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Tutorial Video - Introduction to Rhinoceros 3-D Modeling
ARCCon '09 - Final Thoughts
ARC: Revolution Finals Script - Philip Bergman
ARC: Redemption Finals Script - Philip Bergman
ARC: Reckoning Finals Script - Philip Bergman
ARC: Carnage Finals Script - Philip Bergman
ARC: Aftermath Finals Script - Philip Bergman
ARC: Armageddon Finals Script - Philip Bergman
Fantasy Fury 3 Finals Script - John Garrison
Musical Worsts! - Philip Bergman
Top 100 Best CFL Bots Ever - Chris Schramm
Best of 2004: The Top 70 - Chris Schramm
CFL Olympics '08 - Philip Bergman
ARC: Revolution Finals Script - Philip Bergman
Tim Green: Defending Lightweight champion Underall is three minutes away from another championship title, but Red Zone is intent on stopping him. In the Middleweight division, AMP is also looking to defend its title, but there’s an underdog hammerbot that may have something to say about that.
Bil Dwyer: Jack Frost has unseated now-former champ Japanese School Girl, but Copperhead isn’t going to let that intimidate him out of trying to take the Superheavyweight nut; and last season’s Heavyweight runner-up, Babaganoush, has landed in the finals yet again, but is Striker going to give the flipping helmet a bad taste of déjà vu?
Tim: Stayed tuned, for the next thirty minutes will answer those questions, and may change your life forever. This…is Advanced Robot Combat.
video montage of this season’s events flashes across screen atop a guitar-driven theme song, end on Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution logo.
panoramic sweep across the Treasure Island skyline, cut to studio as Tim talks--
Tim: Located on the beautiful and bountiful Treasure Island, this is Advanced Robot Combat. Hello everyone, I’m Tim Green, and with me, as always, is the energetic Bil Dwyer.
Bil: Energetic, indeed. Who needs Starbucks when you’ve got metal carnage? It’s just as stimulating but won’t turn your teeth brown. If you’re a builder still in this though, those teeth might be ground down a little bit from the stress.
Tim: And that stress is at a high point tonight. Four finals, and everyone from the builders to the guys who sweep the arena floor after each fight are on edge. Let’s get right down to the first one, shall we?
Bil: Let’s shall. And if there’s anyone who knows about stress, it is Team Gemini’s captain, Chris Schramm. He’s got three bots in the finals, so the stress is really upon him now. In this Lighweight final, it’s Red Zone he’s driving. This speedy bot boasts a solid plow and a curiously effective lifter. In the regular season, it lost only one fight.
But that loss was to defending champion Underall, our other finalist. Team Hunga’s captain, Dylan Pommer is the only other person with more than one bot in the finals. Underall hasn’t done as well in the regular season as Red Zone, but between these two, Underall is the favorite.
Tim: One gets the nut, one gets nothing. Mark Beiro has our introductions.
cross cut to sweep over arena, focus on Mark Beiro, standing in front of the Center Nail.
Mark Beiro: This fight will determine the Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Lightweight Championship! Introducing in the Red Square, to my right: when its color is on an alert, it means that there’s a crisis; when it is on a button, it means nuclear war. For what it’s actually on, though, it means you’re about to get your ass kicked! It’s ... RED ZONE!!!
audience cheers
Tim: Red Zone’s lifter may not look like much, but tell that to the ten other bots it has trounced this season.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: ogres cower, demons cry, and the minotaur gnashes its teeth when this bot bares his. Your defending Lightweight champion … UNDERALL!!!
more cheering
Bil: Unlike a lot of other bots, this one’s name was actually shortened, from Ze Underall Ex Deus.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fightin’ time!
Bil: This is it! The moment we’ve been waiting for!
Tim: Neither of these bots are waiting though. Red Zone and Underall coming out to meet each other head on!
Bil: Underall seems to be a little leery though. I think he’s expecting Red Zone to try some kind of fake out maneuver.
Tim: Red Zone not trying to deke Underall, it would seem. Red Zone lowering his spike lifter to try and get under Underall!
Bil: It’s not an easy thing to do either. You could say “Underall” is a good name for that bot. I say it’s a good bot for that name.
Tim: Red Zone trying to slide in, and it’s working! He’s under those teeth wedges of Underall! Look at the lift!
Bil: Now those wedges are on hinges, so Underall’s not off the ground yet, but this is still not a position he wants to be in.
Tim: Red Zone, now moving into Underall, and he manages to lift Underall a little bit!
Bil: And here’s a view from the SlamCam. We like to use it to show hits up close, but you can see here from inside Red Zone. He’s actually got the points of those spikes in contact with the hinges. He’s got Underall at the fulcrum of his wedge setup, and he can do what he wants.
Tim: And what Red Zone wants to do now is ram him into the Shooting Spike!
Bil: The Shooting Spike hasn’t been the arena hazard of choice this season. It’ll be interesting to see what Red Zone’s thinking here.
Tim: Red Zone thinking about denting the upper armor plates of Underall. The Shooting Spike going to work here. Underall is trying to turn on those rear wheels. Red Zone trying to keep slamming, and OH he loses him there!
Bil: That’s what happens when you get too ambitious. Red Zone wanted to line up a major slam, but Underall slides off.
Tim: Now Underall is moving fast and furiously, and he’s got Red Zone up on the wedges!
Bil: If you’re Underall getting that ride to the hazards, you’re going to have a moment to figure out what your first move will be once free. Then, you anticipate that moment. And he got under Red Zone before Red Zone could get that lifter lowered, so I’d say he was effective in anticipating that moment.
Tim: Underall anticipated pretty well it would seem, and Underall has Red Zone under the Piercer!
Bil: Now THIS has been one of the more preferred means of punishment, designed by our very own Pete Lambertson. Underall is just holding Red Zone captive, exacting revenge.
Tim: Red Zone pushing down on those wedges with the lifter trying to escape, as the Piercer hits. The Piercer, pushing down on Red Zone with each hit and Red Zone finally escapes!
Bil: That, my friend, is persistence. Red Zone kept getting hit, but he didn’t stop pushing down, and he finally flips himself.
Tim: Red Zone escapes but Underall does not waste time. Red Zone, trying to put some distance between the two, but Underall is in hot pursuit!
Bil: If you’re Red Zone, do you rely on hinged plow you’ve got on your rear to try and deflect those wedges on Underall? Underall is not giving Red Zone a chance to turn around and get that lifter facing him again.
Tim: Underall catches up with Red Zone, and he keeps pushing him, and into the Wall Wedge they both go! Red Zone getting flipped there, but more importantly, he ricochets off the wall a little bit and gets a couple feet between Underall and him.
Bil: Underall may have gotten a little lucky too, on that slam. He could have gotten himself hung up on something there, but he didn’t.
Tim: Red Zone, with the lifter facing forward once more. Trying to work it exactly as he did earlier. And he’s starting to lift again! But Underall backs off in time this time!
Bil: I think what happened last time is that Underall thought he could still push Red Zone around, but he’s not taking the chance that time, as he backs off before Red Zone can work under further.
Tim: Underall taking advantage of Red Zone’s lifter being elevated and he slides underneath again and slams him straight into the Center Nail!
Bil: And Red Zone is stuck. The rear plow catches perfectly on the Center Nail, and he can go nowhere.
Tim: Underall wants to do more though, and he takes him into the other Piercer now! And the hits come down!
Bil: Can Red Zone do it again? Can he escape using the lifter again…? YES!
Tim: Red Zone escapes again, and he moves in with the plow this time, and he starts pushing Underall, and he’s pushing him into the Floor Spinner!
Bil: And you can see the Floor Spinner, hitting the wedges on Underall, and they go bouncing up and down from these hits, up and down they go!
Tim: Ten seconds left. Can Underall escape and mount one final offensive attack?
Bil: I don’t think so, but he may not have to. Hard to tell though.
buzzer sounds
Tim: And this one is over and in the books! This fight could have kept going longer, if we let them, but such as it is. Bil, how about the replays?
Bil: Red Zone makes good use of that lifter early on, and he slams Underall into the Shooting Spike. Then Underall uses the Piercer, the Wall Wedge, the Center Nail, and the other Piercer. Red Zone has the last say though, with the Floor Spinner causing some more damage.
Tim: The judges have turned in their verdict. Let’s go arenaside.
cut to Center Arena with both teams and head referee as Mark Beiro announces
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-five to twenty decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Lightweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: UNDERALL!!!
Tim: And you see a very happy Team Hunga there, celebrating, and shaking hands with Team Gemini. Bil, how did the judges score it?
Bil: Underall managed to take the Aggression category nine to six. The Damage category was a hair closer, Underall still managing to take that one, eight to seven. In Strategy, again Underall eight to seven, making a final score of twenty-five to twenty.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with the jubilant Team Hunga.
cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Dylan Pommer
Traci Bingham: Well congratulations on your win. Were you a little nervous when you were getting hit by the Shooting Spike?
Dylan Pommer: I was, somewhat. I kept hitting the controls trying to shake loose, and fortunately I did. It was then a matter of just, y’know, making every second mine.
Traci: Underall is a legend of a bot, and the legacy continues. Congratulations.
Dylan: Thanks Traci.
cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with Chris Schramm
Jason Sklar: It was tough fight. What surprised you most about it?
Chris Schramm: Boy… I think it was that I was able to make the plow work. I didn’t think it would do much for me, and it didn’t do enough, but what it did surprised me a bit. I think it’s a good thing that it could do that much against a bot like that.
Randy Sklar: If you’d taken three more points, you’d have won. Something that close, what else could you have done?
Chris: I dunno. It’s hard to say. When it’s that close, it could go either way, and this was just how it went this time. Another day, it might have been mine.
Jason: And maybe it will be another season. Guys?
cut back to the studio
Bil: Thanks guys. A heartbreaker for Team Gemini, but they’ve still got two bots in the Finals, so redemption may yet come for them. They’ve got no time to sulk.
Tim: And Team Hunga doesn’t have time to celebrate either. They’re in the Middleweight Finals, as they look to dethrone defending champion AMP. You won’t wanna miss this, and it’s up next, on Advanced Robot Combat.
music takes us to commercial break
three minutes of commercials
music brings us back in
Bil: Advanced Robot Combat: the Revolution proves it’s not dead.
Tim: Welcome back everyone, we just saw an incredible Lightweight final, and that’s just one of four for the evening. Bil, how do the Middleweights shape up?
Bil: Between sixty and a hundred and twenty pounds. Otherwise, they wouldn’t be Middleweights. We just saw one of Team Hunga’s two finalists, and now we meet the other. Team Hunga’s other finalist is the hammerbot named My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World. Shortened to the nickname “Heartbreak And Hate” by the other builders, this bot is as much known for being a surprise showing in the tournament as it is for its incredibly long name. Team Hunga has a champion design in every weight class except Middleweight, and even they weren’t expecting to do this well, but now, they want to complete their dynasty tonight.
Defending champion, AMP, is looking for a repeat title though. The pride of Team AC/DC has done what it does best, spinning and tossing opponents about the arena. In their regular season bout, AMP got the short end of the stick, but team captain Paul Ogin II is confident that AMP will not disappoint again.
Tim: A hush falls over the arena as Mark Beiro introduces the finalists.
fade to Mark Beiro in front of the Center Nail, as he announces
Mark: This is an Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Championship Final, in the Middleweight Division! Introducing, in the Red Square, to my right: this bot should be given a more dignified and menacing introduction, but dammit, it’s only a half-hour program! Here is … MY HANDS ARE ABANDONED FACTORIES MANUFACTURING HEARTBREAK AND HATE FOR THE WORLD!!!
audience cheers loudly
Tim: No one, including Team Hunga, expected this bot to be in the finals, especially after it got knocked out during the regular season by the stompbot The Aristocrats.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: the power that flows through this bot will rock your socks and clean your clock! Get plugged in for … AMP!!!
continued applause
Bil: Team AC/DC didn’t bring along its famous tri-bar for this tournament. Will that make a difference here?
Tim: Time to find out, because the box is locked, the lights are on, it’s finals fightin’ time!
Bil: And you can see AMP getting that spinning bar up to speed as he moves out of the Blue Square there.
Tim: AMP trying to get out to Center Arena, but obviously wanting to stay away from the Center Nail. Heartbreak And Hate coming out after him like a maniac.
Bil: I don’t think it’s maniacal. You see the way he actually lingers around the Center Nail.
Tim: AMP, gliding methodically around the arena, trying to avoid the Nail, starting to move in, but Heartbreak And Hate backs off and slams into AMP!
Bil: Incredible! And you see the hit there! The sparks, the power, it’s so amazing!
Tim: Heartbreak And Hate, getting thrown by that hit, but so is AMP, and AMP seems to have hit the Nail on that hit. Now Heartbreak And Hate rushing to get to AMP again! And there’s the axe!
Bil: And we’ve known about the power of that axe. We saw what it did to FBSDS. And now here, a direct hit on the exposed motor on AMP. That’s not good for AMP. I think he’ll be ok here, but a couple more like that and it’s all over.
Tim: Heartbreak And Hate trying to place a few more hits, but AMP manages to swat him away with the bar.
Bil: That was a weak hit, though, for AMP. I think it’s just because he didn’t get the bar up to full-speed, but you never know. That axe-wound may have already done the job.
Tim: AMP separating for a moment while spinning that bar, and the bar is indeed at full speed again.
Bil: So we know it wasn’t a lethal blow, but it still scores points in the eyes of the judges. Maybe not Damage, but definitely Aggression.
Tim: Heartbreak And Hate moving in aggressively again, but AMP’s bar is at full speed, AND ANOTHER HIT!
Bil: I think AMP got a piece of the plow that time. And yup, there’s a chunk missing in Heartbreak And Hate’s plow there.
Tim: Heartbreak And Hate trying to get another good blow from the axe in, but AMP facing differently now, trying to protect that motor.
Bil: It’s a smart move too. AMP could possibly rely on those wedged skirts if need be, but it’s a chance you don’t want to take.
Tim: Heartbreak And Hate fires the axe, but misses.
Bil: And there’s the power of AMP. The spinning bar hits the axe and whips Heartbreak And Hate around a little bit.
Tim: AMP moves in now and another hit! This one right on the wheelguard of Heartbreak And Hate!
Bil: It looks like there’s a slight bend in the guard, but AMP wasn’t up to speed either. That was just AMP refusing to pass up the opportunity.
Tim: Heartbreak And Hate moving in now, slamming AMP! Both bots knocked away by the hit, but Heartbreak And Hate trying to move in again, quickly, and he hits AMP again! Not getting thrown so much this time, but he moves in again and starts pushing AMP!
Bil: I think what’s happened is that as this fight has progressed, Heartbreak And Hate now knows how far and how many degrees a full speed hit from AMP will toss him. He’s able to anticipate and recuperate quicker, and get in on the offensive again. And not a moment too soon either, because that plow is starting to look like a funhouse mirror, the way it’s getting warped.
Tim: We are under thirty seconds, and Heartbreak And Hate is trying to swing that axe into the motor again, but it is staying just out of reach, as AMP manages to hit him again. AMP, managing to get up to speed, as Heartbreak And Hate fires again, and what a hit!
Bil: Oh, and you almost knew this was coming too. The axe-handle on Heartbreak And Hate is bent! It’s useless now!
Tim: Heartbreak And Hate going with the rear wedge for one last final charge, and another solid hit from AMP!
Bil: That was a great hit there. And a good closing statement that AMP would want to make as the buzzer is about to—
buzzer sounds
Bil: Ok, as the buzzer sounds.
Tim: AMP getting a good hit in, but Heartbreak And Hate put on a good show, Bil. I’m not sure I could call this one without some replays.
Bil: I don’t think the replays will help either, but let’s try. AMP put several solid dings and dents on Heartbreak And Hate, but you see Heartbreak And Hate’s solid hit on the motor, and the shoving around the arena into the wall and the Nail. And here the axe-handle bends.
Tim: Too close to call. How did the judges see it?
cut to Center Arena with both teams and head referee as Mark Beiro announces
Mark: The three judges have turned in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Middleweight Champion…THE RED SQUARE: MY HANDS ARE ABANDONED FACTORIES MANUFACTURING HEARTBREAK AND HATE FOR THE WORLD!!!
Tim: And listen to this crowd’s reaction! Some cheers, some boos. Bil, let’s see the judges’ scorecards!
Bil: It’s like they tell three different stories almost. Heartbreak And Hate never let up on those charges, and gets the Aggression category by a twelve to three margin. And no one should be surprised that AMP would conquer the Damage category. In this case, by a score of eleven to four. Strategy was a nail-biter. AMP’s ability to keep Heartbreak And Hate at bay was just shy of Heartbreak And Hate’s ability to use those hits to maneuver AMP around the floor in a curling-like fashion. Heartbreak And Hate wins Strategy eight to seven, and the match by a final tally of twenty-four to twenty-one.
Tim: To the victors go the Sklars.
cut to backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Dylan Pommer
Jason: Your second title this season, and it was closer than the Lightweight one. What were you thinking as you stood there with the ref holding your wrist there, just before they announced you the winner?
Dylan: I was shaking. I wasn’t sure if I had won. I’ve fought a lot of spinners this season, and have come out victorious most of the time, but still, there’s that chance you’ll lose.
Randy: Well, you’re now the champ. And you now have a dynasty. How does that feel?
Dylan: Incredible. It’s validating and awesome.
Randy: Will this bot retire, or will it defend?
Dylan: It’s going to defend. And I’ll be doing some improvements on it during the off-season.
Jason: Will one of those improvements be a shortened name?
Dylan: Aw, heeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllll no!
cut to Traci Bingham with Paul Ogin II
Traci: Twenty-four to twenty-one. What made the difference?
Paul Ogin II: We probably could have been a little bit more aggressive. With a bot like AMP, the doom comes to those who charge, but this time, we probably could have attacked more often. But you know, a lot of times, it does come down to luck. This was a close match.
Traci: Now you went this entire season without the tri-bar. Do you think that could have made a difference?
Paul: It’s hard to say. Both weapons have advantages and disadvantages. And I hate to get into the “What-if” game in these types of scenarios. This was a good fight, the score reflected it, and I dare say we’ll be back to reclaim the throne next season.
cut back to the studio
Bil: He dare say it. That doesn’t sound like an empty threat. We’ll be watching for him next season.
Tim: The next season is still a way’s off, but the next final isn’t. When we come back, Babaganoush versus Striker, winner take all. Next, on Advanced Robot Combat.
music takes us to commercial break
three minutes of commercials
music brings us back in
Tim: For more information on the Advanced Robot Combat series, visit their website at www.drowningcity.com
Bil: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat. Tim, how about that last fight?
Tim: Unbelievable. And I loved every second of it.
Bil: Then you’ll love our Heavyweight final, and interesting to note, these two bots fought each other in the very first round during the regular season. Their season began with each other, and now it’ll end at each other’s throats. Babganoush won when these two tangled on the first round of fights, but that was a very close decision, and one the fans had mixed reactions about.
Babaganoush is Team Animal Cruelty’s menacing flipper that ran runner-up last season, losing a split decision to Heart Attack 2. Team captain Philip Bergman decided it needed another shot at the nut, and what a showing it has had. Its only loss this season was to Adrenaline, whom Babaganoush beat in the semis, thus avenging itself.
But revenge was the story in the other semifinal, and now Striker would like to make that the story of the finals, as well. Team Gemini returns for the Heavyweight Final with its hinged wedge bully with the spinning treads. Striker lost twice during the regular season: once to Tank, whom it beat in the semis, and once to Babaganoush, whom it would love to beat now.
Tim: The solid and proven veteran versus the incredibly impressive rookie. Mark Beiro has the introductions.
sweep across the crowd and settle in on Mark Beiro at Center Arena
Mark: This fight will crown the Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Heavyweight Champion. Introducing, in the Red Square, to my right: you can only keep this good robot down for so long, until it flips you off and sends you across the arena! Here is … BABAGANOUSH!!!
wild audience applause
Bil: The longest intact Advanced Robot Combat winning streak: eight wins.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: this bot would promise you a quick and painless defeat, but really, what would be the fun in that? Meet your demise in … STRIKER!!!
more applause
Bil: Striker had some trouble bringing the treads to bear last time. How far has it come since the first round? Let’s see.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s Heavyweight Finals time!
Bil: The flipper against the treads.
Tim: Striker wasting no time as he rushes out of the square. Babaganoush coming out to meet him, it would appear.
Bil: That’s unusual for Babaganoush. He usually plays it a little craftier than this, but he’s going straight for Striker it would seem.
Tim: Striker moving closer, but Babaganoush trying to veer off here, but it doesn’t work! Striker under him right away!
Bil: It’s a bold plan, but if your opponent is twice your speed, trying to do a quick cut-and-run just isn’t all that likely.
Tim: Striker in control now, taking Babaganoush into the wall!
Bil: Slams are good, Tim, but if you’ll notice, Babaganoush is all the way up those wedges of Striker. The only thing that hit the wall was Striker himself. Babaganoush didn’t get hurt at all there.
Tim: Babaganoush still stuck though. Striker moving and he’s trying to fling Babaganoush into the Floor Spinner! But Babaganoush is staying on top!
Bil: It’s like a two-year old child who just won’t let go of your arm. Babaganoush is just on top of Striker like a leech.
circle with Bill Nye’s head appears in upper left hand corner of screen
Bill Nye: Babaganoush uses cow magnets to magnetize his skirts and keep them low. Those are powerful magnets, but if your opponent’s wedge is also made from a metal that can be magnetized, a low torque bot like Babaganoush may not have enough power to offset the magnetic attraction.
circle and Bill Nye’s head disappear
Tim: Thanks Bill Nye. That does explain the situation here.
Bil: And you see Babaganoush is partially on top of those wedges. He can’t escape, but the good news is that those spinning treads of Striker can’t quite reach Babaganoush either.
buzzer sounds
Tim: And this one is paused.
Bil: They’ve been stuck together too long. They have to separate. You can see the crew there, struggling to separate them, with that magnetic bond holding them. They have to use some crowbars!
Tim: And they’ve got them separated, but the crowbars are now sticking to Babaganoush!
Bil (laughing as he talks): I think next season, they’ll have to use some weaker magnets, or use electromagnets that can be controlled with an electric current.
Tim: They’ve got the crowbars free, and the crowd is cheering as this match gets back underway! Babaganoush wasting no time as he’s under the side and he flips Striker!
Bil: THIS is what Babaganoush has wanted: a shot at the side of Striker. And he makes good use of it.
Tim: Striker lands on his backside first, then slamming down. Babaganoush rushing in again, and another flip!
Bil: And look at the distance! He managed to throw Striker that time.
Tim: Striker landing again, but he’s dangerously close to the Piercer, and the Piercer hits him! Twice now! Three times!
Bil: Striker landed upside-down there. He’s fine, but it takes a second to throw your controls in inversion mode. It doesn’t take long, but it’s still a couple seconds that the Piercer can strike you.
Tim: Striker moving again, free of the Piercer, heading for Babaganoush, but oh no! One of the treads has broken and has fallen off Striker!
Bil: I don’t think it was just the Piercer that did that. Certainly helped contribute to the breakage, but those treads scrape awfully low. I think those spikes hit the floor a few times, and recoiled a bit against itself throughout this fight so far.
Tim: Striker deciding to make do without it though, and he’s got Babaganoush up on the wedges again!
Bil: And this has been what Striker has done best anyway throughout the season. The treads have been mainly for holding an opponent in place, to keep them from driving over and off the back of Striker. With Babaganoush’s magnets, he doesn’t need them.
Tim: Striker in control once more and he’s got Babaganoush into the Shooting Spike!
Bil: And this is the hazard he should have used all along. Striker rammed himself into the wall, and those wedges took more damage from the Floor Spinner than Babaganoush did, so he goes with a higher hazard this time, and the Shooting Spike is working just as Striker would like it to.
Tim: Under forty-five seconds now, and Striker is keeping Babaganoush put. The Shooting Spike continuing to hit Babaganoush. Babaganoush trying to move, but not having much luck.
Bil: The refs are watching the clock again. They don’t want to have to break out those crowbars a second time.
Tim: Striker backing away at full speed with Babaganoush still on him. Striker turning sharply, and they’re free!!
Bil: Now that’s how you do it. Never underestimate the power of whiplash!
Tim: Striker charging one last time, and he’s in reverse!
Bil: He probably just doesn’t want to get stuck again, so he’s slamming with his rear end, and his remaining tread.
Tim: And slam he does! That tread spinning into Babaganoush, and Babaganoush flips again!
buzzer sounds
Bil: And this final is in the books! What a bizarre match this was!
Tim: Team Gemini looking pretty happy. They think they’ve won this one.
Bil: The replays may say something different though. Striker controlled this fight mostly, but he did a little hazard damage to himself early on, then Babaganoush flips him about. A tread breaks, but he finally uses that Shooting Spike to get the desired effect.
Tim: The judges have weighed in, and let’s see what they say.
cut to Center Arena with both teams and head referee as Mark Beiro announces
Mark: The three judges have turned in a thirty to fifteen decision, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Heavyweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: STRIKER!!!
Bil: And you almost knew it was coming. Team Gemini happy to win this one, especially after losing the Lightweight Final in a squeaker.
Tim: Thirty to fifteen seems pretty decisive. Do the judges’ scorecards agree?
Bil: Pretty much. Babaganoush’s flips and Striker’s tread breaking did give Babaganoush the Damage category ten to five, but for Aggression and Strategy, Striker dominated the match by scores of thirteen to two, and twelve to three respectively.
Tim: Jason and Randy Sklar are with an exuberant Team Gemini
cut to backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Chris Schramm
Jason: The story of this fight was those wedges, wasn’t it?
Chris: Absolutely. That and the magnets that kept us inseparable half the time!
Randy: Now you kept hurting yourself at first, and you didn’t get away from the Floor Spinner right away there. Why was that?
Chris; I think I was just in a bad spot for the robot to receive the signal. Luckily we got it straightened out, and it ended up not hurting us.
Jason: Well congratulations to you, Mister Heavyweight Champion.
Chris: Thanks guys.
cut to Traci Bingham with Philip Bergman
Traci: Word around the pits is that your magnets were your downfall tonight.
Philip Bergman: Yeah, you could say that. I thought I could get under at least one of those wedges and avoid that situation, but I couldn’t. Time to look into electromagnets, and see if I can get them remote controlled for next season, if I need them.
Traci: This is your fourth Advanced Robot Combat tournament, and your fourth time coming in second place.
