First, however, we have a bit of housekeeping to do: with the top three bots qualifying from each division, for a grand total of nine in each weight class, we have one too many! Last week, we solved that by hosting a quartet of elimination matches. Play-ins for the playoffs, I guess you could say. The results of those are posted just below our arenas for the week. Don't liek the fact that there are two of 'em? Hey, it wasn't my decision! Blame Elon Musk. Anyways, let's take a look.
Featherweight and Lightweight
Ironworks by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab
Name: Ironworks (Eisenwerk)
Location: Dusseldorf, Germany
Size: 30 ft x 30 ft - 700 square feet
Intended Use: FW - LW Singles and Doubles
Theme: Heavy Industrial
Floor Materials: steel
OOTA Zone?: NO (pit)
House Robots: This arena does not use house robots.
Hazards and Features:
- die Schornsteine The smokestacks (10) - There are five of these powerful pistons located on either side of the arena. If a robot drives or is pushed over them, they will pop up and begin spewing flames, dealing light to moderate damage which stacks over time and potentially flipping bots over.
- der Müllbrenner The Furnace (1) - A great furnace occupies the center of the arena, its oppressive heat seeping out through a pair of grilles. It is ringed by caution stripes and a small lip that prevents bots driving in at high speed. This is because the grilles are rather flimsy. Four solid impacts against a grille will cause it to collapse, leaving the furnace yawning open. A bot that falls in will be considered to be eliminated.
Achievement: Forged by Fire - successfully shove your opponent inside der Müllbrenner after they have opened it.
Middleweight and Heavyweight
The Noir by Floating Castle Robotics on Sketchfab
Name: The Noir
Location: Chicago, Illinois, USA
Layout: Square (with rounded corners)
Size: 50 ft x 50 ft - 2500 square feet
Intended Use: MW - SHW Singles and Doubles
Theme: Retrofuturistic Cyberpunk Noir
Floor Materials: painted steel
OOTA Zone?: YES
House Robots: This arena does not use house robots.
Hazards and Features:
- The Fatales (4) - These four slightly recessed floor spinners are lit up by strips of white LEDs. Once the match begins, each of the hazards' damage will scale up whenever they are driven over in the manner outlined below:
- White: the first time that a hazard is driven over, it will spin slowly, dealing light damage. Following that contact, it will turn green.
- Green: the second time that a hazard is driven over, it will spin at moderate RPM, dealing light to moderate damage. Following that contact, it will turn yellow.
- Yellow: the third time that a hazard is driven over, it will spin somewhat quickly, dealing moderate damage. Following that contact, it will turn orange.
- Orange: the fourth time that a hazard is driven over, it will spin at high RPM, dealing moderate to heavy damage. Following that contact, it will turn red.
- Red: the fifth time that a hazard is driven over, it will be spinning at a vicious speed and will deal heavy damage, destroying the wheels and damaging the body panels of many bots. Following that contact, it will turn white and will not spin any faster for the remainder of the fight.
- The Crooked Cop (1) - In the middle of the arena is a small hump with the ARC logo. It is not a damaging hazard, but it can spoil a box rush or high-center a bot with low enough ground clearance. Fortunately, it will retract to be flush with the floor after thirty seconds have passed in the match.
- Low-down Dirty Rotten Walls (2) - All around the arena are two foot high walls at the base of the lexan. However, the lexan isn't present immediately behind each starting square where the bots are loaded in and out from. A good flip will send an opponent out of the arena proper and into the loading zone.
Achievement One: Tax Evasion - Last the entire three minutes without getting hit by the Fatales even once.
Team Rinzler: FusterCluck (CBC4 Round Three)
Featherweight: (8) Untitled Goose Robot vs (9) Finishing Move
Okay, Finishing Move’s spinning up… spinning down… oh and the “drum on a stick” srimech mechanism fires, sending the drum swinging overhead and almost flipping the bot over. It clips the floor, sending up a few sparks. Ah, and here comes Untitled Goose Robot attacking Finishing Move, and it charges in with the vertical spinner facing backwards. This mode of attacking seems to catch Goose a little off guard, and FM darts in and gets a hit!
