ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

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Madman
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by Madman » Wed Dec 09, 2020 3:21 am

The Spinosaurus

The spinosaurus was having a great day - honestly - before shit hit the fan. She'd caught a nice big Onchopristus and even managed to avoid its annoying barbs and then some dumbass Mawsonia had wandered right into her path and... well, who was she to say no to something that just wants to be eaten that badly? Finally, the icing on the cake was - or had been - when a great big, alarmed Titanosaur bumbled into the water and frightened off that nosy Laganosuchus that had been lurking for the past couple days. Damn things are creepy. They just sit there, totally motionless for hours.

The spinosaurus curls around her nest, counting her eggs and scowling inasmuch as a spinosaurus can scowl. Motherfucker! She lets out a pissed off roar. Whatever these weird little... ugh. She doesn't even know what they are, but they're dumb, greedy, and they taste weird. They taste kind of like mammal, to be honest. Anyway, whatever they are, they took one of her eggs. That is a future spinosaurus that the world will never be blessed with. She glares at the weird little mammals. Such inconsiderate assholes. They're no better than dinosaurs, really. Probably worse. Maybe even worse than mosasaurs... then again, nothing is worse than mosasaurs. She snaps her jaws shut a few times just to get the little pests to fuck off. They cluster in the trees and behind some weird big cube that definitely wasn't there when she went out this morning. They've already taken one egg. She needs to keep an eye on them, and maybe kill a few if they look like they're getting any ideas. She swooshes her tail around a bit. Yeah, that should do it. That'll put the fear in 'em. Like fuck...honestly, she can't even leave her nest now, not that she'll really need to for a while, anyway, since she's totally gorged. Unless that Laganosuchus reappears, she decides. God, they're creepy. It'll take some strength of will to just sit here looking menacing through that thing's derpy, sinister blank stare. He's a mouth-breather too. She can fucking hear him, and he doesn't even try to hide it. God, what a mood.

The Little Mammals

Welp, turns out we have four dead cavemen, courtesy of Mrs. Spinosaurus. RIP Brick. Maxi didn't care enough to RP you doing living stuff, so your boomstick didn't help ya, pal. Sorry. You got squooshed. There are lots of other cavemen still alive, though, currently in varying states of terror.

Ee'rah realizes that the Bear God must've been trying to send her a warning. She is kissed by fire, after all, which makes her special and beloved of the gods. She yanks the little bear free of the strange man's hands. He's just repeating one word over and over again in ... what she assumes is fear. Welp, he'll run, he'll hide, or he'll die. She grabs some of those cool bright skins from the big square and takes off running, following the lead of the one guy here she can actually understand. He quotes Thag the Wise. Only idiots quote Thag the Wise unless they're being ironic. Is he? The jury's out but, right now, she has more important things to worry about - like possibly getting eaten by a colossal fish-camel-lizard beast. Her boom-stick thumps against her side and her picture-maker clatters as she runs. She drops the strange food from her mouth and makes it to the trees. O'ko is lying on the ground nearby, having fainted just shy of tree cover, dangerously exposed. He'll make a good sacrifice, at least? The tiny ape-men hoot and holler in the trees, being annoying and alarmed. A dark, skinny woman kind of just saunters up, weirdly unconcerned with living, and a great big ape man comes barreling in after her, carrying a BIG boom-stick. Well, Ee'rah thought it was big but, not to be outdone, another of those skinny men crouches behind the big square with quite possibly the largest boom-stick she has ever seen. It looks like a truly mighty weapon, but he's struggling so badly to carry it that he looks hesitant to make the crossing to tree cover.

Ee'rah glances behind herself momentarily, and picks out Lurk crouched low behind some ferns on a small promontory. Ugh, Lurk! Please don't do anything dumb and try to hunt it. That thing is... maybe some sort of God, to be honest. The skinny man with the chief-sized boom-stick is certainly looking at it with a weird sort of reverence. It isn't really moving much, though. Ee'rah observes it for a minute. It's gorged, she realizes, and it's protecting its nest. She's just starting to wonder if she can coax a tiny ape-man into testing its boundaries - she'd really like to get a few more things from the big square - when another of those dark, skinny women walks up. She taps Ee'rah and the Thag-quoter on the shoulders. "Go water. See float-thing," she says, in terrible, thickly accented Mousterian. Still, it makes Ee'rah instantly feel stupid. How does this skinny woman know her language? She sure as fuck doesn't know any other languages. She's only ever really seen people from two other clans. "Float-thing?" she questions, looking to her fellow Neanderthal for any information that he might have. "Like... log? Dead whale?"