Philip: Yeah, this happened last season with this bot, and twice in the first season. It’s still a good finish, overall, but it’s also becoming something of a running gag. I think five will be the lucky number for at least one of Team Animal Cruelty’s bots next season.
Traci: Well, good luck to you next season. Guys?
cut back to the studio
Tim: Alright, thanks Traci. I kinda feel bad for Team Animal Cruelty, but hey, you have to pay the cost to be the boss, right?
Bil: B.B. King couldn’t have said it better. In fact, that was him who said it first. Or at least sang it first. But Team Animal Cruelty will be singing the blues tonight.
Tim: And so will one more team tonight. The Superheavyweight Final is next, when we come back, on Advanced Robot Combat.
music takes us to commercial break
three minutes of commercials
music brings us back in
Bil: It can take a lot of fingers to work the controls on a robot. Keep all of yours. Remember, when building a bot or anything, safety first.
Tim: Welcome back. As you just saw, a new Heavyweight champion was crowned. Only one bot in a division can be champion, but all is not lost for the other bots in that division.
Bil: That’s right, Tim. There are other kinds of awards a bot can win, and here to bestow those awards, as well as some other distinguished honors, is Bill Nye.
trippy music playing with Bill Nye’s likeness flashing about the screen, cut to Bill Nye
Bill: The Championship Nut is the prize every bot hopes to get, but there are other awards a bot can receive. Before we look at some of the awards, let’s acknowledge some other accomplishments of our robots and roboteers.
For a long time, the records of last season, Annihilation, were lost. Only now have they been partially retrieved, but over the course of this season four roboteers officially claimed their one-hundredth wins. Chris Schramm, leading Team Gemini actually crossed the triple digit mark in his run in sister league Fantasy Robot Rumble, the Combat Lagoon tournament, while driving Barrier to the Middleweight title, but he made it official on his eleventh win this season. Dylan Pommer, captain of Team Hunga, actually won golden number one hundred with his fifth win of the season, but made it official with win number twenty-one. Team Animal Cruelty’s captain, Philip Bergman, actually passed the century mark on his sixth win, but it wasn’t official until his twenty-fifth win this season. Lastly, leader of Team AC/DC, Paul Ogin II, would not have crossed over one hundred without the retrieved Annihilation records, but thanks to them, his twenty-second win of the season will be heretofore marked as his one-hundredth.
In the past, for any team to win more than ten fights in a season was pretty impressive, but for a single bot to win ten in one season was even more impressive, especially considering it never happened. Even with this season’s round-robin style of scheduling, it still proved to be a quite a feat for a bot to win ten fights. Three of those bots that did so are from Team Gemini, and all three made it to the finals in their division. The Lightweight Red Zone and the Superheavyweight Jack Frost both won ten during the regular season, and the Heavyweight rookie Striker won its tenth in the semi-finals. Also winning its tenth in the semis is Team Hunga’s Lightweight, Underall. Team Omegaforce’s Copperhead accomplished this feat during the regular season, too. Last season, Babaganoush almost accomplished this feat, falling just short with nine, and would have done so had it won the Nut. This season, however, it has also won ten fights in the regular season alone.
Now, onto the awards that can only go to one bot or roboteer. First is the Bozenda Award, given to the most aggressive driver and strategist. Anthony Politzi, commanding Team Hitmen, tore about the arena this season in his fights, as did Team Targeted captain Alex MacWilliams, but the most aggressive was John Garrison, captain of Team Omegaforce. With bots like Copperhead and Sovereign, Team Omegaforce pushed around opponents to an impressive thirty-four wins this season.
The Astrodude Award is given to the rookie of the season. Although there was only one rookie this season, this rookie did fairly well, including a Middleweight semi-finalist. Congratulations to Nick Schulz and all of Team “Yellow Alert”, recipient of this season’s Astrodude Award.
The Adrenaline Award is given to the bot with the most creative design. This doesn’t necessarily mean the design was effective in the arena, though many times it does. Team “Yellow Alert” put a new spin on spinbots with Influenza, with a narrow base and all motors encased in the spinning carousel. Team Concept Robotics’ Colonel Kickass also turned and tilted a few heads, as did Some Kind Of Monster from Team AC/DC, as well as Corrosive from Team Andrewbot. But the Adrenaline Award goes to Team Gemini’s Striker, a bot with a multiple hinged-wedge array plus spinning treads that did damage and held opponents captive. Such a new and nifty design, how could it not get the nod?
One of the less desired awards is the Toxic Hazard Award, given to a bot that was consistently beat up and received very few wins, if any. Team Gemini’s Sunshine was a deadly looking hammerbot that ended up getting smashed time and time again. Fellow Middleweight hammerbot The Aristocrats, from Team Animal Cruelty took several blows to the body and the ego. Exotherm, from Team “Yellow Alert” also couldn’t seem to avoid taking a pounding, either. But the Toxic Hazard Award belongs to the simply titled It, the Superheavyweight from Josh Noel and Team Blood Gulch, a bot that got repeatedly slammed by rammers, and pinned by spinners.
The Warper Award is given to a bot that not many expected to do well, but surpassed those expectations. One such bot was Team Animal Cruelty’s The Aristocrats, a stomper that was expected to go winless. Instead, it won five fights, and almost turned in a winning record during the season. Team Blood Gulch’s Zombie Killer’s wedge didn’t seem all that impressive, but it almost went to the semi-finals, only losing out at the last minute. But Team Hunga receives the Warper Award, with their Middleweight hammerbot, My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World. A surprise bot that emerged into the playoffs at the last minute and wound up the champion, it clearly merits the award.
Almost the exact opposite of the Warper Award is the Intergalactic Award, given to the bot that fell short of expectations due to external factors. Team Andrewbot’s Poly-Stone was the bot that had even the hardiest Heavyweights worried, but more often than not, team captain Andrew Rossol failed to arrive at the arena in time. Similarly, the Middleweight of Team Concept Robotics, Bling 2K, made an early showing with an impressive win, but team captain Jason Ice wound up dealing with serious electronic and electrical problems that caused him to miss most of the season. A true heartache was in the semis when Paul Gancitano couldn’t complete the repairs on Shockwave in time, thus forfeiting to AMP. The Intergalactic Award, however, goes to Team Hitmen’s Middleweight, Shovearound 2. This bot garnered some serious respect in the early observations, but a combination of tough calls and hard luck cut its hopes short. Perhaps next tournament, this bot will get the kudos it deserves.
The Double Dose Award rewards the prettiest and most aesthetically coordinated bot. Team Blood Gulch’s Zombie Killer and Team Targeted’s Tank both had paintjobs whose motifs well-behooved the name and image of the bot. Team Fire-And-Ice’s Gayle was a mesmerizing bot to watch in action, as were the blue streaks of Team Hitmen’s Shovearound 2 and Team Hunga’s Underall. But the unlikely combination of yellow and gray make the Double Dose Award go to Team Omegaforce’s JAKT.
The Cow Tipper Award rewards engineering in a robot. So many bots had such sound engineering behind them, that it was hard to pick a winner. Flippers like Team Animal Cruelty’s Babaganoush, lifters like Team Gemini’s Red Zone, and unique bots like Team Omegaforce’s Sovereign all got nods, but the final selection is Copperhead, the Superheavyweight finalist from Team Omegaforce. With an improved plow, and three shock-mounted hinged wedges, it’s hard not to be impressed with it.
Finally, there’s the Defiance Award, given to the team with the best record. And it’s fitting almost to the point of irony that it goes to Team Gemini this season. Tied for best record with thirty-four wins and ten losses in the regular season, this team wins it by having three finalists, one in the Lightweight division, one in the Heavyweight, and one in the Superheavyweight. This is quite interesting because the last time Team Gemini won this award was in the Defiance season of Advanced Robot Combat, when it won the championship in those three weight divisions! Congratulations to Team Gemini on winning the Defiance Award, and to all our award winners.
trippy music with Bill’s likeness flashing about, return to the studio
Tim: Thanks Bill Nye. Wow, a lot of accomplishments to acknowledge. Wouldn’t you agree Mr. Dwyer?
Bil: I would agree indeed. And there’s still one more accomplishment to determine. The Superheavyweights are getting ready to throw down for the Nut.
Copperhead is Team Omegaforce’s only finalist this season, as two of their other bots lost in the semis. Copperhead is a durable rammer that can slam you with either a solid plow, or three inescapable hinged wedges.
Jack Frost had to beat Japanese School Girl to get here, and it isn’t planning on settling for second banana. That heavy disc is its way of takin’ care of business.
Tim: Bil, how else do these bots compare?
Bil: Jack Frost has the power advantage with that disc of doom. Copperhead has the speed advantage. It’s one of the fastest bots we’ve ever seen here. Intangibles: Copperhead has the edge in this one. Both bots only lost once in the regular season, but Jack Frost’s loss was to Copperhead, while Copperhead’s defeat was dealt from non-semifinalist and mad flipper Cascade. Copperhead beat Jack Frost before, and might just do it again.
Tim: Mark Beiro is standing by to get this match underway.
fade out and across to Mark Beiro at Center Arena
Mark: This is the Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Superheavyweight Championship Final!! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: it gives no warning when it strikes to render you dead. No medicine can save you from … COPPERHEAD!!!
thunderous applause
Tim: You see Copperhead there, leaving the fangs on for this fight. We’ll see how he uses them.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: it nips at your nose, then rips off the rest of your fricken face! Introducing … JACK FROST!!!
Bil: The deadly disc … we saw what it can do in the semis.
Tim: Care to say it with me?
Bil and Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fightin’ time!!
Bil: Thanks Tim.
Tim: My pleasure, Bil. Copperhead wasting no time charging the arena, but Jack Frost already has that deadly disc up to speed. Copperhead lining up a charge, he rushes at Jack Frost! And look at that hit!
Bil: What a beauty! Jack Frost hit Copperhead squarely on the nose of the plow! Jack Frost does indeed nip at the nose!
Tim: Copperhead back up and in Jack Frost’s disc, though, pushing. Copperhead pushing Jack Frost into the wall! Jack Frost’s disc about to get ground into the floor!
Bil: And Jack Frost isn’t powering down that disc. He runs the risk of that disc breaking!
Bill Nye’s head appears in a circle in upper left hand corner of screen
Bill: Jack Frost’s disc already looms extremely low to the ground, but according to tournament rules, no weapon may be more powerful than the strength of the arena floor or the lexan walls. This means that if that disc hits the floor while spinning, the energy will be redirected back into the disc, and might incapacitate it. It’s suicide, I tell you! Suicide!
circle and Bill Nye’s head disappear
Bil: Thanks Bill Nye. Always great information from him.
Tim: Copperhead pushing Jack Frost against the Wall Wedge, and now Copperhead is on top of the disc!
Bil: Unbelievable! I’m not quite sure what happened there. I think the disc got so low, the teeth managed to wedge underneath Copperhead’s plow, and propped him up!
Tim: Bad news for Copperhead as that disc is still spinning. Jack Frost, in his limited ability to turn right now, has managed to position Copperhead against the lexan to keep the disc out of the floor.
Bil: Well, he just eased the pressure off the disc, and now it’s free to grind at the wheels of Copperhead!
Tim: That indeed seems to be what’s happening…and there goes a wheel! And a second one!
Bil: The rules say if half the drivetrain is taken out, the whole bot is knocked out. Copperhead is solidly built, but he is in serious danger right now.
buzzer sounds
Tim: And the two have to separate. The officials have stopped the clock and the fighting.
Bil: Those two were stuck good. Jack Frost isn’t a bot built for torque, and Copperhead was hung up on Jack Frost, so it’s almost obvious that it’d come to this.
Tim: Arena crew have the two separated. The box is locked once more… the fighting has resumed.
Bil: And look at Copperhead! He just took off to avoid the disc again, and he is at the side of Jack Frost!
Tim: He is indeed pushing Jack Frost from the side and now he’s got him under the Piercer!
Bil: Oh, let it pierce! Let it pierce!
Tim: That Piercer is coming down on Jack Frost and hurting those top armor panels. Copperhead, just holding him there, trying to buy back every second that he spent under the disc.
Bil: I think he’d like the Piercer to take out a wheel on Jack Frost! Jack Frost doesn’t have as many wheels, so it takes less time to take out half the drivetrain.
Tim: Jack Frost is trying to escape, but just as Copperhead was before, Jack Frost is stuck good now.
Bil: The officials are watching the clock again, but the difference is Copperhead does have enough power to separate them of his own accord this time.
Tim: And it looks like he will do so. Copperhead backing up and releasing Jack Frost. Back to action as Copperhead is lining up another charge, and he’s coming full steam at Jack Frost! Jack Frost turning on those wheels, and a miss!! Copperhead misses Jack Frost!
Bil: Now that’s unusual! Copperhead is such a well-driven bot. I didn’t think we’d ever see this!
Tim: Copperhead hits the Wall Wedge, and Jack Frost moves in with the disc, and he gets a third wheel! He gets a third wheel!! The entire left side of Copperhead’s drivetrain is gone!
Bil: Copperhead is still trying to drive around the arena, too. He’s saying, “Hey, I can still play!” I don’t think the judges are gonna buy it though.
Tim: And you see Jack Frost doing a victory spin now, but Copperhead is backing into him again as if to say “Knock it off! I’m not dead yet!” OH! The disc hits plow again!! What a great shot!
Bil: But look at that! Jack Frost’s disc is uneven now. That last hit must have hurt it pretty badly.
Tim: It doesn’t matter now, though, as the referee is counting out Copperhead.
buzzer sounds
Tim: And we’re through! Jack Frost gets the knockout! Bil, how about the replays?
Bil: Jack Frost strikes Copperhead early as Copperhead charges. Here you see two of the wheels getting cut off. The Piercer almost turns this one around. And… there, the third wheel gone. And the last hit that wrecks Jack Frost’s disc.
Tim: Mark Beiro is standing by to make it official.
cut to both teams with referee at Center Arena as Mark Beiro announces
Mark: The time, two minutes thirty-three seconds. Your winner, by a knockout, and Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution Superheavyweight Champion: THE BLUE SQUARE: JACK FROST!!!
Bil: And there you have it. No room to argue here. Jack Frost wins the Nut, fair and square.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with the Superheavyweight champion.
cut to Traci Bingham with Chris Schramm
Traci: Amazing, isn’t it? You lost to him during the regular season, and come back to knock him out this time!
Chris: It’s awesome! Oh man. Copperhead’s a great bot, and John’s a ruthless driver.
Traci: What do you think made the difference?
Chris: I think I just managed to keep a cool head. Though, not powering down the disc while getting pushed--that was just a moment of panic. I couldn’t do anything else, and it worked for me.
Traci: Well, congratulations to you on winning the Nut.
Chris: Thanks Traci.
cut to Randy and Jason Sklar with John Garrison
Jason: You managed to bust him up in the regular season. What went wrong this time?
John Garrison: I think it’s just a matter of getting overconfident. I kept pushing expecting him to break, and instead I did.
Randy: Well, if the slip of a lip can sink a ship, a slip in the arena can take down a bot.
John: Yeah, but I’ll be back next season. Watch out Jack Frost. I’ll get you next time!
cut back to studio
Bil: Next time, he says. And I always look forward to next time. The next season is something to look forward to.
Tim: Don’t go anywhere. When we come back, we’ll put a recap on the season and hand out the Giant Nuts. Come back for the icing on this cake, on Advanced Robot Combat.
music takes us to commercial break
three minutes of commercials
music brings us back in
Bil: The collision between Rooster Teeth and The Aristocrats … so deadly it knocked BOTH bots out. THAT’S our Hit Of The Tournament.
Tim: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat. What a great night of Finals it has been. Bil, give us a reminder of who our champs are.
Bil: Defending champion Underall managed to hang onto his Lightweight crown with a twenty-five to twenty win over Red Zone. Defending Middleweight champion AMP fell at the hands of My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision. Last season’s Heavyweight runner-up Babaganoush remains runner-up as Striker wins the title by a score of thirty to fifteen. In the Superheavyweight division, Jack Frost knocked out Copperhead to claim the title for his own.
Tim: It’s been a great season of Advanced Robot Combat, and I want to thank all of you for watching. On behalf of Traci Bingham, Mark Beiro, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, Pete Lambertson, Bill Nye, and all the builders and staff here at Advanced Robot Combat, I’m Tim Green.
Bil: And I’m Bil Dwyer, thanking you once more for a great season. We leave you now with the presentation of the Giant Nuts.
cut to Center Arena, as Mark Beiro announces
Mark: Presenting the champions of Advanced Robot Combat: Revolution!!
crowd cheers thunderously
Mark: Your Lightweight champion, Underall!
Dylan Pommer comes out to mid-arena and raises the Lightweight nut over his head
Mark: Your Middleweight champion, My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World!
Dylan picks up the Middleweight nut from the display table, raises it over his head as well, then walks back to the side
Mark: Your Heavyweight champion, Striker!
Chris Schramm walks out to Center arena, picks up Heavyweight Nut, hosting it over his head
Mark: Your Superheavyweight champion, Jack Frost!
Chris picks up the Superheavyweight Nut, raises it over his head. Dylan comes out to Center Arena and high-fives Chris
raucous music plays over slideshow of great hits from throughout the season.
music ends
fade to black
ARC: Redemption Finals Script - Philip Bergman
Tim Green: From Treasure Island, off the coast of San Francisco, comes the thundering sound of robotic domination. Tonight, the titles will be awarded. Zombie Killer has been an all-dominating wedge, but will Double Dose put the necrocidal maniac out of commission?
Bil Dwyer: In the Middleweight division, it’s a double spinner showdown, as AMP and Rooster Teeth look to put on a dizzying display of awesome power, each hoping for the nut. Defending Heavyweight champ Striker is on the verge of a repeat championship, but he’ll have to defeat F Bomb 3 again to do it. And the Superheavyweights promise a newly crowned champ, be it Eurypterus Evolved or JOLT.
Tim: All your action needs are met here. This is Advanced Robot Combat.
(raucous guitar theme plays over montage of sparks flying and robots dying. Ends with ARC logo)
(panoramic view across Treasure Island, cross-fade to studio with Bil and Tim)
Tim: It’s Finals night on Advanced Robot Combat. Hello everyone, I’m Tim Green, and with me is the gracious, yet excitable Bil Dwyer.
Bil: Yeah, I’m gracious, but who wants to see that? We want to see aggression! And we’ve got a night packed full of it. Tonight we crown four champs, and one thing that makes this such an awesome set of Finals season year is the fact that, of the eight finalists, only one is a defending champion, and only two others are former champions.
Tim: Sounds like veteran experience is going to be a big factor in this one, huh Bil?
Bil: It will but only in a small way. Most of these roboteers have won championships, but with other bots. We start in the Lightweight division where we find Zombie Killer and Double Dose. Zombie Killer comes from Team Blood Gulch, which boasts the champion Truth Or Consequences 2. Other than a setback to Underall earlier this season, Zombie Killer has been undefeated, and Team Captain Josh Noel wants to keep it that way.
Team AC/DC Captain Paul Ogin II has other thoughts though, with Double Dose to try and stop him. Double Dose is a former champion in sister league Fantasy Robot Rumble, but is now a step away from an Advanced Robot Combat title.
Tim: Two strong Lightweights, one title; you do the math. Mark Beiro has our introductions at Center Arena.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark Beiro: This fight will determine the Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Lightweight champion! In the Red Square to my right, the only thing that makes the insensate, unemotional undead turn tail and flee! Introducing… ZOMBIE KILLER!
(wild applause from the crowd)
Mark: And in the Blue Square, what could possibly be more terrifying than a single helping of Robitussin? Simple… DOUBLE DOSE!
(more cheers and clapping)
Tim: The box is locked the lights are on, it’s robot fightin’ time!
Bil: The Lightweight finals, and here comes Zombie Killer!
Tim: Zombie Killer moving in, but Double Dose with the dual spinning bar up to speed.
Bil: That bar has done a lot of damage to a lot of bots this season, and Double Dose wants to add some more parts of Zombie Killer to that list.
Tim: Zombie Killer moves in, and THERE’S A BEAUTIFUL HIT!
Bil: Double Dose brings that bar to bear and just manages to strike Double Dose, but you see there, they both got thrown away by the hit.
Tim: Zombie Killer moving again a little quicker and he’s moving in to get Double Dose, and he’s got him there!
Bil: Now is Zombie Killer’s chance. He’s got to move him to any of the arena hazards.
Tim: Double Dose doing exactly that; he’s pushing to the Hammer! The Hammer is coming down heavy and repeatedly on Double Dose!
Bil: Beautiful carnage! And here’s a view from the SlamCam, inside Double Dose. Hit after hit after…OH! Look at that! The Hammer took out the SlamCam! The Hammer took out the SlamCam! Pete Lambertson must be incredibly proud of himself with that one.
Tim: I’ll bet he is, but now Double Dose manages to break free and now Zombie Killer takes a couple shots from the Hammer.
Bil: Well he got away with less damage than Double Dose did to him, but that’s still points in favor of Double Dose.
Tim: Zombie Killer moving closer, but Double Dose is backing away while he gets that weapon up to speed.
Bil: That dual spinning bar is a powerful weapon, but only at high speeds.
Tim: Double Dose with the bar up to speed, trying to get to the side of the wedge of Zombie Killer where he can do the most damage. Zombie Killer trying to keep the wedge facing forward, and another hit!!
Bil: And both got knocked away pretty big that one. You can see Zombie Killer, he hit the Center Nail on that one. He’s lucky he didn’t get high-centered on it.
Tim: Zombie Killer backing off the Nail so he can facing forward again, but Double Dose has that bar up to speed again. Zombie Killer backs up and he’s trying a bolt forward!
Bil: Double Dose has been managing to keep hitting the side of the wedge where it’ll be most effective. If you’re Double Dose, you’re figuring a solid fast ram might throw his ability to anticipate the impact out of kilter.
Tim: Zombie Killer charging in now, and WHAT A HIT! The sparks are still settling here, and look at Zombie Killer’s wedge!
Bil: There’s a bend in it, pulling the left corner back a little bit. It’s not perfectly flush anymore.
Tim: Zombie Killer moving in again regardless, trying to put that damaged wedge to work. And he’s got Double Dose!! There they go to the Hammer again!
Bil: Let the Hammer hits fall! It’s a beautiful thing to see. Once… twice… three times a hurt bot!
Tim: Double Dose trying to drive off the wedge again and the Hammer hitting Zombie Killer again, but Double Dose has stopped moving! Oh no! This could be it!
Bil: I don’t think it is, Tim, you can see, Zombie Killer isn’t moving either! The Hammer fell on Zombie Killer’s wedge a few times too, and now he’s not moving as well!
Tim: Double Dose isn’t even spinning his wheels in air, and now he bounces off!
Bil: And that’s why it’s a good thing that Pete Lambertson shows no mercy. He kept hitting the wedge of Zombie Killer, making it bounce on its hinges after each hit, and the hits finally popped Double Dose off. But neither bot is moving still!
Tim: And the refs are counting down, but to what end? Both bots stopped moving about the same time!
(buzzer sounds)
Bil: This one’s over! One way or another, this fight is over.
Tim: The refs talking it over amongst themselves, and they are signaling that this one will be a judges’ decision! Bil, take us through the replays on this most unusual fight!
Bil: Double Dose struck Zombie Killer’s wedge early on, but you see Zombie Killer with the slam, and the SlamCam getting taken out, and a couple more great hits on Zombie Killer’s wedge, and both bots getting knocked out.
Tim: But it goes to the judges, and we now wait on their decision.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a split decision, twenty-three to twenty-two, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Lightweight champion… the Red Square: Zombie Killer!
Tim: Listen to this crowd! They’re about as divided on this one as the score itself. How did the scores break down on this one, Bil?
Bil: Zombie Killer never gave up and got Aggression twelve to three, and Strategy nine to six. Which is good for him, because despite both bots getting knocked out, Double Dose mopped up the Damage category, thirteen to two. The end result is the ever-unpopular twenty-three to twenty-two split decision.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with a victorious Team Blood Gulch
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Josh Noel)
Traci Bingham: So what happened? You were in control one second and the next, you’re both dead!
Josh Noel: We’re not completely certain ourselves either. At first glance, we think we can rule out Double Dose’s weapon, but we’re guessing that the Hammer blows jiggled a wire loose, or rattled our on-and-off switch inside the robot. We’re going to need to take a look inside, but right now, we can’t be sure.
Traci: That aside, it seemed like a really close fight the whole time.
Josh: It was, and the score reflected that. I’m just glad I won.
Traci: Congratulations on winning your first Advanced Robot Combat title.
Josh: Thanks Traci.
(cut to different part of backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Paul Ogin II)
Jason Sklar: So the question on everybody’s mind is, how did you both die at once?
Paul Ogin II: Uh… embarrassing really, we forgot to power down the weapon before driving off him the second time. The bar hit the floor and reflected all that power back into Double Dose, and that was the fatal blow. I don’t know about him, but I’m glad it happened to him too, because with one more point, it would have been my fight.
Randy Sklar: Well, we found out that there were really only fifteen seconds left on the clock. Had you been moving, would you have tried to take another shot?
Paul: If the weapon was still working, definitely, but it’s all academic now.
Jason: Well as you’ve heard so many times with AMP in the past, second place is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s no less true with Double Dose.
Paul: Thanks guys.
(cut back to the studio)
Bil: What an unbelievable fight. It makes you want to stop and think about it for awhile, but these guys don’t have time!
Tim: That’s right Bil. When we come back, these same two teams are back with their Middleweights. AMP and Rooster Teeth, when we return with more Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Bil: If the screw doesn’t fit, don’t just quit! Robotics is a lot of fun, but it is also a lot of hard work. Don’t give up on it!
Tim: Welcome back everyone, to Advanced Robot Combat. In case you just tuned in, we just crowned the Lightweight champion, and we’re now getting ready to crown a Middleweight champion, which either way will be a powerful spinning bot. Bil, what can you tell us about these two powerhouse spinners?
Bil: It’ll be an interesting match for certain. The teams in our Lightweight division are back with their Middleweights. Team AC/DC returns with AMP, a name that strikes fear into any opponent. This bot won the championship back in the Annihilation seasons, but that was by forfeit. AMP would now like to prove once and for all that it is of champion caliber.