The problem is, Finishing Move’s drum has a ridiculous amount of reach using its drum like this. The weapon outreaches everything else in the arena, but especially its own feeder wedges. As a result it glances harmlessly off Untitled Goose’s front. It kicks itself back a little, but Goose not so much. Untitled Goose Robot’s after it with its explosive acceleration, and Finishing Move finds itself getting forced back, getting a couple more glancing blows – oh, and being backed into the wall! And it fires the arm again, slamming its blade into the wall and knocking itself free of a clamping attack. Goose is right after it though, forcing Alex to put those Mecanum’s to use strafing behind the MuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuufuckitIainttypingthatshitout – and it darts back out, and this time comes in off-center and manages to catch Goose’s claw near the root. The goose finally flies! Of course it bounces thatnks to those big tires, but immediately takes a hit to one of them, shaving off some rubber.
Now it’s Finishing Move’s turn to go on the attack, knocking UGR around a couple times before Noah gets his bearings and shoves the wedge under the drum. FM’s retreating again, more scraping and sparking – uh oh, and Untitled Goose has a wheel clamped! FM fires the “flipper” to try to get away, but gets its weapon smashed into the wall again. It whacks Goose on the head with the now stopped drum – or rather, the supports, but it’s spinning back up! And up come the flammenpisstins under… both bots actually but Untitled Goose just gets its wedge popped up a little, and easily backs off. Finishing Move has a bit more trouble.
So the first like… minute and fifteen seconds have Goosebot in steady control with a couple of quick chains of hits by Finishing Move. However, those claws have actually been getting clipped quite a bit. The sharpened tips are pretty much gone, and the wheels have gotten bits of tire taken off too. FM also tries using its blade as a hammersaw, but aside from one good hit on a wheel his own weapon supports get in the way.
However, eventually Alex has completely run out of ideas, and has to use his absolute last resort tactic of “Actually drive like a normal vert instead of doing janky boat mode bullshit christ we get it you’re excited for Aquabots stop jumping the fucking gun.” And Goose pretty much immediately gets punted. It’s by no means an easy fight for FM, because UGR’s wedgelets are still getting between its wedgelets pretty often, but the Goose does have a little bit of a wheelieing tendency and takes some solid hits on the actual wedge, as well as on the clamps. And Finishing Move’s got the speed to capitalize whenever it gets a hit in, grabbing those meaty tires and juggling it.
Somewhere in there Finishing Move’s picked up a bent axle and it’s driving like garbage, but it’s still really fast garbage, and Untitled Goose Robot’s now running on wonky wheels too, plus its clamps are very noticeably crooked and the sharp prongs are pretty much gone from them. The wedgelets are so far not jammed up, but one of them’s bent and keeps getting caught by FM’s drum. Overall a very close match with both bots getting some good shots in but struggling a bit towards the end, this could be a tight score.
Damage: Finishing Move 4, Untitled Goose Robot 1
Aggression: Finishing Move 2, Untitled Goose Robot 3
Control: Finishing Move 3, Untitled Goose Robot 2
Your winner, by a 9-6 Judges’ Decision, is Finishing Move!
Lightweight: (8) Broken Tooth vs (9) Apeirogon
BT comes out aggressively and goes to angle in on Apiergon while Maxi starts his bot out of his square rear-first, but spins around once he’s closer to BT and Apiergon spins up its weapon. The two bots exchange glancing blows at first and are knocked away from each other. Both engage again and this time something comes off of one of the bots and goes flying, from BT maybe? The bots are separated again and Apiergon goes skidding away before its mecanums can regain traction on the slick steel floor. BT is charging in again and catches Apiergon on a front corner and punches it upwards a bit. BT suffers some knockback, but recovers and aims to capitalize on the last hit. Apiergon is the slower of the two to recover again because of the mecanums. Broken Tooth gets in another meaty weapon hit and Apiergon is now reeling. Maxi desperately strafes out of the way and barely avoids another blow and backs up to put the center furnace between him and BT to buy a few seconds and recoup.
Broken Tooth remains aggressive and chases after Apiergon. Maxi feigns retreat, then tries the earlier trick of suddenly turning his front towards BT and catching Gabe off-guard. It works this time, BT gets a face-full of vertical spinning bar and gets punted backwards. It’s weapon arm looks bent now, but the weapon still works and Gabe doesn’t let that faze him. BT keeps up the aggression for the rest of the match and doesn’t really bother with the arena hazards. The bots exchange more hits, some sending bits of each other’s front into the ceiling and both start looking worse for wear but still functioning in the drive and weapon departments. Final 30 seconds and each bot gets in one more good hit on each other. Apiergon loses drive in one of its mecanums while Broken Tooth’s weapon is noticeably slower and the match ends with a stalemate. This will go to the judges and the winner will move on into the next round of the CBC4 playoffs!
