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Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Thu Nov 28, 2019 11:58 pm
by Superbomb122
"Man, it's been a while since I had good cannoli, a decade I'd bet," Nick said, loosening his grip slightly on his bat. With how crazy things had already been, he wasn't quite convinced these elders weren't going to 'test' him further. However, free authentic cannoli is free authentic cannoli, and Nick liked the idea of free authentic cannoli. "I'll bite."

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 12:38 am
by The Monsterworks
Elisabeth steps forward and is the first to eat a cannoli. She does not explode. She does not feel significantly different aside from the endorphins that come from eating such a delectable snack. In fact, it is quite possibly the best cannoli that she has ever eaten if she has eaten cannoli before. Sandra smiles warmly. "You," she says, tilting her head to one side. Laugh lines crinkle the corners of her eyes. "you're not bad, kid. Not you, anyways, but I'm not gonna get on my soapbox here. You'll figure things out."

"I know I'm not fit to be here," comes another voice. "What do you want me to do?"

Sandra turns to Captain Chicken. "Mamma Mia!" She rolls her eyes. "Shaddup-a-your face and stop moping. You did the job, and a lot better than most of the people you feel insecure around. If we can do the job, in life, that's all that really matters. Now come have a nice cannoli. Let's go." Incidentally, at that moment, Robyn can feel Gavin disappear into whatever dimension he's conjured from. It looks like the chicken-bear-demon curse has ended.

Nick steps up to take a couple, and Sandra hands him the choice ones. "I know a good Italian boy when I see one," she intones fondly. "Mangia mangia, Bambino."

Hank waits for Sandra to finish and for a couple more people to take some food if they want. He clears his throat, wincing a little bit. "Alright, MODS*, please bring up the big screen."

"Recoil recognized. Of course, Hank, creating screen now." A gigantic holographic screen flashes to life at one end of the hall.

"MODS, load the current metrics but don't display. That's for later. For now, we have a situation. On screen, please."

Before any sort of visual appears, however, Sandra snaps her fingers. The man in the magician's outfit, who's neither said nor done anything of note so far, disappears from the room. A handful of people look on with shock or horror written across their features. Malatesta grins wickedly. "Kids these days are dumb," she whispers at Hank, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I just sent the lazy lump outside," she assures the rest. "He's cut."

Before she can revel in her mischief anymore, however, a video appears above the ten. It shows an attack on some sort of pharmaceutical laboratory. A tall, fair-haired man in his early forties, a bouncy young redhead dressed in a trashy candy-kid costume, a short, slightly heavyset African American in his early thirties, and a pretty Hispanic woman with a prosthetic leg are cleaning house. The team can see the first three's powers demonstrated clearly. They can see the target. Recoil pauses the feed there.

"That's Maryanne Sharma," he tells them, lingering on her face for a moment before resuming the video. "Hackslash, one of our emergency members. She works a nine-to-five at ALVA Pharmaceutical on Constitution north of Henessey down in Malcolmville. Never harmed a fly, but they attacked her viciously, destroyed the lab with multiple casualties and tens of millions in property damage, and now she's their hostage. The first three are Big Wing (the bird), Sour Cherry Blaster (the ginger with the laser-shooting fists), and The Bubbler (the coloured fellow who projects those explosive or protective bubbles). The girl with the fake leg's Natural Twenty. She's fairly new on the scene and she seems to be the leader here, though we don't think the buck stops at her or even close."

Malatesta's face loses most of its impish quality. "She's dangerous, because she's a wild card. She rolls a pair of dice. They control the outcome of her next action or maybe even yours. We're not A-okay sure about that. A low roll, and she fails... badly. A high roll and whatever she plans will work. And I mean whatever," the old witch stresses. "Nothing seems to be able to overpower those things, so don't give her a chance to use them."