Rooster Teeth stands in the way, though. Team Blood Gulch finds themselves in the Finals again with a bot of theirs that is only in its sophomore season. Rooster Teeth barely scraped into the semifinals after losing to AMP in their earlier bout. And after barely scraping by Barrier in the semis, it’s looking for a championship title, even if it only wins by the skin of its rooster teeth.
Tim: We’ll ignore the pun and just go to Mark Beiro, who has our introductions.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: This is an Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption championship fight, Middleweight division!! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right, this bot doesn’t get what it wants by throwing its weight around; it gets what it wants by throwing *your* weight around! Here is…. AMP!
(thunderous applause, and chants of “AMP! AMP! AMP!” from three shirtless guys who have “A,” “M,” and “P” painted on their stomachs.)
Tim: This bot has been in the Finals four times, but has only won the championship once.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, this bot was denied approval from the American Dental Association after it slaughtered four out of five dentists that stood in its way. It’s…. ROOSTER TEETH!
(continued applause)
Bil: Both bots claim to have long-reaching weapons, we’ll see how it affects strategies.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s Middleweight Finals time!
Bil: Two unbelievably powerful spinners going at it. Should make a great fight!
Tim: AMP, with that legendary bar is up to speed, but so is Rooster Teeth, with comb full of spikes.
Bil: The builders call Rooster Teeth a shell spinner because that weapon’s like a shell encasing the inner workings of the bot. It’s more than just a weapon.
Tim: The two spinners getting really close to each other now, and WHOA! WHAT A COLOSSAL HIT!!
Bil: Both bots are still trying to find themselves after that one. Wow. That’s what the people here have paid to see! And you can see on the floor, one of the Rooster’s teeth is missing!
Tim: With a tooth knocked out, the brave bird battles on. AMP spinning a little less effectively also, and they hit again! Oh, the sparks!
Bil: And another tooth is gone! But look at AMP! The bar is bent! It’s bent! That was a powerful hit on both of them!
Tim: Both bots trying to spin again, but oh! They can’t! They’re out of control!
Bil: They’re both off-balance! Suddenly this has gone from a spinning match to a pushing and shoving match! And this is bad news for Rooster Teeth, because AMP still has those wedge skirts.
Tim: And AMP is using those wedge skirts to upend Rooster Teeth, and over to the Hammer they go! There’s a hit, and another, but Rooster Teeth bouncing loose now, and he’s free!
Bil: We’ve seen this all season with Rooster Teeth, especially in the semis against Barrier. That round body aids in bouncing off walls and skittering away. Very effective defensive design.
Tim: Rooster Teeth trying to ram into AMP, but Bil, I don’t think it’ll do any good.
Bil: It won’t, but it’s still Aggression points, and right now, Rooster Teeth needs all he can get.
Tim: AMP moving carefully about the arena, and he’s got Rooster Teeth again, and this time he’s off to the Drum!
Bil: If you’re Rooster Teeth, you’re worried now, as we saw from the semis, the self-righting pole on Rooster Teeth got ground off completely. AMP really has no means to flip Rooster Teeth though, not like Barrier had with the lifting forks.
Tim: This fight is now halfway over, and Bil, it looks like this is AMP’s fight now.
Bil: It does seem that way, but another way to look at it is this way: Rooster Teeth only lost two teeth, which was about one-fourth of the weapons, but AMP got half his weapon bent. Twice the damage there. Whether the judges will look at it like that, I don’t know.
Tim: I suspect they won’t. Rooster Teeth, bouncing off the wall again and going after AMP again. And over the wedge he goes.
Bil: We’ve just over two minutes left. I hope they’ve got some more in them.
Tim: Rooster Teeth looks like he’s gonna try, he’s spinning up, and so is AMP!
Bil: They’re gonna go out on a bang it seems!
Tim: But now both are spinning out of control! They knew they were imbalanced, but they decided to try! Look at Rooster Teeth fly!
Bil: Wow! That was like a ballet dancer leaping about on the stage.
Tim: Both bots no longer bouncing about though. AMP landed on his side and was stopped by the floor, and Rooster Teeth hit the Red Square clamp. Both bots laying on their sides.
Bil: Oh man! It’s happening again! Both bots knocked out!
Tim: Paul Ogin II shaking his head in disbelief, as are the refs, and there we see Josh Noel laughing.
Bil: Who would have thought it possible? Two killer spinners out of control and out of commission!
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And the judges have euthanized these bots. This fight is over, and the judges will take another crack at it. Bil, how about those replays?
Bil: It was an electrifying fight. We see the sparks and teeth flying, and the bar bends, but then AMP takes control as a wedge bot. And they kill themselves at the end here.
Tim: Let’s see what the judges said.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have scored this fight twenty-nine to sixteen, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Middleweight Champion…the Red Square, AMP!
Tim: AMP is the champ! Looks like the wedging in the middle of this fight made all the difference.
Bil: It sure seems that way according to the scorecards. AMP’s wedging in the middle of this fight was like the crème filling of a double-stuffed Oreo for him. He took all three categories ten to five, ten to five, and nine to six, Strategy being the closest one.
Tim: Traci Bingham is congratulating Team AC/DC.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Paul Ogin II)
Traci: You got to be feeling pretty good about now. The first dethroned champ to reclaim your title!
Paul: Yes! And this time, the championship win was a hard-fought one, and not a forfeit, so it really does feel even better this time.
Traci: Does this make up for your loss in the Lightweight division.
Paul: I don’t even think about it as such. This is this, and that was that, and that’s that!
Traci: That’s that, he says. Well congratulations on reclaiming the championship.
Paul: Thanks Traci!
(cut to elsewhere backstage with Jason and Randy Sklar with Josh Noel)
Jason: You were imbalanced, but you tried to spin anyway. Why?
Josh: We were getting totally dominated in the pushing match, so we figured we’d go for broke. And then we broke.
Randy: But you’ve already got the Lightweight championship, so no need to get greedy, right?
Josh: Uh, well…. If you say so. It’d have been nice, but what are you gonna do?
Jason: Amazing fight and amazing season for you. Congrats on getting to the finals a second time, and good luck in the future.
Josh: Thanks man.
(cut back to studio)
Tim: Thanks guys. It has been an amazing first half of finals tonight, and if it’s any indication, then our Heavyweight bout will be incredible. Striker versus F Bomb 3, when we come back on Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Tim: For more information about our contestants, go to drowningcity.com.
Welcome back everyone, I’m Tim Green. Bil Dwyer is with me, and we are set for our Heavyweight Final, aren’t we, Bil?
Bil: Set, locked, and loaded for these two behemoths to duke it out. Striker is the only champion from last season still in the running for a repeat championship. Team Gemini has been on a tear this season, and Striker is the capper, going undefeated all season.
But F Bomb 3 is going to try to end that streak tonight. The sturdy brick bot from Team Misogyny Technology has proven to be effective all season, losing only twice, but one of those two times was to Striker. Now, it looks to get its revenge.
Tim: Will there be a repeat champ this season? The next three minutes will decide. Mark Beiro has our introductions.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: This is the Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption, Heavyweight Championship fight! Introducing in the Red Square to my right, neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet, nor your bot will keep the defending champion from keeping his crown. Here is…. STRIKER!
(wild applause)
Bil: The longest intact winning streak: sixteen wins.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, more deadly than a tsunami, more awe-inspiring than a mushroom cloud, and more irksome to little old ladies than a bingo nemesis! Here is…. F BOMB 3!
Tim: Other builders have describe F Bomb 3 as “somewhat magical.”
Bil: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s finals time!
Tim: Thank you, Bil. It is finals time, and Striker is moving out furiously, but F Bomb 3 looks to be moving out quickly as well!
Bil: Striker’s trying to get under F Bomb 3 like he did last time, but he had some driving difficulties last time, and you can see here, same problems.
Tim: Striker getting under F Bomb 3 despite the problems and is now driving him to the Hammer!
Bil: But you see F Bomb 3 there. He’s driving off the gigantic wedge of Striker, something last season’s runner-up, Babaganoush, had trouble doing.during last season’s final.
Tim: F Bomb 3 trying to get over the side of Striker, and he does so!
Bil: It took some time to accomplish, but F Bomb 3 has broken free.
Tim: F Bomb 3 is now getting to the side of Striker, and he’s trying to push!
Bil: He’s going to have a difficult time of it though. He doesn’t have the same wedging capability that Striker does. Add to that the fact that Striker is so wide, it’ll be hard to control Striker.
Tim: And it does prove hard. F Bomb 3 has lost control of Striker, and Striker is trying to get on the offensive again. He is under F Bomb 3 and pushing, but F Bomb 3 drives off the wedge again!
Bil: F Bomb 3 knows how to drive off that wedge. It’s what made him a tough opponent all season long. A few of the builders have even called F Bomb 3 “magical” in that regard.
Tim: F Bomb 3 is now in control and he’s trying to push Striker… it would appear back to the Blue Square that F Bomb 3 came out of.
Bil: Pete Lambertson installed clamping devices in the Starter Squares this season. They’re normally used to keep bots from driving before they get the green light, but they also are good for holding bots during the fight to wreck them some more.
Tim: F Bomb 3 trying to get Striker into the Blue Square, but Striker slips off again!
Bil: Once again, that wide body proves difficult for F Bomb 3 to push. And Striker is free again.
Tim: Striker in control and he RAMS F BOMB 3 INTO THE CENTER NAIL!
Bil: I think he was trying to flip F Bomb 3, but a slam is just as wonderful.
Tim: F Bomb 3 bouncing off the Center Nail, and he manages to get under Striker again. He pushes Striker and he’s got him into the Drum!
Bil: I think he’s trying to wreck the front wedge, and you see how he’s backing up now!
Tim: Striker turning, and he turns toward the Drum to attack with the treads, but F Bomb 3 ramming into the backside and pushing the wedge further into the Drum.
Bil: Now what he wants to—OH! Did you see that! Those treads on Striker kept spinning!! And he just popped F Bomb 3 onto his flat backside!
Tim: But Striker got that wedge caught under the Drum, and now the Drum is jammed, with Striker underneath! All four wheels of Striker are off the ground.
Bil: Oh man… first with Zombie Killer and Double Dose, then with AMP and Rooster Teeth, and now here in the Heavyweight Finals, we see both bots incapacitated. Neither one is moving. They’re not dead, really, but neither one can move. They’re currently not touching each other either, so the only way the refs can stop this fight, is to call it over with altogether.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And that’s exactly what has happened again. Another double knockout that leads to a judges’ decision. Bil, while they decide here, how about replays?
Bil: How about them? Striker manages to get F Bomb 3 under the Hammer, which may prove pivotal, since hazards didn’t play big in this one. F Bomb 3 manages to keep pushing as well, and especially at the end with the Drum. And both bots stuck, unable to move at the end.
Tim: The judges have had their hands full tonight. Let’s seem them unload the goods on this one.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have scored this Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Final twenty-four to twenty-one, for the winner… and still Heavyweight champion, the Red Square… Striker!
Tim: And Striker has done it! Team Gemini has another repeat champion to add to their ranks. Bil, how did he do it?
Bil: Striker proved more aggressive by a score of nine to six, as well as more damaging, by an eight to seven score. F Bomb 3 had the better strategy, but only by an eight to seven margin. And in a twenty-four twenty-one decision, Striker remains the champion.
Tim: Traci Bingham has a few words with our still-reigning champion.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Chris Schramm)
Traci: Were you worried going into this fight about possibly losing one here at the end?
Chris Schramm: I was worried about the law of averages catching up with me eventually, but I guess it already played out with Phobia this season.
Traci: Now, you’ve had a lot of repeat champions already. Does this ever get tiring?
Chris: No way, man. This is a lot of fun. I enjoy doing this, and I’m gonna keep doing this as much as I can.
Traci: Well congratulations on winning again.
Chris: Thanks Traci.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with Matt Santo)
Jason: Now this is your first final. Is it as awesome as you’d hoped?
Matt Santo: That and thensome. The fights have been fun, and the drinking games in the pits have been fun, punching others in the head. It’s been a great season, so glad to be a part of it.
Randy: So now that you’ve been to the finals, are you hungry for more?
Matt: You know it. I may bring F Bomb 3 back, I might not. I kinda hate this bot, but it’s good and it keeps winning, so we’ll see.
(cut back to the studio)
Tim: We’ll see indeed. And we’ll see if anyone can dethrone Striker. We’ll see it all right here next season.
Bil: But you won’t have to wait until next season for another great fight. When we return, the Superheavyweights get ready to haul some serious mass. Stick around for more Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Philip Bergman: It’s my script, and I’ll appear in it if I want. When YOU write it, you can write me out. Until then, eat me. Oh, and always use proper safety equipment when building a robot.
(cut back to the studio)
Tim: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat. You know, there are so many rewards in building a robot. And I don’t just mean the inner satisfaction one receives in seeing their creative genius come to fruition. And speaking of creative genius, our own Bill Nye is here to announce the nominees and recipients of some of our other awards.
(techno beat theme with spinning head of Bill Nye, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill Nye: Every roboteer hopes to win the Giant Nut, but if they don’t, they still have the chance to win one of our other awards. Let’s award them now.
The Bozenda Award is the award given to the most aggressive and most skillful roboteer. Team Animal Cruelty Captain Philip Bergman was a great example of this, getting two bots into the semi-finals, and just missing with a third. Chris Schramm, captain of Team Gemini also continued his legendary prowess with three semifinalists, including the still-reigning Heavyweight champion Striker. Matt Santo, from Team Misogyny Technology proved a worthy adversary in the arena as well, as did Team Blood Gulch Captain Josh Noel. But the winner of the Bozenda Award goes to Paul Ogin II, leader of Team AC/DC. He’s got one champion already, and may even have a second.
The Astrobot Award is like the old Astrodude Award, except that it acknowledges a great rookie bot, which can be from an experienced roboteer. Like Diamond Jim, from Team Animal Cruelty, which is officially a rookie as this was the first season it had a full run. Dylan Pommer and Team Hunga’s Adreniton was also an impressive first-timer, as was Superheavyweight Finalist JOLT, which may yet become champion. Nick Schulz and Team Yellow Alert really took the cake this season with Heavyweight rookie Probot, and they have clinched the Astrobot Award with their Superheavyweight Manta, which just missed the semifinals.
Next is the Warper Award. This award goes to bots that weren’t expected to fare well, but showed everyone that they could fight. Middleweight runner-up Rooster Teeth had bleak expectations, but showed them all by making it to the finals. From John Cress II and Team Search And Destroy, Stampede squeaked into the semifinals at the last possible moment, as did two of Team Animal Cruelty’s bots, Sand Crab and Diamond Jim. But the real Alger story goes to F Bomb 3 from Team Misogyny Technology. A brick bot that even they didn’t like all that much finds its way to the Heavyweight Finals. Now that is impressive.
The other side of that coin, though, is the Intergalactic Award, for those bots that fell short of the expected mark. Team Animal Cruelty’s Warper was hailed as being much improved, but its record this season told another story. Team AC/DC’s Road Rage had been a huge success as a Superheavyweight. In its debut as a Heavyweight though, it marks a chapter for the team that they’d rather bury. Team Targeted’s Tank is a bot that is to be reckoned with every season, and the latest version Tank Mk 4 was no exception. Unfortunately, it didn’t do as well as everyone thought, just missing the semifinals. Former Middleweight champion My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World was in a strong position to make the semis, but a quick malfunction in the pit, and the champ would be dead. But the Warper Award this season goes to Power Bar, from Team Toxic: a brutal Superheavyweight that missed out on big things when team captain Adam Lawson had to exit early from competition.
Also on the less than great side is the Toxic Hazard Award, which goes to the bot that took the most extensive damage. Team Targeted’s Scorpion Bite took several beatings, and did Team Yellow Alert’s Exotherm. The legacy of Team Animal Cruelty’s Warper stayed legendary as it wound up getting embarrassingly tipped over several times. Superheavyweight Phobia from Team Gemini was knocked out several times as well, but it was fellow Superheavyweight You’re Gonna Get It Dirty Shirley, from Team Misogyny Technology, that really took the most damage, and thus wins the Warper Award.
On a happier note, we are proud to introduce the Underminer Award, named after the legendary Lightweight wedge. This is for the bot that has shown the most improvement this season. Superheavyweight finalist Eurypterus Evolved shows Team Targeted’s way to keep thinking and keep improving. Team Blood Gulch had a much-improved run with Rooster Teeth this season, as did Team Search And Destroy with Stampede. Team Animal Cruelty finally got the drive train working properly on Dandelioness, and the result was a tough contender. But the most improved bot and first recipient of the Underminer Award is Zombie Killer, another bot from Team Blood Gulch. From an unimpressive looking wedge to Lightweight champion, this bot deserves it.
The Double Dose Award is for the best paintjob on a robot. Dandelioness’s yellow body with gray petals made it look like a flower of doom. Tank Mk 4 displayed its usual brilliant military motif. Team Yellow Alert raised its capital color with Influenza. Team Hunga is known for dazzling looking bots, including Underall, but it was their Superheavyweight Adreniton that really impressed everyone with its spinning psychedelic rainbow… it was hard not to vote for this bot.
Next we move onto the Adrenaline Award, rewarding creativity in a bot design.
Diamond Jim was a bot that combined a vertical hammerbot with a horizontal thwackbot, an impressive combination. Team Misogyny Technology had two interesting designs, You’re Gonna Get It Dirty Shirley and An Albatross. And Team Yellow Alert showed great creativity with Manta, and Probot, the latter of which is the winner of this season’s Adrenaline Award.
The Cow Tipper Award goes to the best engineering in a bot. Team AC/DC showed great engineering with both AMP and JOLT, as did Team Blood Gulch with Zombie Killer and Team Hunga with Underall. But this season’s Cow Tipper Award will go to Barrier, from Team Gemini, a durable bot that continues to impress, season in season out.
Lastly is the Redemption Award, given to the team that fared the best across all weight classes. And with three semifinalists, the only repeat champion this season, it’s a simple choice. Team Gemini with a final record of twenty-eight wins and only twelve losses, they win the Redemption Award. Congratulations to all our award winners.
(techno beat theme with spinning head of Bill Nye, cut back to the studio)
Tim: Thanks Bill Nye. And now, Bil Dwyer, are you ready for the Superheavyweight finals?
Bil: Ready and pumped. This is going to be an interesting fight. JOLT is Team AC/DC’s third finalist, and so far, the only other undefeated bot besides Striker. This powerful spinner bot has obliterated everything in its path, and that includes our other finalist.
Eurypterus Evolved is the only thing that can stop him though. Despite an earlier failed attempt to do so, Eurypterus Evolved has proven a solid and sturdy bot taking down almost every opponent he’s faced. And now, it finally has the chance to achieve a Giant Nut.
Tim: Mark Beiro is arenaside with our introductions.
(cut and sweep down to Center Arena, where Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: This fight will crown the Superheavyweight champion for Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption! Introducing the contenders. First, in the Red Square to my right: as the clouds send lightning to the earth at amazing speed, so too, this bot will send your bot to the floor, down for the count. Introducing… JOLT!
(wild applause)
Tim: JOLT dominated its way through the season. We saw what it did to Sand Crab in the semis.
Mark: And in the Blue Square to my left: this bot is set on proving that Darwin was right that only the strong survive, which means you’re about to die! Here is… EURYPTERUS EVOLVED!
Bil: Eurypterus Evolved going with the plow this time. Will it be effective against the deadly JOLT?
Tim: Care to join me, Bil?
Tim and Bil: THE BOX IS LOCKED, THE LIGHTS ARE ON, IT’S ROBOT FIGHTIN’ TIME!
Bil: Thanks Tim.
Tim: I wouldn’t let you miss out for the world. JOLT getting up to speed, but Eurypterus Evolved is coming in at an incredible speed!
Bil: Speedy pushbots are practically the stock and trade for Team Targeted. So we should really be expecting this.
Tim: JOLT coming out to meet him, and there’s a solid hit!
Bil: And you see both bots get thrown. We’ve been seeing a lot of that tonight, but it’s no less impressive this time as it was the first time.
Tim: Eurypterus Evolved moving again, and JOLT hits him a second time.
Bil: Oh, but JOLT hits the wall this time! He got thrown by that hit, but that’s bound to happen when you use omni-drive on your bot.
Tim: Eurypterus Evolved swoops in to try and capitalize on that, but JOLT manages to get away in the nick of time. JOLT getting that spinning weapon up to speed again, but Eurypterus Evolved isn’t planning to give him much time, and there’s another great hit!
Bil: He can’t give JOLT much time. Once that bar’s up to full velocity, it can rip you apart. Time is of the essence for Eurypterus Evolved.
Tim: Eurypterus Evolved trying to buy some time, as he manages to push JOLT around a little bit.
Bil: But because JOLT’s omni-drive provides almost no traction, it’s almost impossible to control him. And you see, JOLT’s free now, and he’s got that weapon up to speed again.
Tim: He does indeed. And he strikes again! Another beautiful hit, but Eurypterus Evolved has already recovered and is after JOLT.
Bil: I think Eurypterus Evolved has gotten better at anticipating what will happen. He’s not taking as long to get back at it now, so it usually means that he knows what he’s got to do and isn’t going to waste time in doing it.
Tim: This fight’s halfway through, and Eurypterus Evolved is in control of JOLT now, and he’s got him under the Hammer!!
Bil: This could be dangerous for JOLT. Those things at the top? You may have seen them. They’re the motors that power JOLT’s weapon! If those get wrecked, the weapon’s useless!
Tim: The aim is a little off though. The spike of the Hammer isn’t what’s hitting JOLT’s motor cages, but the arm of the Hammer.
Bil: Well that’s still damage. It may not incapacitate the weapon, but it will score points for the rammer.
Tim: JOLT, managing to squeeze free, is trying to run away, but Eurypterus Evolved catches up and is now DRIVING HIM INTO THE DRUM!
Bil: Well, from one end of the arena to the other. It’s a nice haul!
Tim: The Drum is pushing against JOLT, and JOLT is starting to tip over! Eurypterus Evolved pushing harder to make it happen, and the Drum catches the plow too! And look at this! UNBELIEVABLE!!
Bil: Oh man!! You’d think by now we’d see this coming. JOLT is laying on top of his motors, upside-down. Eurypterus Evolved, meanwhile, suffered F Bomb 3’s fate of getting popped onto its flat back. Both bots laying there helpless!
Tim: Well, the refs have it down to an art by now. Alex MacWilliams jamming his control trying to shake Eurypterus Evolved back onto its wheels, but it doesn’t seem likely at this point.
(buzzer sounds)
Bil: And our fourth double-knockout of the evening is declared! The judges will have the joy once again. Let’s look at these replays. JOLT smashing Eurypterus Evolved but good, and again, and again, but Eurypterus Evolved makes JOLT kiss some Hammer, and then both get the kiss of death from the Drum.
Tim: It’s déjà vu all over again for the refs. Let’s get the outcome from them.
(cut to Center Arena, where the chief referee separates the two teams as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges’ at arenaside have deliberated and turned in a twenty-six to nineteen decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption Superheavyweight champion… the Blue Square, Eurypterus Evolved!
Tim: And listen to this crowd applaud! That had to have been a tough fight to call. Bil, what did the judges’ scorecards read like?
Bil: Predictably, JOLT took Damage, by an eleven to four margin. Also predictably, Eurypterus Evolved snagged the Aggression category, this time in a thirteen to two score. In the Strategy category, however, Eurypterus Evolved managed to keep control more during the fight, and took that category nine to six. And the score was twenty-six was to nineteen.
Tim: And then there was Traci Bingham with Team Targeted.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Alex MacWilliams)
Traci: This is a bot that’s been around awhile. What finally came together for you?
Alex MacWilliams: Experience, I think. Spinners are no strangers to the Superheavyweight division, and this time, I had a good enough driving plan, and it worked this time.
Traci: Persistence finally paid off for you, huh?
Alex: Yes it did, and it feels good.
Traci: Alright, well congratulations on the championship.
Alex: Thank-you Traci.
(cut to elsewhere backstage where Jason and Randy Sklar are with Paul Ogin II)
Randy: Well, you know, at least you had one champion this season.
Paul: Yes we did. Oh well, it’d have been nice to take a second, but getting AMP back as champion is something to be cherished.
Jason: What really ended up being the deciding factor in this one?
Paul: I think it was the slams into the wall. Those really did what Alex wanted them too. And he did a good job. Eurypterus Evolved is a good and experienced bot, whereas JOLT is just a good bot, for now.
Randy: Good luck to you and JOLT in the future.
Paul: Thanks guys.
(cut back to the studio)
Bil: You know, even without the double knockouts, these really were four great fights tonight.
Tim: Agreed. And it’s not quite over. Come back, and we’ll recap the night and crown our champions. This… is Advanced Robot Combat.
(fade out to commercials)
(two and a half minutes of commercials play)
(return to program)
Bil: Pete Lambertson’s Hammer goes to town on our SlamCam. THAT’S our Hit Of The Tournament.
Tim: Welcome back everyone, and if you’re just tuning in, you REALLY missed out on some great and highly bizarre fights. Here with the recap is Bil Dwyer.
Bil: Great and bizarre fit aptly, my friend. All four fights ended early because both bots in each fight died at the same time. You heard me, all eight bots died tonight in their quest for the Nut. In the Lightweight division, the double knockout favored Zombie Killer in a twenty-three to twenty-two split judges’ decision over Double Dose. AMP got the better end of the Middleweight final, despite dying the same time as Rooster Teeth. Twenty-nine to sixteen was the score there. The Heavyweight final killed both Striker and F Bomb 3, and Striker was awarded the crown in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision. In the Superheavyweight division, both JOLT and Eurypterus Evolved found themselves counted out, but it was Eurypterus Evolved that emerged victorious by a score of twenty-six to nineteen. Our champions once again are Zombie Killer, AMP, Striker, and Eurypterus Evolved.
Tim: This has been an incredible and exhilarating season of Advanced Robot Combat, and on behalf of all the builders, the judges, Traci Bingham, Bill Nye, Pete Lambertson, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, and Mark Beiro, I’m Tim Green.
Bil: And I’m Bil Dwyer. We leave you now with the presentations of the Giant Nuts.
(cut to Center Arena with the winning roboteers lined up, crowds cheering as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: For their courage, cunning, and strength inside and outside the arena, we are proud to crown our Advanced Robot Combat: Redemption champions!!!
(uproarious applause)
In the Lightweight division… Zombie Killer!
(Josh Noel struts out, picks up the Lightweight Nut, and holds it over his head triumphantly, as the crowd cheers)
In the Middleweight division… AMP!