Damage: 3-2 Apiergon
Aggression: 3-2 Broken Tooth
Control: 3-2 Broken Tooth
Broken Tooth wins with an 8-7 Judges’ decision
Middleweight: (8) Diablo Genesis III* vs (9) Spinnerfood
Both bots begin the match quickly, with DGIII raising its lifter high to combat Spinnerfood's awkwardly placed chassis, whilst Spinnerfood, unconvinced, spins up. The two bots meet, with Spinnerfood's blade smacking the underside of DGIII's plow and throwing the bot clean over. DGIII attempts to self-right, but Spinnerfood is already in position, and hits the baseplate with a hefty crack, causing a plume of that magic smoke to erupt. DGIII does continue to brawl with Spinnerfood for a while whilst gushing fumes, actually managing to push back against the taller bot and nearly get it to the wall, only for its batteries to inevitably conk out from the damage sustained.
Spinnerfood wins by KO in 1:27
Heavyweight: (8) No Fun Machine vs (9) Defenestrator
Defenestrator went with the anti spinner plow with a regular lifter to no one's surprise and the No Fun Machine decided to go for the more normal looking teeth.
The fight begins with the spinner predictably spinning up and approaching the middle while Defenestrator brings the arm all the way back to engage with the full plow. This does throw off his center off mass a bit back but doesn't seem to be a massive deal. The two of them do the dumb circle game thing you probably did as a kid while playing tag if there was some kind of big obstacle that you could go around but not through, but only for a few seconds as one of the bots here is almost twice as fast as the other lol. This does buy Gabe enough time to spin up for a big hit, too bad he fell right into the evil HFL's perfectly calculated trap and got sent straight to the corner, where there is a big hazard that does a MASSIVE 1 DAMAGE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
Yeah that really didn't do any damage but it did allow Defenestrator to box NFM in the corner beautifully. Some boring boxing later NFM escapes and spins up in the middle at around the 30-something second mark. The fight doesn't get that much better from before for Fun't as HFL knows how to drive and makes sure to tank the hits with the very middle of his plow and is reasonably good at predicting where the shell will bounce to.
Multiple of these sub-optimal hits later the shell teeth manages to catch the inner edge of the weirdly shaped plow on Defenestrator and that hit goes a lot better, it doesn't take that many hits before Gabe manages to get good at getting hits like that. And with good i mean one of those every few hits.
Meanwhile Defenestrator does pin NFM against a wall for a few seconds on a few occasions, no corner pins again tho. Have you seen the screensavers on the DVD players from a bit over 10 years ago with the bouncing logo? well the logo is Fun't but there is also a moving wall in the middle or something like that. The point is that it doesn't really go into the corners much, OK?
The hits that catch the inner corner for extra damage are starting to be more common, HFL counters this by attacking at a bit of an angle as there really is only one edge that the shell can hit. This does have the side effect of putting more hits in the other slightly forward side of the wedge at a not quite ideal angle but it sorta works out for him as it spreads out the already stacking up damage.
This sums up the fight for the first two minutes and around fifteen seconds, that is the point where even if it is dominating the fight, the plow in Defenestrator is showing some real damage while the No Fun Machine keeps working just fine. A few seconds later Fun't deals a massive hit in the corner and now there is a split on that plow starting from the bottom inner corner and goes up a noticeable distance, you can clearly see the front side wedge part thing of the plow clearly bent outwards now. Although it is still in one piece technically, HFL doesn't really like the look of it and backs off a bit. Then he decides to turn around and attack in reverse using his lifter as a keep-away stick for the last 20 seconds of the fights. It works, albeit you can see that Defenestrator is being a lot more careful now and doesn't really do anything other than push NFM around.
Time's up now.
Damage: No Fun Machine 5, Defenestrator 0
Aggression: No Fun Machine 2, Defenestrator 3
Control: No Fun Machine 1, Defenestrator 4
Your winner, by a 8-7 Split Decision, is No Fun Machine!