Recoil nods. "We've also been able to tap Natural Twenty's phone." The video ends. "They're meeting another team coming from down south through Anita. That's their backup and we don't know a lot about its composition, so beware. I'm sending all of the information to your emails, and you can get it in a printout too if you want." He folds his hands behind his back just a tiny bit gingerly, and begins pacing. "Team A will consist of Captain Chicken, Force, Nick No Knees, Flashback, and Faust 2. You'll be tackling that Quarrelsome Quartet."

He pivots on a heel, "Team B," he continues, "is Sandy Man, The Narcoleptic, The Amazing Black Hole, and Silent Spring. It's your job to make sure that their relief force never gets there. You'll be accompanied by your fifth member, Rolling Thunder. She's already waiting down in the garage with your vehicles. That's down the elevator on 7B. All of them are connected to MODS and, by extension, us." He pauses and clears his throat, looking back up at the nine with earnestness. "Keys are in the ignition. Consider this your second test. Godspeed."


*MODS = Multifunctional Operations and Data System

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 2:34 am
by Wolf51-50
Timothy's brainn goes absolutely nuts. "C-C-CANNOLI??????!?!!?! OOOOHOHOHOHOHO PLEASE PLEASE"

After chewing the cannnoli in two bites, he also takes a piece of the box with him. He does his best to avoid chewing on what looked like a necklace dangling from Malatesta's neck

After hearing the task at hand for the mission, he looks around at his "teammates". sure I'm a glutton with a cast iron stomach, but they really had to put me with this sorry looking bunch? Two of them sleep half the time, and... where's that one girl, April is it??? Oh, there she is. Man I'm getting hungry and I just had that cannoli. Sorry Atlas statue, but you're gonna have to live without both arms for awhile. Ok we need a plan. We have absolutely no idea what we're up against. God I hope that vehicle isn't made of metal...

"This is not what I had in mind for a second "test". But hey at least I don't have to fly or run to start this hero thing out"

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 10:08 am
by Trihunter
"Quarrelsome Quartet? Jeez, with the number of groups that've been going around, not surprised you're running out of good names. Anyway, I don't have an email, so a print copy would be preferred. Paperback, if possible, keep it pocketed." *Flashback leaned back on the console, careful not to use her abilities on it. "Shouldn't be too rough, just gotta get in there, remove Nattie's dice from the situation, get our girl out and that's all solved, right?"

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 1:03 pm
by Rocket
"Flashback, things don't tend to stay that simple for long in a fight. It's chaos. The best you can do is go in with a plan and some contingencies for when things go wrong. The worst thing you can do is go in overconfident."

A bit of a change had come over Captain Chicken. She was standing straighter and seemed more... focused somehow. Much more like she knew what she was doing. Fights were something she understood, especially fights where she was on the back foot and considered the underdog. The thing about being the underdog, to Cap anyway, was that you were under the other dog; and that bit was easy to claw and bite.

"Team A, listen up! Flashback, I want you on Nat Twenty. Go for her prosthetic leg, make it useless, keep her off-balance and floundering. Faust, target The Bubbler. Try and swarm him with a bunch of little demons. The more he has to deal with those, the less time he has to mess around with the battlefield or trapping us in bubbles. Nick, you're on Big Wing. Try and take him out at the knees before he can transform, but if he does, just keep waling on him until he goes down. If you can, let him try and block your strikes at his knees with a wing; from what I remember about your power, it should go straight through the guard and smack his wings around in the process. Force, I want you to be a roving troubleshooter. You're the only person here with any kind of invulnerability and you get stronger when people hit you. Bubbler's bubbles explode, SCB's blasts... blast, Nat Twenty tends to be armed, and Big Wing's a giant-ass bird that crashes into stuff. If you're okay with it, I think a load of us should top you up before you enter the fight.

"As for me, I'll take down SCB first. Her power only works when she punches, and chickens can't punch people. We lead with that, we've got twenty minutes before she comes back, assuming I don't have to use it on anyone else. Since we don't have a mine shaft to drop the chicken down or anything, we can get her out of the battlefield and separate her off from the others. Rolling Thunder would be really useful for doing this, but never mind. If we can get her to a secure location she can't break out of with her powers or if we just get her far enough away that she won't affect the battlefield, I'll use my power on Nat or Bubbler. I am absolutely not going to use it on Big Wing, because a chicken with a hundred-foot wingspan is way worse than a pelican with a hundred-foot wingspan.