(Paul Ogin II strolls out, picks up the Middleweight Nut, and raises it victoriously over his head while the crowd applauds)
In the Heavyweight division… Striker!
(Chris Schramm walks out, picks up the Heavyweight Nut, and hoists it over his head enthusiastically as the crowd cheers on)
In the Superheavyweight division… Eurypterus Evolved!
(Alex MacWilliams trots out, picks up the Superheavyweight Nut, and lifts it over his head jubilantly while the crowd applauds)
(cut to montage of great moments from the season atop a bed of raucous, guitar-driven theme music, while credits roll)
(music, credits and montage end)
(fade to black)
ARC: Reckoning Finals Script - Philip Bergman
Tim Green: Tonight, we reach the end of the road. Tonight, two go in and only comes out. Tonight, we crown the champions.
Bil Dwyer: In the Lightweight Division, two modern legends, Underall and Sovereign put it all out there in the Battlebox. Meanwhile, The Thwacking Head and Shovearound 2.5 are newcomers to the finals and promise a good showdown to crown a Middleweight champion.
Tim: Heavyweights Riot Control and The Dark Side Of Cupid are two rookies who’ve dominated the scene, each vying for the Giant Nut. And in the Superheavyweight Division, it’s legend Copperhead versus rookie upstart Drive. This… is Advanced Robot Combat.
(montage of bots and clips of fights over a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy” scrolls through the screen, visuals settling on the Advanced Robot Combat logo)
(panoramic sweep of the San Francisco scene)
Tim: Welcome to Treasure Island, in glorious San Francisco, as the road to the Giant Nut concludes tonight. Hello everyone, I’m Tim Green, and with me is the always charming and exuberant Bil Dwyer.
Bil: Exuberant about robot carnage? Always. Let’s get right down to our first final, in the Lightweight Division. Underall. If you’re still standing and not hiding, it’s because you don’t know the name. A former champion who wants the throne back, Underall is sporting the thwack and wedge combo, and so far, nothing has been able to stop it.
But Sovereign is looking to change all that. Team Omegaforce has brought back this stalwart, and has managed to bring it all the way to the finals. Fellow builders usually rely on team captain John Garrison’s penchant for being unable to complete a season, but they haven’t gotten lucky this season.
Tim: The battle of the giants, the clash of the Titans… and these are just the Lightweights. Mark Beiro has our introductions.
(cut and sweep across the auditorium to center arena, where Mark Beiro stands with microphone)
Mark Beiro: This is an Advanced Robot Combat Final in the Lightweight Division! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: he’ll pound you like a schilling or a pence, all on his way to taking the crown! Here is… SOVEREIGN!!!
(audience applauds)
Tim: That intro should go over great with our growing British contingency.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: no matter how high you rise, you eventually will fall, everyone will be tripped up by… UNDERALL!!!
(audience applauds)
Bil: Team Hunga captain Dylan Pommer has said that if he wins this fight, he’ll retire Underall. If not, he’ll be back.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!!
Bil: Our first final is underway!
Tim: Underall coming out quickly, trying to get positioned to take on Sovereign. Sovereign charging fearlessly at Underall. Underall now spins to thwack Sovereign!
Bil: But he missed! Thwack attacks like that are hard to time, and when you miss, you give your opponent a chance to take advantage of you.
Tim: And that is exactly what Sovereign is doing right now. He’s behind Underall, pushing and he’s taking him to the Killsaws!
Bil: It looks like he’s going to try and hold him on the saws. It’s not a great hold, either, but it’s doing the trick.
Tim: Now Sovereign is using his hammer and he’s hitting Underall as well!
Bil: But he losing control of Underall in the process. The grip is getting looser.
(circle with headshot of Bill Nye appears in corner of screen)
Bill Nye: Sovereign’s hammer, and in fact his main body, are connected to the drive axle. In order to swing the hammer, Sovereign has to shift in reverse. That means, to hit, he has to back up, which in turn, backs him off and away from Underall a little bit with each swing.
(circle with headshot of Bill Nye disappears)
Tim: Thank-you, Bill Nye. Ever a fount of information. And that is exactly what has happened. Underall has broken free, and he is trying to make up ground.
Bil: Underall is moving fast now. He lost almost thirty seconds while the Killsaws and Sovereign were having their ways with him.
Tim: Underall now under Sovereign, but Sovereign driving over and off. But now Underall spins and he hits him!!
Bil: He didn’t miss him that time! They were too close together for that.
Tim: Sovereign, spun by that hit, now trying to work under Underall again, but Underall spins again and hits him again!
Bil: Dangerous strategy by Underall. In order to hit him, he’s got to let him get close. Seems to be working, though.
Tim: Underall is under Sovereign now, but Sovereign backing up over Underall, firing the hammer in the process.
Bil: I don’t think he necessarily meant to fire the hammer, but it happens whenever he drives in reverse.
Tim: Sovereign to the side of Underall, and Underall spins again and hits Sovereign!
Bil: And you can see now what all that has done to Sovereign. He’s now upside-down.
Tim: Sovereign trying to re-right himself, but Underall getting under him and pushing him around. Oh! But Sovereign drives over the back end of Underall, trips himself up on the tail, and has now flipped himself aright again!
Bil: That was a tricky driving move, and would probably work one time in twenty.
Tim: Sovereign now under Underall. And he’s pushing him into the Pulverizer! Underall, taking hits from the Pulverizer!
Bil: Gotta love it when the Pulverizer comes into play. It’s a beautiful thing!
Tim: Sovereign not firing his own hammer now. He’s letting Pete Lambertson’s hammers do all the work.
(buzzer sounds)
Bil: Oh, it’s over already! My, how three minutes fly by!
Tim: Time flies when robots die. Bil, give us the replays on this one.
Bil: Sovereign taking control early in this one. Putting Underall on the Killsaws. Then Underall spinning and giving Sovereign a thorough beating with his tail… again… and again. Then Sovereign gets the last say with the Pulverizer.
Tim: Tough, close fight. Mark Beiro has the judges’ decision.
(cut to center arena, where the refs stand with both teams, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside has turned in a twenty-five to twenty decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Reckoning Lightweight champion… THE BLUE SQUARE, UNDERALL!!
Tim: Listen to this crowd! Talk about a mixed reaction. But it was a close decision, and that tends to happen with the close ones. Bil, how did the judges score it?
Bil: Sovereign managed to take the Damage category by a ten to five margin, but Underall took Strategy by a twelve to three margin, and managed to squeak by in Aggression, eight to seven. In the end, a very close twenty-five to twenty result.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with the champ.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and Dylan Pommer)
Traci Bingham: Now that was a very close fight. How did you feel when they announced the score, even before they named you the winner?
Dylan Pommer: I was nervous. Hazards are always a crowd pleaser, and they look good with the judges, and Sovereign used the hazards whereas I didn’t. I thought that might have spelled disaster for me.
Traci: Now, is it true that Underall is going to retire, having peaked once again?
Dylan: That’s kind of what I’m thinking. Although, if I’m having trouble designing a new Lightweight, Underall might be back. I hope I can design something new though. That’d be cool.
Traci: Almost as cool as reclaiming your title. Congratulations.
Dylan: Thanks, Traci.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with John Garrison)
Jason Sklar: It seems like you did just about everything you could have done in that fight. Is there anything you think you might have done differently to win?
John Garrison: Boy, I don’t know. I think if I could have put in a couple more hammer hits, or maybe have gotten under him one more time, it might have been different but it’s hard to say.
Randy Sklar: A close loss here, and you’ve still got a Superheavyweight final. Is this going to weigh on your mind during that event?
John: No, I can’t let it. Copperhead’s going to have his hands full with Drive, and I’m going to be too busy to think about this loss here. It’ll take some effort, but when I take Copperhead into the arena, all my focus will be on that fight, not this one.
Jason: Well, awesome effort here, and good luck with Copperhead.
John: Thanks guys.
(cut back to the studio with Bil and Tim)
Bil: There’s nothing like having another fight coming to help you forget about this one.
Tim: It’s like we used to do it in the NFL. Forget about that game and focus on your next event. And when we come back, that’s exactly what we will do. The Middleweight final. The Thwacking Head versus Shovearound 2.5. Don’t touch that dial.
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the camera fades out to commercial)
(two-and-a-half minutes of commercials play)
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the show returns, with a shot of the shoreline by the bay)
Bil: San Francisco: pull up a dock by the bay, and have a sit.
(cut back to Bil and Tim in the studio)
Tim: Welcome back everybody, and if you’re just tuning in, you just missed two juggernaut lightweights have the showdown of the century, but now we’re onto the Middleweights. Bil, what can you tell us?
Bil: That “juggernaut lightweights” is an oxymoron, but I digress. The Thwacking Head is an overhead thwack bot, very similar to Sovereign, but with a scooping plow instead of a wedge, so if this bot can fight like Sovereign, this should be an amazing fight.
But it takes another amazing bot to have an amazing fight. Which brings us to Shovearound 2.5. And if that name rings a bell, it should. Shovearound has been around in some form for a while now, but it’s taken until now for it to even get to the finals. It’s been redesigned a few times, and with some more practice in driving and strategy design, Shovearound 2.5 finally got his card filled for the big dance.
Tim: It is indeed the big dance, and the bots are in their squares. So for this square dance, here’s our caller, Mark Beiro.
(cut and sweep across the auditorium to center arena, where Mark Beiro stands with microphone)
Mark: This fight will determine the Advanced Robot Combat Reckoning Middleweight championship! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: after laying low for the longest time, this lifter looms large to leave you in the lurch! Introducing… SHOVEAROUND 2.5!!!
(applause from the audience)
Tim: Just look at him. Can you believe this was once a non-invertible bot that got knocked out by getting flipped over… by Warper of all opponents!?
Mark: And in the Blue Square: flipping a coin gives you a roughly fifty percent chance of tails landing on top, which is about fifty percent chance more than you have of topping… THE THWACKING HEAD!!!
(more applause from the audience)
Bil: The Thwacking Head almost didn’t make the quarterfinals after team captain Martijn Benschop had a sudden emergency. Fortunately, he got back in time to make it to the finals.
Tim: The box is locked the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: Wow! And Shovearound 2.5 is not wasting any time here!
Tim: Shovearound 2.5 going straight into The Thwacking Head. You can see the forks getting lowered on Shovearound 2.5. He’s trying to get under the plow of The Thwacking Head. He’s getting under and starting to lift, but oh! The Thwacking Head fires the hammer, and hits Shovearound 2.5, and gets away cleanly.
Bil: Now, I think in the builder’s circle, they refer to that kind of hammering action as an “overhead thwack.” It’s powered by the drive train, and not a separate source. So like a traditional thwack, just vertical.
Tim: Well, that overhead thwacking is exactly what The Thwacking Head is doing. He’s trying to hit and run on Shovearound 2.5.
Bil: And that’s called “stick and move.”
Tim: It’s called good fighting. But Shovearound 2.5 isn’t stopping his advances. Those overhead thwacks are more of a delay than a cold stop. He’s just pursuing The Thwacking Head relentlessly. The Thwacking Head trying to get around the lifting forks of Shovearound 2.5. Bil, it looks like he’s trying to get to the sides of Shovearound 2.5.
Bil: I think that’s exactly what he’s doing. I don’t know how the judges are going to see that though. Yeah, he’s trying to gain an upper hand here, but it’s not an easy trick, especially since Shovearound 2.5 is about the same speed as he is. On the other hand, he’s slowing Shovearound 2.5’s advances and eating up valuable clock time.
Tim: The Thwacking Head not really getting to the side of Shovearound 2.5, and there’s another hammering hit! Excuse me, overhead thwack.
Bil: Yeah, it looks like The Thwacking Head realized he wasn’t going to get to Shovearound 2.5’s side, so he just took what he could get, a nice hit on the top of his adversary’s body.
Tim: Shovearound 2.5 now getting under the plow,
Tim: Oh and he gets under even further and flips The Thwacking Head! Shovearound 2.5 now pushing The Thwacking Head to the nearest Killsaws, and The Thwacking Head is eating blades!
Bil: This is what Shovearound 2.5 wanted to do. It hasn’t been easy, but he’s finally been able to take advantage of The Thwacking Head. The Thwacking Head, by the way, making a driving error there. We haven’t seen him do that much this season, and this could be crucial.
Tim: Oh, and The Thwacking Head is sent flying by the Killsaws!!
Bil: Middleweights in flight, afternoon delight!
Tim: Shovearound 2.5 chasing after The Thwacking Head. The Thwacking Head is now spinning, and he lands a nasty thwack on the side of Shovearound 2.5.
Bil: Now that’s not The Thwacking Head’s forte, but the head on his arm there is designed to do that. And he landed right side up when the Killsaws threw him, so we’ll see.
Tim: Less than twenty seconds to go in this fight, and Bil, it seemed like this was The Thwacking Head’s fight, but after that flip, I don’t know.
Bil: Well, he’s not out of it yet. He’s spinning madly, and he’s landing some decent hits as a traditional thwack, but you’re right: Shovearound 2.5 getting that flip is a big thing. Might be too little too late, though.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And this fight is in the books!
Bil: You can see, both drivers are a little nervous at this point, and looking at the replays, you can see why. Shovearound 2.5 definitely very aggressive in this fight, constantly charging after The Thwacking Head. But The Thwacking Head landing some nice overhead blows… until he gets flipped… and thrown by the Killsaws. Then he lands some solid side blows.
Tim: Let’s hear what the judges had to say about this one.
(cut to center arena, where the refs stand with both teams, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-six to nineteen decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Reckoning Middleweight champion… THE BLUE SQUARE, THE THWACKING HEAD!
Tim: And The Thwacking Head has triumphed. Bil, care to break down that score?
Bil: My pleasure. The Thwacking Head’s vertical and horizontal thwacks gave him the Damage category, nine to six. Shovearound 2.5’s tenacity at hunting down his opponent gave him the Aggression category, also nine to six. But it was that elusive Strategy category deciding this one, as The Thwacking Head dominated there, eleven to four. By my arithmetic, that crowns The Thwacking Head, twenty-six to nineteen.
Tim: Jason and Randy Sklar with the victors.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar standing with Martijn Benschop)
Jason: Not bad for a rookie effort, wouldn’t you say?
Martijn Benschop: Oh ya, definitely. Not just a championship, but to have had another bot in the semifinals. I am definitely very happy.
Randy: Now it’s your turn to be in the crosshairs for next season. You plan to enjoy it?
Martijn: Only until next season starts. There will be a lot of good competitors next season, so you can’t get too comfortable. It all restarts at zero after this.
Jason: Alright, well enjoy it while it lasts, okay?
Martijn: Will do.
(cut to Traci Bingham with Anthony Politzi)
Traci: Twenty-six to nineteen. I thought it was closer than that.
Anthony Politzi: Yeah I did too. Especially in the Strategy category. I guess my driving looked a little too erratic at times to really secure too many points.
Traci: Was it?
Anthony: Towards the end of the fight, my thumbs were a little sweaty, as you might expect, so controlling it did get a little harder. It was a very exciting match, and I’m glad to have made it to the finals this season. No Nut yet for my team, but I’m one step closer.
Traci: Getting to the finals… gotta be the highlight of the season.
Anthony: Well, second, after getting to meet and talk to you.
Traci: Aw, thanks. Guys?
(cut back to Bil and Tim in the studio)
Bil: And who says nerds can’t be charming?
Tim: Who says all roboteers are nerds?
Bil: Well, they all gotta be, even if a little bit. But it’s a good thing!
Tim: It is a good thing. And it was a good match. And when we come back, we’ll have a quick sit-down with three people who have the honor and duty of scoring fights, and then, the Heavyweight final. This… is Advanced Robot Combat.
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the camera fades out to commercial)
(two-and-a-half minutes of commercials play)
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the show returns)
Bil: For more information about Advanced Robot Combat, go to drowningcity.com.
Tim: Welcome back everybody. We’re halfway through our finals, but before we get to the Heavyweights, Bil Dwyer is with the three men who’ll be judging that fight to get a little insight into the adjudicating process. Bil?
(quick cut to Bil sitting at a table with Alex MacWilliams, Josh Noel, and Philip Bergman)
Bil: Thanks Tim. We’re here with the judges for the next fight: Alex MacWilliams, Josh Noel, and Philip Bergman. In addition to being judges, you’re also roboteers, so you know especially how the three categories of Aggression, Damage, and Strategy work in both theory and practice. Now Alex, since you’re known for your rammers, let’s talk Aggression. Traditionally, the faster bot is viewed as the more aggressive. What can a slower bot like The Dark Side Of Cupid do to earn points in this category?
Alex MacWilliams: Well, The Dark Side Of Cupid is probably going to go straight for the Knockout, but even in one that goes the distance, a bot like The Dark Side Of Cupid may choose to forgo Aggression in favor of Damage and Strategy. Still, and to answer your question, Riot Control isn’t too much faster, first of all. Also, taking advantage of any opportunity, like to hit a side or capitalize on an awkward swipe will merit serious Aggression consideration.
Bil: Okay. Now Josh, onto you now. Damage isn’t as straightforward as it sounds, is it?
Josh Noel: Sometimes it is. And this fight actually looks to be pretty straightforward. Riot Control is poised to be at a serious disadvantage in this fight; however, if he can take out The Dark Side Of Cupid’s weapon and still be able to move his puncher a little bit, or if The Dark Side Of Cupid is having trouble driving at the end of the fight, Riot Control can rack up the points in the Damage category.
Bil: All right. Now Philip, you’re considered a pretty good strategist in the community, so I wanted to ask you, what exactly is Strategy?
Philip Bergman: “What exactly is Strategy?” A question a child might ask, but hardly a childish question. No, seriously though, Strategy usually yields itself in terms of who’s in control of the fight. Whoever seems to have the upper hand at any given moment will generally be thought as in control, thus earning Strategy points. But of course, that’s not always true. That’s why, as a judge, when in comes to Strategy, you’ve got to determine what it is a bot is or was trying to do, whether or not it worked, and if that worked to their benefit. Sometimes a plan of action plays right into your opponent’s hands, or just doesn’t do anything at all. And if that doesn’t sound hard enough, keep in mind that a judge has to do all of that on the fly. We don’t get any replay like the home audience does. Those three minutes are all we get.
Alex: And what’s more, is that we have to determine all three categories. I don’t handle just Aggression. I have to judge Strategy and Damage, as well as Aggression, as do Josh and Philip.
Bil: And it sounds like being a judge isn’t an enviable job.
Philip: That’s why we have unlisted numbers.
Josh: I thought your number was five one s—
Philip: Shut up!
Josh: Ahh! Nevermind!
Bil: Alright guys, thanks. Now it’s time for you three to go to work. Riot Control versus The Dark Side Of Cupid. Mark Beiro has the introductions.
(cut and sweep across the auditorium to center arena, where Mark Beiro stands with microphone)
Mark: Welcome to the Advanced Robot Combat Reckoning Heavyweight championship fight! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: when February has come and gone, the winged wooer spends time dipping his arrow tips in cyanide, and that’s still not as evil as this bot. Here is… THE DARK SIDE OF CUPID!!!
(audience applauds)
Tim: The Dark Side Of Cupid got to the finals on a forfeit. Has it gotten complacent in that time? We’ll find out.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: this bot is used to dealing with Cedar Village in East Lansing, Michigan during March Madness, so it’s perfectly qualified to kick your ass! Give it up for… RIOT CONTROL!!!
(audience applauds)
Bil: Riot Control’s spikes on the top and the bottom are for holding onto opponents, but so far this season, they haven’t come into play too much.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s finals fighting time!
Bil: The Heavyweight final! Let’s do it!
Tim: Riot Control looking to do it as is The Dark Side Of Cupid. Riot Control trying to circle The Dark Side Of Cupid, but The Dark Side Of Cupid is managing to keep that dangerous disc pointed at Riot Control and at full speed.
Bil: These are both very big bots, so if Riot Control is going to circle The Dark Side Of Cupid, he’s got a lot of ground to cover.
Tim: Riot Control moving in now, and oh! A hit from The Dark Side Of Cupid’s disc.
Bil: I guess he didn’t have such a clear shot after all!
Tim: Oh, but he does now. That hit spun The Dark Side Of Cupid, and Riot Control is at his side, and he’s pushing right into the wall!
Bil: That’s a good way to recover after a hit like that: ram him into the wall.
Tim: Riot Control going to work with his punching weapon now, punching The Dark Side Of Cupid against the Spike Strip and the lexan wall.
Bil: But with each hit, he’s slightly nudging The Dark Side Of Cupid away, not to mention the way The Dark Side Of Cupid is wriggling to get free there. We saw this earlier in the Lightweight final.
Tim: The Dark Side Of Cupid is indeed wriggling to get free, looking to bring that big disc into play, and he does it there! Oh! He got the disc into Riot Control there!
Bil: And you’ll note The Dark Side Of Cupid had nowhere to get spun that time, so Riot Control isn’t going to get the angle he had last time.
Tim: The Dark Side Of Cupid coming in again, and he hits again! And there goes a wheel off of Riot Control!
Bil: Now those wheels don’t come off very easily, but the spikes on the wheels give a good place to grab and get some leverage. Not to mention that that is just one really powerful weapon there!
Tim: Riot Control, maneuvering slightly shakily now, but still very much in this fight. The Dark Side Of Cupid moving in, trying to angle in, and he got the other front wheel! Wow! What a shot.
Bil: Exposed wheels are bait for a bot like The Dark Side Of Cupid. And he is not afraid to bite.
Tim: Riot Control, still on his four back wheels, and still charging. Now using the hinged wedge on the rear there.
Bil: This isn’t a bad idea here. Riot Control’s plow isn’t really designed to be a spinner killer. After a plow, a good wedge is the best spinner killer.
Tim: Riot Control going after The Dark Side Of Cupid with his wedge. And he pops The Dark Side Of Cupid with it!
Bil: You can see from the SlamCam there, I think The Dark Side Of Cupid got some air time from that hit.
Tim: Riot Control now taking The Dark Side Of Cupid to the Pulverizer, but The Dark Side Of Cupid’s disc is digging into another wheel on Riot Control. If he’s not careful, he’ll lose another one.
Bil: I don’t know about you, but I’d like to see that!
Tim: Riot Control has now got The Dark Side Of Cupid into the Pulverizer now, and once again, we see hammers falling.
Bil: But it never gets old. It’s always entertaining to see the Pulverzer go to work on any hapless bot.
Tim: The Dark Side Of Cupid hasn’t slowed down that disc though, and he’s got another wheel off! A third wheel!
Bil: Now the rules state that when half a drive train is incapacitated, the bot is knocked out, but Riot Control, while not balanced too well, is still maneuvering pretty well, so I think the referees are going to allow Riot Control to continue.
Tim: Riot Control backing off now, to let the Pulverizer do more.
Bil: I’d also add, that at this point his left side has only one wheel left on it. Lose that, and it’s over. You can bet The Dark Side Of Cupid will be trying to get that wheel.
Tim: We’ve crossed the two minute mark on this one, and The Dark Side Of Cupid getting out of the Pulverizer zone. Riot Control coming to slam him again. And the wedge is hit again!
Bil: We discussed this earlier. This is a slower bot like The Dark Side Of Cupid, struggling to get Aggression points. It’s late in the fight, and both bots are trying to make the big displays of power now.
Tim: Riot Control slamming The Dark Side Of Cupid into the Spike Strip again! But OH! Look at that!!
Bil: The last left wheel! What’d I tell you?
Tim: But The Dark Side Of Cupid isn’t moving anymore either!!
Bil: What happened was, when he tore the last left wheel off, the wheel hit the wall and floor, took a weird bounce, and rammed right under The Dark Of Cupid’s drive train like a wedge.
Tim: Neither bot is moving. Déjà vu, Bil?
Bil: I think so! Last season’s double knockouts making an encore.
Tim: The refs beginning the countdown—
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: --But they won’t finish! Time ran out in this one before it could be declared a double knockout. So officially, this is not a double knockout, but it was a spectacular fight. Bil, how about some replays?
Bil: Riot Control, despite taking a nasty hit, manages to slam The Dark Side Of Cupid into the wall and pin him there. But The Dark Side Of Cupid would have his say not once, not twice, but four times, taking out four wheels, as well as damaging the wedge and plow on Riot Control. And of course, the Pulverizer.
Tim: Our judges have reached a verdict. Let’s find out what it was.
(cut to center arena, where the refs stand with both teams, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-eight to seventeen decision, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Reckoning Heavyweight champion… THE RED SQUARE, THE DARK SIDE OF CUPID!
Tim: And there you have it! The only bot with a spinning weapon in any of the finals takes the Heavyweight crown. Bil, how did our three studio guests decide this one?
Bil: It was Riot Control with the slim edges in Aggression, nine to six, and Strategy, eight to seven. But even the Pulverizer blows didn’t land any Damage points to Riot Control, as The Dark Side Of Cupid sweeps that category, fifteen to zero.
Tim: With our champion, stand Jason and Randy Sklar.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar standing with Chris Schramm)
Jason: Winning the title, does it ever get old for you?
Chris Schramm: I’ve been asked this before, and it’s the same answer every time. Never!
Randy: Now if the match had lasted about ten seconds longer, it would have been a double knockout. Are you at least glad it didn’t come to that?
Chris: I think everyone is. But it wouldn’t have changed the outcome any, I don’t think.
Jason: Well congratulations on another title.
Randy: Yeah, you better build a new trophy cabinet after this.
Chris: Thanks guys.
(cut to Traci Bingham standing by with Donnie Johnson)
Traci: Riot Control’s a pretty unique design. How do you feel about its run this season?
Donnie Johnson: It was a pretty good run. Naturally, I’d have liked to have won the title, though.
Traci: Now, your wheels kept coming off there. Was that just the power of The Dark Side Of Cupid?
Donnie: Mostly. When you’re in the pits, you only have time to make the most necessary repairs to your bots, and the wheel mountings haven’t been much of a problem this season, so most of the fittings were untouched. Also, once a wheel comes off, it puts more strain on the others from uneven weight distribution, so it makes it easier to take the rest of them off. But yes, that is one powerful weapon.
Traci: Alright, well, we look forward to seeing what interesting designs you have in mind for next season. Best of luck with that.
Donnie: Thanks, Traci.
(cut back to the studio with Bil and Tim)
Bil: What a fight that was. All the awesome destruction that we just can’t get enough of.
Tim: Three down, one to go. When we come back, the Superheavyweight final. Don’t go anywhere.
