arm gets wrenched back by the power of that flip! It’s hard to tell but it looks like the blade might be bent or twisted, but after a bit of stuttering it does spin back up, and MH has now flipped itself over. The hammer’s still fully functional, but it takes a cut into one of its wheels before it can free itself again.

There’s a lot more of the two bots basically jabbing at each other, and nearly a self-OOTA from MH when it tries to launch itself free of NKC’s wedge while it’s near the wall, but nothing decisive. NKC’s saw blade is warped and missing some teeth, and the arm looks like it might’ve gotten torqued sideways, but other than that it’s only taken cosmetic damage. MH, on the other hand, has gotten its armor severely gouged up, but not actually cut through, and the only functional impairment is that its front wheels have some rollers torn up or bent.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: NKC 2, DstMH 3
Aggression: NKC 4, DstMH 1
Control: NKC 4, DstMH 1

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is NKC!

Dragonfist vs Hurricane

Dragonfist gets up to speed as Hurricane tries its best to go "FAST AS FUCK BOIIIIIIII", but by the time it meets with DF it's already fully spooled up. The resulting collision goes about as well as you could expect, with the flails knocking Hurricane's flipper away and doing some pretty serious damage to the flipper arm. With no backup plan, Hurricane continues to try to rush in on the spinner, but gets a nice face-lift for its efforts, with the flipper removed from its hinges and flung into the corner. With the flipper now removed, Dragonfist's flails now reach over the chassis and begin battering the tires, and it's soon after this that Hurricane finds it can no longer move in a straight line, or even at all. With its opponent reduced to a barely-mobile husk, Dragonfist swings for the fences and blows Hurricane's left-front wedgelet clean off the rest of the bot, followed by the barely twitching wheel it was guarding. Hurricane is counted out.

Dragonfist wins by KO at 1:10

White Cat vs Der Adder

White Cat first starts the match by trying to bait Der Adder to the low wall as Der Adder starts the match by trying to box rush White Cat and outwedging it aggressively. White Cat is near the low wall, being perpendicular to it, when it turned around and go forward seconds before Der Adder hits, having to do it as it doesn't have time. Both bots then hit as Der Adder gets underneath White Cat, and both are sent flying. White Cat fortunately doesn't get sent out, but it lands on it's back and with the drum facing away, while Der Adder is inverted. Der Adder soon goes on offensive again, so White Cat immediately goes for Der Adder's front, turning in time to face it, while the latter tries to force a hit on the drum too. Both bots are sent flying again, landing the right way for both. However, at this point, Der Adder is near the low wall, so White Cat tries to force a collision with Der Adder again, which tries to escape from the low wall with it's quicker speed. After outrunning White Cat safely, the hit happens again. Another hit ensues, this time with White Cat only having one more hit, while Der Adder is inverted again near the low wall. The final hit happens, and this time, Der Adder gets thrown out of the arena as White Cat's weapon died and started to smoke

Winner: White Cat by OOTA (1:01)

Uptown Funk vs Di-Trouble

Ya know, you were supposed to give more angles than just this head-on, billy. Regardless, there’s clearly no way that your robot can press those forks into the ground while moving forewards, so no, you don’t get under uptown funk :V . instead, it gets under you, and you deal a big ‘ol smack on its flipper panel. Both bots get whapped back, and we reset. It looks like Hii’s going hard for the sides of Di-trouble, trying to get a flip in on the one part of the bot that’s anywhere close to the ground. Billy’s not gonna let him do that easily, though, and turns again to meet uptown funk.

Already from these two big hits, Uptown Funk is not feelin quite as funky. There’s some mean gashes in the flipper panel. Come the next exchange, and hii finally manages to maneuver himself to the side of di-trouble gen, the bot slipping a bit as it tries to turn with him. Hii decides to try and push his opponent instead of flipping as soon as he gets under – maybe trying to get some better positioning – which proves to be a massive mistake, as Di-trouble just… drives off. It’s a huge clone, what did you think was gonna happen :V . anywho Uptown’s trying to flank even more aggressively now, emboldened by it working once. It doesn’t work again, and he’s again forced to eat a big smack from the spinner – and man is that flipper panel starting to look ugly. Will it still work?
The answer appears to be yes, as Hii manages to get under a wheel, this time deigning to flip immediately: he’s nowhere close to the OOTA wall. He pops Di trouble up a fair bit, but it’s not quite enough to get the robot to over-balance and land on the flat sides of its wheels, and it’s all downhill from here for Uptown funk. The next engagement sees UF forced to eat another massive hit to the flipper, and we then start to hear the telltale sounds of gas venting as it lets out a cloud of CO2. it lasts a fair bit longer, but Uptown funk is never really able to find an answer to Di trouble, and eventually it just kinda, stops moving, its upper panel a mural of destruction courtesy of billy.

Your winner, by KO in 1:39, is Di Trouble!

Whirlpool vs Visual Assault

Whirlpool's going inverted for this one, but will that help it? We shall see. The battle starts with Whirlpool trying to spin up before the Breaker-Box-alike exits from hyperspace right in front of it, and it... basically does. VA's still aiming straight for the disc, looking to put that ABR plough right into it, but Frogger's elected not to lead with the disc and is instead trying to get his hinged wedgelets underneath the plough. It even kinda works, with the plough riding up before taking a HUGE HIT THERE from the angled disc spinner. Yeah, it works, and VA gets bounced end over end - but so does Whirlpool, and VA is far quicker to recover, for all that there's a big upward dent in its front wedge. The wedgebot is quick off the mark and shoves its face into the spinner again, taking a much weaker hit as Whirlpool struggled to reset, and this time it's able to stay on the offensive, smacking the world's angriest tricycle into the wall. Whirlpool does the Tombstone Samba around the arena for a bit, which does little more than eat up the clock, and VA is able to keep up - just. Froggo's just about wrestled his spinner under control when VA comes straight in for the disc again, but this time Frog has enough notice to play keep-away with the wedgelets and get spun up fully and OH! That's a nasty hit there! With the lifter's plough up, Whirlpool is able to gyro up and over to the side and smack a huge dent into one of the arms on Visual Assault's lifter! The arm's bent at about a thirty-degree angle and both bots are sent bouncing away from each other. Whirlpool isn't able to capitalise, though, and VA is content to take another weak shot to the plough in order to slam the spinner around the box again and again. Neither bot lets up, but cease is called before either one can get the deciding hit in.

Damage: Whirlpool 5-0 Visual Assault
Aggression: Visual Assault 4-1 Whirlpool
Control: Visual Assault 4-1 Whirlpool

Your winner, by an 8-7 split decision, is Visual Assault!

Abyss vs Pressure Flop

We’ve got two very powerful weapons here. Abyss gets that huge drum going and comes out, tentatively testing how fast Pressure Flop’s turret reacts as it slowly, SLOWLY lumbers out of its starting square. Welcome to the “literally slower than the fucking melties” club bro. Abyss darts forward, Pressure Flop backs away, and Abyss slams on the brakes just before getting into range. Pressure Flop’s only defense against Abyss’s drum is to preemptively get a knockout blow with the hammer, though, and it takes the bait… firing right into Abyss’s drum!

The hammer head is ripped off Pressure Flop and flung into the lexan. Abyss backs off, possibly surprised that it didn’t just get decked, possibly spinning back up for what’s not a guaranteed penalty kick. Pressure Flop, uhh, spins the turret around like a baseball bat, trying to ward off its opponent, but Abyss just times the strike and rushes in, striking the corner and ripping a skirt away. Pressure Flop goes skidding across the arena, and Abyss cruises in for another massive blow, punting the walker ass-over-tea kettle into the wall despite its huge weight advantage. It lands inverted, and stays that way, completely motionless.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:31, is Abyss!

Electron vs Epicer Waluigi

Epicer Waluigi starts by going forward slowly and carefully, spinning up as it gets near Electron, with Electron doing the same by box rushing, but stopping as it's nearing Epicer Waluigi, before trying to bait Epicer Waluigi by moving left and right. However, due to it's traction, it gyroes and overseers too when doing so, as well as being slower in turning than Epicer Waluigi due to wheelbase. Though Epicer Waluigi does also gyro a bit too due to it's weapon power, though it's size, as well as the wheels meant it stays better. Epicer Waluigi goes defensive after getting away from Electron, escaping the faster bot. Fortunately for Epicer Waluigi, however, Electron's traction hindered it. Epicer Waluigi soon plays defensive until 1 minute left, successfully doing it due to the cumbersome driving of Electron and Epicer Waluigi forcing it to do that too much by skidding and turning around constantly

Epicer Waluigi finally goes in for the hit, skidding just in time while spinning up to Electron trying to bait again. As Electron tries to get to one of Epicer Waluigi's side and about to hit it, Epicer Waluigi turns, hitting Electron. Epicer Waluigi flies off, while Electron gets it's wedge warped significantly, and the disc slightly damaged. Epicer Waluigi soon turns again to Electron, which tried to resume it's tactic and get baited, causing further damage. This happens repeatedly with Epicer Waluigi further damaging everything, especially the wedge, removing it. The bot then get quickly launched up and main chassis destroyed with the weapon dying, before the bot ceased to move, and then get counted out with enough time

Winner: Epicer Waluigi by KO (2:55)


Ten Transformation Tanuki vs Saturnian Wristwatch

TTT (I ain’t typing that out again) goes for the box rush, while Saturnian Wristwatch gets that blade going and awkwardly strafes out along the wall while being dragged around by its own spinup torque. TTT rams its lance straight into SW’s blade, and while the weapon isn’t at full speed it’s going fast enough to knock TTT aside given that it just shoved a long-ass lever into it. Saturnian Wristwatch bounces off the wall and almost ends up in the other corner, but maneuvers away, building up speed again. TTT charges in, and again gets spun around, and Saturnian Wristwatch is able to get away from the wall, its bar now moving in a blur.

Undaunted, Tanukiboi tries another attack, but again the lance just gets caught by Saturnian Wristwatch and the wedgebot is knocked off course while SW keeps on spinning. That lance is some pretty thick UHMW, and pretty stiff, but it’s just flopping around like a pool noodle under the force of those impacts, and it looks like it’s actually taken a chunk out of it.
TTT keeps attacking and getting beaten aside for almost a solid minute and a half, and the lance is getting more and more mangled, but still keeping Saturnian Wristwatch at bay. It’s also stopping TTT from really controlling the fight that well, but the bot is at least being consistently aggressive. Then, finally, a hit spins the bot around and sends it spinning side-on into SW. There’s a huge impact, SW is sent flying across the arena bouncing and coining, and the remains of TTT’s lance gets flung across the arena and pinged off the high wall after getting torn off at the mounting point.

Ironically this seems to actually improve TTT’s functionality as a wedgebot since it can now actually, y’know, use its wedge, and it does so with great effect, slamming repeatedly into its opponent’s bar, sending sparks and little shards of metal everywhere. After bouncing it off the wall a couple times – that can’t be good for the omni wheels – it’s able to stop the spinner and get under it, then slam it into the corner. Saturnian Wristwatch never really gets up a full head of steam after that, unable to cope with the sheer speed of TTT, but by that point there were only about 45 seconds left in the fight.
However, TTT’s sustained even more damage. Those flat vertical wedgelets have all been either torn off, had chunks cut through them, or been bent sideways, and the right side of the wedge is actually peeled outward as a result of having an edge caught from the inside. I have to ask… WHY would you use that against a horizontal spinner?

Damage: Ten Transformation Tanuki 1, Saturnian Wristwatch 4
Aggression: Ten Transformation Tanuki 4, Saturnian Wristwatch 1
Control: Ten Transformation Tanuki 2, Saturnian Wristwatch 3

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Saturnian Wristwatch!

MUL-T vs Defenestrator

For this heavyweight bout, we’ve got two bots with massive arms and massive reach going at it to see who’s the strongest and who lasts the longest. There’s an innuendo to be made somewhere in there, but I’ll be steering clear... unlike our combatants, who’ve both decided to forgo the steering in lieu of driving at one another head-on. Defenestrator readies its arm to hook onto MUL-T’s hammer, but the striker seems to be a little trigger-happy tonight, firing straight at the lifting forks on the end of Defenestrator’s claw and slamming down on them -- it seems to be a picture perfect shot, yet the lifter’s jaws have merely been scratched. HFL quickly capitalizes by hooking onto the hammer’s arm with his lifter, and successfully getting him airborne!

...well, not quite, as MUL-T’s back wheels are still able to touch the ground considering the massive reach of the bot. V900 attempts to fire the hooked hammer to no avail, before trying to drive backwards and away, but it doesn’t have the speed or torque to do so. Defenestrator is thus able to hoist the hammerbot upwards and ragdoll it to the corner of the arena, albeit exhausting a fair amount of time doing so.

Once both bots are in the corner, the clamping bot backs off and lowers its arm in preparation for an OOTA, but MUL-T spots the opportunity and slams its deathhammer into the back half of Defenestrator’s lifting arm — this one really leaves a mark, getting caught in the frame of the arm and caving it inwards. The hammer raises up and HFL rushes in to grab MUL-T’s chassis, hoisting the bot upwards, but then V900 nets another hammer shot, this time further back on Defenestrator’s arm, clipping its frame — the armor now appears pretty busted up, and another hit probably does the whole mechanism in. It’s too little too late, however, as HFL has assembled their OOTA Exodia. Defenestrator swivels around and perches MUL-T over the low wall. MUL-T fires its deadly hammer for one last hurrah, busting through his opponent’s arm and taking it out of commission - but just like that, it slips out off Defenestrator’s grasp and falls out of the arena. HFL certainly has some repair work to do, but for now, they’ve also got the crowd on their feet after scoring a show-stopping OOTA KO.

Your winner, by OOTA at 1:31, is Defenestrator!!

Blackburn Kangaroo vs Shadow

Blackburn starts this one out by driving out to the side, while Shadow box-rushes, missing entirely. BK is a little slow to the uptake and Shadow is able to back off before it gets de-wheeled, but only barely. Shadow is able to line up a hit on Blackburn's disc, but he comes out worse for it, sent skidding as BK hops upwards, but otherwise unfazed. Shadow tries going for these trades a couple more times but it never really works out for him, so he instead tries to flank. This move ends up being disastrous. Kangaroo is fast enough to snip his wheels before he can get there, and it ends with foam rubber sprayed across the arena. Still mobile on one side, Shadow tries to make something work but is killed by one more solid hit from Kangaroo.

Blackburn Kangaroo wins by KO in 0:45

Tabor vs Apocalyptic Peacekeeper - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

Well, both bots pretty much charge straight into each other, and this results in Apocalyptic Peacekeeper’s ladder-dustpan going straight up Tabor’s beak at high speed, and halfway beaching it. It tries to back off, but before it can do so Tabor’s lifter picks it up and rolls it over sideways. It hammers the lifter down on top of it and starts shoving it towards the wall, but AP’s able to lever Tabor off it enough that its back wheels, which are still touching the ground, let it scuttle away and self-right.

Both bots are just going straight at each other, and it pretty much looks like two gigantic mechanical stag beetles fighting – back and forth grappling with their front pokey things without either one getting a decisive advantage. TABOR’s able to get under AP’s lifter and tip it a couple more times, but it’s having some trouble getting it all the way over, and it is right on the edge of faceplanting itself. The turret can’t be everywhere at once with perfect accuracy either, and eventually AP’s able to get to the side of the central spatula and get under the plow. And he’s got a grip! What can TABOR do now as the 4-bar lifter slowly picks it up, the support forks sliding out to stabilize it? Perform a lift of its own, apparently, but neither robot is well-balanced right now. Tabor tries to suplex AP over its head, but with the angle it’s at its weight drags both robots over onto their sides, and AP lets go and raises it’s lifter. Tabor’s back on its wheels first with an acrobatic flip, but the weapon’s upside-down behind the robot and she’s got to bring it over 180 degrees and spin it around to bring it to bear again – and that’s Apocalyptic Peacekeeper’s chance to get under Tabor’s chassis!

Tabor gets hoisted up into the air, with some difficulty and AP really has to slide those forks out to steady itself, but it’s slowly but surely carrying Tabor towards the low wall. Tabor madly flails its lifter back and forth, though, and jostles free before getting into the danger zone.

After a lot more of watching two robots trying very hard to cope with the sheer awkwardness of each other to lift, Tabor has managed to overturn AP a couple more times and bang it into the wall once, and Tabor’s gotten a couple more solid clamps that haven’t really let it get in position to try to get Tabor out. The judges are going to have to decide this.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 2 (inverting opponent counts as “trivial” damage, and Tabor did this slightly more, this is what you get for having no ties on damage).
Aggression: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 2
Control: Tabor 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Tabor!

Death Metal vs Blue Zenith

It's the battle of the Tombclones and Danielle looks out for blood - possibly because she wants Hii to know just who the number one Ray Billings fanbeing is. Death Metal drives a lot like Tombstone too, with immediate and relentless aggression as soon as the battle starts. Blue Zenith isn't taking the bait, though, and it's content to spin up before moving towards the centre of the arena. It's very conservative driving, and it results in immediate dividends with a big weapon-to-weapon clash. The problem for Hii is that while BZ's blade does get deflected upwards as per predictions, the much greater reach of DM's bar means it doesn't get deflected into anything important. It's still a hell of an impact, though. Both bots bounce around for a bit, but Death Metal is the first to recover, courtesy of its wider stance. This time, Danielle goes on the offensive, and this time it pays off much better. DM's upside down and that means Blue Zenith, when it goes for another w2w hit, is deflected downwards, thudding into the ground and bouncing up again. Only now, DM was closer. The support bracket is dangerously exposed before this hit and OH! ARE YOU KIDDING ME! DM's bar cleaves through the support tubes for BZ's weapon and the bar is gone! I repeat, the bar is gone! It's stuck in one of the wall extender gaps! BZ's belching smoke and it can't run away very fast and one more hit dispatches it.

Winner: Death Metal, KO by Bah Gawd That Man Had A Family, 01:54

Omnicrap vs Doomerang

This is one of those classic matchups: metlybrain spinner versus 6 wheel omni 4-bar sewer snake style lifter. Omnicrap is a bot after my own heart – far too fast for its own good, front-stacking armor like there’s no tomorrow. Doomerang is ARC’s one consistently successful melty-brain spinner, because for all dylan’s frustrations with his losses, he somehow manages to win consistently with wonky archetypes.

They’re off, the expected rush coming out of omnicrap. Of course Dylan expects it, but he can’t really do that much to get out of his square. He at least manages to hit off the side of the plow. The glancing blow does little damage to omnicrap, but hey he’s at least free. Maxi is quick to get back on the offensive, ramming the plow into the angrily spinning melty again. This time we get a nice slam, and boths bots are knocked back a fair pace. Doomerang’s still spinning though: it’s not really getting knocked upwards by these impacts because of the shape of Omnicrap’s plow. The melty already spins up quite quickly, and the fact that it’s not really having to deal with flying about at awkward angles is letting it stay competitive.
There’s another big hit there Kenny as again both bots go flying. I think I see a small dent in Omnicrap’s plow. Maybe. There’s another few engagements like this, where again neither party is really gaining an edge – not for lack of trying by either party: Omnicrap’s been hot on Doomerang’s ass for a while now, and it’s barely getting up to speed in time. Doomerang’s been trying to strafe its way to the sides of Omnicrap’s plow, but Maxi’s expert driving and decent control are letting him do some sickass strafing maneuvers to counter. Well, right up until he doesn’t. I don’t know if a wheel seized up for a moment, if maxi just screwed up, or what, but omnicrap manages to understeer just enough to let doomerang catch around its back corner, as we come up on the halfway point of the match. the melty rides up on the skirts for a bit, leaving a nasty looking gouge, before hooking onto the back of the plow. There’s a loud SMACK as both bots careen across the arena, doomerang going a bit gyrodance-ey for the first time in the match.

Omnicrap goes out towards the OOTA zone. A meaty chunk of the left top half of omnicrap’s plow finds its way to the blue square. Neither bot seems otherwise that worse for wear, and we go back to same old same old, maxi being just a bit more conservative to, well, conserve the rest of his robot. It certainly seems as though Omnicrap is starting to slow down a bit, as they return to the normal rhythm of ram, impact, separation, repeat: doomerang is getting just the littlest bit more breathing room. This match has gone on for over two minutes now: that’s a long time for any robot to take this sort of a beating, though there’s still no visual signs of damage. Other than that giant hole in the side of its plow – oh! Doomerang aaaalmost gets another hit there on the plow’s corner: you can see the impact mark just below the big ‘ol chunk he took out earlier.
It’s at this point that things really go downhill for omnicrap, as its front left wheel fully seizes up. Looks like that might have not been a driver error earlier: and this is a big deal for a bot like omnicrap: when you start to lose omniwheels, you lose your ability to strafe properly in addition to the usual shitty situation. Maxi’s making the best of things though. Forced completely on the defensive, but still surviving to the end, Omnicrap’s made a pretty good showing – but it could never fully control the wily doomerang: and the judges will remember that.

Aggression: 4-1 Omnicrap
Damage: 4-1 Doomerang
Control: 3-2 Doomerang

Your winner, in a split decision, is DOOMERANG!

Night Jackal vs Hellhound

Hi. The name's Laz. Eat a dick. This is my robot Jackass and today I'm facing Ethan and his bot Go Fuck Yourself Big bar spins up and it looks like it's been put in overcutter mode for this match. Hellhound goes full Mazda zoom-zoom as Night Jackal turns to keep his wheel near Hellhound. Looks like the blade is at full speed and Hellhound gets under (no surprise) and the blade sends NJ spinning away. Oooo gyro tricks....awww Hellhound had to ruin the fun. Wall slam, pin. Wall slam, pin. Etc, etc. One hit bounces NJ away and it finally gets itself spinning. Clang! Head on assault. But now NJ is skipping off the blow. Bapbapbapbapbapbap. And off he goes. The blade lost some speed after hitting the plow, but there's quite a few clean cuts and gashes on the top panel, and one of the real wheels has been cut to shreds. Hellhound is hobbling along but is still able to stuff NJ and knock it away. The buzzer sounds and that's all we got.

Aggression: 4-1 Hellhound
Damage: 5-0 Night Jackal
Control: 5-0 Hellhound

Hellhound wins 9-6

Sideswipe vs V2

V2 comes out of the starting corner confidently and meets Sideswipe near the middle of the arena. Normally here, we’d play a boring game of “Which bot angles in the angle-iest?” but Sideswipe didn’t come here to play games and schwoops the turret lifter in from the side just as V2‘s fork gets under a front tooth. Luckily for V2, its spinning weapon clips said tooth just enough to knock the two bots apart before Sideswipe can complete Phase 2™ of its master plan. The rest of the fight is a bit slower now that Billy knows to watch for that maneuver, neither bot approaching quite as recklessly after the earlier mutual near miss. V2 starts going directly after the lifter wedge after a while, which kinda works at first and forces Sideswipe on the defensive, but V2 still get seem to get enough bite against the lifter wedge when it does get under to do much other than makes sparks or kick the bots apart. Sideswipe finally gets a break when V2 overcommits to another angling in attempt at the front wedge, schwoops the lifter in from the side once again, lifts, turns, lifts... he’s put V2 over! Can V2 drive inverted? Yes! Kinda. It’s, uh, not graceful at all, but it’s enough to avoid a countout. Good enough for me. Unfortunately, Sideswipe only has about 15 seconds to do anything with this before the buzzer signals the end of the match. Was the strong showing at the end enough for Sideswipe to take this, or will the judges prefer V2‘s more consistent aggression?

Aggression: 3-2 V2
Damage: 3-2 V2
Strategy: 3-2 Sideswipe

After some deliberation, the judges have returned a split decision in favor of V2!

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Jun 30, 2019 3:22 pm

ROBOT3 week 2

The first set of results will be out for week 1 in a few hours, but in the meantime, have a fight card!

The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki, Mekabu

Killjoy: Circuitz

The robot listed on the left is in the red square - the arena is asymmetrical, so it might factor into things!


Mekabu vs Sixpounder

Gather ‘round, everyone, and bear witness to two more bots attempting to angle in on each other. Sixpounder has a more aggressive angling strategy of targeting Mekabu’s secondary forks. Honestly it looks more like flanking than angling in to me but hey what do I know, I’m just here to transcribe a robot fight happening in my imagination. Sixpounder’s speed advantage and the fact it doesn’t have to worry about gyrodancing really shines here, as even with this more aggressive strategy, it’s able to pretty reliably get under Mekabu. The first time this happens, Mekabu J-turns out like a boss and escapes. The second time, Sixpounder is ready and follows the turn, keeping Mekabu trapped and tipping it over shortly after. Mekabu’s weapon smacks the arena floor and sends it flying off toward the wall, where it miraculously lands right side up. The bots meet again, and Mekabu gets under for once and clips one of Sixpounder’s wedge teeth, which chips the paint a little and knocks Sixpounder away. This makes Sixpounder angry, apparently, and it comes back in, angles in hard, and gets under a third time. Up goes the lifter as Sixpounder continues to chase its (almost) escaping prey, and Mekabu tips up and over again. Once again, the weapon smacks the floor, and once again Mekabu goes flying. It’s not as lucky this time, and after some bouncing about, stops upside down. Thanks to the design of the weapon, this basically kills Mekabu’s bite, which is exactly what Sixpounder wanted. Cue another minute or so of robotic schoolyard bullying. The buzzer mercifully ends the match.

Aggression: 4-1 Sixpounder
Damage: 3-2 Mekabu
Control: 5-0 Sixpounder

The winner, by a decisive 11-4 judge’s decision, is Sixpounder!

Kirby vs Black Dog

First of all, I’d like to present Kirby with the official “You Tried” award for claiming to have one robot with several configs but then painting all your spare chassises different colors so it’s really obvious that they’re actually basically separate robots.

Anyway, Kirby is currently in its ring spinner form against Black Dog, apparently not wanting to go drum-on-drum with that thing. Both bots start up their weapons and Kirby comes out fairly confidently along the wall to its left and curves out into the center of the arena. As Black Dog approaches it backs away, but not quickly enough to avoid getting slammed into, HARD. Kirby gets thrown about five feet in the air and bounces off the high wall. Black Dog for its part gets sent skidding across the box and almost flips over. But Kirby starts coining as it lands, and Black Dog’s quick to capitalize on that, getting another huge shot!

A couple more back and forth hits are traded, and Black Dog’s wobbling now and the central fork is gone, but Kirby’s having trouble getting back up to full speed after those huge impacts. Finally it jukes to the side of a charge with its mecanum drivetrain and gets the weapon going again, but Black Dog slams straight into it. And that’s a HUGE hit! Kirby goes flying into the air, precessing like a top, and almost gets sent out of the arena again. It crashes down, spinning like a coin, but the ring is stopped! It looks like it’s been “Taco’d,” and it might also just plain not be concentric with the middle of the bot anymore.

Black Dog, on the other hand, seems to have lost power to its right wheel in that hit. So… Cripple Fight! Kirby’s pretty much limited to trying to get to Black Dog’s side and push it around, which is really not working out for it with the drum still going, and Black Dog’s twirling all over the place, eventually flopping inverted on top of Kirby and shredding one of its wheels. Kirby starts herding it into a corner, though – only to have this reversed on it, as Black Dog exposes its rear and then spins around in a circle as Kirby rushes in, getting a clean hit that launches it over the high wall.

Your winner, by OOTA in 2:22, is Black Dog!

Found God in a Tomato vs OwO bot 2000

OwO tries to deflect FGIT with its wedge but Tomato just eats the forks and rips them off, then on the next pass FGIT hits the holes where said forks used to be and does some severe damage to the front. OwO bot starts smoking, and one more hit does it in for good.

Found God in a Tomato wins by knockout at 0:44

Mudcrab vs The Terrible Toad Twins - FEATHERWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

One vert, two vert — verde verts versus brun drum! Any way you slice it, this mini rumble oughta be a blast for all parties involved, so let’s get right into it!

All three bots look to meet one another in the middle of the ring, with the two little frogs departing from one another to flank around either side of the larger Mudcrab. Meanwhile, the big predator finds its first target — angling in on the left toad, it catches the side of the weapon and tumbles the bot over in one fell swoop. The dirty crustacean is almost able to swoop around and catch its second adversary, but this half of the TTT comes prepared and knocks Mudcrab up in the air a bit before successfully getting a flip on its second shot — the larger drum tries to net another flip with its drum, but gets caught once again by the other frog this time and knocked backwards, off-course.

The Toad Twins find a solid amount of success in using the already flipped toad as the more likely target and aggressor, or at the very least a nuisance for its bigger opponent - the multibots are landing more hits overall, and the inverted twin is actually able to right itself after another shot from Mudcrab before his brother is flipped.

That’s why Mudcrab enters T H E Z O N E at the halfway mark, clearly a little desperate at this point, just sort of trucking through one of the twins and earning a quality combo before charging over to the low wall in hope of an OOTA... but yet again, the other twin finally catches up to Mudcrab and knocks it away, allowing both to scurry off and continue their game plan.

The final minute of the match is spent with the toads having honed their harassment game, and Mudcrab simply never able to produce an answer. Each time Mudcrab lands a flip, the tipped twin is given ample time to regroup while its clone attacks the larger drum on its flank. There is one highlight in Mudcrab’s favor at the end of the match, where it lines up both twins and get its first back-to-back flips... is this enough to sway the judges??

Damage: 3-2, Mudcrab
Aggression: 3-2, TTT
Control: 3-2, TTT

Your winner, on a razor sharp 8-7 decision... The Terrible Toad Twins!