The Fight Card
Below are the week's fights. [Unlike most weeks, where RPs are due on Saturday, b]RPs will instead be due on Sunday May 10, at 11:59 PM EST.[/b] As the playoffs have begin, the RP limit is 500 words, where it will remain for the rest of the tournament. The higher-ranked robot will always start in the green square. Remember to inform your opponent of configuration choices by Friday night if they are not patently obvious or clearly posted in your signup.
The first bot listed will always start in the green square. An asterisk (*) denotes a defending champion.
(1) CIRCUITZ Killjoy Syndicate (5-1) vs. (9) Finishing Move The Monsterworks (5-2)
We’ve got a rematch from the group stage because wow, nice brackets am I right? Finishing Move was the only thing that beat Circuitz last time, let’s see if it can pull it off again.
Circuitz’s strategy is of course “oh god oh fuck oh shit he has a spinner AND a functioning drivetrain what do I do oh shit arena hazards please save my shiny tinfoil ass.” This lasts about six hits on the grates, and one open pit, before FM catches her and sends one of her side skirts into the ceiling. Circuitz is still functioning though, and… oh, manages to juke FM and come in with a huge ram that absolutely smashes both bots into the arena wall! Finishing Move’s gotten out of there with a bent axle, but its corner forks seem to have taken the brunt of the impact and are seriously twisted sideways. It’s limping now – but still maneuverable enough that it lands a hit! Circuitz gets sent flying!
But Finishing Move’s sent itself skidding backwards almost over the pit! There’s a wheel caught over the grate, and it’s struggling to get out of there! Circuitz seems to be having drivetrain trouble itself, though, and the flipper’s utterly warped up and useless. Finishing Move’s able to finally get enough traction with those mecanums to free itself! Circuitz retreats, jukes, and tries to come in with the rear wedge, but that ends up bent up at an angle, and FM takes a bite out of the back of the chassis as well. Circuitz has to do something here quickly, and PREFERABLY NOT THAT!
A last-ditch attempt to knock FM down the pit again turns catastrophic as Circuitz gets hit on the front again, and thrown into the air so violently that its baseplate comes most of the way off. It lands upside-down, propped up on the mangled flipper and with speed controllers and batteries spilling out. And that is a wrap!
Your winner, by knockout in 1:44, is Finishing Move!
(4) Black Salvo Team Ignition (5-1) vs. (5) I Can't Believe it's not Tanto Team Riptide (5-1)
Both bots rocket out of the starting squares, colliding quickly, with Tanto slipping under and slamming Black Salvo into the grates. Another tussle has Tanto flipped over, but it manages to escape, scooping up Black Salvo up once more and bashing them on the grate (that's two!). A third head-on collision has Tanto win out, taking them into, guess what, the grates (three!), Black Salvo rushing back to try and get under Tanto, but it proves too slippery again to let BS do much. After a bit more jousting, Tanto gets its fourth and final opportunity to smack Black Salvo into the grates. Final, since they've dropped down, the inferno eagerly igniting. Badnik does his best to attempt to maintain some control over its nimble opposition, but Tanto wins out eventually, slamming Salvo into the flames.
I Can't Believe It's Not Tanto wins by KO in 1:42.
(2) Black Dog III Tartarus Robotics Group (5-1) vs. (7) Angry Bird: Seed Killer Gen 2 Team Eagle Robotics (4-2)
Both come in charging until Black Dog backs off a bit. Seed Killer waits and stands his ground. Black Dog then begins to advance slowly while Seed Killer backs up, patiently waiting for that hit. They're both being rather cautious for this fight. BAM! the crazy bird just misses barely grazing the drum and gets sent onto it's back. It rights itself, but Black Dog is already going in for another hit. Seed Killer is able to get itself upright and almost lands another shot, but only hits the floor. It backs up while moving around the circular arena, looking for that shotnl until....oh no! It's run out of wall it looks like. He's gotten corralled onto the flames. Seed Killer tried to correct, but not before a little jingle sound comes from the oven and sends the Birdy to it's fiery doom. And this one ain't coming back a phoenix.
Black Dog wins by KO in 1:37
(3) The Grand Vizier Team Blood Gulch (4-2) vs. (6) Ori Team Instant Regret (4-2)
In this rematch from the group stages, Grand Vizier starts strongly, damaging the tip of Ori's flipper and juggling it a few times. The Team Instant Regret machine, however, is able to survive the onslaught and soon begins to find the right angle on its opponent's narrow forks, all the while working the furnace grates. This pays dividends at the 1:40 mark, as a sudden shove and flip, all before the vert can slip away, sends it tumbling into the furnace and out of the playoffs. Revenge is a dish best served... kinda lukewarm, I guess.