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the camera fades out to commercial)
(two-and-a-half minutes of commercials play)
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the show returns)
Bil: When building a robot, as with everything, safety first. Always wear the appropriate safety gear when constructing anything.
Tim: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat. If you follow the sport, then you know that there are awards besides the Giant Nut. Bill Nye is standing by to announce the winners of those awards.
(BT’s “Hip-Hop Phenomena” plays as a bed for montage of Bill Nye poses)
Bill: Every roboteer wants to win the Giant Nut. But even if you don’t, you can still win some pretty cool awards.
Like the Essayist Award, given to the season’s best strategist. Among the best were rookie Kody Kunz, as well as year-in-year-out favorites like John Garrison, Paul Ogin II and Philip Bergman. But it was Alex MacWilliams who showed the best overall strategies in the Battlebox and is the winner of this season’s Essayist Award.
The Astrodude Award is our rookie of the year award, and we had a handful of newcomers to the sport. Not all of them, like Liam Eliot were able to finish the season. The rest did, however. And a strong crop of rookies included Dan Stickler, Kody Kunz, and finalist Joey McConnell. But it is Middleweight champion Martijn Benschop that proved the best rookie and wins the Astrodude Award.
Similar to that is the Astrobot Award, which is the best rookie bot in competition. Now, even a veteran roboteer has a chance with this one, if he enters a new bot. Like Rascal, from veteran Philip Bergman. The rookie drivers entered some impressive new designs as well, such as Superheavyweight finalist Drive, Middleweight champion The Thwacking Head, and Superheavyweight semifinalist Vendetta. However, the winner of the Astrobot Award is Riot Control, runner-up in the Heavyweight division.
As you know, Aggression is one of the three major categories, and the Giguere Award honors the aggressive robots. Rammers usually dominate this category, but it’s interesting to note Truth Or Consequences’ place of honor as a seriously aggressive robot. Other aggressive bots include Team Zlayerz’ Shadow Zone Forever, Team AC/DC’s Nazi Zombies, and Team Targeted’s Eurypterus Evolved. For the most aggressive robot, though, look to our next fight, and you’ll see him there. Copperhead.
We’ve awarded a good strategist and the aggressive robots, but how about those that inflict the most damage? Bots like Lightweight Cyberdemon, or Heavyweights Dark Star and The Dark Side Of Cupid, are known for the damage they inflict. Team AC/DC is known for their damage-inflicting bots, such as AMP, and also JOLT. And it is JOLT who wins the Japanese School Girl Award, given to the bot that inflicted the most damage.
It’s always a great thing when a bot beats some unexpected odds, and the Warper Award recognizes those underappreciated overachievers. Multi-bot Aces And Spades did a lot better than most expected, as did fellow Lightweight Rascal. Superheavyweight Final Boss turned a lot of heads, as did Heavyweight Giant Swan. But it was Middleweight Return Of Feedback that really beat the odds, getting to the semifinals, thus earning the Warper Award.
One of the ways a bot can beat odds is to be a returning bot that improves significantly, and we saw our share of those this season. Return Of Feedback was one such bot, alongside fellow Middleweights Sarge, Taurus, and Shovearound 2.5. But the Underminer Award, given to the most improved bot, goes to Team Hunga’s Giant Swan, who turned a laughable overall record into a decent one with an impressive run in the Heavyweight division.
Sometimes a bot that looks awesome can develop a solid following, for which we have the Double Dose Award. Bots like The Dark Side Of Cupid and Flank Attack got a few catcalls, as did Shockwave XL and Underall. But the most awesome-looking was Team Omegaforce’s Dark Star, winner of the Double Dose Award.
Sometimes a bot is just so awesome because it’s creative in its design. The Adrenaline Award rewards such creativity. Return Of Feedback was one such bot, as well as fellow Middleweight Octavius. The Lightweight division gave us the stompbot, Broken Wings, while Paul Gancitano turned on the creative juices and gave us Fritz. In the end, though, it was the removable active weapon system of Written Like The O In The Word “Goodbye” that wowed everyone the most, and it is that bot that wins the Adrenaline Award.
The Cow Tipper Award is the award that rewards engineering in a bot. Solid engineering is present in both Superheavyweight finalists, Copperhead and Drive, as well as semifinalist Vendetta. Heavyweight runner-up Riot Control was also a work of engineering. Once again, though, it’s Team Hunga that wins the award with the repeat champion Underall.
Lastly is the Defiance Award, for the best record by a team. Not much discussion here. Team Targeted turned in a full thirty wins in the regular season, and are the winners of the Defiance Award. Congratulations to them and all our award winners.
(closing montage with the poses and “Hip-Hop Phenomena” plays out)
Tim: Thank-you, Bill Nye. We’ll now go from Bill to Bil. Bil Dwyer, tell us about our Superheavyweight finalists.
Bil: Copperhead is the other finalist from Team Omegaforce, and a longtime veteran of the Advanced Robot Combat scene. Not much has changed about this bot, but it hasn’t needed to either to be a tour-de-force in the Superheavyweight division.
Drive is a rookie bot with a fairly simplistic wedge design. It’s low clearance and spring-loaded wedge have had a lot to do with it burning up the competition.
Tim: It’s the classic rookie-veteran duel. Mark Beiro has our introductions.
(cut and sweep across the auditorium to center arena, where Mark Beiro stands with microphone)
Mark: Our Advanced Robot Combat Superheavyweight champion will be determined by this next fight! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: this powerful viper is here to put puncture wounds in your leg, cotton in your mouth, and pennies on your eyes! Introducing… COPPERHEAD!!!
(audience applause)
Tim: Copperhead lost the regular season match against Drive. Is revenge a motivating factor in the finals, here?
Mark: And in the Blue Square: when you see him coming, switch to reverse quickly, or he’ll park you permanently! Neutral towards no one, here is… DRIVE!!!
(more applause from the audience)
Bil: Drive relies heavily on its spring-loaded wedge and monococque structure. Yes, you can say “monococque” on television.
Tim: Say it with me, Bil?
Tim and Bil: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: Thank-you, Tim.
Tim: And right off the bat, we see Copperhead charging at Drive, with almost reckless abandon.
Bil: The last time they fought, Copperhead was caught off-guard by the fact that Drive was so ruthlessly aggressive. It would appear he’s trying to turn the tables.
Tim: Copperhead getting right into the spring-loaded wedge, and he’s getting under it! Copperhead trying to push Drive.
Bil: Copperhead’s going to have trouble with that though. He’s built for speed, not power, and isn’t going to easily out-push Drive.
Tim: Drive’s wedge, hitting the seam above the spikes on Copperhead, and Bil, it looks like it’s giving him the leverage to push!
Bil: Not just leverage, but he’s still got all his wheels on the ground. Copperhead’s not gonna be able to do much attacking the front.
Tim: And in fact, it is now Drive who pushes Copperhead onto the Killsaws, and the saws toss Copperhead!
Bil: That may actually help Copperhead. That toss separates them and allows Copperhead to go at it anew.
Tim: Copperhead going full throttle towards Drive. Drive squaring himself to face Copperhead. Now Copperhead going over Drive! Right up and over Drive!
Bil: This is where being low will hurt you, and not just low, but flat.
Tim: Copperhead driving off the side of Drive, now getting UNDER the side of Drive, and he’s taking him to the Pulverizer!
Bil: It’s been the hazard of choice throughout the season. Four out of five bots prefer to take their opponent to the Pulverizer than no hazard at all.
Tim: Really?
Bil: And forty-two percent of statistics are made up on the spot.
Tim: I thought as much. But it’s Drive who’s on the spot now, getting hit after hit from the Pulverizer.
Bil: Its monococque structure doing the job, though. Holding up well.
Tim: You just like saying “monococque,” don’t you?
Bil: Who doesn’t?
Tim: Drive managing now to slip away, and Copperhead gets hit in the process!
Bil: Incidental damage there, but it’s still points for Drive. Copperhead doesn’t want to make those kinds of mistakes.
Tim: Copperhead trying to get out, but Drive getting under him and slamming him right back into the Pulverizer.
Bil: That’s what you want to do. Dish out the pain.
Tim: But now Copperhead driving on top of Drive, and he’s free! Drive speeding away as quickly as he can.
Bil: Drive wants to get away from the Pulverizer as possible before Copperhead can slam him back in there.
Tim: Copperhead, with those spikes, chasing after Drive. And catching him! Copperhead getting under Drive’s behind and slamming him into the wall!
Bil: And you see from the SlamCam there, Drive is up against the spikes but good.
Tim: Copperhead backing off. It looks like he thinks he’s got Drive stranded on the spikes and wants the KO.
Bil: Yeah, you can’t convince the refs you’ve got your opponent incapacitated if you’re still slamming him.
Tim: Looks like he backed off too soon, though! Drive getting off the spikes and he’s moving and gets under Copperhead! Drive taking Copperhead into the opposite wall!
Bil: This is what we wanted to see! Two Superheavyweights throwing their weight around… or their opponent’s weight around, more appropriately.
Tim: Copperhead seems to have one of his spikes caught in a spike on the Spike Strip. He’s not driving on the top of Drive as he has done so far.
Bil: But you see now Drive is not letting up. He learned from his own experience not to give up too quickly.
Tim: Copperhead, wriggling back and forth, and he’s free! And there he goes up and over Drive as we have seen before!
Bil: If you’re Copperhead, you don’t want to waste any time now. Precious time has already been lost.
Tim: Copperhead certainly not losing time. He’s under Drive’s side and he’s slamming him into the Wedged Wall! Oh, and he’s flipped Drive!!
Bil: That doesn’t seem like much, but there’re two things about that: one, Drive’s a hard bot to flip, considering he’s so wide that he barely fits through the entrance of the Battlebox; two, that spring-loaded wedge has just folded over and is now useless, even he’s flipped back over, right-side up. Copperhead has taken the main weapon of Drive out of commission.
Tim: Copperhead has taken Drive back to the Pulverizer, and the hammer is hitting Drive! Again and again!
Bil: Copperhead getting sloppy again though! He’s getting a few shots from the hammer himself.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And this one is over! Oh what a final!
Bil: What a final indeed. Let’s see the replays… Copperhead getting aggressive early, but getting sawed. Drive on the spikes, then Copperhead… the flip, and of course, the Pulverizers coming into play a bit this fight.
Tim: It’s all down to what the judges say, though.
(cut to center arena, where the refs stand with both teams, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Reckoning Superheavyweight champion… THE RED SQUARE, COPPERHEAD!
Tim: And Copperhead is the champion! Team Omegaforce has avenged its loss in the Lightweight final, and Copperhead’s loss to Drive earlier in the season. Bil, how did the judges score this one?
Bil: It was really close, with Copperhead taking Aggression, Damage, and Strategy, each one by an eight to seven margin.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with a very happy Team Omegaforce.
(cut to backstage with Traci Bingham and John Garrison)
Traci: Now, over the seasons, you’ve had the bad habit of disappearing and dropping out of the competition due to some emergency. What happened this time?
John: Well, making plans without consulting the United States Army is always inadvisable, but especially when you’re a serviceman!
Traci: But you made it at last. Way to go, sir!
John: Sir? I work for a living! I’m SERGEANT John Garrison!
Traci: Well, what are you gonna do now, Sergeant?
John: Get drunk! Tequila rules!
Traci: Alright!!
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with Joey McConnell)
Jason: Now, the last time you fought, you won that fight by being the more aggressive bot. This time you backed off. What brought about the change?
Joey McConnell: I wanted to do more with my maneuverability. Drive can turn better and has more pushing power. That, and I thought my spring-loaded wedge would never fail. It didn’t last time. I tried to rely what I thought were my strengths more this time, and unfortunately, it didn’t work as I’d hoped.
Randy: Now, this is your first experience with Advanced Robot Combat. What do you think of it?
Joey: Oh, ARC is the dog’s bollocks!
Randy: I-- Is that good or bad? Guys…?
(return to the studio with Bil and Tim)
Bil: Don’t look at me, I don’t know either. Do you?
Tim: No clue. While we get a translator here, you watch these messages, and we’ll be back with the presentation of the Giant Nut. Don’t miss it.
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the camera fades out to commercial)
(two-and-a-half minutes of commercials play)
(“Search And Destroy” plays as the show returns)
Bil: Intimidator sends Aces of Aces And Spades flying into the top of the Drum, jamming both Drum and Aces. THAT’S our Hit of the Tournament, brought you to by Barq’s Root Beer, the official soda pop of Advanced Robot Combat.
Tim: Welcome back everyone. What a night it has been, and what a season it has been at that. For a quick recap of tonight’s events, my partner, Bil Dwyer.
Bil: In the Lightweight final, it was former champion Underall spinning and thwacking his way back to his throne, beating Sovereign twenty-five to twenty. In the Middleweight division, it was The Thwacking Head beating Shovearound 2.5 by a score of twenty-six to nineteen. It was The Dark Side Of Cupid tearing pieces off of Riot Control in a twenty-eight to seventeen decision for the Heavyweight title, and Copperhead dominated Drive in a nail-biting decision of twenty-four to twenty-one. In summation, our champions are Underall, The Thwacking Head, The Dark Side Of Cupid, and Copperhead.
Tim: As I said, it has been an amazing season, here at Advanced Robot Combat. And I just want to thank everyone who has made it spectacular. Special thanks to all the roboteers who made this a phenomenal season. For Traci Bingham, Bill Nye, Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, Mark Beiro, Pete Lambertson, the referees, judges, roboteers and everyone else here at Advanced Robot Combat, I’m Tim Green.
Bil: And I’m Bil Dwyer, also thanking everyone who made this a terrific season. We leave you now with the presentations of the Giant Nut Awards.
(cut to center arena, where the champion drivers stand next to each other, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: We honor now, the Advanced Robot Combat: Reckoning champions!
(audience applauds)
Mark: In the Lightweight division, Underall!
(Dylan Pommer steps forward, picks up his Giant Nut, and holds it up with his left hand for everyone to behold, as the audience cheers)
Mark: In the Middleweight division, The Thwacking Head!
(Martijn Benschop steps forward, grabs his Giant Nut and holds it up with his right hand over his head triumphantly, as the audience applauds)
Mark: In the Heavyweight division, The Dark Side Of Cupid!
(Chris Schramm steps forward, picks up his Giant Nut, and holds it over his head with both hands, while the audience cheers)
Mark: In the Superheavyweight division, Copperhead!
(John Garrision steps forward, grabs his Giant Nut, and hoists it over his head, as the crowd cheers)
(“Search And Destroy” plays as a montage of clips featuring the nights best hits and slams rolls through the screen, while credits roll)
(fade to black)
ARC: Carnage Finals Script- Philip Bergman
Tim Green: Tonight, the road to the Giant Nut reaches its finale. There’s no turning back, there’s no giving up. In the Lightweight division, The Windmill needs one more win to conclude a perfect season and take home the title. But Uplifting Experience 2 stands in his way. Middleweight perennial favorite Barrier is also having an undefeated season, but in order to take home the Nut, he’ll have to give comeuppance to LowDown.
Bil Dwyer: In the Heavyweight division, Don’t Flick The Bean has had a tough road to travel, and last season’s semifinalist Shadow Zone Forever is looking to end that road with disappointment. Will he succeed? And Superheavyweight semifinalist Vendetta returns is looking to add to the trophy case, but it’ll take a rematch victory against rookie upstart Brushhog to do it. This… is Advanced Robot Combat.
(video montage of this season’s highlights, both in and out of the Battlebox, flies across the screen atop a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy.” Montage concludes with a still shot of the Advanced Robot Combat logo)
(panoramic sweep across San Francisco, fade into the studio with Tim Green and Bil Dwyer)
Tim: We’re here in beautiful San Francisco on a beautiful night as four of the ugliest, knock-down, drag-out fights are about to occur, and it will be beautiful. Hello everyone, I’m Tim Green, and with me as always, is the beautiful soul of Bil Dwyer.
Bil: Beautiful soul, and the body ain’t too bad either. Hello once again everybody, and welcome to Advance Robot Combat. It has been another amazing season, and it’s so sad that it is about to draw to a close. Now, this season has had a slightly different set up from before. Each weight class is broken down into two conferences, and tonight, the winners in each conference square off for all the marbles. Tim, how about setting up the first match?
Tim: The Lightweights square off first. Ziggo Conference champion Uplifting Experience 2 comes in with a powerful flipper and a much improved design from last season’s Uplifting Experience. He teamed up with Here Comes The Night Train to keep Zombie Killer out of the playoffs, then beat Here Comes The Night Train in the quarterfinals. In the semis, he toppled division favorite Thwedge.
But his toughest fight is now. Backlash conference champ The Windmill is one of two undefeated bots this season. The powerful spinner has torn up everything in its path. After getting a bye in the quarters, he advances to the big dance after solidly knocking out Rascal, and just may be unstoppable.
Bil: We now go arenaside where Mark Beiro has our introductions.
(sweep across the building to focus on Mark Beiro in the middle of the Battlebox.)
Mark Beiro: This fight is for the Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage Lightweight Championship! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right, he’ll get you as high as a Southern Baptist revival meeting, but you’ll come down harder in the end! Here is… UPLIFTING EXPERIENCE 2!!!
(audience applauds loudly)
Tim: Team captain Dan Stickler is the only driver with two finalists. His other bot is in the Middleweight division.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, abandon all delusions of reenacting Don Quixote, because in the arena, this bot will tilt you! It’s… THE WINDMILL!!!
(audience applauds some more)
Bil: Very different and improved design from last season.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: Here we go, and we are underway. You see The Windmill getting up to speed.
Tim: Yes he is, but you see Uplifting Experience 2 coming in quickly. He’s trying to get that wedge and flipper combo into play here. But OH! Look at that, The Windmill gets the first blow of this fight.
Bil: The Windmill’s got a new weapon design, looking more like a windmill’s blade, And it’s worked like a charm this season.
Tim: Uplifting Experience 2 is moving quickly to catch up after that hit. You can see that hit has done some damage. And The Windmill hits him again!
Bil: But the wedge is still holding up. It’s definitely scratched, but it’s not dysfunctional yet.
Tim: Now Uplifting Experience 2 has gotten under The Windmill, and he fires the flipper! The Windmill goes tumbling over!
Bil: THAT’S what we were hoping to see from Uplifting Experience 2. That’s what he does best.
Tim: The Windmill is now upside-down, but that doesn’t ruin the effectiveness of that deadly weapon.
Bil: This may actually help The Windmill. He may be able to do his best work as an undercutter.
Tim: The Windmill spinning almost up to speed again; Uplifting Experience rushing in and he flips him again!
Bil: This is incredible! We’ve never seen anyone handle The Windmill like this over the course of this season!
Tim: The Windmill beating a retreat away from Uplifting Experience, and he’s now got that weapon of his back up to speed. Uplifting Experience moving in again, but he gets a face full of Windmill!
Bil: And there’s a shot from the SlamCam! A great hit landed here. Well, so far, this was looking like Uplifting Experience 2’s fight, but The Windmill is starting to make this interesting again!
Tim: Interesting is one word for this as he is now laying into Uplifting Experience 2 relentlessly, but Uplifting Experience 2 is pushing back, and he gets another flip in!
Bil: I tell you what, this fight is becoming a lot closer than just about anyone realistically expected.
Tim: The Windmill now going to work as an undercutter and he hits Uplifting Experience 2 again! Uplifting Experience 2 is trying to push back, but the more he does so, the more he gets hit,
Bil: We’re under a minute to go, and Tim, this one could really go either way.
Tim: Uplifting Experience 2 pops the flipper, but due to the damage, it’s pushing away more than it is flipping. The Windmill moving in, not losing a whole lot of time, and hitting again!
Bil: The last minute of the fight is always the most interesting. Both bots are trying to make the big plays now.
Tim: The Windmill moving in again and bringing the weapon to bear. Uplifting Experience 2 is pushing into The Windmill, but that weapon just continues to eat up wedge.
Bil: But The Windmill isn’t built for serious pushing. He’s built more for hitting and slapping aside. In this situation, the weapon is bound to grind to a halt after a while.
Tim: And that’s exactly what is happening here. The weapon has stopped spinning, and Uplifting Experience 2 has a clear shot, he flips him again!
Bil: More of a push, again, than a flip, but it’s still a solid pop.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: Oh, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Uplifting Experience 2 makes the final statement in this Lightweight Final. This one is now in the books. Bil, how about some replays?
Bil: The Windmill gets in the first shot… or two. But Uplifting Experience 2 gets in a good flip… or two. And The Windmill bears down on the wedge with the blade big time near the end.
Tim: We go to the judges for their decision.
(cut to center arena, as both teams line up with the head referee between them)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-five to twenty decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage Lightweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: THE WINDMILL!!!
Tim: Amazing fight! Amazingly close! Bil, how did the judges score this one?
Bil: It was Uplifting Experience 2 taking Aggression by a ten to five score. But it was The Windmill’s twelve to three score in the Damage category, and the Strategy category, eight to seven, that gave the spinner the win, twenty-five to twenty.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with our winner.
(cut to Traci Bingham backstage with Alex MacWilliams)
Traci Bingham: Pretty back and forth fight, wouldn’t you say?
Alex MacWilliams: Oh man, a lot closer than I would have liked it. I was nervous with all the time I was spending in the air.
Traci: So how do you feel to have a bot go completely undefeated this season?
Alex: Amazing. I—I really—
(Kanye West runs into the shot)
Kanye West: Yo, Alex, congrats and all. I’m’a let you finish, but I just wanted to say that Japanese School Girl is the BEST Lightweight champion of the DECADE!
Alex: What? Japanese School Girl was a SUPERHEAVYWEIGHT champion, you *bleep*-ing douche nozzle! Die, bastard!
(Alex MacWilliams proceeds to beat up Kanye West)
Traci: Well, The Windmill didn’t get the knockout during the fight, but Alex is sure going for the knockout now.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with Dan Stickler)
Jason Sklar: Now you got a handful of flips in. What else could you have done to swing two more points your way?
Dan Stickler: I’m not sure. I think if I’d have used the wedge more and tried to get the arena hazards to be a factor, I might have had a little more control and could have caused a little more damage.
Randy Sklar: Now you don’t have too much time, do you?
Dan: No, I’m in the Middleweight Final, too. I hope I can do a little bit better this time.
Jason: Good luck to you.
Dan: Thanks.
(cross-fade back to the press box)
Tim: No better cure for getting over a loss than getting ready for your next bout. It’s how we did it in the—
Bil: Don’t say it! We know what the next three letters out of your mouth will be, and they are not A, R, C.
Tim: Well, maybe not, but up next will be more ARC. So don’t touch that remote; we’ll be right B, A, C, K.
(“Search And Destroy” plays out to commercial)
(three minutes of commercials)
(“Search And Destroy plays back in with views of computer screens showing website)
Bil: For more information about Advanced Robot Combat, visit them on the web at Drowning City dot com.
Tim: Welcome back everyone. If you just missed it, we have a new Lightweight champion. And no sooner do we name one division champ than we have to get to our next fight. Bil, tell us about this Middleweight bout.
Bil: LowDown is the other finalist from Team Compound. Its simple wedge design is augmented by the horns on top of the primary wedge, and optional front spikes at the bottom of the same wedge. After getting the bye from the quarterfinals, it won the Deadblow Conference title with a split decision in the semis to squeak past last season’s champ, The Thwacking Head.
But speaking of former champs, it now faces Barrier. Barrier has been a champion in sister league, Fantasy Robot Rumble, but has never quite grabbed the brass ring in this series of competition, peaking out as a runner-up in the Vengeance season. Going undefeated this season, this famous lifter got a bye in the quarters, and also won a split decision in the semis, taking down Force Feedback, winning the Hazard Conference title, and advancing to the Finals.
Tim: Pushing, shoving, and upending expected to factor in heavily for this one. Mark Beiro has our introductions.
(sweep across the building to focus on Mark Beiro in the middle of the Battlebox.)
Mark: This is an Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage championship fight in the Middleweight division! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: it’s a speedy wedge with removable spikes and solid skirting all around. I know that’s just the facts, but it’s my job to give you the… LOWDOWN!!!
(audience applauds wildly)
Tim: Team captain Dan Stickler didn’t have much time to prepare for this fight, having fought in the Lightweight Final earlier. Will that make a difference?
Mark: And in the Blue Square. When an irresistible force meets an immovable object, something’s got to give, and this time, it ain’t gonna be the object, the steadfast… BARRIER!!!
(audience applauds enthusiastically)
Bil: Chris Schramm, no stranger to the Finals. His trademark cool confident look, with pensive eyes, always on the alert.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: Here we go! Middleweight showdown.
Tim: Both bots flying towards each other, each one looking to get the early advantage. LowDown gets under first and pushes Barrier to the Killsaws!
Bil: You gotta love the sparks! LowDown getting the upper hand early and making Barrier take some damage.
Tim: Indeed, but now Barrier has recovered and has those famous forks going to work on LowDown and he’s taking him across the box, and RIGHT INTO THE SPIKE STRIP!
Bil: And it looks like Barrier is trying to either flip LowDown, or edge him along the rim of the arena to the nearest Pulverizer. Those spikes, however, are preventing him from doing either one really.
Tim: Barrier, unable to take LowDown anywhere else now backs off. LowDown, however, moving in quickly, and is under Barrier before Barrier can lower the forks. And he’s got Barrier into the Pulverizer!
Bil: This is the only Final that doesn’t have a spinner of sorts, so look for Pete Lambertson to really earn his paycheck the most in this fight.
Tim: Barrier, however, is now breaking loose, and he scoops up LowDown and takes him clear across the arena into the polar opposite Pulverizer!
Bil: Barrier’s playing a great tit-for-tat game right now. An answer to every aggressive move by LowDown. However, he may want to step it up a bit now.
Tim: Barrier just holding LowDown while the hammer keeps raining down. Pete Lambertson just keeps hitting the button to hit LowDown.
Bil: There’s a view from the SlamCam. You see the hammer just hitting him. And this is a smart move by Barrier too. He’s now controlling the tempo of this fight by just holding him there.
Tim: Now the refs are saying that if Barrier doesn’t release LowDown, they’ll stop the fight and forcibly separate the two.
Bil: You think Pete would fire the Pulverizer on a ref who was separating the two bots?
Tim: Only if he enjoyed assault and battery charges. The point is moot, however, as Barrier is letting go. Now LowDown making the quick charge, but he misses Barrier completely! He missed!