Black Salvo vs Beaned

Black Salvo is the fastest robot in its division, well over 20 mph, and it’s up against… three underweight hobbyweights. It’s got its hammer blocker module on, which could spell trouble for it if Mini Something can flip it over because I don’t think it has enough ground clearance to run inverted with that on.

It turns out though that after a bit of running around, trying to pester the minibots, Black Salvo just SLAMS straight into Mini Something. MS has its clamp open, but Black Salvo plows straight into it, and most of its forks have gotten past the minobot’s. It tries to clamp down, but does NOT have the weight distribution to pick up literally 3x its weight overhanging past whatever outriggers it has, or even compromise Black Salvo’s traction enough to keep it from just getting smashed into the arena wall. It keeps holding on, but gets dragged away again, and slammed into BRICK as it comes in to try to help, then into Coso, then the wall again. It’s finally jostled free by the second wall impact, and just lies there, motionless.

There’s now two robots left in the cluster, with Brick’s attempts to nudge Mini Something back to life being unsuccessful. They’re trying to flank Black Salvo and get it into Coso’s dustpan, but now neither of them have much speed compared to their opponent. BRICK’s able to get under it a couple times, but with all its weight on its front plow it can’t push effectively, and Black Salvo’s real focus is the sawbot, Coso. BS drives onto its dustpan a couple times, but backs off before it can get a solid cut in. Finally it just uses the power of its rear wheels to force Coso back into the wall. Coso drops its saw, and is ALMOST able to reach over BS’s hammer blocker, but it is unfortunately still getting obstructed, and while there’s some sparks it doesn’t seem to be having an easy time cutting in. Unfortunately BRICK manages to wedge Black Salvo from behind and high-center it, letting Coso get a more sustained cut in. It slowly starts putting a slit through the hammer blocker until it’s deep enough that the saw can move past that and dig into the softer top cover, putting a long gash in it but being forced to release the pin by the refs.

Black Salvo’s still moving though, and still outpacing its opponents, and while its forks don’t have much weight on them they do handle floor unevenness better than a wide dustpan. After a couple of tries it gets one fork underneath the dustpan but not the others, and takes advantage of this to slam it into the corner. And the forks seem to have acted like… scissors, or a press brake, or something, because the thin polycarbonate seems to have been warped by the impact, and that lets Black Salvo keep slipping forks under it and slamming it into either Brick or the wall, all while Coso can’t seem to get solid contact on anything but the hammer blocker. A couple more attacks put a big crack in the dustpan, and its functionality as a wedge seems pretty much down for the count by now, with so much edge damage that it just can’t deal with hardened steel forks ground to a sharp tip anymore.
Speaking of hardened steel, BRICK’s wedge is still holding up decently, and although it’s not doing that well it is still periodically getting under Black Salvo and pushing it around – and finally it shoves it into Coso’s mangled dustpan from the side. BS spins its wheels madly, but ironically the damage it did to the dustpan has ended up high-centering it. Coso drops the saw again. It’s got so much reach that with Black Salvo snug against the back of the dustpan the blade comes down on its far side, cutting into the thick lexan wheelguard like butter. It gets a decent bit into the wheels as well, but the tough rubber and Black Salvo’s powerful drivetrain mean that by spinning its wheels it jams up the saw, and by thrashing back and forth actually bends the blade until it finally gets free.

The rest of the fight consists mostly of Coso and BRICK getting rammed and smashed against the wall, but failing to cause any further damage.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Beaned 1, Black Salvo 4
Aggression: Beaned 1, Black Salvo 4
Control: Beaned 2, Black Salvo 3

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Black Salvo!

Post Traumatic Stress vs Idiot Triangle

PTS makes his way out to the center while Idiot Triangle waits a moment to get the spin direction, only to find that PTS did not immediately start spinning. With that, Idiot Triangle starts spinning clockwise and Drew didn’t specify a spin direction so you know what, PTS also starts spinning clockwise at this point. And, uh, this is a spinner fight, so you know what that mean? They hit each other. A lot. Or not a lot, so much as a few really really big hits. After the first hit, uh...

-checks damage scale-

Oh wow, uh... PTS’s weapon is already looking not so great, and Idiot Triangle chips a tooth. After the second hit, PTS’s weapon is barely spinning. The third hit, Idiot Triangle manages to clip PTS’s body and rips a chunk of the armor off, and some wires spill out with it. PTS is still driving (slowly), but the weapon is very much kill. Idiot Triangle is very slightly off-balance, but not so much so that it can’t move in for one last hit.

Idiot Triangle wins by KO in 1:31

What's the Scoop vs Entropic Degeneration

Entropic Degeneration seems not to have made it to the arena. I guess that means that... the chair wins!?

What's the Scoop wins by forfeit.

Antbar and SawnDisc vs HardWired

SawnDisc seems to have drawn the short straw, and is sent out first to face the wrath of Hardwired while Antbar spins up in the background. Once it too has spun up, Hardwired happily marches out to take the bait. SawnDisc's long forks slide under Hardwired's plow, but Hardwired's spinner catches the side of the rapidly spinning sawblade and launches SawnDisc upwards. The forks, still under Hardwired's plow, are bent downwards as SawnDisc flies into the air and back down. It's still moving, but the sawblade is now pointing upwards at an angle.

Meanwhile, Antbar, up to speed and gyroing gently as it turns, has snuck up to Hardwired. Ethan just has time to react, and quickly turns Hardwired to face Antbar. The two robots go head to head and then weapon to weapon as Antbar slides its forks under the larger vert. Hardwired wasn't spinning at top speed and gets knocked backwards, though not over, with Antbar recoiling from the force of its blow. Neither seems to have taken damage.

SawnDisc is scraping its way back towards the action, so Ethan sends Hardwired back at it again. This time Hardwired gets a hit on SawnDisc's chassis, bending it into contact with the sawblade as SawnDisc goes flying again. Antbar follows up behind, hoping to clip one of Hardwired's wheels, but misses as Hardwired scoots away to spin up again. SawnDisc is still mobile, but its weapon is out of commission.
Seeing this, Ethan ignores it and sends Hardwired to face the VS of Antbar, which is still going at top speed as Billy tries to chase Hardwired down. But Antbar is not an easy robot to aim, and Ethan is able to dodge as Hardwired gets back up to speed. Hardwired gets under the corner of Antbar and takes a chunk out of Antbar as the little vertical spinner jumps, bounces off its weapon, and miraculously ends back up right. They spin up again, but this time Hardwired gets around to Antbar's side entirely and Antbar ends up on its head, immobile. SawnDisc does its best to push Hardwired around from behind, but a couple more hits put it too out of commission.

Hardwired wins by knockout!


Admiral vs Nuclear Plague

At the outset, Jack comes out and rushes Nuclear Plague but, while his bot is pretty quick at full speed, it suffers from pretty anemic acceleration, and the spinner, through some... actually fairly unconvincing dodging is able to get up to speed by the time that first contact happens. What happens is two bots being forcefully separated by kinetic energy. Admiral's sturdy flipper takes the hit well, showing little more than scuffs, while its attempt to flip is mostly rebuffed because undercutter.

Thoroughly out of control, Nuclear Plague pings into a wall and its weapon slows nearly to a stop. Instead of focusing on closing in and smothering the dangerous spinner, Admiral opts to attempt a flanking maneuver. This fails miserably, but the silver lining is that the Team Ignition machine isn't quite up to full power when it swings its blade into Admiral's starbord side.

A second separation has Nuclear Plague shamelessly on the run, buying itself time to spin up, and Admiral comes in again, looking to flank. Once again, its opponent catches it while it's circling and... BIG HIT THERE, KENNY! The undercutter tears into one of the less-armoured sides of the Aquatic Robotics machine and the two bots are flung violently apart. While nothing critical seems to have been damaged, that's a yawning chasm and the side of the flipper is at least partially exposed. One more hit could put paid to it, as well as Admiral's chances in this fight.

Jack decides to play things a bit safer, circling to the other side this time, where he hasn't taken any damage, and Dylan happily swings his bot around to meet it. That ends about the same as it did last time, though the blow isn't quite as impressive. More glancing, but it still leaves a sizable gash.

Running out of options, Admiral charges back in and commences with the circling, once again along the less-damaged side. A sudden dart in sees Nuclear Plague ready once again. However, a combination of weapon torque and oversteer finally catch up to it, and we've got a swing and a miss! This is the opportunity that Admiral's been waiting the entire match for, and it wastes no time in slipping its battered wedge under Dylan's bot and flipping it. Nuclear Plague finds itself inverted and it doesn't seem to have much of a plan for that.

What follows is nearly a minute of far more effective aggression from the flipper, in which it proceeds to wear down its opponent's blade on its flipper, chuck it up but not over a couple of times through careful timing, and nearly score an OOTA. Only some nice reflexes and a last-second j-hook on the part of Dylan save Nuclear Plague, which bounces down from th wall. The awkward angle it comes down at also puts the spinner up on its side, and we're treated to it skipping across the arena floor, weapon digging in and throwing up sparks as it goes. Admiral gives chase but, when the Team Ignition machine settles down, it's in undercutter mode again, and is able to deliver a 2/3 power blow that separates the bots.

Seeing an opportunity to just stuff the blade completely and score a serious flip near the low wall, Admiral hurtles forward. At the last second, a little reverse from Nuclear Plague throws it off, and the big flip misses! Now, the matador becomes the bull and the spinner rushes in, catching its opponent's flipper just as it's nearly retracted. Not. Quite. All. The. Way.

The hit does just enough to wrench it so that it's no longer ground scraping, and the final thirty seconds of the fight see Admiral stymied and its weapon taking further damage. The buzzer sounds and the judges will have to decide just how much that'll count against it.

Aggression: 4-1 Admiral
Damage: 5-0 Nuclear Plague
Control: 3-2 Nuclear Plague

Result: Nuclear Plague wins a 9-6 judges' decision

Hallucinogen vs Hard News - LIGHTWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

Ilwoon vs Y.V.

This would have been, if not a good fight, at least a mildly amusing one, if it weren’t for Ilwoon’s weapon dying after like 2 hits, followed by Y.V. turning it on its side.

Your winner, by KO in 0:48, is Y.V!

(Ilwoon Forfeits)

Madscience vs Flipcake

Madscience immediately starts whirling up to speed in a blur of acid-green, but Flipcake goes for the box rush, getting across the arena very quickly and ramming it before the melty can drift very far out of its square. It hits HARD and gets smacked into the wall, losing most of its momentum, but the impact also spins Flipcake away enough that it can’t follow up in time to keep Madscience from spinning back up.

Still the flipper just rushes right in. Madscience strafes sideways, and there’s a HUGE HIT THERE! Madscience YEETS itself into the wall at ludicrous speed again, and Flipcake’s sent reeling. The studded teeth on the ends of Madscience have punched a hole in its wedge, but it is still moving, and on the next hit lines itself up better, and the shallow slope of its wedge deflects the melty and sends it flying three or four feet in the air, tumbling end over end in a shower of sparks and slamming into the floor. That stops its spin, and this time Flipcake is able to capitalize, getting under it before it can spin back up and shoving it towards the wall.
Madscience fires its puncher back and forth, getting one wheel on the floor after a couple of tries and getting enough traction to fling itself away – into the wall. Flipcake catches it again and tries to stack it on its back, but Madscience’s puncher keeps it from getting stuck and after a brief tussle it gets away and spins back up. A few more solid hits send both bots pinballing all over the place, and tearing up Flipcake’s wedge more and more. Flipcake’s able to destabilize it again and stop it, giving it a flip then trapping it underneath the arm. It slams it into the wall, but as it backs off to lower its arm Madscience just peels out and zooms away, hitting another wall but giving itself enough space to spin back up.

It’s going full speed now. Flipcake charges in, angling itself to try to catch the teeth with the shallower front of its wedge and deflect Madscience upward, but the diabolical Dr. Meltybrain has reversed his spin direction, and our hero doesn’t seem to have realized that and went the wrong way, playing right into his hands! WHAM! Both bots are flung away, and the side panel of Flipcake’s wedge, already damaged from previous hits, is torn completely free! The bot seems stunned for a moment, but keeps up the attack. But after a few tries Madscience is able to catch the ragged edge on that side again, getting another massive blow that leaves the entire flipper crooked and knocks some of the top armor of Flipcake loose from the shock load alone. And it looks like they’ve stopped moving from that hit!

Your winner, by knockout in 2:26, is Madscience!

Circuitz vs Dubior Jr

Everyone wants an OOTA, apparently. Dubior approaches Circuitz, who sits and waits in the corner for a second, letting Dubior get close. Sneaky tactics, perhaps? Just as Dubior gets in attack range, Circuitz zooms off to its right side, and Dubior turns to follow. Jules can’t believe her luck and flies in to try for the fast OOTA. Now, while normally I would agree with Dubior Jr having a questionable wedge thanks to the clamshell flipper having apparently equal length top and bottom halves, it just so happens that Dubior is running its wedgelets this fight, which pretty much solves that problem. So when Circuitz comes in to try and end the fight, what actually happens is that it drives directly up onto Dubior’s wedge, so quickly that it monster trucks over and smashes into the top of the low wall before Trihunter can react. Dubior gets the hell out of there to try and figure out what just happened, while Circuitz backs off the wall, one of the front wedgelets slightly crumpled. So far, this fight hasn’t gone the way anyone wanted it to, but it’s only been about 20 seconds. There’s still plenty of time on the clock, and both drivers know it. Circuitz is undeterred by the failed OOTA attempt and continues the assault, strafing about and being annoying, generally putting Dubior on the defensive with neither really getting the upper hand for a while. Circuitz finally stops where it meant to and slides under the side of Dubior. Flip! Dubior goes up and lands just before the low wall.

Circuitz goes in for a follow-up, but discovers that Dubior is a bit more difficult to chain flips against than expected. Dubior takes the fight a little farther from the low wall for safety before attempting to re-engage. After some more footsies, Circuitz suffers some oversteer and Dubior slides under, pushes for a second and then flips, realizing Circuitz might get away if it tries to push all the way to the wall. Circuitz does not handle it well. Fun fact: we have fall damage on ARC, and it can be pretty brutal sometimes. Circuitz hits the ground and cracks a few rollers, and as it drives back toward Dubior we can see bits of rainbow colored plastic getting left behind in a technicolor trail like Circuitz is a goddamn nyancat. Circuitz isn’t driving quite as well following this, and Dubior wants to take advantage of this to try for a cleaner flip. Circuitz is still pretty quick, however, and for a while it’s hard to tell who’s on offense and who’s on defense as the two bots trade places rapidly. Eventually, Circuitz gets lucky and manages to slide under the edge of Dubior’s wedgelet, getting in a pretty weak flip. Dubior doesn’t go very far, and Circuitz, though damaged, is relentless and pulls in for another flip. This one’s a bit better, sending Dubior nice and far, just next to the low wall again. With little time left, Circuitz goes in for a third flip to try and secure the match, but Dubior gets the wedge facing the correct direction in time and gets under instead! Flip! Circuitz goes almost completely straight up and lands with a massive crash, bits of wedgelet and multicolored plastic sprayed across the box. With mere seconds left on the clock, Dubior in a bad arena position, and Circuitz pretty badly damaged following that flip, the drivers have just enough time to shake hands as the buzzer sounds.

Aggression: 3-2 Circuitz
Damage: 5-0 Dubior Jr
Control: 3-2 Circuitz

The winner, by 9-6 judge’s decision, is Dubior Jr!

PneumatiX vs Storm Worm

Goddamnit I have to actually figure out how the fuck Storm worm does things now. How dare you :V . also why the fuck did you use the wedge attached to the flipper arm Boto you just murdered your wedge advantage since the flipper is clearly only attached to the bot by a hinge. This honestly devolves into a stomp pretty quickly – pneumatiX gets one or two short runs where it manages to get under the clusterfuck of pressing wedges and get in a flip or two, but in general Storm worm just kinda manhandles him around the arena for a good 3 minutes.

Aggression: 3-2 Storm Worm
Damage: 3-2 Storm Worm
Control: 4-1 Storm Worm

Your winner, in a 10-5 decision, is STORM WORM!

<3 vs OverCutter

OverCutter wants to hit the hammers, and <3 doesn’t want to get hit on the hammers. Who’s gonna get what they want? Let’s see. So both bots come out to meet each other near the middle, as robots would tend to do, and they dance around a bit as :heart: tries its best to keep facing OverCutter’s front while OverCutter tries its best to not let that happen. :heart: eventually strafes over just a little bit too far, prompting OverCutter to turn back to try and hit the other hammer. What it looks like, though, is that OverCutter turns toward <3’s plow, so the hammers fire and YSMKEYBOARDSMASH quickly learns why combining side hammers with his plow was a bad idea. You see how the side hammers, when fired, are parallel to <3’s body? And then see how the plow sticks out the side and blocks their paths? Yeah. So what actually happens when the hammers fire here is the arms collide with the ends of the plow, which stops one side dead before it can reach OverCutter, and the other side rides up the curvature of the plow and swings high, just barely missing OverCutter’s blade. Both drivers seem confused by this momentarily, and :heart: fires the hammers once again to make sure that really just happened. This time, OverCutter is ready, and moves ever so slightly so that one of the hammers goes right into the upward swing of its powerful spinning weapon, sending :heart: up and twisting over midair. At this point, :heart: remembers that it is also a wedge and moves on to driving directly into OverCutter. This actually works pretty well, but also makes things a bit more boring. With neither bot really able to execute its original strategy now, we get a few minutes of :heart: pushing OverCutter around, and the occasional recoil from weapon contact launching the bots apart.

Aggression: 3-2 <3
Damage: 4-1 OverCutter
Control: 4-1 <3

:heart: wins by an 8-7 judge’s decision.

Star Spangled vs Venice Queen

Both bots get stuck in right off the bat. Star Spangled actually gets under VQ at the start but isn’t able to get far enough under for an effective flip and Venice Queen slips away. Venice Queen manages to get under the corner after a couple tries, and rolls SS over onto its back. It catapults itself back onto its wheels, but gets wedged again and shoved a good fifteen feet towards the wall before it slips away, still taking a pop from VQ’s flipper but not getting overturned.

This is developing into an intense tactical battle, but Star Spangled just isn’t able to capitalize on the openings VQ’s giving it. It finally gets a flip in but Venice Queen is invertible, and is able to zoom away before self-right, with SS not being quick enough to catch up in time. Star Spangled takes several more flips, and every time Venice Queen just keeps the pressure on it, pushing it around, booping it with its own raised flipper in midair and making it fall back over, and in general making the times when SS DOESN’T 360 as miserable an experience as possible. SS gets one moment that seems like it might’ve had a shot at an OOTA, but doesn’t have enough bite and VQ doesn’t even really leave the ground, just gets put on its back.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: NO. ...okay, fine. Star Spangled 3, Venice Queen 2, for all the rubber Venice Queen left on the arena floor.
Aggression: Venice Queen 4, Star Spangled 1
Control: Venice Queen 4, Star Spangled 1

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is Venice Queen!


Hurricane vs White Cat

Okay, Hurricane does its absolute best to get around White Cat’s weapon, but like… the bot’s front is something like 75% weapon. It does initially manage to get under its side and get a flip in thanks to the huge gyroscopic forces from White Cat’s weapon, but on the next attempt White Cat peels the top off its spatula, and it’s basically all downhill from there, with White Cat tearing panels off Hurricane’s wedge before getting a massive blow on the already damaged flipper that forcibly rips the pistons out of the cylinders and leaves the bot helpless, inverted with one wheel snapped off by the caved-in front wheel guard.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:03, is White Cat!

Der Adder vs Hati

Well, there’s no delay in beginning this fight, as both bots rush out of their respective corners to meet each other in roughly the middle of the arena. Both Hati and Der Adder are eager to angle in, but the drumbot ends up riding over top of one of Hati’s large wedges, grinding on it slightly but ultimately ramping past, only grazing a floppy foam ear for its trouble. As Der Adder turns to catch Hati’s backside, HFL ends up simply rushing past and resetting to neutral. This time, however, it’s Der Adder using its momentum to get under Hati with a wedgelet and knocking him upwards in an attempt to start a combo - one, two, three quick blows, but Hati disengages effectively once again after a smooth landing.
Third time is the charm for this winter wedgebot warrior, with the stars aligning in the battle for ground clearance. Now that the distance between them has been somewhat closed, Ethan isn’t able to hurdle Hati, and the drum does nothing but continue grinding over top of its opponent’s shallow wedge. HFL throttles forward with Der Adder seemingly stranded, and although the drumbot goes to take a sharp turn away; it’s too little too late, not giving him time to back away, and Hati lands a successful slam. Afterwards, both bots disengage.

This exchange becomes the norm throughout the fight. HFL figures out how to consistently win the wedge war with his larger fork and better control, and Der Adder just isn’t able to make any magic happen once he’s stuck on one of Hati’s slender forks. A grazing collision at the two and a half minute mark sees promise for Ethan to get the upper hand, with the drum staring down the side of Hati, but HFL has caught on by this point and simply J-Hooks backwards and re-engages on more favorable terms.
Another impact against the box sends shockwaves across the arena, and you’ve got to imagine it’ll leave an impression on the judges as well.

Damage: 3-2, Hati
Aggression: 3-2, Hati
Control: 4-1, Hati

Your winner, on a 10-5 decision, HATI!

NKC vs Dragonfist

Rocket is still dead because of the illuminati. Rip in pieces

(NKC wins by FF)

Lethal Target vs Don't Strangle the Martian Horses

Lethal Target’s got that bar spinning up nicely, and DstMH presumably has its flywheel going for a flip or hammer blow… well, a flip. It’s cautiously approaching Lethal Target with its rear plow, and the front’s too lightly armored for attacking with the hammer to be an option while LT’s weapon’s at full speed. Lethal Target comes in, and bounces off DstMH’s wedge. There’s a flip from MH, but it misses, catapulting the robot over onto its back! LT’s gotten knocked away enough just from its own weapon that it can’t capitalize on this though, and MH is able to self-right in time. But it takes another hit before it can spin up its flywheel, and while it times the flip correctly this time it’s pretty underpowered. And MH has lost one of its fork prongs off the plow! There’s a gash through the armor too!

There’s a couple more exchanges, and Lethal Target gets tossed in the air a bit more, but MH isn’t moving quite as freely now – is one of the wheels locked up? I’m not sure, but the wedge is really getting beaten up now, and is forkless. Another hit leaves it lopsided and only hanging on with one side, and Martian Horses isn’t moving!

Your winner, by knockout in 1:44, is Lethal Target!

Pressure Flop vs Electron

Pressure Flop is back, after a disappointing first round loss to Abyss, and it’s facing another vertical spinner! Let’s see if it can redeem itself or if it’ll just get tossed around again.

Electron goes for a box rush, and immediately slams itself into an uneven spot on the floor and bounces off hard enough to spin around 180 degrees. And… it stays there. The weapon’s still spinning up to its peak death hum velocity, but the drivetrain is stationary and the wheels don’t appear to be turning.

Pressure Flop rushes in for a free hammer shot, but by the time it gets across the arena Electron is already halfway through being counted out, so it just positions itself and tees off but doesn’t actually take the shot.

Your winner, by Technical Knockout in 0:24, is Pressure Flop!


Epicer Waluigi vs Uptown Funk

Uptown Funk, the lightning fast flipper, gets its second match in a row versus a HUGE clone — this one in particular being a bot I can only imagine manifested itself out from a nightmarish Jonathan Schultz wet dream and straight into our fickle reality... so, really, I’m sure we’re all just raring to get one with this one!

The massive purple behemoth lumbers towards Uptown Funk, flails spinning at light speed, while the white and gold flipper veers off to the far side of Waluigi in an effort to target the yellow “L” spokes - the flip barely lands, so even with all the gyro forces involved, it merely rattles the HUGE clone, who continues to turn and pursue puréeing its wedge-shaped opponent.

It’s a second shot, with the L-spokes facing downwards this time, that’s able to successfully tumble the HUGE clone over onto its other wheel. For the third shot though, Uptown Funk hesitates and tries to juke around Epicer Waluigi to another wheel, and as the purple little demon gyros and skids around...

E.W. lands its first shot, and it’s brutal -- the pristine wedge of Uptown Funk is certainly pretty: pretty concave. In addition, the bot is now having trouble finding another flank — it tries to dart off to the side of E.W, but the wide HUGE clone is now too close to its opponent for the maneuver to succeed.
This second hit really funks up the wedge of Uptown, and it’s now having some drive problems, as the left wheel is blocked by caved-in chassis, courtesy of shot numero dos. This gives Epicer Waluigi ample time to line up a third shot, and that’s certainly the charm tonight it seems... as a one-wheeled, non-functional Uptown Funk tumbles away from the flails of death for the final time. Guys, gals, and non-binary pals... it’s a knockout!

Your winner, by KO at 0:56, is EPICER WALUIGI!


Abyss’s enormous drum starts revving up to full speed as it lumbers out of its square, making an utterly terrifying sound. That thing is I think something like 45 pounds of spinning mass, which is as big as some of the spinners on heavyweights, but this is a middleweight robot. Visual Assault seems wary of it, and comes out along the high wall, not going for a full box rush. The robots feel each other out, a little tentatively, which is a little surprising from either of these machines.

Abyss makes an abrupt 90 degree turn, tipping high into the air and scooting backwards, and leaves its side totally exposed to Visual Assault. Visual Assault gladly takes the free opportunity to avoid the drum and darts forward. Abyss darts forward as well despite being sideways to its opponent, gets rammed in the side by VA’s vertical plow, and swings around, pivoting the drum into VA’s beak. There’s a shower of sparks and Abyss knocks itself back, and it’s actually taken a decent-sized divot out of the solid chunk of steel, but it doesn’t look like Abyss was able to get under. It might’ve come close to getting under the side, but VA’s beak just isn’t that long especially compared to Abyss being a wideboi.

Abyss keeps swerving back and forth, pointing its sides at Visual Assault and gyro-ing all over the place. I’m almost suspecting it might be on purpose, to create fake openings to draw VA in, but the problem is it’s leaving actual openings in the process because the turns are putting a significant portion of it’s drum’s width several inches in the air and making it drift around in lazy circles instead of the sharp side-to-side jukes a horizontal spinner can pull off. Visual Assault keeps shoving its beak under the drum, or even getting its whole plow under it when Abyss gyros badly enough. It is taking hits, but the problem is Abyss’s drum has to be going about 10,000 rpm and it has two teeth, so without catching a corner it’s having a lot of difficulty getting any bite. It gets flipped over a couple times, and its drum’s clearance is low enough in that orientation that it’s dama – actually who am I kidding, it’s probably making the arena floor BETTER by shaving off some of the high spots. Visual Assault keeps trying to shove it towards the walls, but Abyss doesn’t have any trouble righting itself with its gyroscopic forces.

Finally, though, Abyss’s unpredictability lets it get a stray solid hit in, not on Visual Assault’s beak but on the side of the plow. It’s a massive hit that sends the weapon flying back over VA’s head and pops it in the air, and it has to scoot away in a hurry to avoid getting decked on its unarmored chassis. It brings the plow back over, but the left side is bent, and the thing actually looks twisted, with the two arms on either side of the bot no longer being lined up.

Visual Assault remains aggressive, though, getting under Abyss again and slamming it back against the wall. The drum shudders violently, scraping against the bot’s beak again, but the frontal forks are keeping the vertical ramming plate from touching the drum. Visual Assault flicks it up and over sideways. Abyss pirouettes down inverted and takes another slam, again just glancing off the beak. It’s up against the short wall, and VA makes an attempt to try to get it propped up on it or lift it out, but can’t pull it off and Abyss falls back down and runs away, the menacing whir beginning again.

There’s another nasty hit on the face of the plow, though. A big chunk gets snapped off, and it really is looking crooked. It’s also been knocked behind the robot again, and it isn’t coming back. Is Visual Assault’s lifter still working? I’m not sure it is, and it has to settle for slamming itself into Abyss’s weapon while essentially inverted. Oh, man, and Visual Assault goes flying, its lifter spinning around it like a jump rope. It bounces down awkwardly, and Abyss is able to catch it in the side, not biting and getting another flipping hit but excavating a half-inch-deep scoop from the sloped edge of the plow. The thing’s really looking twisted now, and the beak’s been bent down with a chunk taken out of the tip. Will it still deflect Abyss’s drum? No, it won’t! There’s a huge hit, and the welds holding Visual Assault’s beak on give out.

Abyss senses blood in the water and rushes in for the kill, warping Visual Assault’s plow almost into the bot’s frame, and finally gets an opening to attack the chassis! It muscles in, taking big chunks of rubber off the tires, but the drum has stopped. Uh oh! Something’s gone wrong with Abyss’s weapon! It backs off, the drum shuddering a bit. It starts spinning again, but before it can reach dangerous speed Visual Assault rams into it and shoves it back against the wall. The lifter seems to be down for the count, but Abyss’s tires manage to get enough traction against the wall to somersault it onto its face, putting it on its back again when Visual Assault backs away.

There’s a bit of movement from the drum, but again Visual Assault keeps stuffing it and hitting it before it can spin up properly, and it does not look like it’s got full power anymore. There’s smoke coming from someone, is the weapon motor burning out – no, wait, it’s coming from Visual Assault! The bot’s still moving, but it’s going in circles. Abyss backs away, and after a bit of trying gets the drum working enough to right itself, and goes in for one last big shot before the buzzer.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Visual Assault 0, Abyss 5
Aggression: Visual Assault 4, Abyss 1
Control: Visual Assault 4, Abyss 1

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is… Visual Assault!

Di-Trouble Gen vs Whirlpool

DT tries to attack at an angle, but Whirlpool turns to his own side and all DT gets is a faceful of disc. Di-Trouble climbs up and over the disc from the left side and woops there goes its right wheel. The spinners quickly grind to a halt as they hit the floor, and Whirlpool comes in for the finishing blow.