"In case this goes south, we switch it up. If Nat manages to pull something, I'll switch targets and take her out of the equation. When I do that, Force, I want you to smother SCB. Like I said earlier, you're our best damage sponge. Try not to hurt her too bad either. We're technically all in the Corps now, and that means we have to uphold those standards. Keep her busy and keep her focused on you. Flashback, you're still on anti-prosthesis duty, but if anyone else has guns or anything, send 'em back to the stone age. I want them to have nothing you can point and shoot. If you can turn a gun into a bow or an aklys or whatever, do so. Nick, once you're done with Big Wing, turn your attention to the Bubbler and kneecap him. Faust, once Bubbler's down, get your demons to harass any villains still standing.

"Finally? I have to ask you to try and not hurt any chickens. It's a power thing, powers are weird, there are weirder limitations out there. Remind me to tell you about Average Jo one of these days."

Captain Chicken looked heroic, looked positive, looked ready to go.

It was at this point when the cannoli she'd been obliged to eat fomented revolution within her stomach, and she clawed her mask off to projectile-vomit bile away from the group.

This, unfortunately, meant she'd just barfed all over a memorial to a fallen hero.

Today was going great.

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 7:04 pm
by The Monsterworks
Eleven people cram into an elevator. Fortunately, it's a very large elevator. "7B - Garage," Hank tells MODS, and it zips down into the mountain. Robyn and April both seem to be busy texting someone on their phones and, right around the time that the elevator reaches 5B - Equipment and comes to a sudden and unexpected stop, everyone who has a phone notices it buzz again. The doors whoosh open and a middle-aged soccer mom type appears. "Well hi there new people, Hank." She steps in.

"Team," he announces, as the elevator starts moving again, "this is Jenna. You may know her as Orange Marauder." He clears his throat again. "Jenna, you'll be working with some of these lovely individuals. Go easy on them. They're new."

Jenna winks. "I won't push them too hard. Most make it back alive anyways."

The elevator arrives on 7B just as a couple of people are pulling out their phones and taking a look. Most see that they have a message waiting from 'The Rock lol.' A horrible profile icon of some metalcore girl with tons of eyeliner and an awful pose accompanies it. Those on Team A see the following: "Hey, it's RT. Call me Amber. Superhero names r weird. Anyways, we're not on the same team this time, but as long as you don't go up stairs or anything I'm one quick message away if you need me. Don't be nervous, new people."

Those on Team B see: "Hey teammates, it's RT. Don't worry about getting me to the danger zone. It's faster if I make my own way there. I'll check stuff out first too. O yeah, and MODS is being dumb again. Even I can tell the two 'unidentified' bads are the weed guy and spooge. Be careful, have fun driving the hovers. Cya there."

The doors open and beyond is an expansive hanger straight out of The Avengers or any number of spy/alien/sci-fi franchises. If Liberty Hall felt cavernous, it's a closet compared to this place. There are cars and trucks of a dozen varieties, aircraft and hovercraft, and a tunnel branching off which some of the keener-eyed among the group might catch a glimmer of an underground river in.

Smack in the middle of the 'garage' is a girl - or maybe a young woman - in a wheelchair. One moment she's there and the next, almost as if she teleported, she's right up in their faces. "Pretty cool, huh?" She grins. "I was like...*jaw drops* when I first saw it too." She glances back over her shoulder. Crews seem to be prepping two of the hovercrafts.

Hank remains in the elevator. He stifles a sudden yawn. "Amber, Jenna, I trust you two can take it from here?"

"Don't worry, Hank," Jenna assures him, "We'll handle it. You just take it easy. I'll MODS you if we need anything."

"Roger."

Jenna salutes jauntily. "Aye aye, cap'n!"

Amber's eyes slide over in her direction. "You are so cringe, Minivan lady."

"Okay, 'The Rock lol'."