Bil: Credit Barrier with skewing away as quickly as possible. Remember, these are each about a hundred and twenty pounds and each one takes up about twelve square feet of floor space. To move quickly enough to make LowDown miss completely involves some awfully fast reflexes.
Tim: Barrier giving chase again to LowDown. LowDown attacks, but Barrier gets under again, and he now holds him under the Drum!
Bil: Maybe he’s trying to grind the horns down!
Tim: Maybe he’s still trying to get that flip in, that you alluded to earlier.
Bil: Maybe he wants to get him stuck under the Drum.
Tim: Maybe he just wants to put on a good show. And if that’s the case, that’s what he’s doing.
Bil: A good show, unless of course, you’re LowDown.
Tim: Barrier backing off and LowDown is up in his face just like that.
Bil: But he doesn’t get under Barrier this time. It’s a skirt-to-skirt push.
Tim: But he’s still pushing Barrier pretty well, getting him dangerously close to those Killsaws a second time.
Bil: Oh look there though! Barrier pulls away again quickly!
Tim: It was a successful pull away, and instead it is LowDown who goes for a trip on the Killsaws.
Bil: This has been a great one, but it’s winding down now. Less than twenty seconds.
Tim: Barrier moving quickly and has LowDown in his clutches, and he rams LowDown into the Wall Wedge! And he gets that flip!
Bil: Persistence pays off at last! Barrier has been trying the whole fight to get that flip, and he got it.
Tim: LowDown having a little trouble maneuvering now.
Bil: He’s invertible, but those horns on top make it difficult to drive around.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: But that doesn’t seem to matter anymore, as this fight is over. Bil, give us some replays.
Bil: LowDown gets the initial shot in, courtesy of the Killsaws, but this was Barrier’s fight, as he uses… every… hazard… in the entire… arena.
Tim: Mark Beiro is waiting to tell us what we already know.
(both teams line up with the head referee at center arena, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-nine to sixteen verdict for the Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage Middleweight Champion…. THE BLUE SQUARE: BARRIER!!!
Tim: To no one’s surprise, Barrier is the champion. Bil, break down the scores, please.
Bil: The only surprise is that it wasn’t more of a blowout. Barrier dominated Strategy, twelve to three, and squeaked by in Aggression, nine to six. Surprisingly, LowDown got the Damage category, thanks to the Killsaws, by an eight to seven margin. However you look at it though, it’s twenty-nine to sixteen, with Barrier as the champ.
Tim: The Sklar brothers are with a jubilant Chris Schramm.
(cross-fade to Jason and Randy Sklar with Chris Schramm)
Jason: So, after several seasons of not quite making it, and sister league championships, Barrier finally gets the Advanced Robot Combat title. How are you feeling?
Chris Schramm: Oh, man, it’s great. Not only do I have a title in every weight class, but also now I have a dynasty all within the same league.
Randy: What’s next for Barrier, or for your team even?
Chris: Not sure yet. I may just take some time and create new designs, or come back with the classics and clean up. We’ll see.
Randy: And we’ll be watching.
(cross-fade to Traci Bingham with Dan Stickler)
Traci: Rough post-season for you, huh?
Dan: It is. But hey, two bots in the Finals. That’s a great start.
Traci: That’s true. In fact, Philip Bergman’s first ARC season saw him lose twice in the Finals, and look how many ARC championships he has now!
Dan: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Traci: Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. Guys?
(cross-fade back to the press box)
Bil: Traci, this is why you’re not a grief counselor.
Tim: Well, there’s no good way to segue out of that awkwardness, so I’ll just tell you up next, the Heavyweight Final. This… is Advanced Robot Combat.
(“Search And Destroy” plays out to commercial)
(three minutes of commercials)
(“Search And Destroy plays back in with views of San Francisco)
Bil: San Francisco: the Rice-A-Roni treat
Tim: Welcome back everyone. We’re two fights in, with two to go. But before we get to our next fight, we’re here with one of the league managers of Advanced Robot Combat, Josh Noel. Josh, thanks for taking some time to talk to us.
Josh Noel: Pleasure to be here, Tim.
Tim: Now, the bots in Advanced Robot Combat are already broken down by weight classes, but this season, you took it one step further this season by dividing the weight classes into two conferences each. Tell us a bit about that.
Josh: Well, for awhile, we had been following the double-elimination structure. We knew we didn’t want to do single-elimination. We just had too few bots, it’d have been too short of a season, we needed to do double-elimination, and that’s what we had done for awhile.
Tim: So what led to the change in format?
Josh: Well, there had been several complaints that the championships had just been too much a matter of luck of the draw. Getting the wrong design at the wrong time would spell disaster for your bot, and a premature exit for your team. So, we decided to try out a round robin tournament, and that actually went over really well. But the seasons went really long, and interest really went downhill towards the end, so we needed to keep things short.
Tim: And that’s where the conference structure came in.
Josh: Right. Every bot fights the other bots in their own conference, plus a couple in the other conference in that weight class. It still retains its sense of round robin play, and it keeps the season shorter.
Tim: And how has that worked out this season.
Josh: Just fine. Except we’re back to people complaining that it’s a matter of luck of the draw.
Tim: It’s always a thankless job. One last question: what actually made you think of having conferences.
Josh: Being a big fan of the Philadelphia Eagles, it seemed natural to structure it after the NFL.
Tim: And there you have it. Once more the NFL lends something great to the sport of robotics. Bil?
Bil: I don’t know why I fight it. Guess I had it coming, didn’t I? Can we get back to the fights at hand?
Tim: Sure thing, and big thanks to Josh Noel for joining us. Now looking ahead to the rest of the night, our remaining two fights are of the classic oeuvre: spinner versus rammer. Bil, tell us about this season’s Heavyweight version of the tale?
Bil: Our first Heavyweight finalist is Nightmare Conference winner Don’t Flick The Bean. This conference is regarded by many of the builders themselves as the toughest conference in the entire sport this season. With tough competitors like Revolver Ocelot, Mister/Majestic and Pinpoint, Don’t Flick The Bean was able to overcome the handicap of its unusual name to get the bye in the quarters, and then beat Long Shot 2.0 in the semifinals.
By contrast, its opponent is Shadow Zone Forever, winner in the Tazbot Conference. This speedy rammer with wedge and plow capabilities proved more than dominant, getting a bye in the quarterfinals, then taking down former champion Striker.
Tim: A thrilling fight is on hand for us, and Mark Beiro is on hand to introduce this fight.
(sweep across the building to focus on Mark Beiro in the middle of the Battlebox.)
Mark: This is the Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage Final in the Heavyweight division! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: its name alone is a warning to all who come near. So take the fricken hint, and get out of Dodge before they carry you out! Here is… DON’T FLICK THE BEAN!!!
(audience applauds thunderously)
Tim: Paul Gancitano is known for his vicious spinners… most of them Lightweights, however.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, that light at the end of the tunnel isn’t being turned out for budgetary reasons, it’s because giving you false hope would just be cruel. Face it, you are now property of… SHADOW ZONE FOREVER!!!
(audience applauds uproariously)
Bil: Kody Kunz, relying more on its pure power more than its lifter this season. So far, it’s worked.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: It’s time, and Shadow Zone Forever is wasting no time!
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever is out like a bat, but Don’t Flick The Bean is spinning up quickly and there’s a hit right there!
Bil: Don’t Flick The Bean has several rings of shredding power, and they all delivered the hurt to Shadow Zone Forever right there.
Tim: Now Shadow Zone Forever recouping and pushing into Don’t Flick The Bean, but Don’t Flick The Bean hits again, and knocks him away again.
Bil: That concave plow of Shadow Zone Forever is designed to handle spinning weapons, but it might not be able to handle all the spinning magnitude of Don’t Flick The Bean.
Tim: Don’t Flick The Bean trying to get spun up again, but Shadow Zone Forever is moving in quickly and won’t let that happen. Shadow Zone Forever is pressing Don’t Flick The Bean hard against the lexan wall of the arena.
Bil: Don’t Flick The Bean unfortunately didn’t get away from the wall at the start of the match, and now Shadow Zone Forever is given a much easier shot at pinning him against the wall and stopping that spinner.
Tim: The spinner is indeed stopped now, and Shadow Zone Forever pressing him against the spikes, but Don’t Flick The Bean has popped loose!
Bil: He’s a round bot and is prone to roll against flat surfaces, like the lexan wall.
Tim: Don’t Flick The Bean has somehow escaped the concave plow of Shadow Zone Forever and is now spinning furiously again. Shadow Zone Forever moving in with the wedge now, to ram like a normal wedge.
Bil: But don’t be fooled by its simple looks. That wedge houses a lifter. Shadow Zone Forever hasn’t used it as much this season.
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever rams in with the wedge now, and Don’t Flick The Bean bouncing back from the hit!
Bil: You’re not supposed to flick the bean, but apparently Shadow Zone Forever is going to keep flicking away for the duration of this match.
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever going after Don’t Flick The Bean, but Don’t Flick The Bean is back up to speed, and he lands a clean shot on the wedge of Shadow Zone Forever.
Bil: Great view from the SlamCam there. I think Shadow Zone Forever tried to use the lifter there, but Don’t Flick The Bean just smacked it away.
Tim: Don’t Flick The Bean now has a shot at the side of Shadow Zone Forever, and he takes it! A great shot at Shadow Zone Forever by Don’t Flick The Bean.
Bil: We’re just over the halfway mark in this one, and I’m not sure how this one will go!
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever moving in quickly now and he rams with the concave plow again!
Bil: Now, he got spun again, but as you can see, he’s getting back on the stick quicker, something he hasn’t had to do much of this season.
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever back on the hunt, and he’s rams into Don’t Flick The Bean. And he hits the wall!
Bil: Shadow Zone Forever has two ways to ram, and it looks like the plow is the better way.
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever ramming Don’t Flick The Bean now, and he’s got the spinning shell stopped again. Now he’s backing up, and he rams Don’t Flick The Bean into the wall again!
Bil: It’s been a real back and forth match so far, but a few more rams, and Shadow Zone Forever should be able to put this one away.
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever now lining up another shot, but Don’t Flick The Bean is spinning up to speed again, and another collision!!
Bil: Shadow Zone Forever has banged Don’t Flick The Bean into the spikes again, but after that many hits, the concave plow is starting to flatten.
Tim: Shadow Zone Forever has got Don’t Flick The Bean pressed against the wall, and is now holding him there.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And this one is over! How about that? A back and forth battle ending with a standstill against the wall. Bil, how about the replays for this one?
Bil: Don’t Flick The Bean laid in several good hits… and I do mean several… but there was always an equal but opposite ram from Shadow Zone Forever.
Tim: Possibly the closest fight of the night, let’s see how the judges felt about this one.
(cut to mid-arena, as both teams are lined up with the head referee as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage Heavyweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: SHADOW ZONE FOREVER!!!
Tim: And the rammer wins this one! And what a close one it was. How did the judges reach that conclusion?
Bil: Well, it was Don’t Flick The Bean who racked up the points in the Damage category by an eleven to four margin, and Strategy nine to six. Shadow Zone Forever proved more aggressive, taking that category fourteen to one, and that made the difference for a twenty-four to twenty-one victory.
Tim: The Sklars are with the champ.
(cross-fade to Jason and Randy Sklar with Kody Kunz)
Jason: Now, it was a back and forth fight the entire time. What do you think tipped the scales in your favor?
Kody Kunz: I’m not sure. I think it was at the end when I just held him there. I made the definitive statement there by eating up the clock, and I think that gave me the edge in Strategy.
Randy: Now, there’s sketches of what you’ll do with Shadow Zone Forever next season. Are you going to go through with that upgrade, or will the champ defend the title as is?
Kody: Gotta do the upgrade. Other bots will be stepping up and improving their designs, and if I don’t do it as well, the champ will be a chump.
Jason: When you do it, just don’t put a number at the end of your bot’s name. That—that’s just really annoying.
Kody: I’ll keep that in mind.
(cross-fade to Traci Bingham with Paul Gancitano)
Traci: So what made you decide to do a spinner as a Heavyweight this time, and not as a Lightweight?
Paul Gancitano: Well, that’s not quite how it works, at least not always. Here, I just started building the bot, putting things together, and when it was all over, I weighed it, and I had a Heavyweight.
Traci: Now, there’s been a lot of scuttlebutt going around about your bot’s name. Is it “Bean” singular, or is it “Beans” plural?
Paul: “Bean” is indeed singular. Don’t Flick The Bean.
Traci: There you have it. Put it on Snopes, it’s official.
(cross-fade back to the press box)
Bil: We’ve seen some strange names in Advanced Robot Combat, but that one may just rank in the top five weirdest of all. So weird, you’d think it was from Team Hunga.
Tim: Maybe weird, but weirdly named bots have been serious contenders in the past, so let that be a lesson. And speaking of lessons, when we come back, our own Bill Nye, the science guy, will give you a lesson on other accomplishments of our robots and roboteers. Also, the Superheavyweight Final. Come on back for more Advanced Robot Combat.
(“Search And Destroy” plays out to commercial)
(three minutes of commercials)
(“Search And Destroy plays back in with views of people working in the pits)
Bil: The pits. Where the true magic of Advanced Robot Combat takes place.
Tim: Welcome back everybody, our championships are three-quarters decided, but before we get to our Superheavyweight bout, we’re going to take a look at some of the other awards involved with the world of Advanced Robot Combat. Our very own Bill Nye is on hand to elaborate.
(BT’s “Hip-Hop Phenomena” plays as a bed for montage of Bill Nye poses)
Bill Nye: Besides the Giant Nut, there are other awards that roboteers vie for. There’s an award for engineering, one for originality, and even one for looking cool. All kinds of awards!
We start with the Essayist Award, which rewards craftiness in devised strategies. Relative newcomer Kody Kunz proved a true noodle user, as did perennial favorites Dylan Pommer, Alex MacWilliams, and Philip Bergman. But the Essayist Award goes to seasonal powerhouse Chris Schramm.
The Astrodude Award is to the rookie roboteer of the season. No competition here, literally. Only one newcomer, but he had two finalists. So even if there were others in the field this year, none of them would hold a candle to welcome addition Lewis Matthews.
Similarly, the Astrobot Award is for the best new bot in the competition. Three of the nominees were Superheavyweights, namely Brushhog, I4NI, and Inflammatory Slammer. Also nominated was Heavyweight quarterfinalist Revolver Ocelot. But good things come in small packages, as it was Lightweight semifinalist Thwedge who scoots away with our Astrobot Award.
Next is the Warper Award, which gives a special kudos to a bot that fared much better than others expected. Such bots like Heavyweights Don’t Flick The Bean, Mister/Majestic, and Giant Swan, as well as Lightweight semifinalist Thwedge. However, it was Pinpoint, a bot that was expected to duplicate last season’s humiliation, which showed up a lot of naysayers and therefore wins the Warper Award.
The Giguere Award is the title given to a bot that showed unmatched aggression in the arena. Needless to say, the nominees were all rammers, like Striker, Inflammatory Slammer, LowDown, and Kase Keil. But the most aggressive bot of all used aggression to win the Heavyweight title. Our Giguere Award winner is none other than Shadow Zone Forever.
We’ve awarded our most aggressive bot, and our best strategist, but what about unbridled destruction? Surely that means something. Well, that’s why we have the Japanese School Girl Award. And this season super destructive bots included Superheavyweights Jack Frost and Brushhog, as well Revolver Ocelot and Tax Cutter’s Return. Once again, however, it’s the Lightweights that show the most brutality, like our Lightweight champion, The Windmill, who beat up anything in its path, and went undefeated to take the title.
Just like other professional sports, we also choose to recognize the most improved bot of the year. Bots that have come a long way since the last time we saw them. One such bot was Written Like The “O” In The Word “Goodbye”, who drastically changed design while still maintaining the abilities to accomplish what the older version could. The Windmill changed its weapon and drive setups to go all the way, but it made the post-season last season too, so it didn’t have too much room to improve anyway. Shockwave Beta, based on the former champ is an improved design, but not the record to show for it, while Here Comes The Night Train is a step up from last season’s Cyberdemon. But the one that made the most progress just missed the post-season. Last season, Pinpoint was the very last bot to get its first win. This season, it just missed the quarterfinals in a crushing three-way rumble. Still, it came a long way, and Pinpoint wins the Underminer Award, for achievement in vast improvement.
On a lighter note, some bots stand out not for their aggression or ability to inflict damage, but just by looking so cool. The Double Dose Award recognizes that. Some of the stylish and chic bots this season included perennial favorite Adrenaline, as well as moderately seasoned Giant Swan, Lightweight hammer machine Here Comes The Night Train, and also Ressaisir. However, there was little doubt in the room when folks got a glimpse of the new style of the returning Final Boss. From the paintjob on the upper plates, to the “Insert Coin” details near the flipper, Final Boss turned heads throughout the pits and arena, and wins this season’s Double Dose Award.
Another way a bot can be cool though, besides looking the part is by being a novel design. The Adrenaline Award recognizes that, and some of the newer trains of thought include Middleweights Force Feedback, The Spike and No Joy, along with Lightweight Ressaisir. This time, however, the big boy rules the roost as our Adrenaline Award goes to a bot with not only a novel design, but also a novel name: Written Like The “O” In The Word “Goodbye”.
And sometimes a bot is just so well engineered that it’s the epitome of cool, as rewarded by our Cow Tipper Award. Superheavyweight finalist Vendetta certainly qualifies with the dual wedge setup unlike any others, while Middleweights dominated this category. Others include Ring Around The Ambulance, Unlimited Limits 1.5, and Force Feedback. Needless to say though, the Cow Tipper Award goes to the Middleweight that ruled the roost: Barrier, from Team Gemini.
Lastly is the Carnage Award, for the best record of the season. No need to expound further as Team Gemini once again dominates the scene, with three bots seeing post-season action. Congratulations to Chris Schramm and all our award winners.
(closing montage with the poses and “Hip-Hop Phenomena” plays out)
Tim: Thanks Bill Nye. Well, Bil Dwyer, we’ve given our hearts enough time to stop racing after our Heavyweight Final, but it’s time to get them racing again with our Superheavyweight Final. What details can you divulge about this match-up?
Bil: It’s a rematch of the last week of the regular season. This time, they’re playing for all the marbles. Now, Brushhog represents the Minion Conference, and is treaded disc spinner with a kind of steadiness not usually found in spinners. After squeaking past Inflammatory Slammer in the quarters, Brushhog advances to the Finals after avenging his own defeat earlier in the season against Written Like The “O” In The Word “Goodbye”.
And if Brushhog wants the title, he’ll have to avenge himself again. Vendetta is a double wedge pusher that relies on its sleek design and incredible speed. After getting eliminated in the semifinals last season, he came back and proved he could make the post-season again. He was seeded second in the Toro Conference, but after beating I4NI in the quarterfinals and former champion Jack Frost in the semis, Vendetta advances to the Finals by specializing in beating spinners.
Tim: In the regular season fight, Vendetta won fairly convincingly. Has Brushhog learned his lesson? Mark Beiro has the introductions.
(sweep across the building to focus on Mark Beiro in the middle of the Battlebox.)
Mark: This fight is for the Superheavyweight Giant Nut for Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage! Introducing, in Red Square to my right: the world of robots is a field of overgrown grass to this bot, and its aim is to mow them all down! Here is… BRUSHHOG!!!
(audience applauds rowdily)
Tim: According to Animal Cruelty team captain Philip Bergman, the main reason Brushhog lost the previous bout with Vendetta was because he just didn’t try for that fight. He’s vowed to fight hard this time.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, when this bot loses a fight, or even gets hit, it gets angry, and you wouldn’t like it when it’s angry, because then, you’ll have to deal with the full wrath of… VENDETTA!!!
(audience applauds raucously)
Bil: Team captain Martijn Benschop won the Middleweight title last season with The Thwacking Head. Once you taste title, you thirst for more.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: The final Final. Superheavyweights in action!
Tim: Brushhog is not wasting any time. He’s moving out to get to the middle of the arena. But Vendetta is moving directly into him. Brushhog’s disc is spinning and Vendetta smacks it!
Bil: Brushhog’s disc may not have been up to full speed on that hit, so it may not have been too effective.
Tim: Nonetheless, Vendetta is knocked away slightly. Brushhog moves away towards the center a bit more, and is trying to get that disc spinning. Vendetta, now going for the side of Brushhog, and he’s under the side skirt, working to get under that tread.
Bil: But now you’ll see the versatility of Brushhog’s design. He can still drive on Vendetta, even at a crazy angle like that.
Tim: Brushhog trying to do that, but it is rather awkward, but now he lands on top of Vendetta! And that disc grinding into the wedge of Vendetta.
Bil: Brushhog’s disc is designed to do that, grind up an opponent while getting wedged.
Tim: The downside however, is that you’re still wedged. Vendetta driving Brushhog over to the Killsaws and dumping him on there. And Brushhog takes a shot from the Killsaws!
Bil: It’s an obvious ploy against treadbots. Snap the tread, and half the drivetrain is out of commission. When that happens, you’ve got the knockout.
Tim: Oh, but look at that! Brushhog’s disc collides with Killsaws, and the Killsaws are bent!
Bil: It’s like the knife fight Chuck Norris was in. The knife lost!
Tim: But now Vendetta has the chance to scoop up Brushhog, and he does just that! Ramming right into him!
Tim: Vendetta’s wedge suffering moderate damage, but it does what it’s supposed to, and that’s to finally take Brushhog to the Pulverizers!
Bil: The Pulverizers! I love the Pulverizers. Hit after hit after hit is now landing on top of Brushhog.
Tim: Brushhog, getting that disc up to speed, and now he’s moving out, but Vendetta moves to intercept, but he gets a full shot from Brushhog’s disc! What a hit!
Bil: Brushhog has to move now. His armor’s not the best, and he doesn’t want to spend any more time getting hammered than it takes to get up to speed.
Tim: Brushhog trying to gain the upper hand again, but Vendetta moves in hard and takes another shot. But he’s biding the pain and slowly pushing back.
Bil: Vendetta’s gonna win this pushing match. Brushhog’s no slouch in the pushing department, but Vendetta has more, plus the wedge design to upend Brushhog’s traction.
Tim: Vendetta pushing and shoving and slowly getting Brushhog back under the Pulverizer, and he does it! Brushhog once again being well received by hammers from above.
Bil: And we see now, Vendetta is keeping him pinned, using his wedge this time.
Tim: Brushhog’s disc slowly grinding against the top of Vendetta’s wedge. Sparks and gold dust flying, but the Pulverizer keeps beating and bearing down on Brushhog.
Bil: You can now see the refs keeping track of time. When neither bot is moving, they have to be ready to stop the match. You know that Vendetta’s just holding him there, but there’s always the freak chance something has shut down inside Vendetta, thus disabling him from moving.
Tim: Vendetta now backing off as instructed. Brushhog moving out from the hazard area, and Vendetta slams him back in once again!
Bil: Just for good measure, right?
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: Three minutes have come and gone! The Superheavyweight Final is over!
Bil: Oh, look now! Brushhog is starting to smoke! Smoke is coming out of Brushhog!
Tim: While the crew puts out Brushhog, Bil, how about a recap?
Bil: Brushhog actually gets in a handful of beautiful hits, including one against our Killsaws, but it was the ramming power of Vendetta, and the hammers from above, that told this story.
Tim: It’s all but official, so let’s make it that way.
(cut to center arena, where both teams line up with the head referee, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges have turned in a twenty-eight to seventeen decision for the Advanced Robot Combat: Carnage Superheavyweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: VENDETTA!!!
Tim: And the Blue Square bots sweep the Finals this year. What are the odds of that?
Bil: About one in sixteen, but odds and luck really had nothing to do with it. Brushhog’s smoking came after the buzzer so it couldn’t count against him; therefore, he took the Damage category ten to five. Vendetta, however, took Aggression fourteen to one; and Strategy, nine to six. That’s how the pushbot won, twenty-eight to seventeen.
Tim: Traci Bingham joins the victorious Martijn Benschop amidst his jubilation.
(cross-fade to Traci Bingham with Martijn Benschop)
Traci: This is your second season in this league, and your second title. How are you feeling?
Martijn: Incredible. My hands are shaking. This is just great.
Traci: You’ve won a Middleweight title, and now a Superheavyweight championship. You figure in two more seasons you’ll have a complete dynasty?
Martijn: It’s definitely worth trying for.
Traci: Well congratulations on winning the Giant Nut.
Martijn: Thanks.
(cross-fade to Jason and Randy Sklar with Philip Bergman)
Jason: So, this is gotta be old hat to you, right?
Philip Bergman: Just a bit, yeah.
Randy: Five times a runner-up, not yet a champ.
Philip: I’m ARC’s version of Creedence Clearwater Revival. Or Susan Lucci.
Jason: Will Brushhog be back next season?
Philip: Well, I’m thinking of tweaking him up a bit and making him an exhibition Ultraheavyweight. Should be pretty cool.
Randy: Now, I understand you wanted to face Team Compound in the Finals. You said you had an important question for their captain.
Philip: Yeah, I wanted to know…. (sings) Why does love always feel like THE DATA FIELDS, THE DATA FIELDS, THE DATA FIELDS? Why does love always feel like THE DATA FIELDS, THE DATA FIELDS, THE DATA FIELDS?
Randy: I think that has something to do with why you didn’t win. Guys?
(cross-fade back to the press box)
Tim: Alright, thanks guys. Our night is almost over, and on the other side of this break, where we’ll give you a recap of our Finals, and officially award our winners. Come right back.
(“Search And Destroy” plays out to commercial)
(three minutes of commercials)
(“Search And Destroy plays back in with a replay of Alex MacWilliams pummeling Kanye West)
Bil: Alex MacWilliams speaking out on behalf of the people everywhere. THAT’S our Hit Of The Tournament, brought to you by Sheetz, the official rest stop of ARCCon-bound Michiganders.
Tim: Welcome back everybody. Our season is now drawing to a close, and for one final update on the league standings, here’s Bil Dwyer.
Bil: A close twenty-five to twenty final saw The Windmill win the Lightweight title over Uplifting Experience 2. In the Middleweight division, it was Barrier dominating LowDown for a twenty-nine to sixteen division. Shadow Zone Forever fought hard against Don’t Flick The Bean in the Heavyweight Final, and won twenty-four to twenty-one, and in the Superheavyweight Final, it was Vendetta who triumphed over Brushhog by a twenty-eight to seventeen score. Again, your champions are The Windmill, Barrier, Shadow Zone Forever, and Vendetta.