Whirlpool wins by KO at 0:41


Shadow vs Tabor

Both bots are looking relatively normal as they’re loaded into the box... but wait, who’s driving Tabor? The controls are just lying against the arena, no pilot in slight, as the box is locked and the countdown begins.

Yet the fight begins, and my god — Tabor’s driving is out of this world! Literally. The bot has angled into the fourth dimension, and it’s absolutely nowhere to seen while also being everywhere at once. The ref begins to count in hieroglyphics, and in an mere moment, Tabor has lost the round as we’re able to perceive it.

Shadow wins (by forfeit) in ???.

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs Ten Transformation Tanuki

The Tanuki is in dustpan form, and the Peacekeeper has decided to wear its plow. 3... 2... 1... wedge off!

Tri sends out his wedge at the buzzer, curving around to catch the side of Apocalyptic Peacekeeper. W0lf moves in as well, hoping to grab the dustpan with AP's grabby arms. Who will get underneath? Ten Transformation Tanuki lucks out this time, and its momentum slides that dustpan underneath the front of Apocalyptic peacekeeper. Tri actives shove mode and TTT starts pushing AP around. W0lf tries to monster truck over, but one of AP's wedge spikes catches on the back of Tanuki's dustpan. He starts activating his various weapons to free AP, but doesn't get free before AP is slammed into the wall and jostled free anyway. AP takes no damage from the slam, and W0lf quickly turns to face the Tanuki as it comes in again.
Trihunter's skillful driving keeps him in control of the match until the dustpan catches on a floor seam, giving W0lf the chance to reposition Apocalyptic Peacekeeper and take TTT head on. This time AP gets underneath, and W0lf quickly brings down the grabby arms to get ahold of TTT. They touch, but Trihunter has seen what's coming and is starting to back TTT away. The Tanuki slides off that steep plow before AP can get a strong enough hold on it to grip it. This repeats, as W0lf is unable to corner the Tanuki, and then Tri gets TTT underneath AP once more. AP tries once more to ramp over TTT, but gets unlucky and is blocked again, and it gets slammed into the wall once more.

W0lf is able to escape from TTT's control pretty quickly, and gets TTT up onto AP's plow a few times. To his frustration, he is however unable to get the grab-and-lift on TTT he was going for before the match ends.

Three of the judges poke the other two awake and explain the match to them, and the five issue their verdict thusly:

Control: 3-2 Ten Transformation Tanuki
Aggression: 4-1 Ten Transformation Tanuki
Damage: 4-1 Ten Transformation Tanuki

Your winner, by a 11-4 judges' decision, is Ten Transformation Tanuki!

Defenestrator vs Blackburn Kangaroo

We’ve got a lethal undercutter versus a suplex machine in this heavyweight scrap. Defenestrator is able to meet Blackburn on the high-walled side of the arena, with its lifter behind its back -
Kangaroo slams into the middle of the plow, popping upwards and sending Defenestrator off to the side, seemingly rattled due to its lifting arm’s throwing off the bot’s center of mass. The damage is minimal, though, and the bot is able to correct course and charge at the undercutter once more. HFL looks to stuff up the spinner, but B.K. backs up a tad and earns another solid shot.

The first minute or so of the fight follows this same routine: an erratic collision sees both bots flying far enough away from one another to repeat the result. The plow design of Defenestrator with its arm stretched back means that it’s extremely difficult for the bot to actually slow down the high-powered spinner of its opponent, and the plow only looks worse and worse for wear as the fight goes on.

Eventually, however, the tide turns. B.K. doesn’t have anywhere to run once it’s backed against the high wall. The lifting bot is able to push the undercutter against the wall, but the spinner is still brutal - and with the top ears of the plow having been significantly chipped and grinded down, it’s a bad look as this unstoppable disk hovers on top of its opponent’s wedge, over Defenestrator’s fragile front wheels. The lifter isn’t able to come down, considering the current threat of decapitation, so it simply backs off and sends B.K. off the plow and into the wall once more.

Defenestrator brings its arm back around to the front of the bot and approaches once more, sensing that it’s running out of time to line up the gameplan - but in doing so, it’s given Blackburn time to spin up...

The arena is filled with the unmistakeable sound of a magnificent metal on metal collision - the undercutter bounces into the air off the plow once again, and in a moment eerily reminiscent of Valkyrie vs. Ragnarok, it lands an additional hit on the arm of Defenestrator. This sends the chain-powered clamper reeling off to the side, with the undercutter careening off of the high wall as well. The arm’s mechanism is now toast, with it stuck at a tempting angle above its spinning opponent. Meanwhile, B.K. has yet again been flipped over, and now has its disc in the overcutter position. With the crowd roaring, and the countdown drawing to a conclusion, both bots charge at one another in a last ditch effort to make an impression... one bot comes out armless, and you’ve gotta imagine the other is coming out victorious.

Damage: 5-0, Blackburn Kangaroo
Aggression: 3-2, Defenestrator
Control: 3-2, Defenestrator
The winner, via a 9-6 decision, is Blackburn Kangaroo!!

Saturnian Wristwatch vs MUL-T - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

The two robots approach slowly. Brad tries to do some last minute strafing to catch an angle or whatever but Noah isn't really doing very much angling, so MUL-T wins the first hit and pops Wristwatch into the air. He's able to get a few more hits on Wristwatch as it tries to land but eventually Brad is able to escape and get spun up again. He tries again to work past the drum but Noah is on him like a magnet and he keeps getting hit. Eventually, Wristwatch's bar is bent upwards and catches on the chassis, which gives Noah the signal to go all in on the wheels. The fight doesn't last long after that.

MUL-T wins by knockout at 1:42

Hellhound vs Sideswipe

Well, Hellhound apparently decides to just go full Yeti for this fight and charge the fuck out of Sideswipe. The turret bot gets under it on the first try, and sweeps its turret under Hellhound’s side, but HH is out of there before it can get flipped, and starts attacking going for the sides of Sideswipe’s plow, forcing it to use its turret as the main defense to keep Hellhound away. It turns it over or otherwise lifts it a couple of times, but can’t maintain any long-term control over it, and Hellhound Just. Keeps. Attacking. Eventually if you keep it up your opponent will make a mistake, and that’s that happens, with HH dodging past the turret, getting under the plow, and lifting Sideswipe up as it pushes it back at lucidicrous speed. It brings the turret behind it and starts to lever itself free, but isn’t quick enough and gets slammed into the wall HARD, arm-first. It ends up on its side, self-rights, but Hellhound’s right there behind it again, wedging it.

This time Sideswipe’s able to drive away, and wedge underneath Hellhound’s plow with its lifter. It lifts, but HH slowly sweeps the plow around overhead and darts in under the lifter, slamming into Sideswipe’s own plow, and uhh, not doing much besides almost climbing on top of it.
I’m making this sound a lot more exciting than it is, because honestly most of it’s just a bulldozer repeatedly ramming an excavator, and a lot of pushing and shoving with an occasional flip. Hellhound isn’t rolling Sideswipe over often, but when it does Sideswipe’s lack of invertability works against it and lets HH block its self-right with the lifter and shove it into the walls. Hellhound, on the other hand, just keeps driving, and half the time doesn’t even bother flipping its lifter around when it’s inverted since that takes about a week.

Damage: Hellhound 2, Sideswipe 3
Aggression: Hellhound 4, Sideswipe 1
Control: Hellhound 2, Sideswipe 3

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is Hellhound!

V2 vs Death Metal

v2 tries to smother Death Metal as it comes out, but it isn't fast enough to get to DM before the tombclone is up to speed. v2 turns as they collide to try and absorb the hit but the angled plate isn't long enough and Death Metal catches a corner. the resulting hit tears the entire wedge off and sends V2 into the wall hard enough to give it whiplash. It tries to get moving again but it quickly becomes apparent that it cannot move one side of its drive train. Death Metal comes in for the mercy kill and that's about all she wrote.

Death Metal wins by KO at 0:37

Doomerang vs Night jackal

So uh, Dylan is right, you know, and it just doesn’t feel right to ignore the fact that NJ’s weapon is riding directly on the ground. That being said, it’s still at full speed by the time the two bots get together, but that’s a good 20 seconds into the fight because night jackal basically can’t move across most of the arena – he tried early on, and almost got his weapon stuck in a floor seam for his troubles.

Both bots are in a really rough spot here – Doomerang is desperately trying to flank night jackal, who is basically stuck in a corner at this point, given the circumstances. Eventually Boto gets tired of all this and does try to rush Doomerang. He hits the floor seam, and his weapon raises about 4 inches off the ground, and then both bots collide. No major damage is done to Night jackal, though it is currently gyrodancing to the point where it’s straight vertical, which causes the blade to hit the floor on that side instead. So while it’s flying about, let’s check in on Doomerang. Doomerang is… not so hot. It definitely could have gone worse for him – I don’t imagine that was a full power hit given that Night Jackal ate floor. That being said, that tooth was definitely not supposed to be that shape, and as doomerang spins up and tries to move, it’s lurching to one side a bit – looks like a wheel or two over there might be losing some power intermittently or something. IDK I’m not an engineer.

Anywho Night Jackal eventually gets control of itself, and it is now relatively trapped somewhere near the center of the arena, which means that doomerang can try to flank it. This would go about as well as you’d expect, but again eventually NJ’s gonna hit some floor seam or that little dink in the floor near it that I think is from Saturnian Wristwatch that it just hit. This time though it just pops straight up and lands back down hard on the weapon just as doomerang moves in. wheels, meet undercutter. Doomerang goes flying back off, wheel foam flying about. Hey, at least that was a different wheelpod than the one that’s misshapen. I think that’s a good thing? IDK – it’s definitely not spinning at full speed as it tries to get going again, and this messes further with the strafing, but it is theoretically moving towards night jackal.

Now, night jackal – I said it hit the ground hard: it got lucky enough to hit the wheels of Doomerang. But it then had the momentum of its spinner forcibly transferred into its body, which ended up flinging it into doomerang, wheel-first. It was only a glancing blow, but that right wheel is… not on straight, and this is pretty much entirely preventing the weapon from spinning up. Both bots are still technically mobile enough to keep going, though, so the fight continues.

With enough crabbing and intermittent weapon use, Night jackal makes its way over to the very slowly translating doomerang, currently being outpaced by a snail that somehow made its way into the arena. The THWACKITYBANGBANGBANGing that NJ’s weapon has been eating the whole time canNOT be good for it, and the impact really isn’t a fair one here, as its weapon is barely spinning – it’s actually stopped when it hits Doomerang’s wheels. This finally lets doomerang get a decent shot in on NJ’s body which more or less obliterates the bot.

Your winner, by KO in 2:34, is Doomerang!

Blue Zenith vs Omnicrap

In the red square, we have the blue bot. in the blue square, we have the bot with some red on it. Everything is backwards! Things start off and Omnicrap is off like a rocket, as expected. Blue zenith ends up a bit too wrapped up in its startup torque, and gets rammed HARD into the wall behind it, before popping free. Omnicrap is still in hot pursuit, but actually ends up riding up Blue zenith’s ass wedge for a hot second, quickly wiggling free with the power of W H E E L S S E T U P I N A C I R C L E .

Hii’s been given just enough time to get that weapon up to speed, and just about has his weapon facing omnicrap. Ys hesitates for a half second before just ramming that plow right into the spinner. WHUNK - THUDUNK.

Ok, a lot happened in the second or so leading up to that collision, and since I’m writing a thing this entire exchange gets to be reviewed in slow motion as it happens. Blue zenith’s side was still exposed a bit, and as Ys moved in, he strafed to get that last little bit of motion that would allow him to eat the impact head-on, assuming blue zenith kept moving with the rotation of its blade. Hii tries to do this, but his right wheel gets caught on a floor inconsistency (that I’m blaming on Death Metal, personally), and so his robot doesn’t actually turn as far as it’s able to, and instead catches on the back corner of Omnicrap’s plow, cutting a clean hole in it the exact height and width of the blade, about a, inch deep. That little portion of the plow is now embedded in the lexan, right near Hii’s side of the drivers station.

Both bots go flying off, but Omnicrap is quick to recover. BZ gets back up to speed too, but this time does not get lucky, instead getting smooshed into the center of the plow. What follows is what usually happens in these sorts of fights: Blue Zenith goes on the merry dance of “if I spin down I lose but dear god am I unbalanced right now”, getting in the occasional huge slam as Omnicrap desperately tries to get him under control. Its plow looks in remarkably good shape, but it eats a hit right before it finally starts corralling Blue Zenith that was apparently the last straw for the lifter arm. The whole plow assembly is now at an awfully wonky angle, and the plow is definitely not scraping the ground any more. Omnicrap has Blue zenith cornered for the moment though, and with how that bot’s shaped it’s not gonna be able to do much waggling free.

Eventually there’s a pin release, and blue zenith is now coming at omnicrap ass-first. This might have something to do with the smoke I’m seeing coming out of the bot – looks like the spinner might be down for a little bit. BZ is winning the wedge war when it goes against the mangled plow, but Omnicrap has wedges on every side, so he just turns a bit, and then starts getting under more regularly – though BZ is able to monstertruck him both times before he gets pushed much of anywhere. Oh! And looks like the weapon’s back on. There’s still smoke – there might be more now? BZ’s still leading with the wedge, though, so Ys start strafing his bot defensively, trying to loop around the wedge and engage his still mostly undamaged (though very poorly angled) plow with the weapon of Blue Zenith. He gets there eventually, and actually manages to eat the hit on the plow, and again starts forcing Blue Zenith into the dance of death. This time though, Omnicrap is forced to be more cautious – there’s a very good chance that BZ could hit its chassis if he isn’t careful now that the plow is… like that, which means that the last few hits we get before time runs out don’t see Omnicrap really gaining any ground on slowing down his opponent, though I do think Blue Zenith is actually on fire now.

Aggression: 3-2 Omnicrap
Damage: 3-2 Blue Zenith
Control: 3-2 Blue Zenith
Your winner, in a split 8-7 decision, is Blue Zenith!

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by Badnik96 » Sun Jul 07, 2019 1:41 pm

ROBOT3 week 3

The first set of results will be out for week 2 in a bit, but in the meantime, have a fight card!

The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki, Mekabu

Killjoy: Circuitz

The robot listed on the left is in the red square - the arena is asymmetrical, so it might factor into things!


Sixpounder vs Found God in a Tomato

Sixpounder’s got a very fast drive and a sturdy scoop, but for some reason there’s no box rush. Alex seems to be wary of FgiaT’s ring spinner, which is… a little odd. Although Tomato does have a pretty fast drivetrain itself, and is capable of omnidirectional movement. There it goes, cruising out of its square with its chassis getting spun around by the spinup torque of that huge, heavy ring. The plow’s wide enough it should protect Sixpounder’s wheels from strafing tricks – oh, and it may not matter that much because Tomato’s strategy is apparently to just drive straight into it! The ring spinner bounces off and flings itself a good three feet in the air, but it doesn’t look like it’s done much to Sixpounder. It hits the floor a bit but stays more or less in control, and backs away a little – but gets rammed again and goes skidding off towards the low wall. That hit knocked the decorative “intake grilles” off Sixpounder’s scoop, but the actual plow still seems pretty much unscathed.

Tomato dances away, dodging another attack from Sixpounder, and now that ring’s really going in an orange blur. It struggles to keep its chassis lined up against the drag from that enormous weapon. Sixpounder charges it again, Tomato strafes to the side – oh, and that’s a huge hit! Sixpounder gets spun around in a circle, leaving skidmarks on the arena floor, while Tomato goes flying into the wall. There’s a little hole through the corner of Skidmark’s plow, and I think a tooth’s come off Found God in a Tomato. Worse, the ring’s stopped. Ring spinners aren’t known for their reliability, and Tomato did a pretty big blow to itself there.

Oh, no wait, it’s spin… wait, what? The ring spins a little bit but what really gets going is the chassis! The three omni wheels become a blur! Found God in a Tomato has become a melty! Except without the translational movement bit. It’s shaking back and forth a bit and drifting across the floor, but that’s not really movement. There’s some smoke, and – oh, something just shot out of Found God in a Tomato. The countdown starts, and Gabe shrugs, shakes his head, and turns the weapon off. The bot’s chassis slowly spins down, revealing that two of its omni wheels have gone missing. I think I see half of one lying on the arena floor somewhere nearby – oh, there’s another piece. Those things really aren’t meant to go 100+ mph, are they?

Your winner, by knockout in 0:58, is Sixpounder!

OwO bot 2000 vs Mudcrab

The two spinners approach each other, neither one backing down. TCR seems to assume Mudcrab will try and angle in, but Mudcrab does the opposite and waits patiently. OWObot comes straight in but Mudcrab turns at the last second and grabs a fork, sending sparks flying and throwing both robots backwards a bit. When the dust settles, OWObot is nursing some fork damage, with it bent sideways a considerable amount. Mudcrab smells blood in the water and comes in to rip the fork straight off. This throws OWObot right up in the air and when he lands Mudcrab is there to strike again. This repeats, with Mudcrab eventually getting the second fork, and then some serious damage to the rest of the bot. It's a hell of a slugfest but eventually OWObot stops moving.

Mudcrab wins by KO in 2:13

Black Dog vs The Terrible Toad Twins

Demon dog is angry. The toads show their dominance by angrily spinning up their high pitched drums. Black Dog sets its sights up for one of them while one of the toads hangs back and goes around. Toadboi 1 backs away to find the angle until it realizes that it can drive back forever and takes a shot. BD gets flicked upward while toadboi one gets sent flying across the box. It bangs into the wall. One of the wedgelets is completely mangled and is scraping against the drum making a grinding noise similar to the warcry of a screaming frog. However, during this event after all that driving and dancing with that first twin, that small disruption from the impact was just enough for toadboi 2 to come in and snipe a wheel! Toad 1 is hobbling along with one of the drive axles bent from earlier, but both twins are still functional. Black Dog does its best on one wheel to take out the Terrible Toad Twins. After a bit of circling and dancing around, one of the twins gets hit hard and eventually hobbles to a halt. And while it does take another solid minute, the other twin manages to get a hit on the second wheel, enough to disable the doggo out of revenge for his amphibious brother.

Terrible Toad Twins wins by KO in 2:44

Kirby vs Mekabu

Kirby, currently fighting as a ring spinner, spins up, which is already a good start given the beating Black Dog gave it last round. Mekabu’s up to speed as well, not really trying to rush Kirby, just waiting to get the first hit right. Both bots rush at each other, but Kirby veers off to the side, getting a big hit on Mekabu’s wedge and bouncing away. Mekabu’s scratched but undeterred, and chases after Kirby, this time getting solid weapon-to-weapon contact. Oof, and Kirby goes spinning into the wall, but Mekabu’s sent spinning wildly and isn’t able to move in for a followup anywhere near quickly enough.

Kirby drifts away into the middle of the box, spinning back up again, but again goes on the offensive when Mekabu gets close – oh, and it ricochets off the wedge again, tossing itself high into the air, and hits the floor on the way back down. And there’s another solid hit by Mekabu, dropkicking Kirby back into the corner again, and this time it does get the followup shot, slamming it into the wall and tossing it high enough that it would’ve gone over if it were actually being launched at the wall. It crashes down on its side, and Mekabu tries for another attack, but the drisc’s stopped and all it can do is wedge Kirby. Kirby turns the weapon back on, spins its own chassis madly, and slips away. Mekabu smacks it again before it can regain control, but is having trouble with its own spinner. It’s moving, but not very quickly.

No, there we go, Mekabu’s back up to speed, Kirby’s mostly back up to speed, and the bots clash again, and again, and again. This is mostly Kirby getting punted around either by Mekabu’s blade or by its wedge. It’s not having the easiest time controlling it, but finally is able to pin it against the wall, get under, and grind against the underside, leaving Kirby’s wheels a mess of torn-off or bent rollers. Nevertheless it’s able to get away and spin back up, and about halfway through the fights absolutely YEETS itself across the entire arena against Mekabu’s weapon. Amazingly Kirby’s weapon is still spinning. Mekabu’s is as well, but it’s vibrating up and down and has to slow down for the bot to be able to drive properly. It keeps somewhat spinning it as it repeatedly rams Kirby, but it’s definitely a lot less effective now, and the wedge is seriously beat up.

And there’s the buzzer, folks! A great match, with no knockouts, although Kirby wasn’t driving particularly well towards the end. Before we can even hear the judges’ verdict Noah is carried out of the venue on the shoulders of a crowd of screaming fans for actually making a ring spinner function three minutes without the weapon dying.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Mekabu 2, Kirby 3
Aggression: Mekabu 3, Kirby 2
Control: Mekabu 4, Kirby 1

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Mekabu!

Beaned vs What's the Scoop

Mini Something dies immediately upon ramming What’s the scoop. Brick is doing its best to control the fight but it mostly just drives under What’s the scoop. Coso keeps trying to engage but doesn’t do jack because it can’t even reach Scoop’s chassis and its not like its getting a pin in. Also wham’s RP is 70 words too long but it doesn’t matter because FUCK if I’m reading all of an rp that takes this fight that seriously :V

Aggression: 3-2 Beaned
Control: 3-2 What’s the Scoop
Damage: 3-2 What’s the Scoop
Your winner, in an 8-7 decision, is What’s the Scoop!

Entropic Degeneration vs Antbar and SawnDisc Gen II

The two clusterbots, Antbar and Sawndisc, try to flank Entropic Degeneration, but without much success as the saw/crusher keeps just barging them aside and absorbing the hits with its very sturdy claws. And eventually, it gets a grip on Antbar and feeds it into its partner, tearing off a while. The other side of the vert’s drive stops after that too, and after that it’s Sawndisc basically getting chased around until ED grabs it and tears a huge slot into the top plate. A puff of smoke comes out of the gaping wound, and that’ll all she wrote.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:40, is Entropic Degeneration!

(Double Forfeit, coinflip goes to ED)


So both bots spin up and HardWired comes out first to try and put Idiot Triangle on the back foot early. Unfortunately, HardWired doesn’t quite have the speed to get there before Idiot Triangle is up to lethal impact power, and the opening hit is absolutely nasty for both bots. Idiot Triangle launches up into the wall and flings itself across the arena over HardWired’s head (if it had a head, anyway), and on landing we can see a tear in the chassis right next to a section of teeth. HardWired, meanwhile, is missing a significant portion of its face, and while the weapon is miraculously still operational, the wheels are not so lucky. I think this may well be the fastest KO I’ve ever written.

Idiot Triangle wins by KO in 0:22

Post Traumatic Stress vs Black Salvo

Black Salvo rushes forward at a not-moving PTS. And then wedges it. And then thinks something is wrong because that was way too easy. It backs off and PTS just... sits there. Looks like an electrical failure. PTS is counted out.

Black Salvo wins by KO in 0:15 (forfeit)


Nuclear Plague vs Ilwoon

FF for NP

Y.V. vs Madscience

YV’s plow is a lot less egregious than a lot of other bots, at least, as long as you just kinda…ignore the fact that the armor bonus technically applies to the lifter arms, which I shall be doing this match. writer’s discretion is a helluva drug :heck: . also those are omni wheels :V

The match starts, and it’s as if YV started in MADSCIENCE’s square. MADSCIENCE is near full speed, but it didn’t yet have time to move since it’s a melty, so it eats that impact fully, bouncing violently into the wall behind it. Y.V. is able to get in a long series of pins and shove from here – it starts with 10 seconds into the wall until he’s forced to back off, which he does for about a second before immediately getting back on MADSCIENCE’s ass. This time MS is able to YEET itself a bit into a better direction with non-melty movement before spinning out, and then getting slammed into another wall and re-pinned.

Fortunately for Alex, this is a marginally better position to be in, since he isn’t literally stuck in a corner, and the flailing he’s doing with that punching bar is actually slowly setting him free. It’s a rounded pole pushing against an ABR wedge, which is far from idea, but he’s forcing constant movement out of Y.V. – he’ll almost eek free and force him to get in a new pinning position, he’ll get entirely free, run away to the tune of Yakkity Sax until he inevitably loses control and gets shoved into another corner – he even once got a full second to spin up. But it’s not until literally the 1:00 mark that he finally gets lucky enough with one of his attempts to run away using full drivetrain power to drive that he’s able to get enough space to spin up to his full ludicrous speed. To complete the image, he’s shooting out fire for no apparent reason.

How does the illuminati respond? Crabwalking. YV glides in sideways to try and eat the hit directly on the center of the plow. Madscience obliges, seeing as how it’s barely mobile, and delivers a MASSIVE hit that sends it pinballing at a wonky angle across the arena, ending up stuck at an angle against the wall of the arena. Y.V. for its part gracefully glides directly into a wall at that same ludicrous speed. It’s back up and moving relatively quickly after the hit, and the plow doesn’t look too bad, all things considered. Madscience boops itself off the wall with its boopy stick, clatters to the floor, and starts spinning up again, just barely getting back to full speed as YV comes full force into it. Right up against the wall.

YV eats the initial impact perfectly, somehow, but on the rebound, Madscience catches behind the plow, throwing the entirety of Y.V. into the wall as it flies all the way into Y.V.’s starting square. Y.V. eats it into the wall, but is able to quickly react, turn around and again rush down madscience, now with a plow only being held on by its right connection. This time, though, he’s able to smother Madscience again after a bit of finagling, and with the plow just barely holding on, chains together another smother set that brings us another 45 seconds or so into the match, to 2:23, where again madscience gets away for just long enough to spin up. V900 goes for the crabbing approach again, and is once again able to get a very good knockup on Madscience, but again pays dearly for it in the not-on-the-plow department, this time losing a few rollers on the initial impact. I don’t know why or how they popped off, but he’s got a bumpier ride now. Madscience, for its part, is starting to show wear and tear in the trusses from its own impacts – the whole bot is just a little… sideways. That’s going to be a PAIN to fix, dude. But hey, still spinning, after it pinballs around the arena for a good 4 seconds.

There’s one last good engagement here, and it leaves the entire audience with blue balls: the plow stays on, if only just. Both bots end up pretty far away from each other, and V900 plays it wise, and spends the last 10 seconds or so showing mobility instead of trying to run into his opponent, who is, after all, barely mobile at the best of times.

Aggression: 4-1 Y.V.
Damage: 4-1 MADSCIENCE
Control: 3-2 Y.V.
Your winner, in an 8-7 split decision, is Y.V!

Hard News vs Flipcake

Flipcake comes right out at Hard News, but Hard News... isn't spinning? Well whatever Wham's plan is, it works out perfectly, as TBR isn't expecting Hard News to outwedge his robot, which it does pretty well. Hard News spins up the bar after Flipcake runs over him, but Wham isn't able to execute his strategy perfectly due to the drive train disparity between the two robots. However, the hit he settles on still leaves a small gash on the corner of Flipcake's plow and sends both robots spinning. After this, the fight goes as your typical wedge vs spinner fight does, except Flipcake struggles to outwedge Hard News and only gets one or two flips in, neither of which really overturn Hard News thanks to its low power and HN's gyroscopic tendencies. Both robots are working at the end, though Flipcake's plow is worse for wear.

Aggression: 3-2 Flipcake
Damage: 5-0 Hard News
Strategy: 4-1 Hard News

Hard News wins the judge's decision, 11-4!

Hallucinogen vs Admiral

Hallucinogen spins up and Admiral gets a head start on moving into the center of the arena. Now for the fun part: they both have aggressive strategies. This results in some dancing around while they try to get under each other. Eventually, Admiral is able to slip around Hallucinogen’s side and fires the flipper. Thanks to its position on the wedge and the gyroscopic force of its weapon, Hallucinogen doesn’t overturn or go particularly far, and we’re back where we were before. The fight continues, slowly but surely, trading largely ineffective flips and the occasional drum hit that tears up Admiral’s front corners pretty badly. Admiral finally manages to flip Hallucinogen over, and then once again as it attempts to self-right, sending it dangerously close to the low wall. On the second flip, though, the upside down drum clips the gap between the flipper plate and the chassis on Admiral, making a pretty nasty gash. Admiral follows up one more time, desperately trying to land an OOTA, but the flipper is just a bit too damaged and Hallucinogen is just a bit too squirrly. What happens instead is that the flip is weak and Hallucinogen isn’t on the flipper enough for a clean OOTA, and Hallucinogen lands perfectly balanced on top of the low wall with neither wheel touching anything. The crowd goes insane. Neither driver can believe what just happened. Admiral drives up, battered and beaten, and fires its flipper up at Halluginogen’s wheel to try to knock it over. With the damage it’s sustained, though, the flipper just sort of nudges Hallucinogen a bit and nothing else happens. What a weird way to end it.

Admiral wins by something between a KO and an OOTA in 2:36

Dubior Jr. vs <3

Okay, we’ve got a very powerful clamshell flipper up against, uhh… side hammers. This could be interesting.