Your winner, by pitting at 1:40, is Ori!
(1) Magnolia Pico The Monsterworks (6-0) vs. (8) Broken Tooth Interrobang Robotics (5-2)
Okay, the bots are off, and Magnolia Pico’s coming in pretty aggressively – possibly with good reason because one shot with that massive hammer could be all he needs to end it. Broken Tooth’s wary of that weapon as well, and goes for the side a couple times, but Pico’s strafing, while it seems like it’s a little clunky mixing it with the turning, is enough to keep up, and… it looks like there was very briefly a chance for Pico to fire, but Broken Tooth gets back out of range. Doesn’t seem like Alex wants to commit to a risky shot that could leave him open since BT’s taking its time with attacking anyway.
But suddenly it looks like Gabe’s flipped the switch on his transmitter labelled “Cyka Blyat.” Broken Tooth just guns it and rushes in! Magnolia fires the hammer but isn’t quite quick enough on the draw, and takes a big hit on its wedge! Its sheer weight and size mean it doesn’t get that much airtime, but it still gets tossed onto its back and up against the wall. It self-rights, but by then BT’s gotten in position at its side. It takes a big chunk out of one of the polycarbonate skirts, and -ooh, Broken Tooth ends up with its disc underneath the skirts! The disc grinds to a halt, but in the process it’s put Mango Pickle in a bit of a pickle because at least one of those legs is mangled!
Pico thrashes back and forth trying to free itself, while Broken Tooth stays wedged under it and… is really struggling to push it around. Pico has stood up on tippytoes, but doesn’t quite have the reach to climb off, and… oh, BT’s flipper almost turns it on its side! It doesn’t manage it, but it’s still wedged and Broken Tooth’s disc is now at the back and free to spin up. It does so, but MP finally climbs off. Broken Tooth flips its disc back into attack position. It tries to go for another shot, but MP turns and – oh, he nails him!
Or at least, does a perfect log-splitting maneuver. Uhh… Pico’s hammer spike has impaled itself between Broken Tooth’s wedgelet and the frame, and now it’s a power struggle because neither bot can easily push the other and BT can’t reach it with the disc. It tries to just retract it anyway, and ALMOST picks its opponent up, but even with double the weight it ends up faceplanting – but jostles Broken Tooth free in the process! Or he may have just snapped the pin holding that wedgelet, because that looks very lopsided – but it still gets under Pico’s wedge, which is already seriously bent, and even more so after taking another hit. It’s thrown inverted again. This time it self-rights back away from danger… except that the Manbanana’s in the way, so instead it ends up stuck against that. It raises its stance and gets back down, but before it can un-unglunk itself Broken Tooth rushes in underneath the wedge again. There’s a huge shower of white sparks as it gets the blade right under the middle of the bot… and again ends up stuck underneath it. With Pico trying to paddle itself away to safety and looking like one of those Little Tikes toy car things in the process.
I’m noticing a lack of thrashing around with the hammer, though, and a bit more sparks coming from underneath the bot than a stopped disc should be causing. There is some smoke, though… oh, that’s quite a bit of smoke. Not quite enough to be batteries, but still impressive. We may need an unstick and a fire extinguisher here. Or not… Broken Tooth goes for the big heave-ho!
And yep, there’s no hammer functionality on MP, but there is a smoking gash in its baseplate, and its seven surviving legs wiggling in the air like a dead Canadian Cockroach.
Your winner, by knockout in 1:38, is Broken Tooth!
(4) Scrapper Cool Story Brobotics (5-1) vs. (5) Final Mecha Catbot End of the Line LLC (5-1)
Catbot decides to start by opening both grills on the furnace and Tri figures that if he can't stop it he won't even try.Cat lacks dorifto potential and thus cannot box rush
30 seconds later both things are open and we can finally start.
Noah goes for flanking and goes hard on it. What usually happens is that Tri backs off while turning to face him while gyro, and Noah reacts by just saying never mind and backing off from the trap. After several attempts Catbot does manage to flank and push Scrapper from behind but sadly does not get an angle that lets push the drum into the furnace or the floor hazard thingies.