Tim: It’s been a tremendous Carnage season here at Advanced Robot Combat season, and on behalf of everyone here, I thank you for watching us and watching with us all season long. For Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, Traci Bingham, Pete Lambertson, Mark Beiro, and all the roboteers and fans, I’m Tim Green.
Bil: And I’m Bil Dwyer. We leave you now with the presentations of the Giant Nut Awards.
(cut to center arena, where Mark Beiro stands with the four team captains)
Mark: For their raw aggression, keen strategies, and incredible damage inflicted, we proudly award the Giant Nut!
(audience cheers)
Mark: In the Lightweight divison… THE WINDMILL!!!
(audience cheers loudly as Alex MacWilliams steps forward, picks up his Giant Nut trophy, raises it over his head happily, and steps back)
Mark: In the Middleweight division… BARRIER!!!
[(audience cheers loudly as Chris Schramm steps forward, picks up his Giant Nut trophy, raises it over his head joyfully, and steps back)
Mark: In the Heavyweight division… SHADOW ZONE FOREVER!!!
(audience applauds loudly as Kody Kunz steps forward, picks up his Giant Nut trophy, raises it over his head triumphantly, and steps back)
Mark: In the Superheavyweight division… VENDETTA!!!
(audience applauds loudly as Martijn Benschop steps forward, picks up his Giant Nut trophy, raises it over his head victoriously, and steps back)
(shot of all four champs holding their Giant Nut trophies over their heads together)
(“Search And Destroy” plays over slideshow of great hits from throughout the season, and the credits roll)
(music ends)
(fade to black)
ARC: Aftermath Finals Script - Philip Bergman
Hey all, due to problems and schedule conflicts that arose for me, we won't be able to have scripts of the Finals this season. So we'll do this one piece at a time.
We'll start with the Post-Season Awards. Winners of each award listed below.
The Essayist Award, awarded to the best role-player: Area51Escapee
The Astrobot Award, awarded to the best first-time competing bot: Armageddon
The Astrodude Award, rookie of the season award: Alteriaa
The Warper Award, bot that exceeded widely held low expectation: Death Chamber's Revenge
The Giguere Award, awarded to the most aggressive bot: Vendetta
The Japanese School Girl Award, awarded to the most destructive bot: The Windmill
The Underminer Award, awarded to the most improved bot: Hit 'Em Hard
The Double Dose Award, awarded to the coolest looking bot: Final Boss
The Adrenaline Award, awarded to the most unique or creative design: Dancing Headless
The Cow Tipper Award, awarded to the best engineered bot: Force Feedback
The Aftermath Award, awarded to the team with the best record this season: Omegaforce, with a 28-8 record
Congratulations to the post-season award winners.
LIGHTWEIGHTS:
Hit 'Em Hard vs. S.W.A.T.
S.W.A.T. comes out aggressively trying to get to the side of Hit 'Em Hard, but Hit 'Em Hard manages to keep the wedge facing his opponent. Managing to catch S.W.A.T. off-guard early, Hit 'Em Hard manages to get under and slam S.W.A.T. against the Wedged Wall. Bouncing off the wall, S.W.A.T. manages to get under the side of Hit 'Em Hard and rams him into the corner. S.W.A.T. takes a shot from the Pulverizer in the process, but the majority of the blows manage to land on Hit 'Em Hard. Being faster, Hit 'Em Hard manages to zip out and just avoid S.W.A.T.'s efforts to keep him trapped there. S.W.A.T. comes out quickly and Hit 'Em Hard spins and thwacks, knocking S.W.A.T. aside slightly. Discombobulated momentarily, S.W.A.T. gets wedged and slammed again by Hit 'Em Hard. But S.W.A.T. bounces loose again and manages to slam Hit 'Em Hard into the Drum, trying to get the flip in. Hit 'Em Hard DOES get flipped.... 360 degrees though, instead of only 180. Hit 'Em Hard retreats and S.W.A.T. pursues. Hit 'Em Hard keeps the front facing his opponent, so said opponent goes into the front, gets under the wedge, lifts and pushes to a nearby Killsaw. The Killsaw tosses Hit 'Em Hard, but he manages to swat S.W.A.T. in time. S.W.A.T. keeps trying to lay into Hit 'Em Hard as time runs out.
Who will win the title? Scores to be posted soon. Make your predictions on the Discussion thread!!
MIDDLEWEIGHTS:
Force Feedback vs. The Thwacking Head
Force Feedback comes charging out trying to catch The Thwacking Head off-guard. The Thwacking Head is ready though, and tries to get under. The heavy wedge does slip under two of the wedges of Force Feedback, while two get under the wedge. The Thwacking Head manages to do some pushing, but Force Feedback manages to push back with the ram bar. The Thwacking Head fires the hammer, and lands a blow. Working fast, The Thwacking Head fires a few more times, putting in some small dents. Force Feedback works to use the ram bar more, to keep The Thwacking Head at bay. Pulling the bar back, Force Feedback charges hard and gets completely under The Thwacking Head this time and shoving him into the Spike Strip. The Thwacking Head fires the hammer several times and puts several smaller dings in the top of Force Feedback. After being slammed again, The Thwacking Head spins and thwacks and bats Force Feedback about six inches. Force Feedback slams The Thwacking Head into the Spike Strip again. The Thwacking Head continues to thwack from above, and Force Feedback continues to ram and slam. Late in the fight, The Thwacking Head tries a horizontal thwack and gets his head stuck in the holes of the ram bar! Force Feedback pulls the bar back and traps The Thwacking Head, trying to take advantage and push The Thwacking Head around. It isn't too successful, but it looks cool when Force Feedback slides the bar back and forth, pinching the thwacking head on The Thwacking Head. Time finally runs out.
Who will win the title? Scores to be posted soon. Make your predictions on the Discussion thread!!
HEAVYWEIGHTS:
DeadStar vs. The Dark Side Of Cupid
DeadStar charges out at The Dark Side Of Cupid, who is also coming forward. As they get closer, The Dark Side Of Cupid backs off and angles differently. DeadStar swings the tail, to keep straight on, and the two collide solidly, each one thrown back a bit. The Dark Side Of Cupid comes charging back first, and starts after DeadStar, who gets his bearings a second or two later and pivots to get the disc facing The Dark Side Of Cupid. The disc of DeadStar barely collides with his opponents disc and sends the two apart from each other, but that head-on hit popped The Dark Side Of Cupid, flipping him. Now fighting as an overcutter, The Dark Side Of Cupid spins around just in time to avoid DeadStar chewing up his rear. The hit spins the two. They both spin back to face each other, and The Dark Side Of Cupid hits a side plow of DeadStar. DeadStar is pushed farther away this time, and The Dark Side Of Cupid recuperates faster, getting more aggressive now. Keeping angled, The Dark Side Of Cupid manages to keep clipping the plow on one side of DeadStar, bending it badly. With less than a minute, The Dark Side Of Cupid manages to start bearing into a wheel on DeadStar. This impairs the driving ability of DeadStar greatly, and eventually, The Dark Side Of Cupid manages to sever the wheel completely. But the question stands, will the countdown to Knockout be interrupted by the buzzer? And if so, what will be the score?
Who will win the title? Result to be posted soon. Make your predictions on the Discussion thread!!
SUPERHEAVYWEIGHTS:
Final Boss vs. Vendetta
The two big boys come at each other, both trying to angle under the other, and it is Vendetta who gets under Final Boss, and takes him to the Pulverizer. Final Boss takes repeated poundings, but doesn't really look the worse for wear. He manages to squeak out and clip the corner of Vendetta. Final Boss doesn't have a great hold on Vendetta, but doesn't need it since they're both right near the Pulverizer. Vendetta gets hammered upon a few times now. Vendetta comes roaring out though, and goes flying over Final Boss's low body, getting pushed over at the end by the arm, but no hold with the arm happens. Vendetta is now behind Final Boss and has the perfect chance to get under Final Boss and push him into the Pulverizer. That's exactly what he does. Once more the Pulverizer plays a heavy-hitting part of this match. Forced to back off, Vendetta scoots back and out comes Final Boss. The two go heavily at each other again, this time Final Boss gets under and maanges to grab hold of Vendetta with the lifter arm. Final Boss holds and upended Final Boss hostage as the Killsaws grind him up, as the match ends.
Who will win the title? Scores to be posted soon. Make your predictions on the Discussion thread!!
And now, the scores....
Hit 'Em Hard vs. S.W.A.T.
Your Advanced Robot Combat: Aftermath Lightweight Champion by a 26-19 Judges' Decision.... S.W.A.T.!!!!
Aggression: 10-5 S.W.A.T.
Damage: 8-7 Hit 'Em Hard
Strategy: 9-6 S.W.A.T.
Force Feedback vs. The Thwacking Head
Your Advanced Robot Combat: Aftermath Middleweight Champion by a 27-18 Judges' Decision.... FORCE FEEDBACK!!!!
Aggression: 11-4 Force Feedback
Damage: 10-5 The Thwacking Head
Strategy: 11-4 Force Feedback
DeadStar vs. The Dark Side Of Cupid
Your Advanced Robot Combat: Aftermath Heavyweight Champion by a Knockout at 2:43.... THE DARK SIDE OF CUPID!!!!
Final Boss vs. Vendetta
Your Advanced Robot Combat: Aftermath Superheavyweight Champion by a 25-20 Judges' Decision.... VENDETTA!!!!
Aggression: 11-4 Vendetta
Damage: 8-7 Vendetta
Strategy: 9-6 Final Boss
Congratulations to all our Champions!
ARC: Armageddon Finals Script - Philip Bergman
Bil Dwyer: In addition to our championship fights, we’ll be unveiling our charter induction class for the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. Ten bots are granted immortality. One night. Eighteen bots. Four fights. A special one-hour presentation. This… is Advanced Robot Combat.
(panoramic sweep of spectaculars hits, slams, and other memorable events from over the course of the season on top of a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, ending with a still shot of the Advanced Robot Combat logo)
(sweep of the nighttime skyline of San Francisco as Tim Green speaks)
Tim: We’re coming to you from San Francisco, the place to find flowers in your hair, cars on cables and scrap metal flying through the air.
(cut to in-studio focus on Tim Green and Bil Dwyer)
Tim: Hello everyone, I’m Tim Green, ready for our finals tonight, and with me is the dapper and observant Bil Dwyer.
Bil: And from what I observe, we have an amazing night tonight. So much to get through, we’re going double time tonight. A full hour, and in that time, we won’t just get to the championship matches, but we’ll also venerate ten of the most legendary, innovative, effective, and cool robots ever. The Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame kicks off tonight, and to start it all off, our very own Bill Nye has our first Hall Of Famer.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill Nye: Our honorees were selected by a committee of custom robot combat experts, and by unanimous decision, our first honoree is Underall, originally known as Ze Underall Ex Deus. One of the first thwackbots to incorporate wedges into its design, Underall also single-handedly created the multiple-front-wedge craze, known as the “piano teeth wedges”, which we later saw in designs like Shadow Zone Forever and Striker and even in tweaked variations of toothed, single piece wedges like those BlackRose and older versions of Zombie Killer. One of the most successful bots in Advanced Robot Combat history, Underall has won championships in both the thwack configuration and the later, sleeker, ramming wedge design. It’s been so successful as a bot, that it’s become like the Chuck Norris of the competition… just ask the other roboteers.
(succession of interview shots in the pits with other roboteers)
Chris Ross: Underall doesn’t power down… it waits.
Donnie Johnson: Every night, the boogeyman checks his closet for Underall.
Andrew Rossol: When Underall was built, it raped the assistant, making them the third person Underall had sex with.
Isaac Torseth: Underall CAN get under the Center Nail.
Martijn Benschop: Everyone only thinks the egg may have come first because the chicken fled in terror when it heard Underall was coming.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: Underall is a legend in its own time, and if the other roboteers are to be believed, Underall was a legend before its time too. And that’s why Underall is the first inductee into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green back in the studio)
Tim: Thanks, Bill. And now from Bill to Bil. Mr. Dwyer, the stage is set for our Lightweight final, so how about a little inside info on the competitors?
Bil: Happy to, Mr. Green. Only stay out of the Ballroom and away from that Candlestick. Now to our robots. (placard of BlackRose’s picture and vital statistics appears onscreen as Bil continues) BlackRose is a long and powerful wedge-rammer that has dominated the Lightweight division. Following a regular season record of seven wins and three losses, BlackRose got here after defeating Uplifting Experience 3 in the quarterfinals and Hit ‘Em Harder in the semis. Team Zlayerz captain Kody Kunz has had success with powerful rammers before, and is now looking to add a Lightweight Nut to his trophy case.
(placard changes to show Falling Down’s picture and vital statistics as Bil continues)
But Falling Down stands in the way. Team FRA is a joining of three roboteers, and builder Joey McConnell is once again at the helm. Versatile win a spinning bar option, Falling Down has actually found greater success as a ramming wedge, complete with a stunning nine wins and one loss record in the regular season, and postseason wins over The Windmill in the quarters, and Zombie Killer in the semifinals.
Tim: The Lightweights are about to throw down, so let’s go box-side with Mark Beiro.
(sweep down to the center of the Battlebox where Mark Beiro stands)
Mark Beiro: This is an Advanced Robot Combat Lightweight final! In the Red Square, to my right, a red rose signifies love, a white rose symbolizes bereavement. This stands for an ass-kicking. Here is… BLACKROSE!
(audience cheering and applauding)
Bil: BlackRose hoping to get under Falling Down with the teeth on her wedge. Yeah, I said “her.” “Rose” is a woman’s name.
Mark: And in the Blue Square, with meticulous care and precise detail, this bot is here to claim the title and leave you shattered in a million pieces on the floor! Remember the name, because soon you will be… FALLING DOWN!
(audience applauds and cheers some more)
Bil: Falling Down going all wedge tonight, having taken out the spinning blade. Driver Joey McConnell said the extra armor may be key for him, and I’ve gotta say, I think he’s right.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: It’s good to hear you say that again, my friend.
Tim: It’s good to say it again, too. BlackRose and Falling Down, going at it. Falling Down choosing an interesting route though, heading for the far side of the arena.
Bil: It’s because the Drum’s on the other side. Other roboteers have tried to use the Drum to try and flip Falling Down, rendering the primary wedge useless. It hasn’t worked all season though. The only bot so far to beat Falling Down was Rascal, and Rascal did the job using its own two lifting forks, not the arena’s Drum.
Tim: BlackRose, now adjusting course to go after Falling Down, but Falling Down veering off to the side and now getting under BlackRose! Falling Down taking BlackRose to the Pulverizer!
Bil: Falling Down played that one right, making BlackRose come to him instead of going out to the center of the arena. The element of surprise can be a crucial tactic.
Tim: BlackRose taking several shots from the Pulverizer, but doesn’t look the worse for wear.
Bil: These kinds of bots are built to withstand a lot of punishment. That’s why they’re referred to as “brick rammers”, even though they’re wedges.
Tim: BlackRose getting away now and using her rear wedge to push against Falling Down, and yes! She did it! BlackRose has managed to put Falling Down under the Pulverizer for some retribution!
Bil: This is something that has actually happened quite a lot in Advanced Robot Combat in the past few seasons. If you keep your opponent pinned in the Pulverizer zone, you’re putting your own bot perilously close. It’s a kind of judo move, and it happens quite often.
Tim: BlackRose now zipping back out to mid arena, perhaps to avoid the very thing you just mentioned, Bil. She is not gonna let herself fall victim to the same move. Falling Down coming out of the Pulverizer pit and is going after BlackRose furiously. BlackRose charging Falling Down at full speed as well. It looks like BlackRose wants to see who’s lower. BlackRose going up and it looks like she’s trying to go flying completely over Falling Down!
Bil: It’s not going to work though. BlackRose is too long and lanky, and as you can see right now, BlackRose falls a little short and is now stuck on top of Falling Down.
Tim: Falling Down having a very difficult time trying to maneuver, as BlackRose landed kind of awkwardly on top. Driving backwards now, Falling Down manages to slam BlackRose against the Spike Strip!
Bil: Here’s the view from our SlamCam as Falling Down keeps moving up, then backing BlackRose right into the Spike Strip over and over and over again!
Tim: One slam too many though, as BlackRose is now free. BlackRose having a little trouble getting the main wedge into play, but she does now, and she’s driving Falling Down clear across the arena, and oh, Bil! Look at that slam right into the Drum!
Bil: Falling Down’s been trying to avoid the Drum all fight and BlackRose has been trying to bring him there the entire time.
Tim: The Drum grinding into Falling Down, might not be able to get the flip in after all, as these bot are Lightwei—no! There we see it! The Drum manages to flip Falling Down!
Bil: I think that’s the first time any bot since The Servant flipped Falling Down successfully. It looked like the Drum barely managed to catch one of the shredding blades on Falling Down, but as you can see, it was just enough.
Tim: Under thirty seconds now, and you can see BlackRose getting under the front of Falling Down. And into the Wedged Wall they go!
Bil: BlackRose has got to be careful, though, she may flip Falling Down back to normal position, and that isn’t what she wants.
Tim: Falling Down, trying to use the rear spikes to get under BlackRose, but BlackRose backing off in an effort to keep the main wedge pointing forward.
Bil: Falling Down can definitely maneuver better, but they’re equal in speed, so if BlackRose just backs off, early and far enough, it negates that advantage. Those rear spikes would fit nicely in between the teeth of BlackRose’s front wedge, and that’s what BlackRose is hoping for. I think that’s how BlackRose managed to get Falling Down across the arena to the Drum, too.
Tim: Falling Down, trying to stay on the offensive, but BlackRose charges in and like you said, Bil, the spikes and teeth interlocking into each other nicely, and BlackRose is now pushing.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And this fight is over! An amazing fight. Bil, while we wait for the judges to score this one, take us through the highlights.
(highlight clips play as Bil narrates)
Bil: Falling Down showing some early cunning, trying to stay to one side of the arena…but BlackRose manages to get a solid slam in… the Pulverizer punishes both bots beautifully… the Drum getting the flip on Falling Down… and BlackRose getting more aggressive with an inverted Falling Down.
Tim: Let’s see what the judges thought.
(sweep down to center arena where the head referee stands with the two teams on either side, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have turned in a twenty-four to twenty-one decision, for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon Lightweight Champion…THE RED SQUARE: BLACKROSE!!!
Tim: Wow! What a decision. Bil, what are the judges’ scorecards actually saying about this fight?
Bil: It seemed very back and forth. Despite the utilization of the flip, Falling Down still took the Strategy category, nine to six. BlackRose was definitely the aggressor, taking that category, ten to five. Damage was a tough one to call, as they’re both virtually indestructible Lightweights, but BlackRose got just a couple more jabs in, and took Damage, eight to seven. Add ‘em all up and the deadly flower gets the twenty-four to twenty-one Lightweight Nut.
Tim: Traci Bingham is with our champion.
(cut to Traci Bingham with Kody Kunz)
Traci Bingham: It seemed like a very back-and-forth fight for the most part. What do you think made the difference?
Kody Kunz: I think that flip with the Drum made a huge difference. Flipping Falling Down was a huge part of our strategy, and we made it work, and we were able to do more with him after getting flip.
Traci: But the judges gave Falling Down the Strategy category, nine to six.
Kody: Well, if it hadn’t been for the flip, it might have been twelve to three, and you’d be talking with Joey instead of me. Plus, I had to slam him across the arena to make it happen first, and I think that added more points for me in Aggression.
Traci: Good speculation. And congratulations on your Lightweight title!
Kody: Thanks, Traci.
(cross-fade to Jason and Randy Sklar with Joey McConnell)
Jason Sklar: Very tough fight. Do you think the flip turned the tide?
Joey McConnell: I don’t know. It may have. Falling Down has only been flipped a couple times this season, but had only lost once until tonight, so who’s to say it was the flip, really? But it was a really close fight, so in some ways, it feels like a blindfolded man threw a dart and hit BlackRose.
Randy Sklar: You’ve often speculated that you feel like a pariah in the builders’ circles here. Do you still feel that way?
Joey: I don’t think so. This fight was scored pretty fairly, BlackRose is a well-built and driven bot, and best yet, the other builders have offered to take me to a pub and help me get good and pissed in celebration and consolation.
Jason: But we’re in San Francisco, in the U.S. You’re not legal here, yet.
Joey: Oh. Yeah. You guys can edit out that last remark right?
(slow cross-fade back to the studio with Bil Dwyer and Tim Green)
Bil: Your secret’s safe with us, Joey. Besides, by the time this airs, you’ll be back in Jack… the Union Jack, that is. We just want to point out that we do not condone the contribution to the delinquency of a minor, but really, Joey’s a responsible guy. He built Falling Down, after all, so there are no worries here
Tim: Agreed, and speaking of celebration, let’s go to Bill Nye with another of our Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame inductees.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: Our second inductee for the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame is AMP, the ETEK-powered mutilation machine from Team AC/DC. AMP had few imitators, like Influenza and The Windmill, but it did reinvigorate and redefine the concepts of powerful and destructive spinners, as well showing that even spinners may need wedge protection. Other builders have weighed in on AMP’s impact.
(cut to interview shots of other roboteers in the pits)
Dylan Pommer: I hate fighting AMP, but even I love watching the armor come flying off my bots.
Joe Hamilton: I actually thought it was cool when it tried using the circular saw weapon, but it didn’t pan out. But you were still afraid to face it because it was AMP.
Alex MacWilliams: I think AMP’s pretty much a major reason brick rammers became the staple of the Middleweight division, because fighting it with a fellow spinner often proved futile.
Josh Noel: I was a little disappointed myself when I couldn’t get enough fans to spell out “Rooster Teeth” across their torsos the way AMP did.
Tyler Davis: AMP’s just a fantastic design. You could enter it again ten years from now, and it’d still go deep in the tournament. I mean, stick an ETEK on a Middleweight, and you’re bound to hurt something.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: One of two super-destructive bots being inducted tonight, we salute AMP with enshrinement into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green)
Bil: Another one of the true greats properly enshrined.
Tim: And still more bots to enshrine, and more bots with hopes for enshrinement. When we come back, more inductions into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame, and the Middleweight final. Next, on Advanced Robot Combat.
(pull out from them, bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, fade out to commercial)
(three minutes of commercials)
(return with a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, shot of a computer screen as Tim Green speaks)
Tim: For more information about all things fantasy robots, go to www.drowningcity.com
(cut back to studio with Tim and Bil)
Tim: Welcome back everybody, our next final is in the Middleweight Division where Sarge and No Joy are ready to fight, but before we get to them, Bill Nye is on hand to salute another two legendary Middleweights.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: Our next induction in the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame is Shockwave, the classic clamper from Team Fire-And-Ice. One of the few successful lifters that also utilized a clamping mechanism, Shockwave went through a few noticeable incarnations, all of which are saluted here under the name of “Shockwave,” though most agree that the second version was the best, and the most fondly remembered version of the bot.
(cut to interview soundbites from other competitors)
Paul Ogin II: Shockwave was a surprisingly effective design. It was really good, especially the second version.
Steve Olshefski: Shockwave was a bot that was easy to underestimate. Once.
Philip Bergman: It’s hard to say whether or not Shockwave really helped change the way we play the game, but it definitely made things much more interesting.
Anthony Politzi: Shockwave ruled. It was absolutely one of the most unique champions we’ve ever had. And effective.
Chris Schramm: Shockwave is an undeniably great bot. Dammit.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: Shockwave was an impressive bot in its own endeavors, but it is perhaps best remembered as the nemesis of our next honoree, Barrier from Team Gemini. Barrier has stuck around a lot longer than Shockwave, and has thus built an incredible reputation for itself. Barrier was one of the bots that really helped popularize hinged wedges, as well as bringing lifters a newfound credibility as serious competitors. Barrier is a bot that is known and revered across the generations of roboteers.
(cut to the pits with interview clips with other roboteers)
Tracy Farber: Barrier’s a total bully in the Battlebox. Very difficult to fight.
Kody: Barrier’s lifter doesn’t look like much at first, but it’s constantly evolved to remain one of the most feared weapons in the arena.
John Garrison: Barrier is an amazing feat of engineering. Incredibly well-built, well-driven, well-balanced. Great bot. Simply great.
Lewis Matthews: Even without the lifter, Barrier is still a great bot. It could trap and push, basically still find a way to make your bot look ridiculous.
Paul Gancitano: I always look forward to fighting Barrier. We’re evenly matched in so many ways, and I really wish other builders didn’t dread facing it, because it’s such a fun bot to go up against.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: Shockwave and Barrier, two excellent additions to the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. More inductions coming, so stick around.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green)
Tim: Thank-you, Bill Nye. And now, Bil Dwyer, how about sizing up our Middleweight bout for tonight?
Bil: Well, Tim Green, both our Middleweights have been around for a little while, but this is the first time either one have made it all the way to the finals. (placard with Sarge’s picture and vital statistics onscreen as Bil continues) Sarge has come a long way from being a joke among the robotic community with its vestigial hammers. After losing the hammers, gaining a rear plow, and improving the lifter, this bot from Team Blood Gulch has finally hit its prime, making the finals after a nine and one record during the regular season, beating LowDown in the quarterfinals, and taking down weight class favorite Force Feedback in the semis.
(placard with No Joy’s picture and vital statistics appears as Bil continues)
Conversely, No Joy has only been around a handful of seasons, but has built a name for itself in that short time. Team Omegaforce captain John Garrison has never been able to take No Joy all the way to the finals before, but that’s usually been less because of fighting superior designs and more due to the responsibilities involved with serving the United States Armed Forces. But this tournament, he’s been around to give No Joy a stellar nine and one record in the regular season, and beat Y-Combat and crowd favorite Barrier on its way to face Sarge tonight.
Tim Green: It’s a military theme in the Middleweight division. Mark Beiro is at center arena to call formation for this fight.
(panoramic sweep down to mid arena where Mark Beiro stands)
Mark: This match will determine the Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon champion in the Middleweight division! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right, the draft may be over, but you’ve been forcefully recruited to get beaten down by none other than… SARGE!
(cheers and applause from the crowd)
Bil: Sarge has had to take down some very tough competition to get here. Is there one more fight left in this bot?
Mark: And in the Blue Square to my left, this bot will not only kick you to the curb, but will do it with a box that’s stamped and addressed to Mudville, where you’ll be at home with everyone else who knows only what you know, the sting of… NO JOY!