Both bots immediately rush each other and get stuck in, with Dubior Jr getting under the corner of Heart Emoji. HE fires its hammers, but it’s wedged at an angle where one doesn’t connect and the other glances off the floor. There’s a huge flip from Dubior Jr, and :heart: crashes down on its side next to the high wall, making it clear that Dubior is quite capable of sending it over and out on any side of the arena. With the flipper yawning open it can’t overextend though, and has to wait while :heart: falls onto its back and scoots away. Hammers cocked at its sides again it strafes towards Dubior on a diagonal. Its wedges aren’t doing much now – but the hammers are, and it slams them shut on Dubior’s side before it can get a flip in! That blow has, surprisingly, actually buckled the flipper upward a little – not much armor on that bot – and that has to be a nasty shock to the internals. Dubior does wedge under it, but there’s no flip. Again HE’s hammers close on thin air, and it gets shoved into the wall, and gets high-center while trying to monstertruck over the top of Dubior Jr.
Dubior’s got to release the pin though. It comes in again, trying to go for Dubior’s corner, but <3 strafes to keep facing it and jukes back. And there’s another huge flip, but it’s a miss! Dubior flips itself onto its back, it’s flipper yawning open. It turns and tries to drive away, but :heart: fires its hammers, one of the ramping straight up the inside of the flipper panel while the other hits the back! And there’s CO2 venting from inside Dubior Jr! The flipper falls partway closed, but stays there as :heart: wrenches its hammer free of its opponent’s guts and backs away. Dubior is now weaponless, and one side of its drivetrain seems to have stopped. A few more hits from :heart: and it’s able to catch Dubior’s other wheel, jamming it up and leaving the bot completely immobile.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:25, is <3!

OverCutter vs Star Spangled

Overcutter comes out, spinning that bar menacingly. Star Spangled just charges into it headlong though, taking a big hit on the front corner – but that hit sends Overcutter spinning out of control, the bar hitting the floor due to gyro forces and sending it bouncing and tumbling halfway across the arena. It comes to rest on its side, and appears to be stuck there, the bar twitching but not getting enough torque to push Overcutter back onto its wheels.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:26, is Star Spangled!

(Overcutter Forfeits)

Storm Worm vs Venice Queen - LIGHTWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK (and also an FF rip)

Storm Worm immediately goes for the box rush, but Venice Queen teleports behind it, says “Nothing personnel, kid,” and slams it into a gap in the floor hard enough to get its lifting spikes stuck under the panel, at which point because Storm Worm got its wheels off a Radio Flyer wagon it can’t get enough traction to escape.

Your winner, by NANI??? in 0:30, is Venice Queen!

(Storm Worm forfeits)

PneumatiX vs Circuitz

Okay, so we’ve got flipper vs. flipper, rear-hinged vs. 4-bar, green vs. black and rainbow, and LUDICROUS SPEED vs. - and Circuitz is already in there, sending Pneumatix skidding back towards the low wall on its roof! It self-rights but almost immediately takes another flip, nearly sending it out. Luckily it lands on its wheels and nopes out of there, heading for the relative safety of the middle of the arena. Circuitz is after it. Pneumatix has decided to deal with its opponent’s speed by staying more or less in the same place and turning to keep its front forks pointed at Circuitz. Circuitz meanwhile is trying to circle-strafe. Pneumatix has no trouble keeping up with its sideways movement, but it can’t keep up when Circuitz jukes in the other direction and rushes in to get under its corner. Pneumatix is able to spin away before Circuitz can get a flip in, though.

After a bit of back and forth jostling Pneumatix gets its forks under Circuitz’s skirts, and immediately tosses it into the air! Circuitz is inverted – Pneumatix rushes in and almost wedges it again, but Circuitz scoots away, spins around, and self-rights. It’s not as agile upside-down, but it is mobile, and that’s a big advantage against an opponent who’s trying to chain flips.

Circuitz comes in on the attack again. It gets wedged, but backs off, and there’s a missed flip from Pneumatix! Circuitz quickly takes advantage of the lack of forks, and… rides up the wedge. But it’s jammed Pneumatix’s flipper open, and all Pneumatix can really do is shove it into the wall and retreat away. But that gives Circuitz another chance to get underneath, and it does so, leaving Pneumatix high-centered and half on top of it. It fires its own flipper but the arm’s too light to knock it free from there. And Circuitz is now carefully strafing around to point the bots back towards the low wall, using only a small fraction of its speed to avoid accidentally knocking Pneumatix loose. Another flip from Pneumatix, but still no dice. There’s the drive from Circuitz, again being somewhat cautious, not going for a big slam – and Pneumatix is out! Great driving there from Circuitz, sending its opponent cleanly over the low wall!

Your winner, by OOTA in 1:24, is Circuitz!


White Cat vs NKC

Now THIS is gonna be a fight for the ages. The tri-drum of white cat versus NKC, the newest sawbot out of team ignition. Looks like White cat tried to get around to the sides of NKC early on. Unfortunately the attempt to take the engagement at an angle raised one side of the bot off of the ground from the gyro effects of White Cat’s extremely powerful weapon, and NKC’s able to get under early. White Cat’s able to angle off eventually though, and we’re back to neutral. NKC is immediately back on the offensive, however, slamming into White Cat’s front, and again getting the better of the engagement. He once again immediately starts bringing the saw down – which also brings up his lifter, very unique mechanism there – but this time that goes rather poorly for him, since he has decided to raise a lifter into a 16 power spinner.

The engagement angle is a bit weird, which causes White cat to essentially bounce straight upwards, but it has still wholly mangled those lifting forks. Bright side for NKC: white cat is now forced onto the retreat, and he’s bearing down quickly. ferret’s just barely able to swing around his front in time to clip NKC’s side a bit as the sawbot barrels its way underneath white cat. Those drums are really struggling with engagement here, as they just kinda grind uselessly against NKC’s plate in the back. There’s another wall slam, and white cat pops free.

Brad’s continuing to desperately look for a non-forewards angle of engagement here, but is again forced to take the head-on, and this time he actually gets the advantage – perhaps he was able to angle in just enough. The right pontoon ate that hit like a champ, though, and NKC stays on its wheels. Both move back to reengage as White Cat’s drums get back up to breakneck speed…and it also starts spinning out thin film of smoke.

That ain’t right.

Anywho another head-to-head forced by NKC, and this time the mangled lifter eats it full force, and ends up out of the arena after taking out one of my lights. One of you two chuckleheads is paying for that. The ferret chucklehead is also probably going to be paying for new motors after this with the noises coming out of white cat as it desperately attempts to get those drums up and spinning once more. They get up to… a reasonable pace? I guess? But NKC is able to slam into them once more, and this time actually get a wall pin. Unfortunately without the lifter mechanism in place, White Cat’s able to squirm out of harm’s way for a few of these engagements, but he can’t do anything noticeable with the drum before NKC is finally able to slice a massive hole in the bot. man, Ferret’s gonna have a LOT of internals to work with in the pits – and he might want to see about the reliability of that weapon.

Your winner, by KO in 2:10, is NKC!

Dragonfist vs Lethal Target

Double Forfeit. Lethal Target wins the coin toss.

Hati vs Don't Strangle the Martian Horses

Horses: strangled
Dick: out
W0lf 51-50 is forcibly removed from the arena

(Hati wins by FF)

Der Adder vs Hurricane

We’ve got the drum and skirts of Der Adder against the flipping spatula of Hurricane. Der Adder quickly gets up to speed and circles around Hurricane, looking for a shot at its sides. That’s not a weapon to challenge head-on. Hurricane’s pretty maneuverable, but Der Adder’s able to sneak past the spatula and hit the corner, grinding at it a bit before Hurricane backs away. It comes in again and – oof, its spatula rides up Der Adder’s wedge and gets caught by the drum, sending it skidding back. The pneumatic cylinder’s forcibly extended by the blow, but comes back down. Der Adder’s sensed blood in the water though, and gets another hit on the spatula, then a solid smack on the side wedge which tosses Hurricane onto its back.

Now, is Hurricane’s flipper still working. It should be able to self right from there – oh, and it does, spectacularly throwing itself halfway to the arena ceiling and tumbling through the air to land… back upside-down again. The flipper retracts and a plume of CO2 fog vents from underneath Hurricane, but before it can flip itself over Der Adder rushes in and smacks it in the wheel. Bits of rubber fly, and Hurricane’s tipped sideways. It fires the flipper into Der Adder’s drum, but again just throws itself around without actually self-righting. Der Adder’s in again with another good hit, and another, finally righting Hurricane and letting it get away. But it’s done some serious damage in the process. One wheel is wobbling and has lost most of its tread, the spikes have broken off the flipping arm, and one of the side wedges is bent up.

Hurricane’s in trouble here. The spatula seems to have taken enough damage that it can’t deal with Der Adder’s wedge, or even its skirts, anymore, and it just keeps taking hit after hit. One side of the drive’s died – but Der Adder comes in a bit too aggressively as it goes for the good side, and gyrodances a little, lifting its wedge and letting Hurricane in underneath it. Immediately there’s a flip of desperation, and Der Adder goes flying! What a flip! It crashes down, and has ended up inverted with its right skirt still bent up in the air – and the drum has stopped!

Cripple fight! So now, Der Adder’s stuck upside-down, with no back wedge, and it doesn’t want to take another flip like that. Fortunately the rear skirt seems to be hinging properly, and it lets it easily get under Hurricane, which is going in circles with a dead wheel. And… yeah, it’s pretty much Hurricane getting pushed around, and once flipping itself over trying to get free, for the rest of the fight.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Hurricane 2, Der Adder 3
Aggression: Hurricane 1, Der Adder 4
Control: Hurricane 1, Der Adder 4

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Der Adder!

Electron vs Visual Assault

What is real? Do we truly know? How can you be absolutely certain of your own existence? An omnipotent being would be certain not to let his creations know of his presence, lest they be thrown into chaos as a direct result of this revelation. The realization that millions of years of existence rendered null and void by the discovery of one simple truth, one mere fact that hadn't so much as crossed our minds

u wanna know what isn't real tho is electron's chances of winning this fight ZING i'll be here all week folks

Visual Assault wins by FF.

Abyss vs Di-Trouble Gen II

FF for Abyss

Uptown Funk vs Whirlpool

UF tries to get to Whirlpool's not-weaponed side, but this is a struggle for him due to Whirlpool's design. He is able to get underneath though, despite taking some damage from that disc. He gets a flip in, then another one. Whirlpool recovers and is able to get back in the fight, and Uptown reverts to the circling strategy. This time he's a little too eager, and the hinged wedges on Whirlpool slip under the side. UF tries to back away but he gets clipped by the disc as Whirlpool turns to hit him, bending the flipper considerably. Whirlpool starts playing a little more aggressively now that the flipper is damaged, and Uptown can't seem to circle around as effectively as he could before. Eventually Whirlpool is able to force himself underneath again and swings, dealing severe damage and tearing the flipper from its hinges. Both robots get flung away but when the dust settles it's clear Uptown Funk is no longer moving.

Whirlpool wins by KO at 1:27

Epicer Waluigi vs Pressure Flop - MIDDLEWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

Ugh this matchup is fucking weird. Waluigi comes in and tries to bait Pressure Flop into firing, but Maxi remembers the wise words of John Reid and keeps the hammer cocked. EW tries to circle around PF but finds that the turret is keeping pace with him. This sort of tentative dance keeps going for another 25 seconds or so before Noah finally sees an opening and goes for it. PF's hammer comes down, but Waluigi's discs clip it and the whole turret gets yeeted upwards off the robot. Waluigi comes in for the kill and throws the poor walkerbot onto its head for good measure.

Epicer Waluigi wins by KO at 1:07


Tabor vs Defenestrator - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

Remember how in cartoons when two wimpy characters would get into a fight, they'd just flail their arms at each other ineffectually until they got tired? That's this fight.

Both lifter robots angle in on each other, Tabor doing so by sweeping its plow into the side of Defenestrator, and Defenestrator by happily going for the exposed side of Tabor's Assault Spatula. As they repeat this interaction over and over again, it's about even who gets under whom, as each makes mistakes that the other can capitalize on. Unfortunately for the audience, neither is able to do much once they get under. Defenestrator can't get a good grip on Tabor, and any time it gets close to getting one Tabor just wiggles free. Tabor seems to be trying to push Defenestrator around using its turret and drivetrain, but Defenestrator is able to reverse off the spatula pretty quickly each time. Defenestrator nearly gets a grab on one of Tabor's lifter arms, but Tabor is able to slip out of its grasp at the last second with a violent twist of its turret.

The match ends with both robots virtually unharmed, leaving the judges looking very annoyed. What will they decide?

Damage: 3-2 Defenestrator
Control: 3-2 Defenestrator
Aggression: 3-2 Defenestrator

Your winner, by a 9-6 judges' decision, is Defenestrator.

Blackburn Kangaroo vs Saturnian Wristwatch

We’ve got two very big horizontal spinners here, which are, uhh… normally undercutters, but both of them have decided to try to get one over on their opponent by starting the match upside-down. Saturnian Wristwatch is actually the more maneuverable as it gets out of its square: Blackburn Kangaroo is really, REALLY frontheavy when it’s inverted and is having some difficulty driving. It’s using its extra-chonkey disc here too, which makes the problem worse. However, it is still able to keep said disc pointed at Saturnian Wristwatch, and after both of them take their time getting up to full speed they meet head-on. And there’s a glancing blow, and Blackburn Kangaroo’s the one knocked away. Fortunately for Saturnian Wristwatch its bar’s thick enough that they do actually intersect instead of BK being able to just pull its wheels off.

The bots line themselves up and cautiously approach again, and there’s another couple of glancing impacts. BK’s spinning clockwise and SW’s spinning counterclockwise I think, and it looks like Saturnian Wristwatch has the tip speed advantage here. Both bots are being kind of tentative here, with BK hanging out in the arena center while SW tries to lure it towards the walls, and neither really wants to approach.

BK finally gets frustrated and comes in hard, and SW finally pulls off its plan of knocking it into the wall. And that’s a HUGE hit! Blackburn Kangaroo gets sent spinning around out of control, tipping forward due to the slight tilt of its blade, and digs a tooth into the arena floor, sending itself tumbling and flipping madly on its side, but it finally settles down with its blade under the chassis like God intended.

Both bots are still spinning, but again they’re not taking any chances approaching each other. Saturnian Wristwatch is still upside-down, so it’s a battle of reach here. SW approaches, trying to strafe around to Blackburn Kangaroo’s exposed side. Blackburn Kangaroo reverses away, then lurches forward and turns – and there’s pieces flying! BK’s large disc and angled front let it easily outrange Saturnian Wristwatches weird triangular frame, and Saturnian Wristwatch paid dearly: despite turning to keep its wheels as far out of reach as possible there’s always one within sixty degrees of where its opponent’s attacking from, and Blackburn Kangaroo manages to take out two of the omni wheels in one shot!

Thanks to being inverted, Blackburn Kangaroo’s blade is still spinning, and it’s actually coming close to the floor now, but with one wheel all it can really do is keep said wheel behind it. But BK’s still able to get a massive hit on one of the triangular frame arms, which is now dragging on the floor. That gets cleaved open, tearing out motors and gearboxes, and Saturnian Wristwatch comes to rest motionless by the judges’ table.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:59, is Blackburn Kangaroo!

Ten Transformation Tanuki vs MUL-T

Well, I thought TTT was supposed some sorta weird fetish bot with the furry tail, but here we are with MUL-T presenting ass as we get out of the starting gates. TTT still rushes the fuck outta him, with mul-t doing… the exact same thing. Congrats Noah, you’re behind him. He’s also halfway across the arena from you, so no you aren’t getting at his wheels :V . Bright side: you control the center of the arena. Also RIP bow, you will be missed. And hated by the arena cleaners.

TTT is quick on the offensive, and V900 ain’t no wimp, so Mul-T moves to join him. TTT comes in, angling to the side just a bit as it comes in. Mul-t’s able to give TTT a little love pop from the side that bounces the wedgebot up enough for Mul-T to get in a nice chain of two hits, which leaves TTT inverted. in this matchup, that’s not really a huge deal, since TTT gets right side up again after slamming its face into Mul-T two more times, but that’s still big points on the side of the naildrum. They engage once more, and again TTT slides to the side just as they engage – this time MUL-T’s also going for a bit of an angle though, so Tri ends up accidentally counter-angling and getting under head on. He gets a nice slam into the wall, and then wears Mul-T as a hat for a bit before slamming into the short wall and dislodging him. Mul-T eats at the tail a bit as it gets free – I thought that thing was as cosmetic as the bow until now, looks like it actually has some mass, and is as tough as the rest of the bot for some reason – and both return to the neutral.

Looks like Tri finally figured out that you want to engage a vertical spinner head-on with your wedge point instead of giving them something to engage with by presenting them with a steeper side of the bot, and this time he gets underneath Mul-T as it kinda spins out trying to do… something? Or maybe it was just gyrodancing because of a small driving error. Who knows. The important part is ADDITIONAL WALL SLAM. And another. And another. Aaaand oh hey wait Mul-T actually got under this time. I have no idea how, but TTT was the one popped back this time.

Aight im done giving you the full deets now because you get a minute and a half of wall slams that go nowhere because featureless wedge, along with the occasional lucky hit by Mul-T that sends TTT flying in extremely entertaining fashion. TTT does end up upside down for another 20ish seconds starting at the 2:10 mark, and loses a lot of wheel foam from having a drumbot sitting on its head – though even then those wheels stood up remarkably well, and it’s still driving near full capacity by the end of things.

Aggression: 3-2 TTT
Damage: 3-2 Mul-T
Control: 3-2 Mul-T
Your winner, in an 8-7 split decision, is MUL-T!

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs Shadow Mk 6

Shadow MK6 spins up. It’s got its long hinged forks on, let’s see how well they fare against the dustpan of Apocalyptic Peacekeeper. Oh, quite well apparently. AP takes a big hit right at the start, and that’s already warped the pipes in between the forks on the lifter. And Shadow isn’t done, grinding away at the underside of AP and peeling a tire off the rim. Apocalyptic Peacekeeper limps away, but can’t turn quickly enough to keep up with Shadow’s speed, and faster than you can say “Nothing Personnel, Kid,” Shadow’s torn the other three tires off.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:05, is Shadow Mk6!

(Apocalyptic Peacekeeper forfeits)

Sideswipe vs Doomerang

Normally I would have some hardy har hars at Frog's expense concerning how he submitted his strategy 120 whole seconds before the deadline, but the fact that I do that every other week and that he referred to it as literally "Pulling a Noah" means that I, Noah, probably don't have much room to talk here.

In terms of the actual match, both bots trudge toward one another. Hit one, Frog forgets to move the turret like an absolute fucking buffoon and gets it slapped around to the other side of his robot. Hit two, Doomerang pings off of the shiny blue metal and skids something like 5 feet away. Hit three, I think Doomerang makes a light smudge on Sidewinder's plow. Hits four through umpteen, see hit two.

Badnik's REALLY banking on that plow getting chip-damaged to death and falling off, but it kinda, uh, doesn't. The "juking out and getting to the side" thing doesn't really seem to work either. He ALMOST pulls it off the first couple times, but Doomerang's lack of speed proves to be detrimental in the driver's plans. Sideswipe, while unable to bring it's turret into play a single time during the match, at least richochets Doomerang into the walls and pin it for 5 seconds at a time every so often. Not much, but it's something. More than Doomerang can attest to, at least.

Judge's decision-
DMG: 3-2 Doomerang
AGG: 3-2 Sideswipe
CTL: 4-1 Sideswipe
Sideswipe wins by a 9-6 decision.

Night Jackal vs Blue Zenith

There first hit sees NJ contact BZ’s weapon supports and blow them apart. The force of the impact lets BZ catapult into the body of night jackal and take out a wheel though, which functionally disables his weapon, as well, since the bot is now awkwardly resting on the bar and one wheel. There’s a lot of ineffectual shoving on the part of blue zenith from there (he’s definitely not driving straight), as NJ desperately tries to get the weapon going again. Eventually a series of weird bounces puts night jackal upside down, just in time for its weapon to stop working properly, probably because it had been smacking into the ground for a minute straight. Hits from there are of a wet noodle quality, except for one real nice one that rips off BZ’s wedge, and leaves both bots circling awkwardly for the last 20 seconds.

Aggression: 3-2 Blue Zenith
Control: 3-2 Blue Zenith
Damage: 4-1 Night Jackal
Your winner, in an 8-7 decision, is Night Jackal!

Death Metal vs Omnicrap

This should be good. Death Metal spins up and Omnicrap flies out of the starting corner, executing a textbook box rush maneuver and pinning Death Metal on the wall early with some flames. Death Metal gets free and starts trying to spin up again. Omnicrap goes straight into the back panel, which pushes Death Metal’s blade into the floor. This has two effects: one, Death Metal still can’t get spun up, and two, Death Metal bounces and escapes the wedging while Omnicrap keeps driving forward. This ends up working in Death Metal’s favor, allowing it to finally get up to speed. Now, we see an attempt at the classic Tombstone Turn bait. Omnicrap doesn’t buy it and circle-strafes around away from that massive spinning weapon. Death Metal turns around anyway to try and hit Omnicrap on its way in and manages to clip the very edge of the lifting plow while sideways, separating the two bots. Having now seen that Omnicrap won’t take the bait, Death Metal takes a more direct approach and turns the weapon toward Omnicrap, which Omnicrap is more than happy to plow directly into. Several hits later, Death Metal’s weapon is significantly slowed down, but Omnicrap is looking a bit worse for wear as well - specifically, the plow is now at a strange angle, and the armor behind it is pretty buckled. That’s what repeatedly taking 4 points of shock damage will do for you. We end on Death Metal getting pinned one last time to bookend the match. Omnicrap had the beginning and the end locked down, but the two minutes in the middle were all Death Metal. Frankly, I’m amazed this didn’t end in a KO. So are the judges, as they decided to not even show up to work and leave early for vacation. We sent them a video recording of the fight and had them mail their scorecards in.

Aggression: 3-2 Omnicrap
Damage: 4-1 Death Metal
Control: 3-2 Death Metal

The winner, by 9-6 judge’s absentee voting card, is Death Metal!

V2 vs Hellhound

Laz makes billy "eat the penis" as they say because haha lol that's his catchphrase!

Hellhound wins by FF.
Team Ignition
Redline: Robot Bastards 1 LW champ
Pyrite: FRR Backlash LW champ
The Debilitator: Cherry Bomb Classic 1 LW champ
Sling Shot: Bot O' Rama 2016 Sportsman champ
Doomerang: Robot Fight Night HW champ

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Mon Jul 15, 2019 2:10 pm

Fight Card week 4

The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki, Mekabu

Killjoy: Circuitz

The robot listed on the left is in the red square - the arena is asymmetrical, so it might factor into things!


The Terrible Toad Twins vs OwO bot 2000

Code appears to have temporarily spontaneously combusted, but I didn’t want to wait for him to regenerate to start the match. You know how hard it is to get Jack to become two people at once in the first place, I’m not going to make him maintain it for longer than needed. fortunately HFL has kindly offered to drive for Code, so we can get started.

The twins of terrible toading split up to start, and everyone starts getting to the middle of the arena. One of the toad twins is playing it coy while its buddy gets some distance. Unfortunately for Jack, all of the best planning falls apart when your opponent just straight up bull rushes you instead of being polite enough to let you get into position. The defender twin goes flying, and is pasted into the wall amusingly before falling down upside-down, not looking too worse for wear. Meanwhile, OwO is hunting down the other one, which is also gotten under and smacked across the arena in a beautiful flip (8/10), landing upright and still looking OK. In that time, the first twin got itself back upright again with some assistance from the wall.

The twins are finally able to reset and try and set up their bait again. It still doesn’t really work, but then the defender gets under OwO anyway so there’s that. The pink bot gets smacked up in the air, landing hard on its weapon before shooting across the arena from the force of the blow, smacking into the wall still upside-down. The toads move to capitalize, while OWO frantically shoves itself into the arena wall as its weapon bangs against the floor, trying to start up despite the blockage. It finally starts to get under just as one of the toads gets there and helps it along with a little love tap to its underside that does… depressingly little honestly.
There’s a bit of an amusing chase for the next 20 seconds or so as the twins try to press their advantage, and OwO makes a number of narrow escapes, the closest of which sees one of the twins clip its left wheel. Eventually though he’s able to force the neutral again. Jack’s definitely learning, and the twins are playing closer. This forces HFL to play much more coy, and keep poking for space. He’s eventually able to get an opening in his favor though, and that…

Well. That twin just got punted out of the arena. Didn’t really look like that big of a hit, but man he just hit that perfect angle that just barely cleared the tall wall, like a Mike Piazza homerun. It almost rebounded back in, too: if that had been any other angle…

This, obviously, forces the other twin to stop trying to flank entirely, given that it can’t flank with a robot that is hanging out outside of the arena. The good news is, it actually manages to get under again, giving OwO a tap that puts the vert on its back. Its spinner hits the ground, and immediately rebounds it back upright, where it gets weakly grinded at by TTT’s drum for a little bit, while jack shoves OwO around for a bit before it finally gets free. The last hit of the match is another nasty one to the remaining twin, despite the lack of visual damage. TO THE JUDGES!
Aggression: 3-2 Terrible Toad Twins
Damage: 4-1 OwO bot 2000
Control: 3-2 Terrible Toad Twins

Your winner, in an 8-7 Split Decision, is OwO bot 2000!

Found God in a tomato vs Kirby

Spiky drum spins up as weird red fruit often confused for a vegetable spins up. Both head for the center and ... avoid collision. Well that's a way to start isn't it? Tomato God goes strafey strafey across Kirby's drum and Noah does his best to strafe and hit the opponent, but it can't keep up. Big hit and both bots go flying. FGIAT lost a tooth while Kirby got hit on the drum and the giant panel on the side of the drum. You know, where the motor is? No warp star to save you now. The drum slows to a stop and eventually the starts to come off the assembly. A couple more hits and Kirby has stopped moving

Wins by KO in 2:23

Mudcrab vs Sixpounder

Mekabu vs Black Dog

Both bots get their weapons spinning and head for each other fairly quickly. Mekabu swerves off to one side, Black Dog skids to a halt and turns, tipping sideways a bit. Neither bot gets the opening it’s looking for, and both back off, circling and darting in and out, trying to bait the other into exposing their sides. Mekabu rushes in, almost taking a corner block off but Black Dog reverses away and turns just enough to make contact with its drum. The weapons meet, and Mekabu gets knocked back a bit and almost flipped. There’s another charge from Black Dog, and this time Mekabu’s sent FLYING! After at least a 1080 but probably more like an 1800, it crashes down weapon-first and throws itself into the wall. It’s inverted now, and the front wedge has been peeled up. And Black Dog’s already charging in for more. All Mekabu can do is point the weapon at it – and up it goes again, almost to the ceiling!

Incredibly, Mekabu lands the right way up and it’s still moving and still spinning. It limps away from the wall, but goes back on the offensive. After a couple of glancing weapon-to-weapon hits, it – oh no, gets launched again, and crashes to Earth with a gaping hole in its face. The right side of its wedge had been completely torn off! And Black Dog is relentless with the aggression, punting it onto its back again, then tearing off a wheel and putting the remaining eye out. Mekabu’s weapon has stopped as well. It’s trying to crab across the arena, but another hit from Black Dog tears the top plate off and leaves bundles of wire hanging out of the inverted bot, and there’s no sign of movement.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:22, is Black Dog!

HardWired vs Entropic Degeneration

Why are your wires hard?

Hardwired wins by FF

What's the Scoop vs Post Traumatic Stress - FEATHERWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK

PTS keeps the bar spinning but he just cannot get the right hit to knock over WTS, as much as he wants to. After only a couple of hits, PTS gets sent into the wall, and the chair is on him in seconds. What's the Scoop keeps Post Traumatic Stress from getting back up to speed for most of the rest of the match, frustrating Wolf to no end. Three minutes of this, and the buzzer sounds.

Aggression: 4-1 Whats the Scoop
Damage: 4-1 Whats the Scoop
Strategy: 5-0 Whats the Scoop

What's the Scoop wins a 13-2 judge's decision.

Antbar and SawnDisc vs Beaned

Black Salvo vs Idiot Triangle


Flipcake vs Y.V.

Before the fight, we put Flipcake into the arena for routine pre-fight weapon testing, and, uh... it broke. Then it tried driving and all the wheels fell off. Then it got elbow dropped by The Rock. So yeah, no fight this time, and Dwayne has been removed from the premises. F in the chat, please.

Y.V. wins by forfeit.

Ilwoon vs Hallucinogen

Gabe assigned me my own fight and DGAF because Rocket Ffed so I’m just gonna go ham

Hallucinogen’s got that appallingly green bar up to speed, and Ilwoon comes out with its flywheel going judging by the slight bit of wheel lift as it turns. Both robots seem a little bit hesitant to attack each other actually, with Ilwoon trying to get an angle to avoid Hallucinogen’s blade, but not getting it. It finally turns around and tries to attack with its rear scoop. The sudden aggression catches Hallucinogen off-guard a little and it gets smacked back, flying high into the air and wobbling a bit. But it lands without too much gyro-dancing, and there’s already a huge gash through Ilwoon’s backside!

Ilwoon charges in again. Hallucinogen backs away, but then stops one wheel cold and spins around with incredible speed – a full 360, going Ole! To Ilwoon’s attack, and digging its bar straight into its opponent’s side! Ouch! Pieces go flying across the arena, as does Hallucinogen. It almost hits a wall, but regains control. Ilwoon’s side has been shredded like paper, and the left wheel is gone!
Hallucinogen moves in with purpose this time. The crippled Ilwoon keeps its weapon pointed at it, but it doesn’t fire in time. The blade skips off one of Ilwoon’s front pontoons, cutting a gash through that as well, and strikes the hammer full force! Ooh! Huge hit there! Ilwoon is sent spinning across the arena, falling onto its side from the gyroscopic forces of its flywheel, and lies there helplessly with its weapon support frame twisted about ten degrees to one side and the weapon chain lying limply around the shaft. Looks like it needs to borrow a Life Alert button from its big sibling Tabor!

Your winner, by knockout in 0:56, is Hallucinogen!

MADSCIENCE vs Nuclear Plague

Admiral vs Hard News

Sorry, I’m already a week behind and don’t really have that much time today either, we’re doin short writeups.