They regard each other dimly. Then, Jenna claps her hands together "Okay, guys, unless anyone here has experience piloting a hovercraft, I'll drive for Team B. Team A, MODS can take you there."

Amber, already turning to leave, stops and does a 180, her long, poofy black hair taking a second to catch up with the rest of her. "Oh, and I put stickies on the important buttons for you. Anything that says 'death'..." she shrugs. "You can guess. Just ask MODS if you don't know something."

She turns, one set of massive doors at the far end of the hanger open, and there's a colossal gust of wind. Rolling Thunder disappears. A pair of tricked-out hovercraft await. Their engines howl as they lift off from the ground and taxi out of their parking spots. Rear hatches iris open and ramps descend. "Alright, team, go time!" Orange Marauder shouts. "Get in and let's work out a plan."

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 8:19 pm
by Venice Queen
Always nice when someone else does the thinking. "punch the things that aren't being punched" were pretty nice and easy directions too. and of course there was always the option to flop to the "baddies" if things got too dangerous. these morons were stronger than they thought though, and such prospects would certainly have the cops on her like glue.

She appreciated the aesthetic of this wheelchair girl. It was awful, yes, but it was also her. not everyone was graced with as good of taste as Force had. she flounced her hair in self-appreciation. "Those are fuckin hovercars? youse got hovercars? I'm fuckin driving."


Force did not know how to drive a hovercar. couldn't be that difficult compared to her motorcycle. or a car. or that helicopter she stole that one time. that was good fun. she should really do that again. She pulled out a joint and lit it, without thinking,

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 9:01 pm
by hide
"So, let's take a look at what we're dealing with. Knuckles Inc, and Spooge are close ranged, Green Freedom is reliant on talking, which I'm sure can be stopped to a degree. Photobomb is trickier, but keep in mind: her power is dependent on a phone. Phones are not the strongest things in the world, so breaking her phone is easy, but we need to be careful nonetheless. The Biscuit lady may seem dangerous, but keep in mind we have a hero that can chow down on anything, more or less", the spirit gesturing towards Black Hole, "so we're good on that front."

" Anyways, Photobomb is the main priority, so we need to hit her phone hard and fast before she can take a photo. We'll have two heroes on that: me and Orange Marauder. I'll use two of my orbs as physical projectiles: they go pretty fast, and one well aimed-shot should smash Photobomb's device. If I miss both my shots, Orange Marauder will try to fry the phone's circuits. During that time, I need Narcoleptic to put Green Freedom to sleep: can't get us high if he's unconscious. Black Hole, I want you to charge the Biscuit lady as quickly as you can. Try to throw some weight around: knock her to the floor and try to restrain her. If she feeds you anything, feel free to eat, knowing you, you'll probably enjoy it. Anyways, once we've dealt with Photobomb's phone, I'll try to knock her out with another physical-orb."

"That leaves Knuckles Inc and Spooge. Both are pretty close range, and a good portion of our team has projectiles. Rolling Thunder can use lightning to a limited degree, Orange Marauder has her OJ, I have orbs, and if Narcoleptic hasn't fallen asleep himself, he can put another one to bed. If not, me and OJ will use our projectiles to attack Spooge and the Knuckles, keeping away at all costs. Rolling Thunder, if she can, can zap them. Ultimately, we're wearing down the remaining members, until we can move in safely enough."

"Godspeed to us all."

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 9:52 pm
by Superbomb122
Nick, mentally about halfway between now and some far-flung future of acceptance, finally focuses fully on the task at hand. "So, kneecap the bird. Got it. I've got enough mobility to make that work." Nick quickly took out his phone and dialed in some number as the hovercraft lifted off. After a short wait, the man on the other end picked up.

"Hey, Lenny. I've got a favor to ask of you."

"Yeah, I know I haven't called in a while, Saw the game a couple days back, No-hitters don't come every day, man!"

"Nice, now, you got a spare jersey?"

"I'll tell you at another time. Just, can you get it to me?"

"Thanks, later man, I've got business to do." Nick hung up the phone.