Meanwhile, Lurk is having a crisis. This... beast is magnificent. Also terrifying, but she can sense its anguish. Lurk knows a lot about anguish. Her life is anguish, except on those rare moments during hunts. She glances at Ee'rah, who seems nice. She glances at O'ko. She hates the idea of touching people, especially big dirty ape-men with the courage of a rabbit, but he seemed nice too, and he's just lying out there like bait. Then there's the new man with the HUGE boom-stick. Lurk furrows her brow, trying to make a decision.
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by Hooray For Lexan » Thu Dec 10, 2020 10:45 pm

Grug shrug. Float-thing? Going to water good idea if only one fish snake camel. Better to be on other side. But is there only one? Grug look at horizon. Oh. That float-thing. Grug laugh. "That not float thing, that even bigger giant basket!" Grug point back at giant basket. Grug have moment of realization. Grug slap hand to forehead. Fuck. Now Grug look like idiot.

Giant basket float. Go on water. Water deep enough even giants have to swim, so they put things in basket to carry across. Other float-thing bigger, but hard to get to from shore without going near fish snake camel. Grug put clubs in closer float thing, then lift one side. No. Still too heavy for one man.

Grug explain plan to red hair girl and skinny woman. Need two or three more strong men - or women of strong people, Grug's people - to carry basket to water. Need everyone else bring things to put in basket, but only when reach water. Otherwise they make basket even heavier. Then everyone swim and push basket. Or pull with rope.

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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by attackfrog » Thu Dec 10, 2020 11:27 pm

O'ko struggled back to consciousness, once again finding himself lying on the ground. "Oh good, maybe this was all a dream!" he hoped, in vain. He was still on this horrible island. And that... monster was still there, sitting on its nest. At least it didn't eat him while he was passed out. And his choppers were laying beside him, and they hadn't cut him to pieces as he fell! That was very lucky, he knew: these things were unbelievably sharp. He'd cut a finger on them already.

One of the strange-looking people from the big container was standing over him, looking concerned. That was... quite nice, actually. Usually people scorned him when he had one of his fits. He got to his feet and tried to reassure her he was okay. The other strange people (some were more normal-looking, when he looked more closely) seemed to be running towards something floating in the water by the beach. What was it? It didn't look natural, but it did look like it was made of wood. Still, they probably knew something he didn't, and anything beat staying here with the monster. He saw Eeera heading that way too, with her bear totem. That settled it. He'd join the others in the floating... thing. He beckoned to the person with him to come with him.


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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by MadBull » Fri Dec 11, 2020 2:33 am

"BEAR! BEAR!"

Gilles moves wildly, frantically, while screaming

and very much towards the boat that just appeared to him

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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by hide » Sat Dec 12, 2020 12:56 am

It’s not coming after me....

Whichever one it is (First only cared about of the Ones with ceremonies) it isn’t vengeful. I think. Still, best to avoid it. It definitely acts like a wrathful One.


Now, let’s see if I can drag this heavy thing to the floating....whatever it is...
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by Madman » Sat Dec 12, 2020 3:01 am

The Mothafuckin' Spinosaurus

Mrs. Spinosaurus laughs at the little mammals in her head as they scramble desperately for the large rowboat on the shore. Good. they can fuck right off of her island. If she wasn't so full and, quite frankly, on the verge of puking up a meal, she'd be chasing after them just to ensure their retreat.

She watches one dragging a huge rotary machine gun to the shore and considers eating him just for kicks, but becomes so enraptured just by watching the absurd spectacle that the moment passes. She sighs and continues to watch them with a mix of wariness and amusement.

The Cavemen (and Cavewomen, geez!)

Grug's suggestion starts a colossal exodus. Assorted hominims scramble for the boats, some not even understanding why they're going bu doing it because it's cool, they guess. Among them are our 'heroes'.

Ee'rah: Ee'rah's pretty strong, so she grabs the float-thing, which the skinny lady says is a 'boat', and starts trying to haul it. Others are running towards them. One of the big ape men gets the idea and helps drag it towards the water. A couple more join him. There are too many people, though, and she doubts they can all swim but, then, one of the tiny ape-men jumps into the boat, grabs one of those weird sticks in it, and begins slapping the water. On this day, in the year 73 122 405 BC, her brain makes a quantum leap. She grabs the stick from the surprised little ape-man over his protests, plunges it into the water, and pushes. Just like she thought, it's like a big wooden hand that can push water! "Hey!" she shouts, "look at this! It can push water! We don't have to swim!" Ee'rah grins ear to ear... that is, until she realizes that there's no way all of these people are going to fit inside the boat.