Ya know Hard news really doesn’t have any range at all, and that’s about the one thing that’s giving admiral a chance in this fight. Generally speaking, frog’s struggling to get around to the sides still though – he’s able to keep his distance though, generally speaking, and nearly gets around to a safe spot before hard news is finally able to dart in and get a nice meaty shot to the flipper panel that sends both bots away. We get a similar long term fencing, and this time admiral’s eventually able to get behind just far enough to get under and juuuust get off a flip that sends hard news up at a funny angle. Its spinner hits the ground, and it does all sorts of fun flippity flip things in a way that would make tombstone proud.

He lands upright though, so get rekt Jack :V . Admiral’s able to make one more pass at the rear of Hard news before things really start to degenerate in the favor of the angled spinner – still not that many hits, since Admiral’s playing it quite coy, but it’s still pretty mangled by the end, and I do think it vented all its CO2 at one point.
Aggression: 3-2 Admiral
Control: 3-2 Hard News
Damage: 4-1 Hard News
Your winner, in a 9-6 Decision, is Hard News!

Venice Queen vs Overcutter

<3 vs PneumatiX

Star Spangled vs Dubior Jr


Can we just stop and appreciate how pretty Circuitz is for a second? We can? Cool.

Alright, let’s get started. Storm Worm heads to the middle of the arena and Circuitz sits and waits. Storm Worm stays put. With the fast OOTA strategy foiled, Circuitz zips on out to go fight this out properly. By which I mean that we watch two very fast bots stumble over each other for a solid minute before anything noteworthy happens because both of them are oversteering like mad. Circuitz finally gets all the way around Storm Worm’s side and under and woop there he goes. Circuitz also gets a second flip off that pushes Storm Worm ever so close to the low wall, but Storm Worm escapes before Circuitz can finish the job. Circuitz, undeterred, gets underneath again as Storm Worm pulls away and sends it flying into the bottom of the high wall, where it gets stuck briefly and tries to push itself back on to the floor with its outer forks. By the time it succeeds, Circuitz is back on it again, and with the high wall to guide it, it pushes Storm Worm right up to the low wall and yeets it over.

Circuitz wins by OOTA in 2:10


Don't Strangle the Martian Horses vs Dragonfist

Dragonfist, uhh... doesn't spin up, and immediately proceeds to get stuck on its back after getting flipped over by Martian Horses. GG was closet.

(Martian Horses wins by forfeit)

NKC vs Der Adder

Hurricane vs Der Adder

Are we having a stat crisis? Shouldn't these stats be swapped? No? Well ok.

Code Red is confident that he'll get underneath. But uh, 2WD wedge master race. One wedgelet is bent upward but doesn't seem to affect the flipped much. Hurricane turns a bit to get a better angle, but to no avail. The rest of the match is basically Hurricane shoving it's face in it's opponent's face and Der Adder continuously bending the wedges on either side. The flipper remains perfectly functional however. Hurricane finally gets one good flip at the end and Der Adder later loses drive on one side with 10 seconds left and that's...about it

Aggression: 3-2 Hurricane
Damage: 3-2 Der Adder
Control: 4-1 Der Adder

Der Adder wins 9-6

Lethal Target vs White Cat

FF in favor of white cat

Hurricane vs Hati

Whirlpool vs Abyss

Visual Assault vs Epicer Waluigi - MIDDLEWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

Di-Trouble vs Electron

Billy arrives to the arena with seconds left before he's disqualified and breathes a sigh of relief. However, his opponent is nowhere to be found. Time runs out on the clock and Billy is awarded the win by default. Days later, CodeSilver shows up to the arena while two more robots are loading into the box, apparently having read the schedule wrong. Oh well, sucks to be you.

Di-Trouble Gen II wins by FF

Pressure Flop vs Uptown funk

Both bots come out of the gate with two very different goals. Pressure Flop's just looking for a standard Battlebots KO. "Hit the other guy until he stops moving" sort of thing. Uptown Funk is more along the lines of that "current objective: survive" meme you see on Twitter or w/e every so often. I'm sure that reference is still topical and hip with the kids.

I'll spare you the fluff and cut to the chase: this match has a lot of Uptown Funk trying to bait Pressure Flop into misfiring. Like, a LOT of it. This goes on for literally 2 minutes straight. Not exaggeration. 120 seconds (if not more) of the audience getting blueballed out of their hot chassis-on-chassis action all because Hii doesn't want to "repair massive damage to his robot" or """lose""" or any of those silly things.

I mean it works, but at the same time, all this fake sike-out angling in nonsense isn't earning Uptown Funk any favors from the judges (or the fans, many of whom have used this match as an opportune bathroom break). With only 20 seconds left on the clock, somebody's gotta make a move. Uptown Funk goes all-in on what seems to be an opening, but Pressure Flop is able to get a grazing blow at the last second! A direct strike to the tire, first off, makes a loud slapping noise as metal meets rubber. Oh yeah and Uptown Funk's drivetrain gets Uptown Fucked. The axle holding the tire literally just snaps in two like a twig. The flipper gets itself wedged beneath Pressure Flop and throws it a good foot, but that's about it. The match timer is hit before any of the bots can follow up, however.

Judge's decision-
DMG: 5-0 Pressure Flop
AGG: 3-2 Uptown Funk
CTL: 3-2 Pressure Flop
Pressure Flop wins by doing absolutely nothing in a 10-5 decision.


MUL-T vs Blackburn Kangaroo

Kangaroo starts facing the wall. That’s one way to work around spinup torque, I suppose. MUL-T has gone with the drum - an odd choice for this matchup - and is upside down for some reason.


Somehow, this is not the most galaxy brain start to a fight I’ve seen or even participated in. Moving on. Both bots spin up, and - hold up, MUL-T is spinning down. As in, downward. It doesn’t take long for everyone to figure out what the plan is here, as when the two bots collide, MUL-T kinda-sorta goes over top of that massive spinning disc, by which I mean it climbs over, clips the body of the kangaroo, and launches itself skyward because that’s what happens when you spin a vertical spinner the wrong way. This does leave a big ol’ dent in Blackburn Kangaroo’s face, though, so mission accomplished? MUL-T lands the way it started and we get more of this on repeat for a while so while that’s happening, let’s find out what Blackburn Kangaroo’s strategy was supposed to be. Looks to be along the lines of “hit the forks,” which, to be fair, is probably the smartest thing to do in this matchup. I don’t think he quite expected this, though.

Where were we? Right, so MUL-T launches itself again and narrowly avoids a self-OOTA, and Blackburn Kangaroo, unable to execute its strategy, is just trying to get damage at this point. Luckily for our robotic marsupial friend, MUL-T landed correct way up from the last impact, exposing those juicy forks. Very un-luckily, it’s taken enough hits in the right spots that its spinner doesn’t really spin super well anymore. We do finally get to see that taking all those face shots wasn’t in vain, because MUL-T has a pretty bad gash in its top panel from the monstertruck attempts that didn’t quite go to plan. Without a strong enough weapon to finish the fight, Blackburn Kangaroo still fends off a crazed MUL-T for a while. A bad series of ricochets puts it in a corner, and MUL-T, now missing a few nail-teeth-thingies but still mostly functional, gets a lucky shot on its side, crushing part of the chassis into one of the wheels and getting it stuck in place.

Yeah, I wasn’t expecting this outcome at first, either, but here we are.

MUL-T wins by KO in 2:42


Oh god this is a clusterfuck isn’t it. The long and the short of this matchup is the fact that Defenestrator can get in between AP’s forks consistently – even when AP angles in, he mostly just kinda ends up under a side pontoon, or like, half-under-half-over. In those situations they both just kinda lock horns and sit there, literally going nowhere because same drive stats. the issue for Wolf is, it’s either one of those stalemates, or Defenestrator’s able to get into a position where it keeps more wheels on the ground than AP does, and it slowly shoves him… nowhere. It’s honestly not a fun match to summarize, but hey here we are :V

Aggression: no
Control: 4-1 Defenestrator
Damage: also no

Yeah that’s right 4-1 for Defenestrator you just try and stop me from doing that

Saturnian Wristwatch vs Tabor

Well folks, unfortunately there have been some medical issues on Team Worst Swordsman: hopefully it’s just a really bad case of the Pit Flu, but for this match we’ve got a guest driver. And also… there’s rumors that the plow being used for this fight was picked by drawing numbers out of the screw cup. know, the cup some people have at their pit tables to put screws and fasteners in so they don’t lose them? Never mind. Anyway, Tabor is using what the big stenciled label calls the TYPE 2A ANTI-RAMBOT SCOOP WEDGE. It’s fighting a horizontal spinner, though.

And Saturnian Wristwatch gets that asymmetric bar up to speed, meandering out of its square as Tabor charges it. Ooh, and that scoop turns out to do a great job of deflecting the undercutter of Saturnian Wristwatch, actually, sending it several feet into the air wobbling like our british builders after a night down the pub! And there’s some more hits, expertly absorbed by the plow… and then a completely botched one that gets Tabor hit right on the side.

Wait… isn’t TABOR supposed to have a dedicated weapons operator? I only see one driver in the booth? Gabe volunteered to man the turret, did he flake out? Noah’s driving the bot, so how’s the turret still moving?

Dear god, is he controlling the turret with a DDR mat? The absolute madman! And it’s not working very well! Tabor takes several massive hits on the side of its plow that leave the arms supporting it badly warped, and then ends up approaching with the turret facing totally the wrong way and gets a skirt ripped off. That also seems to have completely immobilized the robot for no mechanically obvious reason apart from sheer embarassment.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:48, is Saturnian Wristwatch!

Shadow vs Ten Transformation Tanuki

Omnicrap vs Night Jackal

Night Jackal spins up, and Omnicrap rushes across the arena after it – but immediately gets smacked in the side of its plow and Night Jackal’s away as Omnicrap goes reeling into the corner. It recovers and charges again, this time catching the spinner hit solidly on the plow, almost at the top of it.

But after a couple more slams, Omnicrap falls for the old “going for a horizontal spinner’s sides” trick, and Night Jackal’s pivot maneuver just rips its side open. One skirt is one, and there’s a big gash through the panel underneath. It’s still driving, but more impacts tear into the side of the plow, wrench it sideways, and finally rip it off completely. And that’s a tapout!

Your winner, by knockout in 1:25, is Night Jackal!

(Omnicrap technically forfeits but w/e)

Doomerang vs V2

Billy forfeits! Alright, easy match everyone. Let's pack it up and call it a d-
Oh, Billy RP'd. Since "rip billy" isn't a legitimate RP, Badnik forfeits!
Wait, now Monsterworks is RP'ing on Badnik's behalf because he didn't expect Billy to RP literally 2 minutes before the deadline after boldly declaring that he was done with ARC "forever"? Hmm. Hmmmmmmm.
I'll accept it.

Both bots spin up their respective things and get out of the corner to attack one another. V2 goes for a box rush, but it's speed is too mediocre to do so. Doomerang grabs ahold of those 6 armor axle supports and rips them right off. The entire weapon is guillotined clean off and V2 runs around like a headless chicken. It uses the frontal wedge to deflect a couple more blows and gets some respectable ricochets off of Doomerang, only for the drive motors to start smoking. V2 is counted out pretty quickly after a fire emerges from where the weapon used to be.

Doomerang wins by the writers not understanding basic physics in 1:10.

Blue Zenith vs Sideswipe

Blue Zenith’s got that bar going, but is actually coming out along the arena wall here. Sideswipe makes a beeline for it and BZ stops, then jukes forward and spins around, and that is a MASSIVE hit! Sideswipe gets spun around, and Blue Zenith careens across the arena, hitting the opposite wall wedge-first. Sideswipe’s gotten a gash put right into the edge of its plow, and the steel is bent backward despite being extremely thick, but it’s still moving, and Blue Zenith’s still moving.

The robots clash again and again. Sideswipe is keeping its fragile turret well away from Blue Zenith’s weapon, and try as it might Blue Zenith can’t get a bite of anything but the plow as it keeps getting slammed around. There it goes unstable after another big hit, bouncing all over the place, and ends up on its side with the blade skittering to a stop. As it comes down Sideswipe rushed in and shoves it against the wall, and slides the lifter under it from the side, then lifts, trying to stack it on its side. It isn’t successful though, and Blue Zenith eventually gets down and spins up again.

There’s a few more blows traded back and forth – and Sideswipe gets punted across the arena, catching a floor seam with the turret and almost flipping over. And one of the wheels has been mangled, the thick aluminum hubcap completely torn off! The rest of the wheel’s somewhat intact, but it looks crooked, and it’s got Sideswipe stuck driving is circles. Looks like the entire side’s jammed actually, and Sideswipe is having to resort to using the turret as a crutch, levering its bad side of the floor to make itself go in bigger circles. But Blue Zenith spends the rest of the match trying to take advantage of its opponent’s gimped mobility, and finally succeeds, clipping the turret as Sideswipe tries to move it out of the way. Ouch! The arm’s twisted and almost totally cut through – and there’s hydraulic fluid fountaining out of a broken fitting as it tries to press the lifter down again. Sideswipe spends the last twenty seconds of the match skidding around in a puddle of hydraulic fluid, trying to demonstrate any semblance of controlled mobility, and gets saved by the bell. Blue Zenith spins down finally, revealing that the bar has no teeth whatsoever and it’s been hitting Sideswipe with what are now very chewed-up aluminum stubs.

That’s a dominating performance from Blue Zenith damage-wise, but it isn’t unscathed. Sideswipe definitely had a solid lead on aggression and control early on, but spent over a minute in a crippled state after taking a stray hit to its right front wheel, which could really hurt it here. Let’s see what the judges have to say.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Blue Zenith 4, Sideswipe 1
Aggression: Blue Zenith 3, Sideswipe 2
Control: Blue Zenith 3, Sideswipe 2

Your winner, by a 10-5 Judges’ Decision, is Blue Zenith!

Hellhound vs Death metal - FUCK IT TWO MATCHES OF THE WEEK!

We’ve got two long-standing and somewhat famous veterans here, both now rocking the red and black color scheme. It’s Hellhound, the speedy 360 lifter, except from what I hear this time it’s not even pretending to have an active weapon and has ditched its weapon motors so it can put a little more weight into its plow. Death Metal has one of the usual horizontal bars, this time a pretty long steel bar with beveled edges.

Anyway Hellhound charges out pretty much like you might expect. Death Metal’s bar whips into a blur very quickly – that’s what brushed motors and contactors’ll get you – and struggles to maintain control as it moves out of its square. It veers sharply off to the side, and Hellhound stops its charge. Death Metal curves around, going for Hellhound’s side, but HH coolly turns and catches the bar on it’s plow. It’s a glancing blow, but some nice sparks, and it turns Death Metal around. HH jolts forward a bit, but reconsiders as Death Metal regains control and swings around again. Hellhound rams into the bar, and this time Death Metal catches some serious air and grazes the floor as it comes back down. Another charge in, and it flips completely out of control, tumbling almost into the wall.

This is turning into a total slug fest, but Hellhound’s plow is doing an amazing job of deflecting Death Metal, and the spinner seems to be doing more damage to the floor than to its opponent as it keeps getting bounced around all over the place. The floor’s getting fucked up, there’s a hole in one of the wall I-beams – oh, and Death Metal ends up on end, and cuts right through the inner wall extension! Yikes! I’m getting frightened, but Hellhound isn’t, and it isn’t giving Death Metal an inch of room to spin up! At one point Death Metal gyrodances onto its end at just the right angle to fall down sideways onto Hellhound and put a big gash in the top plate, but I think that might’ve been where the weapon motors were supposed to be because the bot’s still running. And Death Metal starts to smoke in the final seconds, ending the match belching yellow flames from under a loosened top cover. Hellhound’s plow is covered in scrapes and gashes, but it’s done its job!

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Death Metal 3, Hellhound 2
Aggression: Death Metal 1, Hellhound 4
Control: Death Metal 0, Hellhound 5

Your winner, by a 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Hellhound!

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Tue Jul 23, 2019 12:24 am

ROBOT3 Week 5

Challonge Links:


The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki

Killjoy: Circuitz


Mekabu vs Found God in a Tomato
Sixpounder vs The Terrible Toad Twins - FEATHERWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

Both twins spin up their weapons, but Sixpounder seems less than impressed, and immediately singles one out and goes for it. It slams straight into it, but the toad’s very low front forks get past the little teeth on Sixpounder’s plow and it rides up into the discs. That pops the plow upward and the toad hits the front of its chassis, but Sixpounder just gets flipped over. It starts bringing the lifter around to the other side, but is now under attack by both twins and has to retreat. It charges in again, taking another – you know what, I can’t lie and say “huge hit there!” because it wasn’t. I think Sixpounder’s own drivetrain contributed as much as TTT’s weapon, but it is still getting popped in the air. However, even with its thinner plow mounted it seems to be holding up to the toads’ weapons pretty well, and just keeps coming back for more.

Sixpounder’s having trouble dealing with the toad twins’ wedges, but its relentless aggression pays off and it’s finally able to get under the angled side of one, scooping it up and carrying it all the way across the arena into the wall at top speed before the other one can react. Now THAT was a big hit! The toad gets spat out and punted away, ending up on its back. It drives off without problems, though, and the weapon seems to still be working. Meanwhile the other one comes in, clipping Sixpounder’s plow again.

Three more minutes of this, are you ready? Sixpounder does get both twins inverted for about forty-five seconds and dominates the match until one gets turned back over, but the rest of the time it seems to be struggling. It’s staying aggressive, sure, but what’s it doing with that aggression besides getting itself hit and sometimes getting some wall slams? But its sheer speed and brute force also seems to be disrupting the toads’ flanking tactics: they get in a few hits on the sides and underneath, but mostly the plow’s just soaking up all the hits, and the match ends with the only real damage being the mangling of some of Sixpounder’s decorative exhaust pipes and minor gashes torn in the wheels. That’s probably enough to give TTT the points in that category though, and that could be crucial.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Terrible Toad Twins 3, Sixpounder 2
Aggression: Terrible Toad Twins 1, Sixpounder 4
Control: Terrible Toad Twins 4, Sixpounder 1

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is the Terrible Toad Twins!

Kirby vs Mudcrab

Mudcrab’s drum issues become apparent early – and by drum issues I mean that when it finally gets under (after 30 seconds or so of posturing between the two bots before Kirby FINALLY gives an opening), there’s more of a tickle than a grind going as Kirby gets slammed into a wall, and then shoved about for a bit, and then chased, and then shoved into a wall again. Neutral gets forced, and this time Kirby’s eventually able to get a nice ol smickity smackin. Bit of a glancing blow, leaves a big mark in the front right. He’s able to catch another hit that leaves a major dent in the shield top as Mudcrab is forced to come in head-on, already in hammer range. The drum makes funny noises, and seems to be going a bit slower, but the wedge is still doing its job, and Mudcrab is able to land another series of pins and slams, with a bit less sparks and popups.

The drum is still working intermittently as they go back to neutral – in the 15 seconds or so before Mudcrab gets another opening to work with, you can see the driver and the weapons operator having a bit of a heated conversation over something. Looks like this next engagement will be drum off, but its still successful for the Ferrets. Doesn’t last as long though, and Kirby gets in a parting shot that puts one of the wheels at a funny angle, so so much for having a good wedge.
Still, more wedge than Kirby has, I guess. The wonky wheel is notably affecting Mudcrab’s driving as well, and flanking clearly isn’t working, seeing as how Kirby just got in a potshot – and another one as mudcrab moves in for the wedge. There’s a bunch of huge dents – and FIRE! That’s fire coming out of mudcrab, as it pins Kirby into the corner, and time expires.

Aggression: 4-1 Mudcrab
Damage: 5-0 Kirby
Control: 3-2 Mudcrab

Your winner, in an 8-7 decision, is Kirby!

Black Dog vs OwO bot 2000

Let’s make something clear here: y’all do the exact same amount of shock damage to each other, and it’s not so severe that you’ll immediately “shock each other to death.” That said, both bots spin up and head on out. Black Dog wants to angle in on OwO’s forks, to which OwO’s response basically boils down to “just avoid getting angled in on 4Head” without really explaining how that’s going to happen so I guess the method is left up to viewer interpretation or something. Black Dog is also not being overly aggressive with its angling-in attempts, fearing its own gyroscopic force. So, between Black Dog’s approach strategy and OwO’s mysterious avoidance methods, we have to wait a solid 45 seconds for the two bots to even touch. It’s the slowest 45 seconds ever, but the payoff is that Black Dog finally gets the angle it wants and goes under the edge of OwO’s fork. The drum’s impact rips the fork clean off OwO’s wedge and launches OwO across the floor. Now with a fork on only one side, OwO is driving ever so slightly off-balance, and Black Dog smells an opportunity. It comes in for another hit and sends OwO into the wall before it can fully recover from the first hit. The bounce off the wall leaves OwO in a precarious position with its back facing a ravenous Black Dog, who comes in for another blow. OwO just barely gets started again in time to pull away, but Black Dog pursues, and soon enough OwO is forced to turn or smash itself into a wall. As it turns, Black Dog smacks its side and rips a big hole in the armor. Bits of wires and shrapnel spray the wall, and one final hit renders OwO completely immobile.

Black Dog wins by KO in 1:59

Black Salvo vs What's the Scoop
Beaned vs HardWired

Hardwired goes for Mini Something. Mini Something runs away at a very high speed. Boto is visibly confused that he couldn't catch a bot almost twice as fast as him.

Coso enters stage left and brings the saw down, but the damn thing's way too big for it's own good and accidentally gets shattered against Hardwired's spinner. Little saw shrapnel fly everywhere, yikes!

Mini Something and BRICK shove their opponent around for a bit, until Hardwired eventually gets the slip on BRICK, sliding under and caving the chassis upward. With 2/3rds of the cluster not moving, this match is over. Boto proceeds to yiff himself on the spot and is removed for public indecency.

Hardwired III wins by KO in 0:59.

Post Traumatic Stress vs Antbar and SawnDisc
Idiot Triangle vs Entropic Degeneration

Can we get an F in the chat for Rocket?

Idiot Triangle wins by FF


Admiral vs Ilwoon

Both bots maneuver out of their squares and start circling around, looking for an opening on the other's side, but uh oh. Ilwoon's driving fine, but I'm not hearing any noise from its internal flywheel, and it's moving a little too freely, with no signs of wheel lift. Fifty bucks there's gonna be a Life Alert moment within thirty seconds - ooh, and there it is. Ilwoon's stuck on its side, and without the weapon working there's not anything it can do to get out of there.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:37, is Admiral!

(Ilwoon forfeits)

Nuclear Plague vs Flipcake

Nuclear Plague spins up – and sideways since it’s actually using the undercutter module for this match – and gets out of its square pretty quickly, dodging away from Flipcake as it tries to keep it from getting up to full speed. It curves around, going for Flipcake’s right side, but is only able to connect with the front wedge, and gets popped up in the air and backwards a bit. It’s just a glancing blow though, and both bots come back for more. This time Nuclear Plague’s spun around, grazing the arena floor a little, but unlike its beetleweight inspiration it remains more or less under control.

Flipcake is the more aggressive so far, but Nuclear Plague’s relative agility is letting it avoid being herded into the walls and choose when it wants to go on the attack a decent bit: it’s not just a “point the disc at him” kind of fight. Flipcake takes a pretty big hit on the side of the wedge that sends it spinning around, but Nuclear Plague bounces off pretty hard, hits the floor a couple times, and ends up standing tipped backwards on its rear, slowly turning as it comes back down with the gyroscopic forces resisting it. It tips sideways a bit and digs the blade into the floor HARD, launching itself into the wall. It speeds away, but isn’t quick enough in turning the weapon back on and Flipcake finally gets under it, driving it back towards the wall and effortlessly turning it on its back.

Thus far, Flipcake’s wedge has held up very well to Nuclear Plague’s hits, only suffering minor scratches and dents, but now that it’s upside-down, the weapon could actually reach over and hit Flipcake in areas that aren’t quite as well-protected. It seems like Flipcake’s driving a little more cautiously here, which gives NP plenty of time to spin up. Flipcake decides to just go straight in on the disc, though - oh, and pays the price, getting its left front wheel clipped! Chunks of rubber litter the arena.

Nuclear Plague’s knocked away a bit, but both bots are still driving. Flipcake’s able to get in on the side of Nuclear Plague, and manages to get its wedge underneath the chassis and tip it sideways enough to keep its weapon from making contact It pushes forward, but NP gets spun around enough that it gyros over onto its side and hits the floor again. It bounces away, and unfortunately for Flipcake ends up still inverted. Flipcake, now hobbling on 3-1/2 wheels, approaches cautiously, trying to find away around Nuclear Plague’s blade, but gets the other front wheel torn up. Another try – ooh, and this time NP hits it straight on, where the disc has the most reach, and cleaves into the raised bump on the top of the chassis where the flipper’s mechanics are. There’s an explosion of white sparks and both bots are flung away. The armor panel’s gone from the front of that, and it looks like chunks are missing from one frame rail. NP comes in for another shot, and some guts get torn out of Flipcake – I think a chain, bits of sprocket, possibly more of the frame.

This is presumably curtains for Flipcake’s weapon, and it’s not driving as well either with two torn-up wheels which quickly lose even more tread. Meanwhile, the armor panel on top of the flipper’s gotten shredded, but Flipcake knocks Nuclear Plague into the wall. The weapon seems to have stopped – no, it’s going again. Flipcake pursues NP as it spins up, but it whips around and tears half the armor off the top of the flipper, and it looks like the arm is loose on one side now. NP gets flung into the wall at breakneck speed, bouncing back upright, but Flipcake isn’t moving! Looks like that last hit dislodged something inside it – putting it out of its misery, to be honest.

Your winner, by knockout in 2:17, is Nuclear Plague!

Hallucinogen vs Madscience

Madscience yeets itself out of its starting square to start things off, successfully making its way much closer to Hallucinogen, but not anywhere particularly near the center of the arena. It’s not that corner, I guess. He spins up remarkably quickly, though, and is just about at full speed by the time the first hit comes around – and man is it a doozy. There is a noticeable gash in the right wedge, and madscience is banged into the wall, coming back towards Hallucinogen hard. The drumbot responds by ramming into the meltybot into the wall as it spins up that small drum, and starts to make a wonderful grinding noise on the armored underside (well, technically topside, you get the point) of Madscience. It’s not doing much, but there’s sparks and shit so that’s nice. Eventually MS gets popped up and away, only to be further pursued by Hallucinogen, taking another series of hits from the drum: eventually one of the hits makes serious contact, and Madscience tumbles upside…rightside? up.

This also frees the bot long enough for it to get to an appreciative spinning speed since Hallucinogen had to deal with the recoil too. It doesn’t look like a full power shot, and Hallucinogen’s wedges hold well enough this time. Madscience is kicked straight back by this one, and the body’s starting to look a little… wonky – the right side tooth is nearly dragging on the ground. Madscience is lucky too, because it finally got enough space to get fully up to speed.

Now, this isn’t exactly the ideal situation for ether bot, since they’re both threatening massive damage on each other. It’s definitely more unfavorable to Hallucinogen, though. Hallucinogen’s approach here is interesting though: not ramming, so much as… meandering. This still looks fast in comparison to its opponent, who probably thinks the Volkswagen bus he drove here accelerates well up steep hills. It looks like he’s trying to aim things juuuuuuuuuuust right, but he’s driving into a 250lb whirligig so it goes about how you’d expect. Two bots mash into each other, and then go flying, and any fancy maneuvers go out the window. Hallucinogen is plastered upside down against a wall, and madscience flies about unstably and angrily in the air before flopping to a rest near the short wall. It wastes no time in spinning back up – wobbling noticeably now: it’s taken most of its damage in the same general vicinity, and the warping and loss of truss has begun to take somewhat of a toll. That being said I can’t tell if this is affecting the programming that drives the thing, since it moves so slowly anyway.

Hallucinogen’s trying to self right, but it’s not quite… driving? Oh wait there it goes. Might have done something to the receiver or some wires – it went from crawling along at Madscience pace to yeeting into the wall, righting itself, to sitting still for 5 seconds, and now it’s back to crawling along. The drum’s still going full tilt and doin just fine, but the drum deliverer is… less than happy. Fortunately this ends up not affecting the engagement, and madscience gets absolutely YOTE up. it lands hard on the damaged side nearly vertical. It creaks back down onto its body, slamming hard into the floor – and only one of its wheels is touching the ground! it still has full drive power in one side, but the other end is such a mangle of trusses at this point that the wheel can’t touch the ground! It’s an impressively speedy crab-walk though, which seems to be good news for it. Hallucinogen has not moved since it delivered that massive blow. The drum is still humming along at maximum anger speed, but nothing – and I can see HFL slamming at the joysticks over in his booth. The countout is coming down, and looks like Madscience just squeaked away with this one!

Your winner, by KO in 1:56, is MADSCIENCE!

Hard News vs Y.V.

RIP Wham

Y.V. Wins by FF

Circuitz vs <3

The match kicks off to an exhilarating start as we are treated to a solid 20-30 seconds of each bot staring the other down. Circuitz is sitting near the low wall, <3 near the high wall. Oh boy.

The crowd's silence is broken by a muffled cough and things get going again. They meet somewhere near the midpoint of their previous locations, and Circuitz is trying to find an opening in <3's offenses. Zipping around, almost committing to a plan of action, but pulling out just short each time. This continues for another half-minute or so.

<3 slips a few inches during one of it's turns, and Circuitz goes in for the jugular... only to slip itself while maneuvering. Though, any driving mistakes for a bot as fast as Circuitz is much more detrimental than a slower one. This is exemplified clearly as Circuitz careens toward <3's side paneling and is met by a hammer to the face. Let's see, effective 13 weapon, 3 armor, carry the 1... yep, that's a dead Circuitz right there.