Nick finally turned to the group, expecting suspicion. "Lenny's an old friend of mine. Plays for the Yankees now." With that, he went back to figuring out how and when to kneecap a giant pelican.

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 10:08 pm
by attackfrog
This continued to be the weirdest superhero team Anders had ever been a part of. Usually his partners had been B or C tier supers, men and women who'd needed what he could do. Professionals. This pack of clowns had been at each others' throats almost immediately, and they were now off to fight the bad guys with hardly a hello between them. Ah well. The cannolis had indeed been delicious.

He felt like he'd missed some of the context of what was going on, which usually meant he'd fallen asleep again without anybody noticing. But he hadn't been left behind this time, which was definitely a good sign.

The other guy who'd been sleeping was now giving them a rundown on the targets. He felt a bit of a kinship with the man: it seemed clear he was another sleep disorder sufferer.

"So I'm shutting down the hippie? Excellent: it'll be just like I'm back at work. Undergrads these days, I tell you."

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Fri Nov 29, 2019 10:23 pm
by Rocket
Robyn listened to Nick's phonecall because eavesdropping is kind of a force of habit for superheroes. "That's really cool!" She said, while chewing on half a dozen breath mints. "It's nice to have friends who made it. My high school did a pen-pal thing, and it turns out that the girl in France I was writing to became a pretty well thought-of heroine! Died a couple years back, otherwise I woulda reached out. I'm happy for him. And for you."

She then paused and sniffed. "Who, uh, who just sparked up? Because we're gonna be in a confined space and I have a really bad reaction to it. Even passively. Had a lot of dark stuff happen in my early career and it comes back like raw broccoli. Also not gonna lie it also kinda looks bad? Especially when we're working. Sorry. Not trying to be a buzzkill, I just... yeah."

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2019 3:46 am
by MadBull
Oh great, the chicken has "a plan", how did I end up between these levels of incompetence?

sigh, may as well play on for the moment.

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2019 5:22 pm
by The Monsterworks
Team A

It isn't the smoothest ride, and the other team members could swear that Elisabeth takes a few...detours. Robyn, in particular, is less than thrilled about her smoking. Nick, ever productive, orders a uniform from a friend, delivery unknown but likely soon. The others are silent, focused, and prepared...or, at least they pretend to be. Faust visibly yawns a couple of times and waves her acceptance of the attack plan rather dismissively. Then, they're there. Standing in the middle of the road, is Natural Twenty. Big Wing Transforms. People run and take cover. Cars honk and reverse or pull desperate u-turns. Not the hovercraft, though. The team is greeted by a shotgun blast that stars and cracks their window and causes more than one to flinch. "Cool heads!" shouts Captain Chicken, vaulting out of the vehicle. "Remember the plan!"

Mere seconds after stepping out, Force takes a bright red laser beam right to the face. She staggers backward for a second, flash-blinded, as if the blast has some mass or creates some kind of explosion. A second beam, a green one, melts through the pavement near Nick No Knees' feet. He leaps back and a third burns a corner of his flapping sweater off, leaving him with the equivalent of a bad sunburn down his side. Big Wing takes off, spiraling up into the sky and hovering there about thirty feet up.

Meanwhile, The Bubbler has launched a massive wave of bubbles toward the team, who find themselves hemmed in by the buildings to either side of the street. They can either retreat back to the nearest intersection and spread out, or try to find some way to intercept the new threat. One bubble detonates as it hits a car, leaving the vehicle a burning ruin. Another obliterates a lamppost. A middle-aged woman gets blown to shreds in a grisly display. Then, they start exploding randomly. Faust's hair floats around her head as if lifted by some sort of strange energy. her eyes flash demonic red and a portal opens. Dozens of tiny demons pour out, chittering, leaping, and snarling. At her command, they hurl themselves into the bubbles in a kamikaze attack. The team advances. Nick charges forward bravely, dodging bubbles and lasers alike with impressive athleticism. Flashback uses the bubbles creatively as momentary cover, working her way towards Nat Twenty as the two exchange fire. Then, the lasers stop. "Ka-Chickenate!" shouts Captain Chicken and, just like that, Sour Cherry Blaster is a chicken. The angry little hen flaps her wings furiously, but there's nothing doing.