A pin timer later they back off a little and we go back to before, Scrapper playing defensively while Final Macha Catbot being aggressive but not really. Some seconds later Scrapper catches the hammer blocker thing and tears it off completely and actually flips Catbot. Said bot does not have any active weapon and just self rights by ramming at a wall at full speed.
Then repeat the same things a little more, this time Scrapper scratching Cat's face a few times instead of catching the now non-existent hammer blocker.
At some point Scrapper gets the right angle a bit before the impact and thus is not gyroing at the moment, this actually lets it get under for once. V900's OC that totally isn't a Garfield recolor flies off at high speed and bounces off a wall in mid air before landing inverted again. A quick Wall slam self right later we can see the now somewhat bent bottom of Catbot's plow.
We get some other aggressive but not really driving for a while, eventually Noah has enough and decides to charge in right in the middle of the drum and just tank a hit. Catbot's face hurts a lot now but it manages to push Scrapper into the hazard that isn't a furnace as it is the thing it has line of sight with. Scrapper gets annoyed by the floor coming up from underneath it and Noah uses the time to position itself.
When the arena lets Scrapper go FMC immediately comes from behind it and pushes it straight into the furnace door. Tri tries to get out but can't quite do it, he still manages to steer the situation enough to make his drum hit the door frame from the side instead of going fully in and then bounces off far away from the hit. The three minutes end before the two bots make contact again.
Damage: Scrapper 4, Final Mecha Catbot 1
Aggression: Scrapper 2, Final Mecha Catbot 3
Control: Scrapper 2, Final Mecha Catbot 3
Your winner, by a 8-7 Split Decision, is Scrapper!
(2) Blood Eagle* Tartarus Robotics Group (6-0) vs. (7) TSA 2.1 Ice Cubed Robotics (4-2)
What appears to be a straightforward "brick tanks and smothers spinner for three minutes" kind of match, turns into anything but as the notoriously slippery Blood Eagle demonstrates excellent arena use to buy itself three full-power hits on the front armour of The Servant's Assistant in the opening minute. Alex seems hesitant to use his flipper against the defending champion, worried about the power of that blade, but it allows Laz to brazenly and repeatedly Tombstone bait him. While TSA's aggressive response leads to a chain of control at roughly the halfway mark of the fight, Blood Eagle manages to avoid the pit through a combination of awkward shape, j-hooking, and TSA's mediocre torque. As its weapon never completely goes still, Alex remains conservative in his flipper use and, once Blood Eagle gets free and Laz gets his timing down, if finally scores that coveted sideswipe. With its side armour buckled into the path of its wheels and mobility reduced, TSA struggles even further to smother its hard-hitting opponent, and a pitting seems out of reach. Now able to be more aggressive than before, Blood Eagle is able to deliver a series of devastating blows as the clock winds down but, in a final show of defiance, the Britflipper makes it to the final buzzer.
Aggression: 4-1 TSA
Damage: 5-0 Blood Eagle
Control: 4-1 Blood Eagle
Your winner, by 10-5 judges' decision, is the defending champion: Blood Eagle!
(3) Shade Fist Team Ignition (5-1) vs. (6) Golden MADD Team Rinzler (4-2)
Big-ass drum vs big-ass shell. This is pretty standard "deathspinner slugfest" fare, so I'll spare you the fake suspense of "oooh they both spin up who will strike first ooooooooh" and cut to the chase: Shade Fist is far and away the aggressor here. It rounds the corner and slams into Golden MADD at great speed! MADD is knocked away, but doesn't see much airtime-
...wait, you really went with the angled shell?
I guess Golden MADD does see some airtime after all, getting chucked several (as in, literally 7) feet away. Shade Fist goes in once again, twice again, but not thrice because it's drum soon dies after the second hit. It bumps the fumbling MADD around a bit onto the pistons, but the shell eventually recovers and finishes the deed.
Golden MADD wins by KO in 1:25.
(1) Hoarfrost Tartarus Robotics Group (6-0) vs. (9) Spinnerfood Team C/D (4-3)
Sirens comes into this match determined to score a flip and chain by spinning his blade upward, but this isn't Diablo Genesis he's facing and the geometry is all wrong. What ensues is three minutes of frustration for the spinner, as Laz sinks deep into his comfort zone and drives Hoarfrost like it's "Hellhound, but with a really tall plow". This isn't 100% straightforward, as Spinnerfood is quick enough to give Hoarfrost the slip a handful of times, and its trips to the hazards are less common than Laz probably would've hoped. However, one glancing swipe that blows open a side panel aside, the HUGE clone is kept safely away from the flipper's vulnerable chassis. We're going to the judges.