<3 wins by KO in 1:12, a single second off of the triple 1.


The bots are off, and I think we have a new record for shortest time before contact, because both have very fast drivetrains and just FLING themselves at each other. Venice Queen tries to veer off, but Dubior veers slightly in the same direction, and they just barely hit each other. VQ ramps off Dubior’s wedge, spinning around but not rolling over, then catches a floor seem and gets knocked on its ass. Flippers? Who needs ‘em?

Anyway Venice Queen’s back up, almost gets wedged from the side but speeds away, and… you know what, just put on the Eurobeat already. They’re pretty much zooming around like maniacs. Dubior gets the first flip in, but isn’t in position for an OOTA and Venice Queen just lands right side up after doing several somersaults. A retaliatory pop from Venice Queen makes Dubior wheelie almost all the way over, but the flipper doesn’t have the power to actually overturn it, and that earns it another – oh, never mind, earns it a missed flip, and Venice Queen tries to shove its forks up inside Dubior Jr, but it actually turns side on and avoids that at the expense of getting wedged and slammed into the arena sidewall.

After a couple more flips from either side, Dubior is actually looking a little bit the worse for wear. Two of the little sharp forks on the tip of the wedge have snapped off from the force of the collisions, and the flipper has bowed upward slightly in the center. However, Venice Queen’s taken a hard landing on its own forks that seems to have warped the flipper arm sideways a little and kept it from closing all the way, and that’s making it really hard for Venice Queen to get under Dubior at all, and it takes a couple more flips, one slamming it against the high wall near the top. Dubior wanted to get this match over and done with quickly, but with VQ’s speed and slipperiness it’s having trouble getting the positioning it wants and this is turning into a protracted test of endurance.

Venice Queen finally gets under with its side wedgelet trapping Dubior’s wedge underneath the bent flipper, and tires squeal as it shoves it back towards the wall at breakneck speed. Dubior fires its flipper, tossing VQ onto its back and overturning itself as well, and Venice Queen tumbles into the I-beam itself. But that was definitely a weaker shot; Dubior’s weapon is now really starting to lose power as it expends its CO2 and the tanks get colder, which leaves the full-pressure system, er… not at full pressure. Again it’s caught with the flipper open and can’t risk turning face-on, and that lets Venice Queen get behind it, high-centering it and getting a MASSIVE slam that destroys what’s left of Dubior’s forks. Dubior’s ass seems to have forced VQ’s flipper closed finally, but the arm still looks crooked.

Dubior tries to back away from the wall, but one wheel appears to have stopped. Venice Queen gets under its side as it tries to crab across the arena, but there’s no flip! Looks like it’s, err, jammed down instead of jammed up now. A couple of unsuccessful attacks later, and Venice Queen monstertrucks up Dubior’s wedge again and takes a flip that sends it somersaulting behind the flipper. It’s not the kind of high launch we’re used to from Dubior, but Venice Queen’s momentum sends it tumbling into the wall, hitting hard with the back corner. It ends up inverted – still no word from the flipper, and now Venice Queen’s right side seems to have quit on us too.

Cripple Fight! So, uhh, basically these two crab around trying to do something for a solid minute, and Dubior gets one more flip that turns Venice Queen the right way up but otherwise not much really happens.

...Ladies and gentlemen, we have a Split Decision! Scores for each judge will be shown individually!

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Venice Queen 2 (2, 2, 3), Dubior Jr 3 (3, 3, 2)
Aggression: Venice Queen 4 (4, 3, 4), Dubior Jr 1 (1, 2, 1)
Control: Venice Queen 2 (3, 2, 2), Dubior Jr 3 (2, 3, 3)

And your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is… Venice Queen!
PneumatiX vs Star Spangled
Storm Worm vs OverCutter

Storm Worm guns it out of the corner, but turns sideways as it approaches Overcutter and gets to the side. Overcutter tries to turn to face it but between the maneuver catching Billy off guard and the gyroscopic forces of the blade, he isn't able to get there in time and Storm Worm lines up for a perfect flip. This sends OverCutter flipping and twisting through the air, but not over. Storm Worm takes a second to capitalize on this, but OverCutter isn't able to really hit the low front wedges on Storm Worm and so gets flipped again. This really tells the story of the fight. OverCutter's blade is just too high to do any significant damage to Storm Worm, who bullies and flips the poor inclined spinner around for three minutes.

Aggression: 5-0 Storm Worm
Damage: 4-1 Storm Worm
Strategy: 5-0 Storm Worm

Storm Worm wins a 14-1 decision.


Hurricane vs NKC
White Cat vs Don't Strangle the Martian Horses

I may not be able to strangle any martian horses but that doesn't mean i won't strangle you for giving your robot such an obnoxious name :VVV

Anyway both bots drive out and MH tries to strafe at the last second but can't! apparently he put the wheels on wrong or something. Well White Cat attacks before Drew can come up with a backup strategy and the result is that big blue wedge getting torn the fuck up. White Cat is too slow to fully capitalize on it but the landing took a big toll on Horses and he can't seem to drive perfectly straight anymore. White Cat comes in and delivers one more hit and that's all she wrote for the big green box.

White Cat wins by KO at 0:39

Der Adder vs Lethal Target

Hati, being a hella fast triangle, immediately boxrushes the FBS Dragonfist, slamming into its main shell and sending it careening off the wall. The massive mess of a spinner gets a bit of time to spin back up, but this is mostly negated after Hati catches the brunt of the flail’s force with its front wedge - and after that, the match gets ugly for Dragonfist quick. The spinner has spun down, and the first slam and pin from Hati marks the beginning of many.

Dragonfist looks to snipe a wheel with its flails, but the problem is that after this first pin -- it can’t ever spin up enough to make that happen. The couple times it’s able to get away, the flails negate all their KE against Hati’s wedge instead. Hati escapes the match with a fair amount of damage done it to it for sure, the most significant blow being a shattered UHMW block, but Dragonfist has wasted so much time spun down against the wall that it’s futile - not to mention, it’s looking a little rough itself after the slams. Nevertheless, this one goes to the judges.

Damage: 4-1, Dragonfist
Aggression: 4-1, Hati
Control: 4-1, Hati

Your winner, on a 9-6 decision, is HATI!

Pressure Flop vs Visual Assault

It’s the death hammer looking to go ham, Pressure Flop, toe to toe with a standard 360 degree lifter. Visual Assault rushes past Pressure Flop in an attempt to flank, but Pressure Flop still lines up a shot...

Well, dang — turns out, even if it’s firing at you from the side, Pressure Flop is still hitting you for an absolutely bonkers amount of damage. Visual Assault seems to try and both flank around the side, but also then get under its opponent... it’s not able to do both in time, however, and that puts the nail in the neon purple coffin for this bot. After imparting a massive hole into where a robot’s internals should be, the bot tees off a couple more times into the concave shell of a combat robot that once was. That’s... certainly a knockout.

Your winner, by KO at 0:25, is PRESSURE FLOP!

Electron vs Whirlpool

...and, Electron’s nowhere to be seen. Rumors circulate backstage that, considering a hit from Whirlpool would quite literally split the atom (and deal 7 direct damage), CodeSilver has saved us all from a bot vs. bot explosion that might’ve leveled the arena entirely. A couple builders thank him for his service, but the majority are underwhelmed.

Whirlpool wins by forfeit.

Epicer Waluigi vs Di-Trouble

Regarding the rods on Di-Trouble, the description says they’re on both sides. Hope that clears that up for you. On to the actual fight, which is going to be fucking weird. Basically, Di-Trouble drives better than Epicer Waluigi and can, in fact, bypass its fuckhueg weapon - with considerable effort, anyway. The problem, however, is the balance rods on the front, which by basic understanding of physics, must extend past the wheels while the weapon can’t. Di-Trouble wants to target Epicer Waluigi’s wheels and/or L-shaped protrusions, but the front fork things block it from getting close enough with its weapon to really do anything, especially with oversteer from both bots making this a mostly unpredictable affair. Di-Trouble finally manages to clip the corner of one of the protrusions and puts a nice hole in it. That’s mostly cosmetic damage but it looks pretty so we’ll take it. When they next meet, Di-Trouble tries to hit the sides again, but Waluigi is ready this time and catches the edge of Di-Trouble’s wheel. Huge-style bots are not known for their ability to reverse quickly, so Di-Trouble just eats that hit and loses a chunk of tire. Does it drive? Yes it does. Let’s keep going with this fight, then. Or not, because time ran out as I said that. Seriously, maneuvering these bots takes some time :V

Aggression: 3-2 Di-Trouble
Damage: 3-2 Epicer Waluigi
Control: 3-2 Di-Trouble

Di-Trouble Gen II wins an 8-7 judge’s decision.

Uptown Funk vs Abyss

Abyss, more like... heh... aPISS. Get fuckin dabbed on bucko

Anyway the match begins with MW doing this "tee hee i am slow x3" schtick and intentionally moving at a snail's pace. Hii... doesn't really fall for it. He slides Uptown Funk's wedge underneath Abyss, ragdolling it around for a good dozen seconds or so.

Abyss manages to escape and flees for a wall, he picks one of the high walls. Uptown Funk begins doing figure 8's in the arena, with Abyss doing figure 1's. What's a figure 1, you ask? Literally driving back and forth in a straight line, that's what. Oh yeah btw this goes on for a solid 30+ seconds. Yawn.

The quote unquote "tension" is broken by UF making a swerve for Abyss' flank again, successfully flipping it over once again, and again, and again... Abyss lands facing toward UF, and goes for it. The wedges meet head-to-head, Abyss sneaks its center wedge between UF's, and makes contact with the chassis. Uptown Funk gets warped into the shape of a skatepark half-pipe and basically shits its pants.

Abyss wins by KO in 1:40.


Shadow vs Defenestrator
Tabor vs Mul-T
Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs Saturnian Wristwatch

Saturnian Wristwatch spins up, Apocalyptic Peacekeper rushes in… a tale as old as time itself, or at least like 1995 or whenever people started entering horizontal spinners. This is a robot fight, not a robot fight history lesson!

Anyway, both bots have simple strategies but it doesn’t keep the result from being exciting. Saturnian Wristwatch swivels around and catches AP’s wedge with the blade, tossing itself into the air precessing like a Beyblade that’s really sick of this spinning shit, man, and just wants to lie down and take a nap. But instead SW takes a chunk out of the floor and the bar’s stopped. It starts spinning up again; AP comes in to try to smother it, but ends up getting a wedgeful of wheel and as it tries to push, SW pivots, taps it on the wedge again, and goes skidding away.
Much like a melty, Saturnian Wristwatch’s omni wheels make it barely in control with that heavy weapon, but also very hard for its opponent to control, because all AP can really attack besides the bar is wheels, which are even harder to effectively wedge than other wheels because they’ve got rollers on them. In fact it’s testament to AP’s driving that it’s only gotten the side of its wedge clipped once so far. Saturnian Wristwatch flies up in the air at one point and comes down at an angle which would have taken off AP’s clamp arms, but the joke’s on him because Drew already took them off in the pits. Meanwhile Apocalyptic Peacekeeper is keeping up the steady aggression, repeatedly forcing SW back and keeping it from getting the weapon up to its maximum speed. And the plow is holding up pretty much perfectly under this onslaught. Brad mentioned wanting to take out the little forks on AP’s wedge before the fight, but Saturnian Wristwatch isn’t a normal undercutter: it’s a Bro undercutter which has lifted wheels but you can tell he never actually takes it off-roading because it’s perfectly clean and also it has omni wheels so you really can’t. Dumb jokes aside the base of the blade is actually pretty high off the floor, and it doesn’t seem like it’s able to catch the forks.
Saturnian Wristwatch gets a couple more facefuls of WALL, and Apocalyptic Peacekeeper gets the blade stopped and pins it. It lifts, but SW keeps slipping off its plow, and even when stacked almost on its side against the wall its wide stance means AP can’t finish the job and overturn it. And an OOTA… I mean, it still lifts high, but it can’t get the bots lined up properly. So we’ve basically got a wedge bullying a spinner around for 3 minutes.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Saturnian Wristwatch 3, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 2
Aggression: Saturnian Wristwatch 0, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 5
Control: Saturnian Wristwatch 1, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper 4

Your winner, by an 11-4 Judges’ Decision, is Apocalyptic Peacekeeper!

Ten Transformation Tanuki vs Blackburn Kangaroo

Hellhound vs Doomerang

Look, let’s cut to the chase... literally. Big ol’ meltybrain versus a thick ol’ plow. Doomerang tries to strafe out of the way of a box rush, but Hellhound anticipates this from a mile away and adjusts accordingly — the massive drive advantage makes it no issue for Heckdog to connect with Doomerang, and begin an unrelenting assault of slams and stalling that give the melty no room to breathe throughout the entire match. Yeah, the plow on Hellhound is looking fairly busted up by the end of the three minutes, but the victor is nevertheless brutally apparent once the buzzer sounds.

Damage: 3-2, Doomerang
Aggression: 4-1, Hellhound
Control: 5-0, Hellhound

Sideswipe vs Omnicrap - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
V2 vs Blue Zenith

Why yes, I have seen that fight, Hii. It was very short. I have a feeling this one won’t be :V

Both bots spin up, as is what often happens in fights like this, and V2, rather than attempting a box rush, pushes forward cautiously as Blue Zenith hits peak weapon speed. Now things get interesting. V2 wants to go around Blue Zenith in such a way as to take advantage of how very powerful horizontal spinners naturally turn worse in one direction than the other. That’s pretty smart. What’s not so smart is the plan to make Blue Zenith take itself into the walls by doing this, because there’s always at least a V2-sized gap between Blue Zenith and the wall. The result is some awkward dancing around with V2 unwilling to attack directly. Blue Zenith catches on to this after a while and tries turning around the other way in a full circle, which prompts V2 to zoom off and puts us back at the beginning. Would you believe this repeats for basically the whole timer? Because it doesn’t, thank the lord. With 20 seconds left, V2 realizes it straight up does not have enough time on the clock to do what it wants to and gets a little more aggressive. After spending the next 15 seconds painstakingly lining up a hit, it manages to take off one of Blue Zenith’s wheels at the cost of the tip of its wedge.

Aggression: 4-1 Blue Zenith
Damage: 3-2 V2
Control: 3-2 V2

Blue Zenith wins an 8-7 judge’s decision.

Death Metal vs Night Jackal

Fun fact: Night Jackal is named so because it is completely nocturnal. Too bad this fight was scheduled during daylight hours.

Death Metal wins by forfeit.

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Tue Jul 30, 2019 12:29 am

ROBOT3 Week 6

Challonge Links:


The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki

Killjoy: Circuitz

Terrible Toad Twins vs Kirby

Kirby spins up its ring, which seems to actually be working this time, and meanders out towards the middle of the arena. The Terrible Toad Twins come out with one kind of hiding behind the other. Toad A tries to pop Kirby in the air, and the weapons collide in a shower of orange sparks, sending Kirby gliding into the wall. It hockeypucks away, regains control with some difficult, and strafes to the side just in time for the other twin to attack it. And that’s a nasty hit that flings the toad across the arena and puts a hole through its wedge.

So this is basically the twins trying to mob the puffball and stop its ring so they can chew on its wheels, but they keep getting knocked aside by its weapon even at relatively low speed, and when Kirby is at full speed, it HURTS. One twin gets a fork ripped off, and Kirby skips up into the other’s weapon support and dishes out a massive hit that leaves a huge gouge in the plastic and seems to have jammed the blade up. It still does okay as a battering ram, and is able to buy its partner time to pin Kirby against the wall and pop it up on its side, but it doesn’t succeed in taking a bite out of the mecanum wheels, and Kirby flails its way to safety and spins up again. A while later, another massive shot from Kirby tears the left side of the wedge off the toad with the working weapon, and eventually the opposite side of its drivetrain quits working.
Both toads are still mobile by the end of the match, but severely beaten up, and in fact one’s discs have come off entirely due to the supports flexing so far the shaft came out, while the other one’s got what appears to be an ESC hanging out of it and is limping on one wheel.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Kirby 5, Terrible Toad Twins 0
Aggression: Kirby 1, Terrible Toad Twins 4
Control: Kirby 2, Terrible Toad Twins 3

Your winner, by an 8-7 unanimous Judges’ Decision, is Kirby!

Found God in a Tomato vs Black Dog
OwO bot 2000 vs Sixpounder

OwO wants to bait. Sixpounder basically says “sir, you can’t do that in public” and instead of trying to lift, angles in on the forks and pushes. This is the point where OwO’s entire strategy, which depended on getting a good bait off with absolutely no contingency plan, falls apart. I’m gonna keep this short because it isn’t a particularly interesting fight, but basically, when the bell rings, the winner is a forgone conclusion.

Aggression: 4-1 Sixpounder
Damage: 3-2 Sixpounder
Control: 5-0 Sixpounder

Sixpounder wins by a commanding 12-3 judge’s decision.

HardWired vs Post Traumatic Stress
Antbar and Sawndisc vs Black Salvo

The match begins, and Black Salvo is already half-way across the arena -- SawnDisc is the only one to leave the cluster’s corner, and Black Salvo elects to play along with the exchange, slamming into the side of the horizontal spinner and swatting it away. This leaves AntBar, who now tries to leave the corner and angle in… but whoops, Black Salvo is already at the side of this vertical spinner and slamming it into the corner it was a little too hesitant to leave. SawnDisc comes back into action, however, and interrupts Black Salvo with a nasty shot into its wheel guard. Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve got a fight.

Black Salvo swivels around and charges SawnDisc, and in the process, rides up a tad onto the bright red bot’s wedgelets; both bots fly away in awkward directions. Black Salvo gathers its bearings first and takes the opportunity to catch the side of SawnDisc, slamming it into the wall from side and sending the spinner careening away from the wall. The deep black wedge bot doesn’t let up, however, and AntBar is too slow to save its comrade from being bullied around the arena for a solid minute or so. Finally, Black Salvo gets a good enough slam on SawnDisc to be satisfied for now, and moves on to pestering AntBar.

The chronicle of B.S. versus A.B, however, is a lot more short-lived. After yet another successful flank, the subsequent slam and a bit of smothering from Black Salvo topples AntBar over and leaves it stranded. SawnDisc tries to get another shot in while Salvo is busy, but Badnik doesn’t fall for the same trick twice. B.S. swifty turns and catches the horizontal spinner with the side of its D2 wedge, giving the wedgebot the opportunity to flank and pin SawnDisc -- by the time the pin timer expires, the match is over.

Damage: 3-2, Black Salvo (factoring in the immobilization of AntBar)
Aggression: 3-2, Black Salvo
Control: 5-0, Black Salvo

Your winner, on an 11-4 decision, is Black Salvo!

What's the Scoop vs Idiot Triangle

And for our next match, we have a … chair vs a 3-way tie on the bracket.


So yeah they come out things happen What’s the scoop gets smacked away. They come back in again, WTS gets smacked away. This happens a few more times. The plastic monstrosity is taking these hits completely in stride – and this is weird. We’ve seen Idiot Triangle go to town on plenty of bots so far, the damage it deals going toe to toe with the damage dished out by the other power spinners in this event. But WTS? Not a mark on it.

That being said the lawn chair isn’t exactly taking the hits… well. You see, the chair back wedge conveniently guides spinners directly into the front wheels. And while this isn’t a big deal in theory since this HPDE is apparently made of adamantine, it still is in practice because it means that WTS has yet to make any headway at all at getting Idiot triangle into a pinned position, and it’s been dangerously close to flopping onto its side at least thrice now.

That being said the lawn chair isn’t exactly taking the hits… well. You see, the chair back wedge conveniently guides spinners directly into the front wheels. And while this isn’t a big deal in theory since this HPDE is apparently made of adamantine, it still is in practice because it means that WTS has yet to make any headway at all at getting Idiot triangle into a pinned position, and it’s been dangerously close to flopping onto its side at least thrice now.

One of the supports on WTS’s left wheel has also decided that now is a good time to go flying, as Wham goes in for another ram. Once again, they reset, come back to neutral, and WTS tees off against Idiot Triangle again. This time, though, the beast finally falls: the impact is just enough to teeter WTS over onto its side.

The Refs and wham let idiot triangle eat at WTS for a bit longer before he gets counted out. Spinning about madly on one side of your wheels is not, unfortunately, controlled movement, but watching it continue to be completely indestructible is good fun for the audience.

Your winner, by KO in 1:44, is IDIOT TRIANGLE!

Entropic Degeneration vs Beaned

Flipcake vs Hallucinogen

What the fuck is a piggy bag. Also the good news for me is that TBR’s decided to drive his 4WD flat wedged flipper directly into a 2WD drum spinner so I don’t have to try very hard on this writeup :V it’s still quite the match, since Flipcake is durable as FUCK, but it also spends most of its time in the air, upside down, or having its bottom ground at by the drum. For his credit he does get one flip off after getting under at a bit of an angle, and he is able to turn that into a bit of a series of shoves and flips before Hallucinogen regains control of the match. there’s no KO, though Hal does almost get the OOTA at two different points.

Aggression: 3-2 Hallucinogen
Damage: 3-2 Hallucinogen
Control: 5-0 Hallucinogen

Madscience vs Admiral

Ilwoon vs Hard News

Hard News spins up and comes out swinging. Ilwoon doesn't really have anything it can even attack on that top with the blade in the way, and gets torn apart in a few hits.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:44, is Hard News!

(Ilwoon Forfeits)

YV vs Nuclear Plague

Nuclear Plague’s going vertical for this one, which honestly, yeah, that makes sense. It spins up and YV rushes out to meet it. YV wants to go after the outsides of Nuclear Plague’s wedge, and it (somewhat) gracefully slides around, and Nuclear Plague, which originally was going to play this aggressively, gets stuck backing up trying to escape YV’s circling, which just prompts YV to circle even harder until eventually the speed advantage wins out and YV gets the angle it was looking for. It pushes Nuclear Plague maybe a foot or two before Nuclear Plague j-hooks and escapes with some help from its own gyroscopic force. While YV turns around to try again, Nuclear Plague runs up and goes for a wheel. It actually hits the side of YV’s plow arm, ripping the outer layer of it apart and sending YV flying. YV recovers, and we’re back where we started. We have more circle dancing, YV eventually gets under again, Nuclear Plague escapes again, and then time runs out.

Aggression: 3-2 YV
Damage: 4-1 Nuclear Plague
Control: 4-1 YV

YV wins an 8-7 judge’s decision.

Venice Queen vs PneumatiX

Preemptive Eurobeat for Venice Queen, aaaand there it is! Let the drifting begin! All right, Venice Queen is the clear aggressor early on, darting from side to side and circling Pneumatix trying to get a chance to get to its side, while Pneumatix seems to be content to wait for VQ to drive onto its wedge. Ooh, and VQ slams into its corner and knocks it aside, but doesn’t get a chance to actually flip. It comes in again, and this time Pneumatix darts forward and scoops it up on the forks, getting a flip in before Venice Queen can get away. It ends up being a 360 though, and Venice Queen’s able to drive off without further reprisal. VQ’s gets past Pneumatix’s fairly short front forks again, gets under despite the steepness of its own wedge, and slams it into… uh, actually a floor seam this time.

Anyway, Pneumatix gets another flip in, inverting Venice Queen this time, but it’s no match for the tried-and-true “run away and self-right” technique! Venice Queen charges back in, rides up the little barbed teeth on top of Pneumatix’s wedge and ramps completely over the little raised eyes, but does end up inverted again despite dodging the actual flip. This time Pneumatix is able to flick it over again as it self-rights, but with VQ’s flipper still open it’s able to just throw its drivetrain in reverse and it’s back on all four wheels again. It quickly retaliates, pushing underneath the front corner of Pneumatix again. It fires its flipper to try to pop itself free but ends up just letting VQ get further underneath it and gets shoved into the wall. Venice Queen finally uses its flipper as an offensive weapon and rolls Pneumatix onto its back, then boops it as it self-rights and rolls it over again, trying to nudge it so it’s back is to the wall. This does actually end in Pneumatix having to use three friggin’ flips before it actually escapes the wall.

Long story short this ends up going the distance with neither bot able to get the other stuck on the wall or out of the arena. There were quite a few flips from Pneumatix, but not to any real effect, and Venice Queen’s capitalized on the advantages it gets a bit better, although Pneumatix popped itself off its steep wedge a few times. The green triangle of terror did seem to be running low on gas at the end and BARELY self-righted, so if VQ had taken advantage of its electric flipper to keep rolling Pneumatix over instead of pinning it and running the clock down it might’ve even gotten a KO, but as things stand, this goes to the judges.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Pneumatix 2, Venice Queen 3 (one of Pneumatix’s eyes fell off).
Aggression: Pneumatix 2, Venice Queen 3
Control: Pneumatix 2, Venice Queen 3

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Venice Queen!

Star Spangled vs Circuitz

<3 vs Storm Worm

The start of this match is all Storm Worm, with :heart: being a bit cautious to actually fire its hammers and giving Storm Worm a chance to slip its forks under and toss it on its back a couple times. However, :heart: is invertible, and doesn’t need its wedges to be effective that badly. After a couple tries it gets the timing right and gets a hit. Aaand there it is, :heart: gives Storm Worm the ol’ reacharound! One of the Radio Flyer wheels appears to have had its tire separate from it, and after a bit of aggressive driving it comes off the rim entirely. Another blow bends Storm Worm’s side lifting forks inward, and a third strikes one of them right on the hub with no apparent external damage. Storm Worm, meanwhile, is at the very least the clear aggressor, repeatedly flipping :heart: and not giving it a lot of chances to get a hit in edgewise. However, the missing tread seems to be messing with the wedge’s effectiveness, and at one point :heart: does a full-on King K Rool F-tilt on it, and that seems to have stopped Storm Worm in its tracks.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:23, is <3!



Don't Strangle the Martian Horses vs Der Adder

The match begins. Der Adder rushes towards Don’t Strangle the Martian Horses... but the internal flywheel powered mecanum 360 degree hammer robot uses its internal flywheel powered mecanum 360 degree hammer to thrust itself over the low wall. That’s... a knockout?

Der Adder wins by forfeit.

Lethal Target vs Hurricane

And we've got another forfeit from Hurricane. How sad. I mean, Lethal Target probably would've ripped it in half, but still...
Lethal Target wins by forfeit.


Dragonfist vs White Cat

Dragonfist spins up, but not very quickly. White Cat comes in carefully, manages to turn into the flails' rotation, and immediately severs one, leaving the shell spinner vibrating out of control until White Cat gets another solid blow on the shell's lip that severely warps it and throws Dragonfist ass-over-teakettle. The impact with the floor broke the srimech pole off too, so even if the weapon were still spinning, which it isn't, it's game over.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:45, is White Cat!

(Dragonfist Forfeits)

Whirlpool vs Epic Waluigi
Di-trouble vs Pressure Flop
Visual assault vs Uptown Funk

Wedge Fight? Wedge fight.

Oh, I’m sorry, I’m being informed that Visual Assault is a lifter and Uptown Funk is a flipper. My mistake. Let’s try that again.


[EDITOR'S NOTE: Hey fuck you my lifter has 5 weapon power :V]

Anyway, both bots have apparently decided this is a jousting competition because they pretty much just charge straight at each other. Visual Assault appears to wheelie a bit, but that may be from using its Duck beak to scrape the paint off the arena floo – sorry, it’s the sixth round, I mean scrape the layers of melted tire rubber and occasional surviving flecks of paint off the arena floor. Uptown Funk slams into it, rides up the beak, and bounces off the vertical plow hard. Visual Assault’s brought to a dead stop by the collision, but quickly recovers and goes on the attack again, trying to get to the side of Uptown Funk.

This time it’s not so lucky: the beak ends up getting scooped up by a fork. Uptown Funk flips, and… actually just flips the lifter, popping it over backward and making VA wheelie a bit from the friction of the drivetrain, but it’s not overturned, and just brings its weapon back down. After a couple more tries it’s able to slip under the corner and starting shoving UF towards the wall alarmingly quickly, as well as lifting. Uptown Funk tips mostly backward and a little sideways, but the spatula slides out from under it before it can actually be overturned and it falls back down on both wheels.

Another couple of actual flips that just barely overturn Visual Assault II, and one instance of it just barelling over the ramp-shaped robot, and VA gets a flip of its own, rolling Uptown Funk over sideways. It gets behind it to try to block its self-righting, but it’s in for a nasty surprise, and quickly finds itself on top of the still-inverted UF’s wedge and getting pushed towards the low wall after the bot spins around and charges it. It gets away well before getting into how-many-robots-could-Uptown-Fuck-OOTA-if-Uptown-Fuck’s-Flipper-Could-Actually-Fucking-OOTA-Anyone range, but that just lets Uptown Funk self-right – although it doesn’t do so with much vigour.

So yes, this is a classic wedge fight in the sense of it being two robots that can’t actually seriously impact the other’s ability to fight. Uptown Funk’s flipper is too weak to OOTA Visual Assault or even accumulate many frequent flyer miles; half the time it doesn’t actually overturn it and the other half of the time VA’s lifter’s fast enough that it can very quickly bring it around and attack again. On the other hand, Visual Assault’s having a difficult time reliably overturning Uptown Funk either because it keeps falling off the beak in one direction or the other. It does get a couple decent pins though, and it does succeed in keeping UF inverted a good amount, with there being an actual failed self-righting attempt near the end because the flipper’s run low on gas, but thanks to Uptown Funk’s wheels ever-so-stealthily sticking out the top Visual Assault can’t really get it stuck anywhere. Meanwhile there’s been quite a few at least token efforts at flipping by UF.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Visual Assault’s Color Scheme 3, Uptown Funk’s Trumpets 2, The Judges’ Senses of Sight and Musical Taste -5.
Aggression: Visual Assault 3, Uptown Funk 2
Control: Visual Assault 2, Uptown Funk 3

Your winner, by an 8-7 Judges’ Decision, is… Visual Assault!