Then comes Big Wing. The colossal bird hovers in place, beating his wings forcefully. A powerful wind sweeps down the street and the bubbles accelerate. The demons can't stop all of them. Flashback dives into an alcove as a bubble explodes mere feet away from her, sending her reeling through the door, dazed and shocked. Nick is saved only when Force leaps in the way of one, taking it on the chin. She gets flung backwards, but not with as much force as expected. She seems to be getting stronger, as she continues to punch bubbles. The same can't be said for Captain Chicken, however. Nearly blown off of her feet by a gust, she hunkers behind the hovercraft, but it eats a pair of bubbles mere seconds later and only a canny sense of anticipation and some serious reflexes save her.

Nat Twenty happens. Roxy wades through the chaos without a hint of fear. A burst of gunfire finds Nick, one winging him in the right leg and the other tearing a chunk from his baseball bat. As if guided by some some unseen, all-knowing hand, she dodges Flashback's normally highly accurate bullets as if the superhero is suddenly a Star Wars stormtrooper, returning fire with frightening precision. One shot takes Maybelle in the head and another in the waist and she goes down hard. Force takes a couple right in the chest and Faust is only saved from certain death when a trio of her demons leap between her and the bullets, making the ultimate sacrifice for their master. "I am death, motherfuckers, fear me!!" she crows, pulling a grenade from her duffel bag, eyes flashing with malicious glee. She steps up to Flashback, standing a mere few yards away, a superior smirk twisting her features. Yet, Maybelle isn't quite as injured as she appears. That thick leather belt she wears took most of the force out of one bullet. By some minor miracle, the other shattered her goggles but not her head. Hackslash is still nowhere in sight. The Bubbler keeps launching bubbles, and Big Wing hovers just out of range, accelerating them in the direction of our heroes. Nick pulls himself to his feet, leaning on his bat for support. Captain Chicken shakes her head to clear it and rolls to her feet. Faust's summoning is interrupted and the flood of demons slows to a trickle. "Checkmate time," says Natural Twenty, pulling the pin from her grenade and rearing back to throw it.


Team B

Jenna pilots the hovercraft like a seasoned pro, and Team B actually passes Team A by such a large margin that the other group's vehicle is out of sight before long. They arrive at a brownfield industrial site close to where Constitution Street meets the Santa Anita Parkway at the southern border of the city. The streets are eerily empty. Fires are burning. There's rubble and smashed glass. Rolling Thunder is freaking out over MODS. "Guys," she's whispering, "watch out. They're not even trying to make it to the other team. They've set this place up to fuck with us. I'm just around the corner but I got a good look before. No sign of Spooge or Conrad anywhere, but the rest are in an open-front cafe. Biscuits has all of her goodies laid out. It's got two steps up, so I can't get in there at full speed. Photobomb's ready. They have hostages, laid out in the street, unconscious, lots of them. We can't let that bunch"

No sooner has she delivered her message than the hovercraft arrives. The heroes start to step out.. Before all of them are even visible, Green Freedom steps forward and begins talking. "Yo like... no more steps or these people eat it. Monica's only gotta press one button on her phone..." Indeed, her finger is on the figurative trigger. A dozen people lie on the street unconscious, at the Savage Six's mercy.

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2019 6:13 pm
by Trihunter
Flashback managed to recover enough to get back to her feet, lunging for Roxy, aiming to slam her palm down around her prosthetic and break her grip on the grenade as she pinned her. Her hand glowed with a gold mist, as she set to work time-shifting whatever she got her grasp on. "Let's see if I can't push Lady Luck a little myself too, eh?"

Re: Blooperheroes!

Posted: Sat Nov 30, 2019 6:19 pm
by Wolf51-50
"Sounds like a plan. Love myself some good biscuits. Also ever heard of biting the hand that feeds you?"