Nope: Nope looks at the Neanderthals, blinks, and double checks her understanding of their language mentally. The man... thinks that the boat is... a basket for... carrying things in... while everyone swims and pulls it. Someone is definitely from inland. The woman... just learned what a paddle is, despite living by the shore. Nope comes to the conclusion that she is surrounded by idiots, but they might prove useful. She claims a spot in the boat quickly by dumping her things in there and helping push it, for all the good that her tiny muscles will do. "Yeah!" she exclaims, feigning sudden understanding for the redhead, who seems excessively proud of herself. "Wow! That's a great idea!" She grabs a paddle. She might be the only one here who actually knows how to use one.

Grug: The 'boat' reaches the water and starts to bob up and down. Tiny ape-men pile in. A tall skinny man screaming unintelligibly flings himself in after them with the coordination of... something that doesn't have much coordination. Suddenly, everyone has this idea that they should be inside. They just put their clubs and stuff in with them. Finally, a huge ape-man comes up and shoves the boat completely free of shore. He clamber inside, flinging a couple of tiny ape-men overboard. They hiss and holler and he decides not to throw any more. Ee'rah is beating one back with a paddle, saving a spot for him. Grug needs to decide whether or not to get in.

Gilles: Gilles dives into that boat like his life depends on it, because maybe it does. The girl with the bear is just in front of him inside it, not watching the bear at all as she starts to paddle...

Ee'rah: Ee'rah tries not to scowl at Nope. She knows fake emotion when she sees it. The skinny lady looks down on her and Grug, thinks they're dumb. Ee'rah pauses mid-thought. Okay, maybe Grug might be dumb, but she is not! The boat is filling up as a huge ape-man with a huge boom-stick piles in. He tosses some tiny ape-men overboard until they start to have a rebellion on their hands, and Ee'rah grumbles at him to stop, while smacking a tiny ape-man with a paddle. Lurk and O'ko are far away. Dammit! They'll probably have to go for the other boat. Grug is still in knee-deep water. She makes some space for him. "Hurry up!" she demands, as others draw near. Then, the sun disappears for a moment and she looks up at the great winged beast circling overhead.

Puck: Puck shoves the float-shell into the water and shoves his way into it. There are too many little ape-men. Out they go! With a wicked grin, he tosses two of them into the water, hooting and hollering angrily. The others in the shell with him make angry noises too and even the pretty red-hair woman looks at him, annoyed. He would mate with her, but probably not best to anger her. That'll make it harder. He stops shoving tiny ape-men overboard. Then, she hits one with a stick. Puck does not understand women.

O'ko: O'ko gestures for Lurk to follow him, but she disappears into the trees with a little nod and nervous smile. Racing after Ee'rah and her bear totem, he finds that the floaty thing is already full. There is another one and it's larger to boot, but it's unnervingly close to the... beast.

Lurk: O'ko woke up. Thank the Eternal Sun. It meant that she didn't have to touch him. Just... being around all these people is freaking Lurki Lurki out. One or two, she can handle, but crowds like this... she just doesn't feel right around them. What if everyone's judging her? Thinking bad things about her? What if the men have hungry eyes? It's so unpredictable and she hates it. Lurk races through the brush for the other side of the island, approaching the magnificent creature face to face. It is full of bright colours and radiant plumage. This is a Blessed One of the Eternal Sun, she surmises. Lurk sweeps some hair from her eyes, Bang-club at the ready but not raised. She makes herself small and nonthreatening, but not hiding either. It's a mother. It's only protecting its nest. It's also gorged. She can see that with the eyes of an experienced hunter. "Please, Blessed One of the Eternal Sun," she begins, "We apologize for the actions of that greedy small one. Life is struggle. You know this, Blessed One. She made a mistake and you exacted your divine punishment upon her." Lurk's voice is calm ans soothing. "Allow us to pass." She gestures slowly and smoothly, so as not to alarm the Blessed One, towards the floating thing by the shore. "We will go into that thing and we we will leave to you this land that you claim."

The Philosophical Spinosaurus

Mrs. Spinosaurus considers. This little mammal is kissing her ass pretty good right now. Might not be bad to keep around, but the extra small ones are asshole EGG EATERS. Honestly, she'll rest easier when they're gone. She makes a point of grumbling and shifting a little bit, just to put the fear into them. They clearly think she's some sort of divine being. She is rather divine if she does say so herself. Anyway, she gives this dumb little thing what it wants, peering deeply into its eyes with her ageless wisdom and boundless compassion and nodding in acknowledgement. Then she watches it do a weird little dance thing and say some more obsequious shit, and scramble into that boat.