Oh, sorry, didn’t mean to wake anyone up by announcing it so loud. But you should be putting those pillows away anyway, because for our next fight we’ve got...

Abyss vs Electron

Abyss takes a carefully calculated path out of the starting corner and begins to mimic its canine cousin. Electron... starts vacuuming the floor? I’m not sure how else to describe that movement. It drives forward and backward past Abyss a few times, and Abyss, initially confused, times out the rhythm and catches Electron on the side as it reverses past for the eighth time. Electron’s side armor crushes into its wheel, preventing it from turning anymore, and Abyss takes one more shot at Electron’s chassis to be sure it’s over.

Abyss wins by KO in 0:50

MUL-T vs Apocalyptic peacekeeper
Saturnian Wristwatch vs Shadow

Neither competitor seems particularly concerned with strategy early on, and Shadow ends up benefitting from it. The first hit pops SW up violently, and it coins after hitting the ground at an angle. This lets shadow get a couple of follow up hits – big pops to the weapon, and a grind at one of the wheels that makes it lose a couple of rollers. Wristwatch just gets away, and continues to be wary and on the retreat for a good deal of time. The next hit happens and SW still isn’t exactly in the optimal position, but it still manages to take the hit well. Shadow’s weapon supports? Not so much. The weapon is still hanging on for him to try and get in another hit, but that one’s not particularly great either.

Somehow Shadow’s drum is still spinning, though. It’s severely angled and making quite the awful noise, but hey, it still works. SW didn’t take that hit all that great either (turns out the steveOUT shape has quite a lot of disadvantages when you aren’t spinning low enough to just snipe the wheels), but it manages to stay up to speed by the next hit, and the next, and then the last one, where Code just rams it in there with a dead drum that gets torn off the bot.

Your winner, by KO in 1:19, is Saturnian Wristwatch!

Defenestrator vs Ten Transformation Tanuki - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!
Blackburn Kangaroo vs Tabor

Omnicrap vs V2
Blue Zenith vs Hellhound

This has somehow turned into a wedge match, as Blue Zenith spins up but comes in ass first. Hellhound is a bit hesitant with this development, and more or less just lets BZ run into it. I guess Laz still adjusted the angle well enough though, as he does end up getting under anyway. Blue Zenith attempts to engage protocol spin around now please, but forgot about the part where he would only have about a wheel and a half fully touching something. This, combined with Laz’s quick reactions to such a maneuver, mean that BZ doesn’t really get in the hit he wanted, and instead flies away after awkwardly smacking into the side of the plow. A few more elegant smacks that are quite impressive for the audience but not easily transferred into the written word happen, the end result of which is Blue Zenith getting shoved into a corner. The end result of that is Blue zenith getting pinned, bullied, and generally manhandled for about a minute before he’s finally able to get free.

Hii tries the wedge thing again, but this time Laz knows the song and dance. He’s still forced to be cautious in case it’s the tombstone version instead of the actually wedge him version, but it isn’t, and he’s able to angle in and take the turn around hit in a very advantageous part of the wedge. I wish I could say that it wasn’t all downhill from here for BZ, but it was. To make matters worse, BZ’s weapon starts having problems starting up in the last minute or so of the match, which is more functional damage than Hellhound ever received.

Aggression: 4-1 Hellhound
Damage: 3-2 Hellhound
Control: 4-1 Hellhound
Your winner, in an 11-4 decision, is Hellhound!

Doomerang vs Death Metal
Night Jackal vs Sideswipe

Night Jackal’s a no-show, so I’m gonna take this time to remind everyone to floss their teeth every night. Take care of your gums, folks.

Sideswipe wins by forfeit.

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Aug 04, 2019 11:33 pm

ROBOT3 Week 7

NOTE: This is the last week of ROBOTS! We're gonna take a break for a week or two after this to sort the whole mess out, and then move on to the playoffs

Challonge Links:


The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki

Killjoy: Circuitz

Kirby vs OwO bot 2000

OwO Bot? More like Oh, No Bot.


Kirby wins by forfeit.

Black Dog vs Sixpounder
Mekabu vs The Terrible Toad Twins
Found God in a Tomato vs Mudcrab

Post Traumatic Stress vs Entropic Degeneration
Idiot Triangle vs Beaned
What's The Scoop vs Antbar and Sawndisc


Hallucinogen vs YV

See, the thing about copying past rps is that it doesn’t account well for your opponent having an entirely different drum design that lets him hit lower down, especially since his drum isn’t narrow and angling in is much harder. This match more or less goes Minotaur vs Blacksmith – Y.V. gets some good slams in, some decent control, and in general doesn’t take that much damage for the first minute, at which point hallucinogen finally gets under the front, and delivers quite a big hit that exposes Y.V.’s front and lets it get a follow-up shot on the front wheel.

I lied, it’s not like minotaur vs blacksmith at all because losing one of your 3 sets of wheels on kiwi drive puts you functionally dead in the water. Y.V. struggles on for another 45 seconds through pure determination to swerve around forks that don’t exist.

Your winner, by KO in 1:47, is hallucinogen!

Hard News vs Nuclear Plague

You chucklefucks are making me look up your stats AND Dylan didn’t expressly say his config in the beginning of his RP so I’m in a bad mood now :V . anywho it’s spinner v spinner and neither is being a wimp so we get hits, and lots of ‘em early on. On the first hit, Wham learns that angled spinners too experience gyro effects post-hit, AND that his opponent also has a chance at a chassis shot, as hard news oversteers slightly, and its side eats the first big hit. Hard News still gets in a hit on the top of NP’s weapon as he flies away, which drives the undercutter into the ground, so it’s dancing about. The angle at which Hard news flies causes it to flip from a combination of the two hits and its gyro forces, though self righting is no big deal since NP has its own gyro related struggles. They both reset.

ROUND TWO! Despite the massive chunk of front wedge missing, Hard news seems remarkably okay. Well, as okay as any robot can be when you can see its batteries from the front – turning to the right is gonna be risky business from now on since Hard news is running with just one half of its front wedge keeping that spinner up off the ground. On the bright side, that means that nuclear plague can’t exactly repeat events from last time. Hard news also doesn’t oversteer, which works nicely in his favor. They hit more or less weapon-to-weapon, and again NP takes the hit poorly, since its weapon is more or less being smacked directly into the ground. Hard news takes things comparatively well, and does its best to be aggressive and shit. With no weapon reach to speak of, this is actually kinda difficult for him, though he does get some decent smacks on a not-full speed NP disc before they hit another full on engagement weapon to weapon, and both bots again go flying.

One of Hard news’s batteries is currently hanging out of the front of the robot, now apparently just held in by some wires. The force of the next engagement with Nuclear plague frees the battery, and also feeds it directly into NP’s disc. Both bots are starting to show some major internal injury. And by both showing I mean Hard news isn’t moving any more, while Nuclear Plague’s left wheel seems to only be getting intermittent power or radio signal or whatever fancy term I’m supposed to use despite not understanding quite how all this works :V . countout time!

Your winner, by KO in 1:12, is Nuclear Plague!

Admiral vs Flipcake

It’s a tale of two flippers here. Admiral has the more powerful weapon, and the lower wedge and – GOOD GRIEF, THE WIN ALREADY? Flipcake’s driven straight onto Admiral’s wedge, and Admiral wastes no time in driving it straight back to the low wall and tossing the Team Team British Robotics machine into oblivion! Bot overboard!

Your winner, by OOTA in 0:05, is Admiral!

(Flipcake forfeits!)

Ilwoon vs Madscience

Ilwoon comes out swinging, trying to hit the wheels of Mad Science from above as they whir by, but only succeeds in taking a massive hit that finally causes the much-abused weapon supports to completely separate from the robot. Another hit from Madscience tears a gaping hole in the front wedge and seals the deal.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:35, is Madscience!

(Ilwoon forfeits)

PneumatiX vs Overcutter
Storm Worm vs Dubior Jr
Circuitz vs Venice Queen - LIGHTWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

All right, we’ve got two of the fastest robots in the competition, Venice Queen and Circuitz. Circuitz actually has more drive power than a lot of the heavyweights here, and with magnets holding it to the floor it can actually use it even with its Mecanum wheels. It also has more lighting power than the entire venue, apparently. Both bots have electrically-operated four-bar flippers, but Circuitz has easily the more powerful of the two.

And bah gawd, the fighters are moving too fast for the human eye to see h – okay fine. Venice Queen rushes in at the start. Circuitz dodges to the side, strafing away, and they kind of miss each other. Venice Queen gets underneath with its long forks, and flips, but Circuitz is basically a pancake, and is so long VQ’s flipper can’t get it over. It’s knocked back but recovers, and gets a retaliatory flip that tosses Venice Queen end-over-end. It’s inverted – Circuitz pursues, but VQ charges into it and just ramps over the top quickly enough that the second flip attempt from Circuitz misses. VQ self-rights, and they’re back at each other again.

After a couple of exchanges with no real effect, Venice Queen slips under the front of Circuitz again. It flips, again not managing to overturn it, but rushes forward enough that Circuitz comes down on top of the still-extended flipper. Can it get off? It fires its own weapon, but isn’t quite freed, and Venice Queen body slams it into the arena wall with immense force, flinging Circuitz onto its back! It easily self-rights, but look at the underside there! It looked like Venice Queen’s forks actually put some serious dents, or even holes, in the baseplate!

So far Circuitz doesn’t seem too affected, though. Venice Queen’s flipper also seems to have survived the force of that charge, and retracts just before the bots meet again. It doesn’t matter though because Circuitz gets to the side of it, and gives VQ a MASSIVE flip, bouncing it off the inner wall almost at the top. And that’s the high wall, too, it could easily send it over the low one!

Venice Queen lands on all four wheels and is away again. The sheer speed and acceleration of Circuitz is so ridiculous that even VQ’s having trouble dealing with it. It gets slammed into the low wall, and only avoids getting OOTA’d because it ended up completely on top of its opponent and the flipper sent it off to the side. Meanwhile though, Circuitz keeps randomly coming to a stop for a few seconds with its wheels going in a blur. Err… FLOOR. 1 mm ground clearance claims another victim. It’s stranded again, fires its flipper to free itself but just ends up getting enough traction to drift around in a circle… and Venice Queen just slams right into its front corner! Circuitz is knocked free of whatever it was caught on, and Venice Queen’s bounced off pretty hard by that blow. Circuitz strafes away, spinning in a circle, though. It steadies itself but seems to just be limping towards Venice Queen now… oh, I see it, there’s a wheel off it! The front right wheel’s been snapped off at the axle! The skirts don’t cover the wheels completely, and VQ must’ve rode up straight into it.

Now Venice Queen’s able to start getting into the fight more. Circuitz is still moving, but with a lot less ease, and it is taking some abuse from repeated impacts. One of the side skirts is jammed upward, and the front flipping spatula seems to have gotten twisted sideways. At this point it’s not getting under VQ very often. Venice Queen’s having trouble getting it over again – at one point it gets it stranded on the flipper again, then tosses it over by pushing it until Circuitz’s skirt catches a floor seam, but Circuitz easily self-rights.

Venice Queen’s under the front again, though, and again there’s a flip that just gets Circuitz propped on the forks. It’s going for a full-speed slam against the low wall – will Circuitz go out? Ooh, no it won’t, but that was a huge hit, and it’s on its back again! And it’s not moving! It’s supposed to be invertible, and able to self-right, but nothing’s happening. Yes, there are a couple of holes through the baseplate, with nasty curled-in metal edges, and I see blue sparks coming out of one, and a little bit of smoke! The lights are on, but there’s no one at home… actually no, the lights are out too! Circuitz is completely dead in the water!

Your winner, by knockout in 2:49, is Venice Queen!

<3 vs Star Spangled


Der Adder vs Dragonfist

Hati vs White Cat

Hurricane vs Don't Strangle the Martian Horses

Literally nobody showed up. I'm not even gonna bother writing a meme result. Martian Horses wins the coin flip.



NKC wins by FF. So much for "Match of the Week."

Epicer Waluigi vs Abyss

Uptown Funk vs Electron

There’s no playoff spots on the line here: this is just a battle for some meager form of redemption. Uptown Funk and Electron are both winless so far, and both have taken an absolute mauling from the spinners and hammer in this division. Electron hasn’t even shown up for some of its fights after the damage it’s taken, but it is showing controlled motion in the twitch test. Let’s see who goes home with some shred of pride intact, and who gets the dreaded 0-7 finish.

Electron’s spinning up that drum. Uptown Funk rushes it, and ooh, takes a smack that sends it onto its lid with a bite taken out of the front flipper. It backs off and self-rights. Electron’s after it now but UF veers away, and Electron gyrodances wildly trying to follow it, almost tipping over sideways. Uptown Funk doesn’t want to challenge those low forks. It’s looking for a chance to get under the sides of Electron’s front wedge. It doesn’t get one there, and that’s another glancing blow on the flipper – oh, but now it’s under, and it flips! It’s not a strong flip, but it’s enough to get the job done.
Aaaand that’s all she wrote for Electron. It cleverly has some top standoffs so that the drum doesn’t hit the ground if it’s flipped over. Somewhat less cleverly, its wheels are placed in the middle of the chassis, and when Electron’s inverted it rests on the standoffs and the back corner, with the wheels suspended almost an inch above the arena floor. And Uptown Funk’s not giving it any mercy.

Your winner, by knockout in 0:56 and finishing the event at 1-6, is Uptown Funk!

Pressure Flop vs Whirlpool

Whirlpool gets that… weird-ass janky offset ring spinner up to speed. That thing’s been surprisingly effective thus far, as has Pressure Drop’s enormous hammer. The bot itself is barely mobile, and has no chance of box rushing Whirlpool, but thanks to its turret coming within its reach is extremely dangerous. Whirlpool’s circling, looking for an opening to come in for a hit while keeping its weapon side facing Pressure Flop. Oh, and there’s a little bit of gyrodancing and the floor gets… probably more level actually, it can’t possibly get any worse! Whirlpool’s decided to go inverted, putting the ring at a slight angle, so they’ll have to be careful making sharp turns against its rotation.

Pressure Flop’s too far away to capitalize on that, though. It’s waiting for Whirlpool to make the first move, and finally Whirlpool takes the change and veers sharply to the left, rushing in on Pressure Flop’s side! It tilts in the less harmful direction, lifting its wedgelets up in the air. Pressure Flop’s turret’s ready for it and it fires the hammer, tipping back and hopping into the air, and actually getting wedged by Whirlpool anyway. And there’s a big hit there, but not by Pressure Flop. The hammer doesn’t appear to have made contact at all, but Pressure Flop gets sent skidding away with a huge chunk missing from its side skirt. Don’t bring polycarbonate in the arena!
Pressure Flop is still “mobile,” but one of its legs is exposed, and Whirlpool seems to be looking for another shot at that side, but, well, the hammer’s still poised to strike. It starts to come in range – oh, but then backs off, but Pressure Flop’s fired anyway, bringing the hammer down right on top of… some part of the weapon! Sparks fly and PF’s hammer gets kicked to one side, and there’s no hole in the top of Whirlpool so it must have gotten hit by the teeth instead of coming down on the central hub. The hammer arm’s got a bit of a bend and there’s a big gouge in the head, but it doesn’t look like it’s sustained too much damage.

However, as Whirlpool comes in for another blow, it’s clear that Pressure Flop’s been affected after all: the turret isn’t moving, and that leaves its side completely exposed! Whirlpool tears off more chunks of the side skirt unanswered, then hits the front one from the inside and completely rips it away. And Pressure Flop gets kneecapped! Bits of the walking mechanism are strewn across the arena! It might still be able to limp around on one leg, but it looks like they’re just letting the countdown happen.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:40, is Whirlpool!

Visual Assault vs Di-Trouble

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper vs Blackburn Kangaroo

Apocalyptic Peacekeeper comes screaming out of its corner, looking to get Blackburn Kangaroo under control early. Blackburn Kangaroo, meanwhile, seems to welcome this effort, and after getting bounced around a bit, gets its powerful disc up to speed and starts meeting Apocalyptic Peacekeeper head-on. For a few subsequent hits, it seems pretty even: Blackburn Kangaroo hammers away at Peacekeeper’s outer forks, while Peacekeeper generally gets position advantage and gradually slows down Kangaroo’s weapon. Then, finally, Peacekeeper slows down Kangaroo’s weapon enough to try and pin the bot. Which it does. Then it tries to use its lifter to tip Kangaroo over... but the lifter only goes up about 1/3 as high as it should’ve. The cause is clear: the repeated impacts twisted part of Peacekeeper’s chassis just enough to make part of the 4-bar linkage grind against it, and the weapon just doesn’t have the power to fight both the weight of an opponent and an internal blockage. Peacekeeper settles for just a pin and lets Kangaroo go at the pin timer. Kangaroo runs off and gets spinning again. Peacekeeper chases and runs straight into Kangaroo as it turns back around and clips one of Peacekeeper’s already damaged forks, ripping the tip of it off and throwing it against the wall. Some smoke floats up out of Peacekeeper, but it keeps driving and slams into Kangaroo again, getting a bent middle fork for its trouble. At this point, time runs out, and the judges ready their pencils.

Aggression: 3-2 Apocalyptic Peacekeeper
Damage: 4-1 Blackburn Kangaroo
Control: 3-2 Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

Blackburn Kangaroo wins by a 8-7 judge’s decision.

Ten Transformation Tanuki vs Tabor
Shadow vs Mul-T
Defenestrator vs Saturnian Wristwatch

V2 vs Night Jackal
Death Metal vs Sideswipe

Sideswipe wants to tank some hits, but Death Metal has no intention of making that easy. By which I mean, Death Metal spends most of the match pointed the wrong way. This actually works in Death Metal’s favor, though, as it’s able to consistently spin itself around to catch the edge of Sideswipe’s plow and slowly tear away at the tip that guards one of the front wheels. One big oversteer moment on Death Metal’s part gives Sideswipe an opportunity to take the hit the way it actually wants to, and for a moment it looks like maybe the momentum of the match is starting to shift, but the very next hit tears a chunk off of the very damaged wheelguard tip of Sideswipe’s plow and the match shifts dramatically in Death Metal’s direction once again as it gets closer and closer to hitting a wheel. Sideswipe starts getting more cautious in the second half, but this only delays Death Metal’s next impact, with which it removes one of the front wheels. Though Sideswipe is still able to drive like this, its turning suffers, and Death Metal continues its backwards assault. To Sideswipe’s credit, it takes the hits like a champ, but it just doesn’t have the speed to keep Death Metal slowed down for any meaningful length of time. We end on a very badly beaten Sideswipe spinning its turret lifter around in celebration of its survival.

Aggression: 3-2 Sideswipe
Damage: 4-1 Death Metal
Control: 4-1 Death Metal

Death Metal wins by a 10-5 judge’s decision.

Hellhound vs Omnicrap

Laz sure is surprised as all hell when omnicrap doesn’t have particularly long forks, but otherwise things start out standard right up to the point where hellhound does a fake charge, causing omnicrap to try to simultaneously strafe to the side and press its wedge at the same time. This goes about as well as you’d expect, and so do his attempts to escape before he’s slammed into the wall.

Honestly most of the rest of this is a bunch of dumbass technical wedge fight bullshit that I’d enjoy a lot more if I was in a different mood but right now I just want to get this damned fight written. Hellhound does basic wedge things, a lot of his plans based around the wrong wedge type. Omnicrap tries to do too much at once while moving at 8 speed, but still gets in his fair share of good looking shoves, even flipping hellhound once.

Aggression: 3-2 Hellhound
Control: 3-2 Hellhound
Damage: 3-2 Omnicrap

Your winner, in a split 8-7 decision, is Hellhound!

Doomerang vs Blue Zenith - HEAVYWEIGHT MATCH OF THE WEEK!

The bots get spinning, and Badnik makes note of the direction Blue Zenith spins before having Doomerang make its way out of its corner. Now this is where things take an interesting turn, literally. See, Blue Zenith can do some serious damage to Doomerang with a weapon that strong, and it’s faster, too, but its own weapon rotation and relative lack of traction give Doomerang a chance to outdrive it if it plays its cards very carefully. Badnik evidently realized this, because his strategy is to make Blue Zenith struggle against its own weapon to allow Doomerang to out-turn it. So, because Doomerang is as slow as it is, this doesn’t work as well as its driver may have expected, but it’s not a complete failure, either. Instead of a big hit, we get about two minutes of careful dancing around with some near-misses from Blue Zenith here and there. Blue Zenith suffers some critical understeer when lack of traction finally strikes, giving Doomerang the opening it’s been patiently waiting for. It dives for Blue Zenith’s side, there’s a huge crash, and the two bots are flung to opposite walls. Doomerang’s missing a few teeth and is noticeably off-balance when it spins up again, and Blue Zenith is missing most of one wheel and has a sizable hole in its side panel. One more hit would determine the winner, but there just isn’t enough time left for them to reach each other again.

Aggression: 4-1 Blue Zenith
Damage: 3-2 Doomerang
Control: 4-1 Doomerang

Doomerang wins by an 8-7 judge’s decision thanks to some smart driving.

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Sep 01, 2019 5:02 pm


NOTE: So yeah we weren't gonna finish writing those fights ever apparently so they got highlight reeled - writers discussed how the matches would go and gave them fair scores, so check the challonge and/or ask a staff member if you wanna know how a particular fight went. now, playoffs time.

Challonge Links:


The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki

Killjoy: Circuitz

Higher seed is in the blue square, and is colored blue.


(1a) Black Dog vs (4b) Hardwired III

Ok so like, we got a vert and another vert, right. Both of them are scheming – Hardwired’s got a different wedge that’s custom made to deal with verts, and Laz whispered creepily into my ear as he walked by me at lunch that he was gonna try something clever during this match.

Turns out he’s just sideways. I’ve seen this trick before, Ethan’s seen this trick before, though admittedly he didn’t seem to expect laz to try it once again. As black dog backs up, however, there’s a bit of tire spin that causes it to gyro just a little bit, as we watch that one in the slow-mo replay in the middle of the match instead of at the end like we’re robot wars or some shit. This doesn’t completely fuck him, like Ethan had been hoping, but it does let ethan absolutely destroy one of those triangles on the side of black dog, narrowly missing the wheel, and taking out one of my lights.

Fuck you too.

That interaction seems to have threatened black dog straight, and there’s something approximating a head-on attack here. By this I of course mean that there was some amount of wacky back and forth “imma angle in” “no I’m gonna” and then eventually the two dumbasses realized that they were just gonna have to yeet it into each other and hope that everything worked out the way they built their bots to.

What happens next is a series of events that again requires our wonderful in-live-combat slow-mo. Everything starts when the drum hits the wedgelet. They bump a bit as black dog proceeds up HW’s longer wedgelets. This bounces BD up a bit, but doesn’t necessarily affect the weapon to weapon hit significantly, since BD was probably gonna go flying again – he’s definitely spinning below top speed here though, if you want to compare it to all this other slow motion footage of black dog that we will now sit through before the fight contines. Neither weapon is visibly damaged, but black dog is already stuttering a bit. I can see laz holding his controller out towards the bot aggressively, which implies to me that he’s experiencing some sort of radio issue. Meanwhile, HardWired’s left fork is at a funny angle.

Well actually the whole bot is kind of at a funny angle. Those forks are, in Ethan’s words, “thick fuckers,” so that must have been quite the hit. This is, of course, an inconvenience for Hardwired, who can now only crabwalk. Ethan is lucky though – black dog is generous! See, here Laz comes, all ready to free him, with his giant spinning drum. Wait. That looks like it hurt hardwired.

Bright side: Hardwired’s right side is fine, and it has both wheels on the ground again. Downside: no left side of bot. we get a bit of a game of chicken here as Hardwired searches desperately for an opening. He can only back up for so long though, and eventually he’s forced to stand and fight by the ever dogged man in black.

All things considered? Didn’t go to bad for him. Still has both wheels attached at least, but the drum on Hardwired isn’t working. That last hit seems to have scrambled all sorts of somethings in Black Dog though, which is seemingly rolling a die every second to decide whether or not it’ll move the wheels. The drum is still at full gale, so I guess whatever this is doesn’t affect that system – and this prevents hardwired from getting a major pin: BD is able to use the gyro to escape when it’s wedged, and occasionally defends itself for a while in its better seconds. This is a close one going into the judges.

Aggression: 3-2 black dog
Damage: 3-2 Black Dog
Control: 3-2 HardWired
Your winner, in an 8-7 decision and moving on to the SEMIFINALS is BLACK DOG!

(2b) Idiot Triangle vs (3a) Kirby
(1b) Black Salvo vs (4a) The Terrible Toad Twins
(2a) Mekabu vs (3b) Post Traumatic Stress

Mekabu vs. Post Traumatic Stress:

Mekabu’s up to speed, Post Traumatic Stress is almost but not quite up to speed, as Mekabu charges into it. Mekabu’s spun around a bit, PTS is thrown aside and grazes the floor a bit. Both bots recover and go at each other again – ouch, big hit there! PTS gets tossed four feet in the air – not sure if that was Mekabu’s spinner or just it bouncing off the wedge, but it comes down hard and immediately takes another smack. It narrowly avoids hitting a wall, but is able to get its weapon going again and maneuver out into the middle of the box. It’s trying to get to the side of Mekabu’s discs, and doesn’t quite pull it off but it does deliver a massive sideswipe that sends itself into the wall and sends Mekabu twirling halfway across the arena and turns it upside-down.

So far Mekabu’s the clear aggressor here. They can get a really fast KO if they turn PTS over, but that cage is acting as a massive gyroscope and they need to slow it down and then deliver a strong uppercut to pull it off. But with featherweights in a 40 ft arena, PTS has a lot of room to run away. Meanwhile, it’s delivering some big hits. Mekabu takes a couple inverted, and has to drive into the wall to right itself, so now it’s taking the punishment on its wedge again. One of the eyes gets caved in, but it throws PTS into the high wall and almost out of the arena, and the cage structure eats all of PTS’s energy! It lands awkwardly, almost tipping over, and the cage is stopped! Mekabu rushes in as PTS struggles to get spinning again. It gets tossed like a frisbee again, but wobbling and precessing badly, and comes down at almost a 45-degree angle. That was a very close call on getting flipped over. But Mekabu’s discs seem to have stopped. It backs off a little, trying to spin the weapon up a couple times. The discs are making a few revolutions, but they’re not getting anywhere near full speed, and PTS has had time to escape and spin back up.
Mekabu finally gets the blades going and goes back on the attacks, but almost immediately takes a big hit at an angle it did NOT want and both bots are sent flying again. There’s a piece of golden metal on the floor – is that a piece of the discs? No, wait, it’s the cover over the end of the weapon shaft, and the left support rail looks like it’s taken a big hit as well. The drisc’s completely stationary now. Mekabu’s weaponless – and it doesn’t look like it’s driving properly either!

Post Traumatic Stress’s spinner also seems to be having trouble, but it does eventually spin up. It’s being cagey now, trying to find a way to reach Mekabu’s wheels as the crippled vert crabs around the arena, but is only able to land glancing blows on the wedge before time runs out.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Mekabu 0, Post Traumatic Stress 5
Aggression: Mekabu 3, Post Traumatic Stress 2
Control: Mekabu 3, Post Traumatic Stress 2

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Post Traumatic Stress!


(1a) Y.V. vs (4b) Circuitz

We’ve got Mecanums vs. Omni Wheels here, the ludicrous speed of Circuitz and the not totally sane speed of Y.V. And both of them go right at each other. Y.V’s under Circuitz and pushing back. It flicks the lifter up, but Circuitz slips off thanks to its hinged wedges. It brings it back down in time to intercept a retaliatory charge, but this time Circuitz slips under the corner of its plow and gets a flip in. Y.V. goes bouncing up onto its side, and comes down inverted, but quickly flips itself back over with the lifter.

Anyway, real banger of a match going on here. Circuitz gets another flip in but it’s just on the plow, and Y.V. decides to just get up in its face and slam the lifter back down on top of it. Circuitz shoves it sideways because lolmecanums. Y.V. gets traction with its rear wheels and spins itself away.
Y.V’s having trouble getting a good lift on Circuitz due to to the hinged skirts, but eventually gets it over. Circuitz hops into the air, self-righting, and speeds away in reverse, then comes back in and wedges Y.V. again. It starts taking it to the low wall, but Y.V. breakdances off of it, tumbling and flailing all over the place, and…

Three more minutes of this, are you ready? Y.V’s just too slippery for Circuitz to corral it in position for an OOTA, but it gets some air miles, and it’s not really able to do what it wants with Circuitz either – although it has jammed up one of the side skirts and the rear one’s got a curled-up corner from a big impact.

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Y.V. 3, Circuitz 2
Aggression: Y.V. 2, Circuitz 3
Conrol: Y.V. 1, Circuitz 4

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Circuitz!

(2b) <3 vs (3a) Nuclear Plague

Here we go, we’ve got the drum of Nuclear Plague against the hammer of, uhh… Emoji-chan? Yeah whatever we’re calling it that. Speaking of which have we even seen this bot using its normal hammer and not the janky side hammers? Anyway, both these bots reached the playoffs with a 5-2 record, and both with three KO wins, one KO loss, and one close decision loss. And also they both have interchangeable weapons of the same basic type but one horizontal and one vertical.