Aggression: 4-1 Hoarfrost
Damage: 4-1 Spinnerfood
Control: 4-1 Hoarfrost
Your winner, by 9-6 judges' decision is Hoarfrost!
(4) Magnolia Grande The Monsterworks (5-1) vs. (5) Momma Bear Killjoy Syndicate (5-1)
Magnolia Grande spins up and goes to the middle of the arena, meanwhile Momma starts activating the hazards by bumping into them (note that it's not a fast bot at all lmao) while the cubs go around and engage.
The cubs are really annoying Mango and are surprisingly good at reading it so they dodge slow moving attacks consistently. A few times one of the cubs get under enough to fire its flipper, Magnolia Big goes up a bit but the gyro of the big spinny weapon makes it not get overturned at all, so it continues as an undercutter.
A while later Momma decides to join the game and before it reaches the battle Alex gets a hit in and Santi gets yeeted away and crashes into the lexan, bouncing off in several pieces around the entire quadrant of the arena.
The fight becomes even more annoying for Alex as now there is a big cheese wedge scraping into the spinner while the remaining little shit gets to its ass and pops it or something. After a minute and something of this Alex manages to use its weapon to touch slightly the remaining cub, little shit literally explodes.
The rest of the fight is Momma (~50.25% of the weight) trying to push Mango into one of the corner hazards but failing to do so as she isn't even faster then the slow deathspinner lmao.
Aggression: 3-2 Momma Bear
Damage: 5-0 Magnolia Grande
Control: 3-2 Momma Bear
Your winner, by 9-6 judges' decision is Magnolia Grande!
(2) Dragonfist Team Worst Swordsman (5-1) vs. (7) Skoll Team Instant Regret (4-2)
Flail and Ball Torture
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, at en dot wikipedia dot org.
Between the obvious ball puns and comment about Skoll being HFL's fursona, there's a PLETHORA of jokes I could make here and you should be thankful that I'm restraining myself to 1 (one) CBT reference.
As for the match itself... most of it is just these two Beyblade-lookin asses tickling each other for something like a minute and a half. The flails do their damage (read: not a ton), while the bar does its own damage (read: also not a ton). It's the bar-to-shell collisions that make this match remotely interesting, with each of the two spinners seeing huge amounts of knockback. When I said "Beyblades" I really wasn't kidding.
Of course, this only lasts so long before Dragonfist's obnoxious reach gets the better of a box rush-happy Skoll, with the latter receiving a big old-fashioned gash in it's flank. Skoll skids around in circles and slams against the wall. The weapon spins back up to speed, but the drivetrain just isn't there. 10 count, and we're done here.
Dragonfist wins by KO in 2:01.
(3) Acrid End of the Line LLC (5-1) vs. (6) Pressure Flop II Team Design Flaw (4-2)
Acrid decides to gamble by not going with its plow. It's determined to show that it, too, has knockout power. The result is plenty of wily driving on Noah's part, and conservative driving on Maxi's. Then it gets the pin. Acrid manages to shunt the shuffler's turret aside by outwedging its wedge, and it goes to work with its saw. Sparks fly and you can definitely see a cut being made. Maxi flails desperately with the hammer and that's enough to jostle his bot free. Serendipitously, that also leave shim lines up perfectly for a hammer blow. While it's glancing, it forces Noah to back off out of range, reset, and try again. His attempt to avoid the hammer on his next approach spells disaster, however. Acrid oversteers and leaves itself vulnerable for just a split second too long. Down comes the hammer, leaving a scary-looking dent in Acrid's top panel, and the demon dog dies on the spot. Must've knocked out a receiver or something.
Pressure Flop II wins by KO at 1:37
(1) Glacier III The Monsterworks (6-0) vs. (8) The No Fun Machine Interrobang Robotics (5-2)
The two biggest, baddest horizontal spinners in the heavyweight class going up against each other, this ought to be good! Glacier’s up to speed, No Fun Machine’s up to speed, and they lumber towards each other. Here comes a huge hit… or not. Nope, instead because No Fun Machine has opted to use its flails, we’re getting a bunch of little hits, lots of pretty sparks, and one of the worst sounds that has ever come out of a robot combat arena, but no real carnage or bots being flung around.