She should feel okay about this, but she doesn't. She feels like she's being watched, but... the eyes of these trivial beings barely even register for her. It's... something more substantial. She's sure that she ditched that creepy Laganosuchus before... right?

More Cavies

First & O'ko: It isn't long before First realizes that the first floating thing is going to fill up before he can reach it, so he adjusts course for the second, cutting a wide berth around the Great One. The small, dark woman who seems afraid of people is communicating with it in a fluid, melodious voice in a language that he does not know. It looks at her and nods. She hurries over to the second floating thing and starts trying to push it into the water. The large, scared ape-man who fainted in the Great One's presence before (O'ko) hovers nearby, trying to choose between the terror of sneaking past it and the terror of remaining on the island with it. First can see that its Wrath has been placated for the time being, however. It is safe to pass, so he does, unloading his colossal boomstick into the floating thing, glad to be rid of its weight. The woman glances at him and says things that he can't understand. She motions pushing and he understands that, at least. Overhead, the large flying one circles. Is it another Great One as well?

O'ko, not far away, has a decision to make. Is he going to get on the boat and get out of here or not?

Oops: Oops is terrified of this animal. It's big and it ate Meep, though she deserved it. He darts across its path as quickly as he can, expecting death at any second. He may or may not even close his eyes. Then, he's past it. He jumps in the float-thing, grinning. The big people are pushing it. One looks up at him, unimpressed. Fuck. Oops has to help. He clambers out, his foot catches on the edge, and he faceplants into the water with a large splash. Then, he sees it, lurking nearby in the shallows: the biggest, weirdest-looking crocodile that he's ever seen, just staring blankly in the direction of the huge monster.
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by Hooray For Lexan » Sat Dec 12, 2020 3:21 am

Grug climb in float-thing. It too small for everyone, but if any people go in it, should be people who did work. Fucking freeloaders. Only there only two of wide club, so now Grug sitting in back doing fuck-all. Funny club a similar shape though. Grug paddle with funny club instead. But thin handle slippery, and club heavy. Probably sink if drop in water. Or just ruin fire inside hollow end. Grug wrap strap around wrist. Now no drop.

Water not even cold anyway. And everyone who no gather supplies also have hands free for swim. Skinny man also have hands free. Grug roll eyes. Grug consider tell man to paddle or get out, but man look at bear totem strange. Grug not in mood for argument with religious crazy. Best not rock boat.

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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by attackfrog » Fri Dec 18, 2020 9:47 pm

Though he was shaking like a leaf at the idea of getting any closer to that vicious monstrosity, O'ko was even more terrified at the idea of being left alone in this place with it. The rest of the strange people were already climbing into the floating... what should he call these things? How about... "boats"? That seemed like a good word. In any case, they hadn't fallen into the water yet, and though the water was probably full of monsters this beach was definitely full of at least one monster: he was looking at it right then.

His fingers still clamped tightly to his choppers, he gritted his teeth, ran to the remaining boat, and jumped in, breathing heavily. It was then that he remembered he'd never learned how to swim. It was looking like it might be a long trip for O'ko...


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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by Madman » Sat Dec 19, 2020 7:41 pm

Small Boat: Grug, Ee'rah, Puck, Gilles, Nope

Grug piles into that boat awful fast beside Ee'rah and gets to work paddling with the funny boom club. Nope Paddles, Ee'rah paddles, and Puck paddles. At some point in the history of this boat, there were four paddles. Now, for whatever reason, there are free. Grug does what he can. Gilles has the same option, should he so choose. Ee'rah steals glances at Nope's paddling technique, trying not to make it obvious that she's copying the slightly older woman. Puck just powers through it, clearly showing off all of his muscle and... not much technique. Gradually, they get further from the island, though it's still a good way to the shore.

Above, the giant flying beast circles, seeming almost to follow the boat as it travels. It starts to get alarmingly close on one of its passes and, glancing ahead, it's hard for the various cave people not to notice a massive dark shape waiting in the water. It seems to be moving, slowly and formlessly, but not towards them as they draw closer, trying to steer and mostly failing. Then, the humongous flyer peaks in the sky above them and dives, straight for... either them or the shadow. It's hard to tell and they have only seconds to react!