Nuclear Plague’s spun up, and both bots are kind of feeling each other out here, neither one really using its full speed. Emoji-chan’s kind of wiggling from side to side but not going for a full circle strafe. Nuclear Plague cautiously approaches, and Emoji-chan squares up but then changes its mind and backs off, firing the hammer as it does so. The problem is Nuclear Plague also changed its mind about approaching, so E-chan backs off too much, and misses. And that’s Nuclear Plague’s cue to attack! It darts forward and smacks the hammer while it’s down, making some nice sparks, but it does end up retracting with just a small bend in the arm and a divot out of the head. And Nuclear Plague gets scooped up by Emoji-chan’s forks! There’s another hammer blow – and it looks like it hit something, but it might’ve been just the arm making contact because Nuclear Plague’s so compact, and NP gets away.
At this point NP starts trying to actually avoid the front of Emoji-chan, which its mecanum drive isn’t making easy and its wedgelets are making even harder. It gets a couple of glancing hits in on the corners but can’t get past the wedge – and there’s a huge shot from <3, straight on top of the drumbot! But Nuclear Plague charges in regardless, and with Emoji-chan’s hammer popping it into the air as it retracts Nuclear Plague’s finally able to find an opening on those wedgelets, sliding under and grinding away at its underside. The mecanum wheels won’t like that! Nuclear Plague forces Emoji back into the wall as it swings the hammer back and forth, finally getting away after a couple seconds of being pinned on the now-stopped drum.

Nuclear Plague has a nasty dent in its top armor but it is still working, and it looks like Emoji’s having a little difficulty driving – and it’s stopped now. It was just working, what’s going on? Oh, are those wedgelets caught under something? Oh my god, the floor’s struck again! Let me take this moment to thank the FOUR FUCKING TEAMS who entered undercutters in heavyweight, although Doomerang gets a mention too and if it was the one that created that peeled-up edge then it’s the hardest read ever for Team Ignition, because here comes Nuclear Plague going for Emoji-chan’s side as it flails madly, further damaging the floor in its attempts to free itself. But it’s not enough, and there’s a HUGE HIT! Emoji-chan goes flying through the air! It comes down one its corner and ends up upright, and it’s not moving! And – stop, stop, he’s already dead!

There was another hit there from Nuclear Plague, who apparently didn’t trust that Emoji-chan wasn’t faking it, and now it’s definitely not going anywhere. The right side rail’s been completing split in half at the gaping hole where the side hammers mount, and the baseplate appears to have come loose. There’s no action from the hammer, or from the drivetrain. The googley eyes have held up perfectly, though.

Your winner, by knockout in 1:28 and moving on to the semifinals, is Nuclear Plague!

(1b) Venice Queen vs (4a) Hallucinogen

(2a) Madscience vs (3b) Dubior Jr.


(1a) Hati vs (4b) Epicer Waluigi

(2b) Visual Assault vs (3a) White Cat

This should be a classic wedge-against-spinner dust-up. Both bots are 5-2, but both have struggled in similar matchups: Visual Assault’s been knocked out by Epicer Waluigi and barely took the decision, while White Cat’s drum hasn’t been able to go the distance against the sturdy wedges of NKC and Hati. Visual Assault’s using its duckface plow here, to hopefully not get scooped up by White Cat’s forks. White Cat’s… I think on its last spare weapon motors, so they want to get this over with in a hurry.

White Cat spins up – ooh, and there’s a little belt squealing there, they might’ve loosened things a little to try and help the weapon take its own hits better. Visual Assault doesn’t seem too concerned with keeping White Cat from spinning up, and is taking its time making sure it’s lined up with – actually the front of White Cat. That’s some confidence in the plow, and White Cat tries to call their bluff. It charges, but gets popped back in a shower of orange sparks. Visual Assault’s lost some skin off that beak, but a drum that can’t bite’s way less dangerous no matter how much KE it has.

And VA muscles its way into White Cat’s face again, shoving the beak in between the forks and under the drums themselves, and just isn’t giving it any space as it tries to wear it down with glancing blows. There’s a bit of smoke out of White Cat – is the weapon giving out already? It tries to break away, but Visual Assault’s too quick and wedges it from behind, lifting its wheels in the air – and White Cat faceplants into the floor – stop it, there’s no paint left there! It winds up inverted, but swivels away. Oh, and there it goes gyrodancing onto its side, and the weapon’s starting to howl like a cougar in hea – okay, that sounded a lot better in my head. Anyway, White Cat’s drum is back up to speed and the smoke’s stopped.

But Visual Assault’s relentless, slamming its face into White Cat’s drum again. It’s another glancing blow, this time from WC’s right-hand drum, sending the drumbot pirouetting around again, and Visual Assault has to back off for a moment or risk having that thing come down on top of its plow. It really seems intent on breaking White Cat’s fist with its face though. It charges again – ooh, and this time White Cat’s forks are lined up right to catch the beak, and that is not what Visual Assault wanted to happen! The robot’s chassis does a 360 backflip, and the weapon does I think a 900 or a 1260.

Visual Assault brings the now-inverted lifter back around though, slamming it against the arena floor. I don’t know if that’s meant to be intimidating or not. It kind of its, but Visual Assault’s beak has taken some serious tip damage, and the whole thing’s been twisted upward so it’s at least an inch off the ground. I’m not sure if it can get underneath White Cat’s drums as easily now – oh, no it can’t! And there’s another enormous hit! Visual Assault’s sent flying again, and White Cat’s out for blood now. Visual Assault scuttles away, its plow upside-down again. The main plate’s bent caved inward almost against the chassis and twisted so the beak’s got no chance of touching the ground anymore – or can it? Right now with the bot upside-down it’s actually angled downward. Maybe VA can press it against the floor at the expense of turning it into a two-wheel drive robot? It certainly seems to be trying, the chassis’s bucking up and down, but not by much. Have those impacts damaged something internally?

VA’s response to this? FIX BAYONETS! Or rather, just charge headlong into White Cat’s weapon. The bots meet with a noise like a cannon going off inside the arena! Holy shamoley, and Visual Assault makes a bid for orbit. The whole arena shakes, and while there’s not a shower of glass one of the lights is dangling precariously. DID HE HIT THE CEILING? Visual Assault crashes down. That bots face looks like it tried to reenact 3Guys1Hammer with a wrecking ball, and the plow’s only attached on one side. But look at what’s happened to White Cat’s weapon! One of the drumlets is turned SIDEWAYS and the frame rail’s warped way outward! Goodbye weapon shaft! And goodbye drive on that side I think – the right wheel doesn’t look like it’s moving. Is the corner block bent into it? Wait, where the hell’s the left drumlet? Oh, there it is bouncing across the arena.

Visual Assault’s still driving, though. Light gray smoke pours from White Cat’s weapon for a couple seconds, then fades away just in time for it to get mashed into the arena wall. No wedge? No problem! Visual Assault has become one of those RC tumbler toys with a hinged plow attached. It slams into White Cat with a vengeance, pushing it into the corner and backing off just enough to ram it again, over, and over, and over! Oh, White Cat’s lost a hubcap! It keeps struggling until the decision, and both bots take “victory spins” - one much more lethargic – but let’s be honest, that was two minutes of curbstomping a downed opponent after getting punched so hard in the face his hand broke and then he twisted his ankle. Yeah, let’s leave the MMA references to Battlebots. Anyway…

Judges’ Decision:

Damage: Visual Assault 3, White Cat 2
Aggression: Visual Assault 5, White Cat 0
Control: Visual Assault 4, White Cat 1

Your winner, by a 12-3 Judges’ Decision and moving on to the semifinals, is Visual Assault!

(1b) Abyss vs (4a) Der Adder

(2a) NKC vs (3b) Whirlpool


(1a) MUL-T vs (4b) Night Jackal
(2b) Death Metal vs (3a) Defenestrator
(1b) Hellhound vs (4a) Saturnian Wristwatch
(2a) Blackburn Kangaroo vs (3b)Doomerang

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Tue Sep 10, 2019 10:34 pm


NOTE: The fight card is out, not all fights are written. We'll get there but I dont want to miss another week and all fights have been at least decided

Challonge Links:


The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Found God in a Tomato, Venice Queen, Visual Assault, Blackburn Kangaroo

Monsterworks: Sixpounder, Madscience

Wolf: Storm Worm, Apocalyptic Peacekeeper

YSMQTHLQYH: <3, Omnicrap

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

End of the Line LLC: Kirby, Y.V., Mul-T

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague, NKC, Doomerang

Team Worst Swordsman: Tabor

Team Instant Regret: Hallucinogen

Trihunter: Ten Transformation Tanuki

Killjoy: Circuitz

Higher seed is in the blue square, and is colored blue.


(1a) Black Dog vs (2b) Idiot Triangle

(1b) Black Salvo vs (3b) Post Traumatic Stress


(4b) Circuitz vs (3a) Nuclear Plague

(1b) Venice Queen vs (2a) Madscience


(1a) Hati vs (2b) Visual Assault

(1b) Abyss vs (2a) NKC

Abyss spins up and cruises out of its starting square, but then turns its side to NKC. NKC seems a little confused by this tactic, but tries driving around to the front of it. Abyss inches forward to meet it and gets a faceful of pontoons. The drum creates a spectacular shower of sparks and the bot shudders and pushes itself backward, but immediately gets wedged again. It pivots around, right wheel spinning in the air, and it’s side-on again. This time NKC rushes in trying to go for either the side or rear, and there’s another reversing turn from Abyss bringing the drum into contact with the plow again.

This pattern continues for a while with Abyss playing defensive and trying to fake out NKC in various ways, but it can’t seem to avoid those pontoons and forks, and those are pretty much the hardest counter to a drum with short forks. They keep just going between Abyss’s skids and there’s pretty much nothing for the drum to bite into. Despite Abyss’s evasiveness it’s eventually forced back into the wall and the drum finally shudders to a halt. Meanwhile NKC’s spinning up the saw! It turns from side to side a little, trying to line itself up with, uhh… something? The front of Abyss is mostly drum, so there’s not much to saw into unless he’s going for the belt, which he may be. But NKC’s lifter comes into play as the saw lowers, and the bot tips sideways and slides off. NKC’s saw gouges into the drum body, but misses the belt. It backs off and tries to line itself up again, but Abyss slips free and runs away, spinning up again.

There’s a bit more footsies and dancing around from both bots, until NKC gets under Abyss’s side. That’s a better position to saw into maybe the wheel, and it tries to push it towards the corner, but Abyss just has so much ground clearance, and it starts to wiggle free and – oh, and hits something! Abyss pops into the air and bounces onto its lid thanks to its big, springy tires. NKC’s pontoons are still mostly intact, but the forks are all messed up – they’re bent and twisted sideways and the top’s been ripped off the right one. Abyss, still inverted, plow into NKC again and rides up the wedge into the top of its plow, doing a 540 and ending up on its wheels. It’s inverted again, and gets wedged from the side, but pivots backwards – oh, and there’s bits of metal flying! The forks are in even worse condition now, and the next time the bots meet face to face they’re easily caught by the drum. BANG!
There’s a blur of motion and a grey-pink arc over NKC’s head. Both bots are popped in the air a little – and there’s fragments of metal raining down on the arena! NKC’s lifting arm’s a writeoff now, and the saw’s somehow exploded! What the hell happened there? The cover over the chain’s hanging loose, and the arm looks to be twisted – but that’s supposed to be behind the robot!

Oh, and NKC’s managed to get another pin, losing more pieces from the lifter in the process, so, uhh… it looks like Abyss must’ve caught the forks and given the lifter a huge upward smack, but since it’s geared to the saw arm that was violently wrenched forward and hit Abyss’s drum at Ludicrous Speed. And that’d be death even if Abyss was toothless: slamming a block of aluminum into a sawblade really fast is literally how that Sawstop gadget works except the Sawstop doesn’t have the energy of a .50 caliber bullet. Neither does Abyss’s drum at the moment since it’s pinned, but – ah, there, it’s free, and spinning up again, and NKC basically has to just smother it the rest of the fight. Will it happen?

Ooh, dear, no it won’t! Abyss finally catches an edge on the pontoon, tweaking it upward and sending NKC hurtling end over end onto its back. Now it should be able to self-right from there, bringing the saw forward and the lifter up until it falls onto its back again but with the arm forward, and then bringing it back again to self-right. Whether that works with a mangled lifter is questionable, and actually there’s no movement from NKC whatsoever. That one big hit may have taken the chain or the gearbox or whatever’s driving the arm out of commission entirely, and NKC’s wheels can’t touch the ground in that position! It looks like this one’s all over!

Your winner, by knockout in 2:07 and moving on to the Middleweight grand final, is… Abyss!


(4b) Night Jackal vs (2b) Death Metal

(1b) Hellhound vs (2a) Blackburn Kangaroo

Blackburn Kangaroo starts its disc up and maneuvers out of its square along the wall – and Hellhound’s already most of the way across the box, veering sideways to try to hit it. BK guns it and catches Hellhound’s plow off-center, knocking itself into the wall but Hellhound in the other direction, and is able to get enough space to spin up again. And now it’s, uhh… mooning Hellhound is the only way to put it. Who the hell just faces their back towards an opponent like that?

This move is met with mocking laughter from the other control both. Hellhound tentatively scoots forward, then back, turning a little to catch the easiest swing around direction with its plow, but there’s no reaction from Blackburn Kangaroo. It tries it again, but this time BK reverses straight into Hellhound, and does actually make contact with its spinner, but glances off the plow and pops itself in the air about a foot. There’s some sparks as it lands, and it gets turned about 90 degrees, and now Hellhound’s on the attack for real, ramming into Blackburn Kangaroo from the side and sending it reeling away, bouncing the disc off the floor again but not throwing itself far enough to avoid another hit.

After a couple tries BK gets some breathing room, but again tries the reversing tactic. Hellhound moves in more aggressively this time, and BK comes down weapon-first on sort of the top of the plow. There’s a huge shower of sparks and it’s thrust away sideways, tipping and hitting the floor HARD, which sends the bot into an out-of-control pirouette and makes it tip back until the side of the disc that’s behind it digs into the floor. The top corner of Hellhound’s plow looks like it’s taken a bit of damage from that hit, but nothing significant, and it rams BK again as it gets back under control – oh, but there’s an attempted spinaround maneuver from Blackburn Kangaroo that narrowly misses Hellhound’s rear wheel as it charges past.

After this Blackburn Kangaroo gives up on… whatever it was trying to do, and starts going for the classic “show him my side and then spin around” maneuver with… mixed success. It catches the sides of Hellhound’s plow a couple times and puts some holes through the armor, but most of the time Hellhound’s taking the impacts squarely on the front and just deflecting it. Another hit sends BK up on its side, disc scraping against the floor. Hellhound charges it, but the wedge gets caught on something and BK’s back on its wheels. It cruises in in reverse again. Hellhound approaches cautiously, turning in the direction BK would hit from if it swung around in the direction of its weapon torque – but BK has some momentum and it locks up the right wheel, whipping around in the opposite direction with surprising speed. There’s an explosion of sparks, and both bots are sent flying.

For the first time, there’s major damage to one of the competitors! Hellhound’s got a big chunk taken out of the back edge of its plow, and – is that left front tire locked up? No, the bot’s still driving, but wobbling – oh, the tire’s just toast! There’s part of it kind of sitting on top of the rim, but it’s stationary. The bottom edge of the wheelguard’s looks like it’s had a chainsaw taken to it, and the guard’s bent in a little too, but it looks like BK’s blade was low enough that it slid under the chassis and just tore through the soft stuff until it got a solid hit on the plow.

Unfortunately this just seems to have made Hellhound angry. It takes a couple more decent hits, but finally slams into BK hard enough that it ramps off the double-angled plow and goes flying at least three feet in the air, hitting the floor again on the way down. And Hellhound’s in behind it, just grinding against the rear-facing part of the disc and bull-rushing Blackburn Kangaroo into the corner! Ouch, I felt that one! Hellhound’s got BK on its plow now, and with it tilted like that there’s no way for it to spin up. The wheels are spinning, but it doesn’t have anywhere to go stuffed up against the wall like that. Hellhound’s backing up a couple inches and pushing forward again – is it trying to turn BK over? That might not be advisable! It doesn’t matter though because it can’t pull it off without its lifter, which it traded for a thicker plow in this match, and eventually it has to let BK go.

The rest of the fight Hellhound remains the aggressor, but it’s not driving as effectively, and the plow ends up crooked enough after a few more hits that BK’s blade can slip under one corner, which forces it to drive a lot more cautiously to avoid getting its other front wheel sniped. Meanwhile Blackburn Kangaroo’s weapon stops working for about ten seconds near the end of the fight, and it spends that period trying to play keepaway, but gets stuffed as soon as the disc gets going and ends the match pinned in the corner.

Judges’ Decision:
Damage: Blackburn Kangaroo 4, Hellhound 1
Aggression: Blackburn Kangaroo 1, Hellhound 4
Control: Blackburn Kangaroo 1, Hellhound 4

Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision and moving on to the heavyweight grand final, is… Hellhound!

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Re: ROBOTS 3: Fight Card and Results

Post by The_Angry_Goat » Sun Sep 15, 2019 2:01 pm

ROBOT3 - FINALS! (Week 9)

NOTE: The fight card is out, not all fights are written. We'll get there but I dont want to miss another week and all fights have been at least decided. ALSO: AWARDS TIME!


You'll see a list of nominees here - they were voted on by staff. your job is to copy this list, pick your favorite, and post it into the discussion thread for this event. whoever gets the most votes wins the award :V

Strategist Award: Interrobang Robotics (The_Angry_Goat), Team Ignition (Badnik96), End of the Line LLC (V900), Team Instant Regret (Hooray For Lexan)
Rookie All-Star: Wham!
Highest Rookie Seed: Wham!
Chemical Explosion Award (Best new robot): Blackburn Kangaroo, Idiot Triangle, NKC, Black Salvo
XIII award (bot to best surpass low expectations): The Terrible Toad Twins, <3, What's the Scoop?, Post Traumatic Stress
White Rabbit Award (bot to most underpass high expectations): Sixpounder, Mudcrab
Angry Goat Award (most aggressive bot): Hellhound, Circuitz, Dubior Jr.
Sarge Award (most improved returning robot): Epicer Waluigi, Hati
Howler Award (most damaging robot): Abyss, Blackburn Kangaroo, Death Metal
Invertigo Award (Coolest looking bot): Circuitz, Sixpounder, Abyss
Euphoberia Ferox Award (best engineered/most original bot): Defenestrator, Whirlpool
BOX award (hardest to damage): Black Salvo, What's the Scoop?
Lollerskate Award (most ambitious/yolo design): Circuitz, Pressure Flop, Sideswipe, MADSCIENCE
Challonge Links:


The following robots need to declare their configurations every week. things like wedge teeth and small removables COUNT towards what you have to declare. failure to properly declare (via PM, a post in the discussion thread, or a ping of your opponent on Discord) by WEDNESDAY will leave you open to forfeiting should your opponent RP before you.

Interrobang robotics: Visual Assault

Monsterworks: Madscience

Tartarus Robotics: Hellhound

Team Ignition: Nuclear Plague

Higher seed is in the blue square, and is colored blue.


(1b) Black Salvo vs (2b) Idiot Triangle

BRONZE MEDAL: (1a) Black Dog vs (3b) Post Traumatic Stress

Drew appears to have been kidnapped by a band of kangaroos to become their king, and cannot be joining us tonight, so the victory will be handed to black dog

Your Featherweight Bronze Medalist is Black Dog!


(2a) Madscience vs (3a) Nuclear Plague

I’ve notice that in real life and on ARC, there’s two typical responses to impossible odds. You can respond to knowing tha you’re beaten by throwing a wonky curveball, or you can just be as fucking confident as possible no matter the odds.

Dylan’s pre-fight swagger puts him solidly into the secondary category – and the points he brings up are definitely correct, but they ignore the fact that Nuclear Plague is equipped for modularity, and struggles to deal with the extremes of the meta.

I say all this now, because the entire fight is really summed up by that hit we just saw. Both bots exploded back from the hit. Madscience bouncing wildly off the walls in a way that could have OOTAed it if Alex had been unlucky. Nuclear Plague spinning even more wildly than Madscience, taking an impact from its own disc as one of the teeth bends up far enough to bite into its own support, taking the bot with it.

Nuclear Plague still works other than the fact that it just ate itself though, and Dylan is more than willing to ram his bot into the whirling dervish that’s starting up on the other side of the arena. For his credit, he manages to eat two more massive hits before Nuclear Plague finally shudders to a stop in the last lightweight bout of the season, but neither are enough to severely threaten the awesome power of MADSCIENCE.

Your winner, and ROBOT3 Lightweight CHAMPION is MADSCIENCE!

BRONZE MEDAL: (1b) Venice Queen vs (4b) Circuitz

Jules brings an actual poptart on wheels into the arena, which Venice Queen is forced to play with, much to the chagrin of its driver, who did not read the fine print of his own event closely enough apparently.

Your Lightweight bronze medalist is Venice Queen!


(1b) Abyss vs (2b) Visual Assault

This is it, folks, the Middleweight grand final! Visual Assault and Abyss have already fought in the group stage, and while Visual Assault was able to win by a close decision it took a lot of damage in the process. How the second round will go is anyone’s guess.

Abyss gets the drum spinning right away, Visual Assault darts out of its corner but doesn’t take a direct approach, going along the high wall for a bit before heading out into the middle of the box. Abyss is producing its death hum again, and both of them come pretty much straight at each other. There’s a shower of sparks and Abyss gets popped back a couple feet, and almost immediately gets a beak shoved under its drum again, and again, nearly getting forced back into the wall before it manages to pivot away. The drum’s still spinning, but it’s definitely lost some speed. Abyss retreats, turning its back on Visual Assault, and nearly gets scooped up for its trouble, spinning away just in time. It tries to curve around and take a bite out of VA’s side, with… absolutely no success. Yet again the drum glances harmlessly off of Visual Assault’s beak, and this time Abyss is slammed into the low wall. Is Visual Assault going to try to get it out? Doesn’t look like it can reach, but it lifts anyway, unfortunately not managing to overturn Abyss’s wide body. And Abyss gets away, going in full reverse trying to get the weapon up to speed again with Visual Assault after it like the venue security after that guy who cut in line at the concession stand this morning… I wish.

Anyway, a couple more exchanges and Abyss still hasn’t gotten a solid hit in, and it’s been kept completely on the defensive. After another glancing blow it backs away a bit, turning its side towards Visual Assault. This baiting technique has been passed down in the Mantella Family for generations… and Gabe’s not falling for it at all. Visual Assault circles around to the back of Abyss. Abyss retreats forward, then spins around, tilting wildly – and that’s a dangerous angle for VA, Abyss is almost in position to hit to the side of the plow. Visual Assault slams on the brakes and leaves rubber streaks on the arena floor as it reverses away. Abyss is left in the dust, but the drum’s making an unearthly howl now. It looks like that maneuver bought them time to spin back up.

Visual Assault rams Abyss again, but this time doesn’t seem to have put much of a dent in the drum’s speed as it skids away – and speaking of dents, that beak is definitely losing some material from the top there, although I think the thing’s pretty much solid so there’s no hope of it being ground down to nothing in three minutes. Abyss keeps weaving from side to side, tipping back and forth unpredictably. It’s not getting them around VA’s beak, but after a few attempts it manages to sort of vault over it and come down on top of the plow drum-first with a tremendous crash. Abyss is flung back, flipping over on its back, and VA’s sent skidding backward a couple feet as well. The lifter raises, then slams back down on the floor and VA does a backflip. Okay, evidently that weapon’s still working. Abyss’s certainly is. It gyros back over, but turns its back on VA in the process and gets its wheels raised into the air. Visual Assault starts driving it toward the wall but before it can get there one of Abyss’s forks catches a high spot on the floor and pole vaults it forward onto its lid again. It charges in regardless, hitting a bit off-center and skipping up into the top of VA’s plow. There’s another big hit, and Abyss gets tossed several feet in the air, tumbling end-over-end.

Anyway, Abyss is able to get another big hit on the top of Visual Assault’s plow, but other than that we’re now at the halfway mark of this fight and Visual Assault’s been in steady control, and overwhelmingly the aggressor. But is that beak touching the ground? You know, I’m not sure it is! The top edges of the plow have been bent back a little but I think the whole plate might have also bent where it attaches to the arms. It doesn’t have to be perfectly ground-scraping though, as long as it’s lower than Abyss’s drum – oh, but it isn’t!” Another huge impact sends both bots flying backwards and gives Abyss time to retreat and spin up again, and now the tip of the beak’s gone, and the plow’s not only bent upward but bowing inward in the center. Visual Assault is vulnerable now. They can’t engage Abyss head-on with impunity anymore. VA tries to get around to its side, but Abyss is able to turn in time, and delivers another blow to the top of the plow. It’s sent skidding back, but for the first time really in this fight shows some aggression of its own and rushes in again, delivering a vicious uppercut to the beak that launches Visual Assault into the air.

All of a sudden, the tempo of this fight has turned on its head. Visual Assault’s trying to keep up the aggressive pressure, but it has to stay out of the way of Abyss’s drum. It circles, trying to get it to flip itself over. Abyss stays, uhh, sort of upright, though. It backs off towards the wall, lets VA come to it, and this time just clips the beak and flips the plow up as well as popping VA in the air a little. VA’s powerful drivetrain just barely lets it avoid getting smacked on the chassis, but Abyss takes some chunks out of one of the front tires.

And there’s another massive hit! Visual Assault’s plow is looking lopsided now. Oh, and another shot leaves it hanging on by just one of the arms. The plow’s flipped over behind the bot now. Visual Assault runs away and flips the twisted plow over with some difficulty, the other arm spinning much more rapidly and hopping its side into the air. Abyss has sensed blood in the water, and dishes out another shot. Visual Assault’s plow shakes like a sapling tree, but it’s still attached to the bot. There’s just forty-five seconds left in the match now. VA was in a situation like this last time and was able to take the decision, but there’s quite a bit of time left for them to hold on, and completely running away could cost them the fight because right now any decision is going to be close! There’s some smoke from inside Abyss, but the drum’s still spinning. What can Visual Assault do here?

Uhh… why’s it flipped the plow around again? It’s upside down, it’s not even close to the floor. Are they just planning to take one more hit and hope Abyss’s weapon breaks? It looks like it, they charge in head-on, slamming dead-center into Abyss’s drum. The plow stays attached though, and just gets tapped upward, leaving Visual Assault to ride into the weapon. POW! It gets tossed into the air and skids across the arena in a shower of white sparks. The plow’s still clinging to life – but the bottom panel’s partially come loose! Visual Assault’s guts are hanging out! It’s moving, but only in a circle – what’s that on the floor, though? The belt! The belt’s off! Oh my God! Abyss’s weapon is slowly spinning down! Visual Assault drove the jagged edge of the beak straight into Abyss’s weapon belt, and it’s been severed! There’s twenty seconds left though, and Abyss is teeing up. A weapon that heavy’s got a lot of inertia and the hit didn’t stop it. Abyss has one more hit left in it, can Visual Assault survive?

Boom! Abyss charges, catching Visual Assault in the side. The wheels stay attached, but the bot’s sent barrel rolling over the high wall! And they’re out with just eighteen seconds left in the fight. Abyss’s drum is silent and stationary. It drives back to its square and takes a well-earned victory spin, both wheels staying on the ground for once.

Your winner, by OOTA in 2:42 and the ROBOT3 Middleweight Champion is… ABYSS!

BRONZE MEDAL: (1a) Hati vs (2a) NKC

Dylan Forfeits, choosing to focus his team's limited time on optimizing his two finalists

Your Middleweight Bronze Medalist is NKC!


(1b) Hellhound vs (2b) Death Metal

Whoooo leeeet the dooooogs ouuuuut?
It doesn't matter, because here to rip you from limb to limb, IT'S-- HELLHOUUUUUND!

Big red blade with wheels of fire, telling people their desire. Ray's sitting there, he's smiling. Watches those sparks fly higher and higher.

canned applause etc etc okay okay now let's get into the actual match

Hellhound, being Lazbot prime, does the very Lazbot box rush to start the match. He slams into Death Metal at top speed, accompanied with an deep, arena-rattling CLANG. This is the type of hit that would usually result in a "both bots explode, this bot's less exploded, your winner is..." situation, but neither seems wavered. Some further, lesser hits begins to reveal scratches and scrapes along the front of Hellhound's plow, but nothing too serious as of yet.

Hellhound goes in for more punishment, and that's exactly what it gets. Despite it's namesake, it's actually Death Metal who's snapping it's jaws at it's opponent, waiting to tear it apart like a pitbull to a child. Hellhound's wedge is the only thing holding Death Metal back from doing so, with a firm grasp on the animal's neck.

Hellhound sees an opportunity to ram Death Metal to the wall, and you already know it's driver is gonna go for that. DM's chassis bonks against the arena lining, flirting with the possibility of an OOTA multiple times. It also comes daaangerously close to sniping the top of Hellhound's chassis! But it doesn't, and Laz makes sure that it doesn't on the second ram. Or the third, fourth... you get the idea. While neither of the bots have deliberating damage by the end of the fight, Hellhound has it's gashes. Death Metal is shaken (but not stirred). Let's see who your ROBOT THREE HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION is...!
DMG: 4-1 Death Metal
AGG: 3-2 Hellhound
CTL: 4-1 Hellhound
HELLHOUND wins the title by a surprisingly close 8-7 decision!
(writer's note: I was going to use "HH" as shorthand for "Hellhound, but I realized that's probably not a very good idea :V)

BRONZE MEDAL: (4b) Night Jackal vs (2a) Blackburn Kangaroo