Bits of metal are periodically getting flung into the box walls at very high speed, but both bots are still spinning and haven’t really done much to each other. Is it it my imagination, though, or are No Fun Machine’s flails looking a bit shorter than they were at the start of the match? No, there’s short pieces of chain, mostly just a few links, littered around the arena.
A bit over halfway through, No Fun Machine rams Glacier hard enough that despite the flail lulz the robots actually make contact, FINALLY. They promptly get flung across the arena, and NFM hits the wall, but despite being the aggressor Glacier’s just too slow to get across the box before it spins back up. So there’s a couple more lower-speed hits, and… BAM! Another huge shot! No Fun Machine still has a couple feet left on both flails, but the shell doesn’t seem like it’s on straight and it’s stopped spinning. It proceeds to run away and do fuck-all for the next minute. In the playoffs. Wow.
Damage: Glacier 4, No Fun Machine 1
Aggression: Glacier 5, No Fun Machine 0
Control: Glacier 4, No Fun Machine 1
Fun: Glacier 0, No Fun Machine -5
Your winner, by a 13 to Negative 3 Judges’ Decision, is Glacier!
(4) Xtreme pneumatiX Team Riptide (5-1) vs. (5) Wallop Team British Robotics (4-2)
The starts and both bots drive to the middle like expected, around the middle anti-box-rush-device too because these guys aren't dumb.
After a few seconds of angling shenanigans Wallop gets under first and flips Xtreme pneumatiX, Ethan fires the flipper to self right but is impatient and does it a bit too early (read, before landing) so he doesn't actually self right. This gives TBR the opportunity he wanted to chain several hits and even lands two directly on a wheel. Eventually Xtreme pneumatiX lands the right way up and it seems that it took no damage at all somehow.
Anyways the tanky thing gets under the next time and it seems like Wallop can't get away at all. Xtreme pneumatiX starts driving it to it's starting square and...
Don't do it
Your winner, by OOTA in 0:43, is Xtreme pneumatiX!
(2) Dreadnought Mk. 4 Ice Cubed Robotics (5-1) vs. (7) KILL 'EM ALL Team Stealth (4-2)
Screw it this is literally the last fight remaining so i will just speedrun writing the result because i can.
Kill 'Em All can basically do no damage so this is Alex's fight, and so he decides to... not be aggressive?
No OOTA or hazards that can kill happening here boys, no damage and low aggression. yeah this fight is a lot more boring than what it looked on paper. The fight mostly consists of KEA charging at Dreadnought and firing the hammer on its way, Alex responding by moving in to get under and usually get hit again before being able to flip KEA over its back and then back off away, KEA self rights quickly and we repeat the cycle. Often Shaba gets under instead and gets an extra hit or two before Alex backs off.
Yeah that sums it up pretty well, just repeat that for 3 minutes, occasionally KEA ends in the corners with the (white) hazards, but nothing ever comes from it.
Aggression: 3-2 Kill 'Em All
Damage: 3-2 Kill 'Em All
Control: 4-1 Dreadnought MK4
Your winner, by 8-7 split decision is Dreadnought MK4!
(3) Santangelo* Tartarus Robotics Group (4-2) vs. (6) Tabor Mark 4 Team Worst Swordsman (4-2)
This is at least the third time i write for Tabor yay
The central bump gets successfully ignored as Tabor goes straight to the corner and drives over a hazard a few times to activate it. That's the most interesting thing that happened tbh as neither bot is able to get good enough control over their opponent to get them into any corner against their will.
The match is just an awkward pushing match. When Santangelo gets under it fires the flipper that pops Tabor up a bit and 80% of the time doesn't manage to actually turn Tabor over its back but at least lets Laz get his bot deep under the turret robot. The few times where any flip happens Tabor self rights faster than you might expect but lands on top of Santangelo anyways. In both cases Santangelo gets to push Tabor a bit faster (Still fairly slowly)
When Tabor gets under it immediately moves the lifter up at full speed to flip which half the time manages to make it topple over and half the time it just slides off the plow tip and lets Laz get under. Rocket also mixes in just pushing which kinda works i guess.
No angling in happens really as Santangelo is significantly faster and thus blocks angling while Tabor can't get angled because of the massive turret.
Aggression: 3-2 Santangelo
Damage: 3-2 Tabor
Control: 4-1 Santangelo
Your winner, by 9-6 judges' decision is Santangelo!