Big Boat: Lurk, First, O'ko, Oops

It's a struggle to get the boat into the water, and then one of the tiny ape-men (Oops) starts jabbering and pointing at the still water right off of a small cape. Sure enough, a large, flat-mouthed crocodile seems to be waiting there, eerily unmoving but almost certainly alive. O'ko has pretty much zero good options here, so he grips his cutters even tighter. First has now registered the presence of something else that may or may not count as Great One. Lurk finds it foul and unnatural, for some reason. Even the giant lizard-duck-crocodile beast that so terrifies them seems uncomfortable around the great crocodile, despite being significantly larger than it. Warily, they start paddling out, uncoordinated, struggling to steer, but eventually giving it a wide berth. The two enormous creatures continue their standoff while the third - the flying one - circles overhead and swoops in dangerously close to the other boat. The trip to shore is short, though the water is quite rough. Still, they have options: they can try to help the other boat - all but under attack from the flying monster, they can investigate the unnerving crocodile, or they can just make a beeline for shore. Ain't no cavemen about to start swimming!

The Spinosaurus

On the one hand, she's happy to see the disruptive mammals leave. On the other, she's now alone with that annoying Quetzalcoatlus and that creepy Laganosuchus. Ugh! She knows that her people usually eat those things - they're paper tigers and not even that dangerous - but hasn't even seen it properly breathe. There's something weird about it. It wouldn't be a stretch to say that she'd love some help plucking up the courage to deal with it. She might even be eternally grateful...

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attackfrog
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by attackfrog » Sat Dec 19, 2020 9:20 pm

O'ko stares at the beast in the water, his eyes as unblinking as its own and at least as wide. Its unmoving yet ominous presence now occupies the entirety of his over-stressed and frightened mind. He doesn't see the flying monster, he's totally forgotten the creature on the beach. All there is for him is that beast, and the choppers in his hand. Oh, if he could only chop that demon! He'd gouge out its eye, and it would never look at him like that again! He'd chop it to tiny pieces! A growl emerges from his gritted teeth. Oh, if only he were closer...


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Hooray For Lexan
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by Hooray For Lexan » Sun Dec 20, 2020 3:34 am

Grug stare at dark shape in water. Rock? Underwater tree? Extra deep spot that somehow move because weird shit just happen all time today? Better paddle around in case it break float-thing, but float-thing not going straight anyway. Float thing move like man who eat bad mushroom. Man on other side paddling hard, so turning to Grug side. If Grug stop, go even less straight. Grug stop. Hard part will be turning other way.

Dark shape seem to move, but then Grug see shadow that definitely moving. Very fast, very big. Grug turn around, look up.

Bat.

Giant. Fucking. Bat.

Grug swear profusely and point at giant fucking bat. Grug wave paddle menacingly. Medicine man say no eat bat or get very sick. Considering size of bat, Grug more worry bat eat man.

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hide
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by hide » Wed Dec 23, 2020 12:32 am

Two great ones?!

Well, shit

Sure as hell can’t stay around here. But how do I escape quickly-

It was then that First registered the massive thing he dragged on the boat. It was supposed to be a boomstick, but it was much bigger than the others.

First, recognising this fact, began to develop a ploy....

The boomstick makes, well, boom. A bigger one should make a bigger boom. Now what does “boom” do? It throws stuff about! Or at least, that was what the boom from the sky did.

The natural conclusion to this is the usage of boom to escape. First arrived at this quickly, and upon doing so, grabbed his boomstick and prepared the-
Spoiler
Taskmaster: Reckoning: Evolution (0-4)
Taskmaster V2: REDDIT 2 (3-3)
Taskmaster V3: Thunder Underground (3-1), ARC Rumble (lost)
Taskmaster V4/King Crimson: Not the Football League (1-0), CBC 4 (2-4)
taskMASTER: Pat’s Reddit Tournament (3-2)
Spoiler
SPINNERFOOD: Thunder Underground (1-2), CBC 4 (4-4), CBC4 Rumble (lost)
Spoiler
D O N O T C R O S S: Thunder Underground (2-0)
Killer Queen: CBC 4 (2-4)
SPECTRALS: ROBOT4 (0-1)
CRAZY DIAMOND: ROBOT4 (2-1)
Ki: PAT'S TOURNAMENT (5-0) CHAMPION
DEAD BABY CANNON: RUMBLE IN DA JUNGLE (4-2)
MADE IN HEAVEN: ROBOT4 (1-1)
Record: 33-29
Notable Achievements:
  • Champion (Kira), Pat’s Antweight Tourney

MadBull
Posts: 2170
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Re: ARC: Anachronistically Rifled Cavemen

Post by MadBull » Wed Dec 23, 2020 1:46 am

"Bear! BEAR!"

Gilles takes the bear.

"Buck! Cuck! Duck! Guck! Huck!"

And thus starts Gilles's arc of inventing the word fuck.

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