(more cheers and applause)
Bil: It’s hard to gauge what No Joy can do, since Team Omegaforce usually ends up dropping out. Time to find out though.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: The real sarge versus the bot Sarge. Which one will win?
Tim: No Joy coming out with the tail first. Approaching Sarge.
Bil: We’ve seen this before from No Joy. The question is: is he going to try and thwack or try to get the tail under the lifter?
Tim: Sarge backing off a little, looks like he’s expecting thwack. No Joy racing in now, and it is the thwack indeed! No Joy spins and gets a glancing blow on the lifter of Sarge.
Bil: Sarge was expecting it and with the long lifter of Sarge leading the way, it was only going to be a glancing blow at best.
Tim: Sarge moving in now and gets the lifter under No Joy, he lifts and flips No Joy! Sarge not wasting any time and moving No Joy before No Joy can get his bearings together. Sarge ramming him into the Spike Strip!
Bil: A beautiful hit, Tim, but now you’ll see the versatility of No Joy’s design. No Joy trying to work the jaws up against the lexan wall, trying to gain leverage.
Tim: No Joy pushing, but Sarge has got the points of the points of the lifter squarely into No Joy’s side. Sarge, continuing to push, adjusting the lifter slightly, but now No Joy pops free! No Joy pops free!
Bil: You have to remember, these bots are radio controlled, so the movements can’t always be slight or precise. Practice-driving your bot can go a long way, and that’s why so many drivers spend their down time in the pits practicing the driving of their bots: so it can pay off here. Even then, though, it’s not a guarantee, as we see now.
Tim: No Joy, able to get the jaws under the lifter, and the main body of Sarge, and now he’s lifting and pushing Sarge into the Killsaws! Look at those sparks!
Bil: The Killsaws get a lot of flak for not being a particularly powerful hazard. But I bet Sarge is feeling the hurt of those diamond-edged teeth digging into the plow and back chassis! And the power with which they throw Sarge!
Tim: Sarge indeed thrown by the Killsaws, and No Joy giving chase. No Joy, clamping the side of Sarge with those amazing jaws, and now he’s taking Sarge to the Pulverizer!
Bil: Oh please let there be hammers! Let there be hammers! For Pete Lambertson’s sake, let there be hammers!
Tim: Pete Lambertson gets his wish after all, as his Pulverizer comes down on Sarge. Once, twice, three times a beating!
Bil: I can’t tell, but it looks like the Pulverizer is also striking the upper jaw of No Joy. No Joy may want to be more careful here.
Tim: Good observation, Bil, and No Joy sensing it too, trying to angle a little differently, so that the lifter takes more damage with each hit.
Bil: You can see now, the refs making No Joy back off. He lets Sarge go. Can Sarge answer that?
Tim: Sarge indeed finding an answer, wasting no time, and getting the lifter under No Joy, and now it’s No Joy’s turn under the Pulverizer!
Bil: I’m telling you, Tim, it’s that judo move I mentioned in our Lightweight bout. If the bots are evenly matched enough, you can expect something like this.
Tim: Sarge answering No Joy for every second that he was held under the Pulverizer, holding him there as long as possible. No Joy trying to escape, but Sarge isn’t making it so easy.
Bil: The refs letting Sarge know now that he’s going to have to let No Joy go. I think Sarge got the better end of this, too, because he has no upper jaw for the Pulverizer to hit.
Tim: Sarge scooting straight out towards center arena, but No Joy coming at him with the jaws like an angry hornet. Sarge coming in as well, but No Joy spinning and landing a perfect thwack on the side of Sarge!
Bil: He tried this earlier and missed, but I think the hard charge caught Sarge off-guard and No Joy only had to spin a hundred eighty degrees this time, not three-sixty.
Tim: No Joy getting the jaws under the side of Sarge now and moving him again, and another beautiful slam into the Spike Strip! No Joy lifting the jaws now, like a lifter, tilting Sarge against the wall!
Bil: And I think, yes! Sarge’s angled sides fit under the Spike Strip. And the spikes themselves are getting into that space where the wheels are. He’s stuck there perfectly!
Tim: No Joy backing off now. Bil, this fight’s been too close to call, if you’re No Joy, are you going to take the easy knockout?
Bil: I would. It seems cheap and rather punk to do, but this is the final, and this fight has been a doozy. No Joy probably gonna sit back and watch now.
Tim: And dance. You see No Joy doing the dance there, but it’s not over yet! Sarge using that lifter to push against the lexan and the floor trying to jiggle loose.
Bil: Josh Noel probably sees as well as we do that the Spike Strip doesn’t have the strongest hold on him, and can probably get loose.
Tim: Time running out for both this match and for Sarge. Sarge, pressing that lifter’s corner against the floor hoping… for just… enough leverage… YES! He’s popped himself free! This fight can continue!
Bil: I think everyone’s hearts stopped when that happened! We still have a fight though. We still have a fight.
Tim: Sarge charging in once more, and he spears No Joy directly on the jaw! No Joy spun a little by that. No Joy backing off, Sarge giving chase.
Bil: Sarge making the most of these last seconds—
(buzzer sounds)
Bil: Or second as the case seems to be.
Tim: This fight is over and in the books. Bil, take us through the highlights.
(highlight montage shows as Bil narrates)
Bil: Sarge making some great early moves as he avoids the tail gets a good slam in early. No Joy answers with the Killsaws, and the Pulverizer. Sarge then uses the Pulverizer… and that major hang-up on the Spike Strip. That may have been key.
Tim: Let’s see if the judges agree.
(sweep down to center arena where the head referee stands with the teams lined up on either side. Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges at arenaside have ruled this match to be a twenty-three to twenty-two split decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon Middleweight Champion…THE BLUE SQUARE: NO JOY!!!
Tim: Listen to this crowd! Usually, fights this close are controversial, but the crowd seems to support it. Bil, why the disconnect here?
Bil: Well, when you look at the scorecards, you see that Sarge did indeed squeak by in Aggression and Damage, both by eight to seven margins. But leaving Sarge trapped on the Spike Strip like that bought No Joy some major domination time, enough to give him Strategy, nine to six. And that’s how No Joy just eked by in a split decision to win the Middleweight Nut.
Tim: Jason and Randy Sklar are with our champion.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with John Garrison)
Randy: Amazing story, John, you continued to fight during the regular season, even when you had trouble getting to the competition.
John: Yeah, finagling the free time to compete is difficult when you’re in the military, but I’m so glad I was able to finish this tournament. It has paid off big time.
Jason: How were you feeling up until the time you had him pinned up by the Spike Strip?
John: Well, there’s really not much time to feel anything. You’re focused on what you’re doing, and that’s all you think about. But looking back, that was definitely a major part of the win. We both managed to get the other under the Pulverizer. He slammed me earlier, and I gave him a ride on the Killsaws, so we were pretty even until that point. The Spike Strip definitely proved to be my friend there.
Randy: Will it be your friend in the Superheavyweight final you’re fighting later?
John: I don’t think so. Bad-Ass Barnacle’s arms have a full turning circle, but we’ll see. I’ll find a way to handle him.
Jason: Well, congratulations and good luck in your other fight.
John: Thanks guys.
(cut to Traci Bingham with Josh Noel)
Traci: You were putting up an amazing fight for awhile. Comments on that?
Josh: We definitely did. We’d studied No Joy a lot and knew what it was capable of and its favorite tactics, so we really did feel ready for this fight. And it showed early on.
Traci: And then the Spike Strip?
Josh: Yeah, and then that. Ah, there’s not much you can do about it. We tried to get free from the jaws before that, but couldn’t get enough contact to do it.
Traci: Nevertheless, you gotta be proud of all the improvement Sarge has shown throughout the seasons.
Josh: Absolutely. No one’s laughing at it now.
(cross-fade back to the studio with Tim Green and Bill Dwyer)
Tim: Well, we knew it was going to be a hard-fought fight, but Bil how about that ending?
Bil: It was classic. One for the ages. Speaking of fights and bots for the ages, let’s check in again with Bill Nye and the Drowning City Robot Hall Of Fame.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: Continuing our salute to truly great bots, next up is a bot that was once ranked the number one bot of all time. I’m of course referring to Suicide, from Team Ernie. It was once known as Shazacide, but either way, it was an incredibly impressive bot. Unfortunately, it’s only fondly remembered by the longer-time veterans of the circuit, who… well, remember it fondly.
(cut to interview clips with other roboteers)
Matt Bozenda: Suicide didn’t look like much at first, but it was a great bot. Well-driven.
Will Weaver: I was impressed the first time I saw it. I really loved the curve of the scoop, and thought that would help it go far and get under a lot of opponents.
Adrian Plimpton: It’s a well-rounded design, really. Good drive train, good armor, good weapon.
Kerry Dorsey: Suicide wasn’t the most unique bot, but it got the job done.
Jason Ice: It could still compete today. Very tough to beat.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: A true champion among champions, and a truly well-deserved enshrinement into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. We proudly induct Suicide.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green)
Tim: Ah yes, Suicide. Our fifth inducted robot. And it’s not over yet. We still have the Heavyweights and Superheavyweights to go, along with our Postseason Awards and more inductions into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. It’s all on the way, on the second half of our special one-hour broadcast of Advanced Robot Combat.
(camera pulls away as the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy” plays, fade out)
(three minutes of commercials play)
(return with a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, camera shows builders working in the pits as Bil Dwyer speaks over it)
Bil: Metal and sparks flying around the arena is fun; limbs, not so much. Always remember: safety first.
(back to in-studio with Bil Dwyer and Tim Green)
Tim: Welcome back everyone. Our Heavyweight finalists are set to fight it out, but before they do, we have a different Heavyweight bot in mind.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: Adrenaline is a long-time competitor. In fact, it’s practically been around since the beginning. It started as an imitation of Tazbot, but soon improved, evolved, and blossomed into its own distinct flare and character, and even innovative within the community. In fact, the Team Omegaforce classic Heavyweight has the award for most creative design named after it. It continues to charm and impress rookies and veterans alike.
(clips of interview bits with other competitors)
Cory Fleming: Such a cool bot. Look at it!
Liam Eliot: An amazing design. It can do so much.
Ernesto Bonilla: A real tour-de-force inside the arena. Its shark tooth wedges really paved the way for many bots to find other ways of trapping an opponent. It can beat you so many different ways.
John Cress II: Adrenaline’s a bot I’ve seen evolve over the years, and it inspires me to keep evolving my own designs as well.
Steven McGregor: A very threatening bot, whether it’s hammering you or just pushing you around. You just have to be impressed with Adrenaline.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: There you have it. When one of the most prestigious awards is named after your bot, it’s hard not to include it in the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. Congratulations and welcome to its newest member: Adrenaline.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green)
Tim: An excellent selection as always. Now from one Heavyweight to two that are about to be whittled down to one, we turn to the Heavyweight final for tonight. Bil, tell us about our finalists.
Bil: My pleasure, Tim. A seasoned veteran taking on a new and fresh rookie. (placard of Parasite’s picture and vital statistics appears as Bil continues talking) That rookie is Parasite, a new and incredibly destructive entry from Team Yellow Alert, this bot has destroyed just about everything in its path in a seven and three regular season record and victories over fellow spinners Revolver Ocelot and Pinpoint in the quarterfinals and semifinals respectively.
(placard changes to one with Tank Mk 4’s picture and vital statistics)
But now it’s not fighting a spinner. It’s fighting a juggernaut and legend in the form of Tank Mk 4. Team Targeted’s trademark rambot has powered past opponents left and right, and in dramatic fashion. Many knockouts this season in its nine win, one loss regular season. It advances to the finals after pummeling Kraze 2 in the quarters and Vertigo in the semis.
Tim: A powerful cutter against a powerful rammer. We take you down now to center arena where Mark Beiro is ready to make the formal introductions.
(sweep down to center arena where Mark Beiro stands with a microphone in his hand)
Mark: This is an Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon championship match in the Heavyweight division! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: you might as well have not gotten out of bed this morning, because within the next three minutes, you’re going to be carried out right back to it, after being stricken by… PARASITE!
(cheers and applause from the crowd)
Bil: Parasite going with the red, solid disc. It worked for him in the past two matches.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: if you stand in its way, you are going to be crushed. But what else do you expect when you stand in the way of… TANK MK 4!
(mixed reaction from the audience)
Bil: Those boos mixed in with the cheers are for team captain Alex MacWilliams who entered all four of his past champions this season rather than try to come up with something new. But hey, you can’t argue with success.
Tim: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: This is really poised to be a great one, two powerful Heavyweights.
Tim: Tank Mk 4 coming out hard and fast as always. Parasite choosing to lead with the tail, driving rather controlled.
Bil: That’s not how you do it! It’s the finals! All out aggression!
Tim: Parasite slipping the rear wedge under the plow of Tank Mk 4. Parasite is in control!
Bil: Tank Mk 4 is going without the wedge attachments that usually adorn its plow. Was that a mistake?
Tim: Parasite pushing Tank Mk 4 into the nearest Wedged Wall and holding him there!
Bil: Parasite taking the time now to spin the weapon up and get it ready to lacerate Tank Mk 4. This is going to hurt Tank Mk 4 even more because it took Parasite a full ten seconds to get Tank Mk 4 to the Wedged Wall.
Tim: Parasite trying to turn with the disc now and Tank Mk 4 trying to escape, but Parasite still manages to hit him with the disc!
Bil: It looked like a glancing blow, but with that powerful of a disc, even a glancing blow is pretty powerful and pretty impressive. I think it bent the rear of the wheel guard there on Tank Mk 4’s left side. Tank Mk 4 won’t be able to sustain too many of those kind of hits.
Tim: Tank Mk 4 turning around now and charging Parasite. Parasite doesn’t have time to get the rear wedge facing again, and oh! Look at that powerful hit there!
Bil: That’s what the crowd came to see! A huge shower of sparks, and a gash put in the plow of Tank Mk 4. And as you can also see, both bots are thrown by the hit, Parasite more so than Tank Mk 4.
Tim: Parasite with the disc up to speed again, as Tank Mk 4 comes charging in again. Parasite barely managing to slip away though, and Parasite strikes the other side of Tank Mk 4.
Bil: It’s a good strategy, really, since the plow is less susceptible to breaking under the punishment of Parasite’s disc. So Parasite instead opts for the sides.
Tim: Tank Mk 4’s wheel guards bending slightly, but it seems to be enough to impair the drive train. Still, Tank Mk 4 coming after Parasite aggressively. Parasite a little more aggressive himself now, burying that disc into the plow of Tank Mk 4.
Bil: Another couple of impressive hits. Tank Mk 4 starting to look a little worn, but I bet that plow’s holding up pretty well.
Tim: Parasite retreating now, oh, but a little skidding there. Dangerously close to the Killsaws.
Bil: Parasite’s a speedy bot, but not really built for pushing, and as such, it doesn’t have too much traction. It just missed the Killsaws that time.
Tim: Parasite leading with the wedge again this time, and he gets under Tank Mk 4’s plow. Pushing, pushing, pushing.
Bil: And there we go. Right into the Wedged Wall again, where he had Tank Mk 4 last time.
Tim: Parasite turning again, and hits that left rear corner on Tank Mk 4’s wheel guards again!
Bil: And the wheel guard is sufficiently bent in on both sides of the rear. Tank Mk 4 had better be careful; that’s one-third of the drive train essentially out of commission now. Much more and it’ll be considered knocked out.
Tim: Tank Mk 4 trying to charge aggressively, and Parasite retreating again to do it like that last run. But Parasite is skidding again! And this time, he’s on the Killsaws now, if he’s not careful—
Bil: Oh ho! There it is! The Killsaws! You see their power as they grind the underside of Parasite and then get enough of a grab to hurl Parasite a good six feet there. About two meters for our non-American audience.
Tim: Tank Mk 4 approaching carefully where Parasite landed, but Bil, Parasite isn’t moving at all!
Bil: This is what I was afraid of. Parasite is a very lightly armored bot. So lightly, that that throw from the Killsaws may have just broken it.
Tim: You hate to see that happen, too, Bil. A bot that essentially takes itself out. Tank Mk 4 still moving barely, but if Parasite doesn’t move at all, this fight is over.
Bil: And I was just saying how close Tank Mk 4 was to being incapacitated with those hits on the wheel guard impairing its drive train, too. It had pretty much become Parasite’s fight to lose, and well, he lost it.
Tim: The referees counting down now. Team Yellow Alert trying furiously to get Parasite moving again, but it is not going to happen.
(buzzer sounds)
Bil: Oh, the dreaded Ankle Biter phenomenon strikes. A combatant takes himself out, often using a hazard.
Tim: Bil, while the arena crew and teams clear the box, how about taking us through the highlights?
Bil: You got it, Tim. (montage of fight highlights as Bil narrates) Parasite starts strong with the wedge, bringing the spinning disc to bear one… two… three… four… five times, but then the dreaded skid… the Killsaws decide this fight.
Tim: Mark Beiro stands by to make it official.
(cut to center arena where the head referee stands with the two teams, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The time, one minute and thirty-six seconds. Your winner, by a knockout, and Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon Heavyweight Champion… THE BLUE SQUARE: TANK MK 4!!!
Bil: It’s amazing when you think about it, really. No version of Tank has ever had active weaponry, and yet look at all the knockouts this bot has accumulated over the seasons.
Tim: Indeed it is. And to reflect on that win with our champion are Jason and Randy Sklar.
(cut to Jason and Randy Sklar with Alex MacWilliams)
Jason Sklar: It looked like you were getting sloppy out there. What happened?
Alex: We just took a lot for granted. We didn’t think Parasite could bring that disc to bear on our sides, but it did. We didn’t think it was that maneuverable, but it was. We got lucky that its weak traction and armor undid itself for us.
Randy: What made you think to take the wedges off for this one?
Alex: We didn’t think Parasite would be leading wedge first. We thought the wedges would just be fodder for the disc, so we took them off and put the emphasis on the plow.
Jason: Well, it was an ugly win, but a win nonetheless. Congratulations champ.
Alex: Thanks guys.
(cross-fade to Traci Bingham and Nick Schuch)
Traci: So what exactly happened that caused that?
Nick Schuch: We just lost our footing, really. We started to get a little more aggressive because we saw that Tank Mk 4 was weakening, and we wanted to be able to keep the wedge facing it, so we beat a hasty retreat, only it was a little too hasty.
Traci: What do you think you’ll be able to improve on for next time?
Nick: We can probably make it a little more durable, definitely. Other than that, I’m pretty happy with this bot as it is. Its low traction isn’t too big a problem for us really.
Traci: Okay, well, we look forward to seeing what you bring to the fight in the future.
Nick: Thanks Traci.
(cut back to the studio with Tim Green and Bil Dwyer)
Tim: Well, that fight seemed to be both climactic and anti-climactic at the same time. Wouldn’t you agree?
Bil: I certainly would, but you know, this night has been doubly awesome for Tank Mk 4, and Bill Nye is on hand to explain why.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: Tank is a bot that despite its numerous incarnations has essentially remained the same in its look and style. And why not? As a strong rammer, Team Targeted’s signature Heavyweight continues to be a dominating machine, whether using its plow or wedges, or in its latest version, both. But Tank is a bot that evokes different feelings out of different roboteers.
(cut to interview clips with other builders)
Mark Elam: I hate Tank. It’s so brutal, so powerful. What do you do against a bot like that?
Lian Walsh: It doesn’t really reflect well on you to hate another bot for being so good, but dang it’s annoying to face that thing.
Joey McConnell: I think Tank’s rather smashing. A well-designed ramming machine that obliterates everything in its path.
Nick Schuch: Tank’s incredibly tough, but you gotta respect a bot that has no weapon but racks up the KO’s the way it does.
Josh Noel: A great rival to have. You almost feel bad for it being so vilified, but I don’t know, I think it bodes better for me in that regard.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill Nye: And with that, we rightly welcome Tank into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. But on the other side of that rivalry coin, we also salute its nemesis, the flipper Truth Or Consequences, from Team Blood Gulch. Now, Truth Or Consequences has always been a powerful flipper, but it originally started as a longer, lankier bot and was later condensed into a boxier shape. Both versions were successful, and most competitors simply know it as a powerful flipper.
(cut to remarks from other builders)
Matt Santo: Truth Or Consequences was an incredible flipper. A lot of fun to watch in action.
Adam Lawson: Very cool bot. You don’t often see flippers with pushing power, but Truth Or Consequences did a heck of a job with it.
Justin Bardin: Truth Or Consequences is amazing. That thing threw other bots around and made it look cool.
Isaac Torseth: Truth Or Consequences wasn’t the first to help re-popularize powerful flippers, but it definitely did it the best. It built up a great reputation on its own.
Alex MacWilliams: Amazing flipper bot. If I were to be locked in an awesome rivalry with any bot that’s not mine, I’d still choose Truth Or Consequences.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill Nye: Apart and together, Tank and Truth Or Consequences are both worthy of enshrinement, and so we induct Tank into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. We also induct Truth Or Consequences into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green)
Bil: Another classic rivalry inducted together. I think it’s absolutely fitting. Up next, Bill Nye announces this season’s Postseason Awards; plus, we still have the Superheavyweight final on the way. Don’t go anywhere; this is Advanced Robot Combat.
(camera pulls away as the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy” plays, fade out)
(three minutes of commercials play)
(return with a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, camera shows the inside of a restaurant as Tim Green speaks over it)
Tim: This hour-long special presentation of Advanced Robot Combat brought to you in part by Denny’s, the preferred restaurant of ARCCon.
(return to in-studio with Tim Green and Bil Dwyer)
Tim: Welcome back everybody, we’ve got three of our four champions for this season decided, and eight of our ten immortal robots officially immortalized. But just like the Cy Young award or the Heisman trophy, there are other prestigious awards that one can win without necessarily being the grand winner, and these awards also mean quite a lot to the recipients. Right Bil?
Bil: That’s right, Tim. In my case, it was “Best use of a knight in a diversionary tactic that still failed” award in the high school chess club. Ah, the good old days. Advanced Robot Combat is no different. Bestowing those honors now, once again, here is Bill Nye.
(second montage of Bill Nye in different poses popping up at various points of the screen atop a bed of BT’s “Hip-Hop Phenomena”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: It’s time now to recognize the recipients of our other revered awards within the Advanced Robot Combat community. First we start by acknowledging some milestones for two of our roboteers. Both Dylan Pommer and Alex MacWilliams achieved their two hundredth career wins this season. For Dylan Pommer and Team Hunga, it came at the beginning of the season when Japanese School Girl knocked out Guillotine 2. Alex MacWilliams and Team Targeted reached that magic number towards the very end of the regular season, when SYCTLEF forfeited to Eurypterus Evolved. Congratulations to the two of them on passing this notable mark.
Now onto the individual awards. Our first award is the Essayist Award, given to the overall best strategist in the competition this season. Some perennial contenders like Chris Schramm and Josh Noel reappeared, but so did some different names such as Lewis Matthews and Nick Fisher. However, the award once again goes to Alex MacWilliams, whose powerhouse bots were once again a hard family of fury to fight against.
The Astrobot Award is given to the best new bot to appear in the arena this season. The great thing about this is that it can come from just about anywhere. Like Parasite, from Team Yellow Alert, a powerful spinner that made it to the finals. Team Britespark’s Vice, and Vertigo from Team Mechanical Menagerie were also great newcomers. We also saw the debut of Tali’Zorah from Team Blood Gulch, but it was Team FRA that put their heads together and rose triumphantly with their Lightweight Falling Down that won the Astrobot Award for this season, proving that three heads are better than one.
On the heels of that is the Astrodude Award, which goes to the best rookie roboteer. Not many strong candidates here, as even slightly seasoned Team Braveheart’s captain, Steven McGregor was considered for the honor. Cory Fleming from Team Spark tried to come back again, but quickly withdrew from competition, making an incomplete season for himself. Other rookie roboteers included Team Cyclone and Dylan McCarthy from Team Rhino. And even Team FRA’s Tracy Farber completed her first full season after withdrawing early from last season. But it was Team Mongoose, captained by Nick Fisher that put together a combination of cool designs and well-plotted strategies that rose to the top. Nick Fisher wins the Astrodude Award.
Did you ever make the mistake of underestimating an opponent, only to find it do really well in competition? That bot might be on the list for the Warper Award, given to the bot that best showed up the naysayers. Lightweight finalist Falling Down had been written off early only to tie for the best regular season record and make it to the finals. Heavyweight Vice proved that shufflers could also be tough to beat, making it deep in the tournament, as did Middleweight Fidchell, from Team FRA. Team DRD’s Toxic Hazard’s Revenge just missed postseason play, which was still a lot better than others expected. The winner of the Warper Award, however, goes to Parasite, the versatile bot with the spinning weapons from Team Yellow Alert, which tore its way all the way to the Heavyweight final.
Next is the Giguere Award, for the bot that showed the most aggression in the Battlebox. Known aggressor Vendetta, from Team FRA certainly got some recognition, but most of it went to Team Targeted, as all four of their bots were nominated. So while Tank Mk 4 is officially the single bot that wins the award, you may as well recognize all of Team Targeted as the collective winner of the Giguere Award.
By comparison, the Damage category is also of great importance, and for that we have the Japanese School Girl Award, for the most destructive bot. Once again, Fidchell and Parasite were recognized for their destructive prowess, as were Revolver Ocelot from Team Blood Gulch and Holy Kahuna from Team Hunga. But it was Team Hunga’s Superheavyweight, and namesake of the award itself, Japanese School Girl that really tore things up in combat. And so it is only proper that Japanese School Girl is given the eponymous award.
Next we salute the bot that has shown the most improvement since its last appearance. Team Prince Palatine showed much improvement in its Lightweight bot, The Servant. LowDown from Team Britespark also showed greater solidarity in its design and strategies, getting to the quarterfinals. Toxic Hazard’s Revenge also received acknowledgement as did Pinpoint from Team Animal Cruelty. However, the Underminer Award, given to the most improved bot, goes to Team Blood Gulch’s Sarge, which came a long way to get all the way to the Middleweight final.
The builders are known for acknowledging the performance aspects, but what about aesthetics? That’s where we have the Double Dose Award, for the coolest looking bot. Count Bleck, the Superheavyweight from Team Zlayerz, turned heads with its look of nobility, as did the bloodbath scheme of Team FRA’s Fidchell. Team Omegaforce got noticed twice for its Middleweight and Superheavyweight finalists, No Joy and Sidewinder, but Team Hunga wins another award, this time with its Lightweight, Written Like The X In The Word, “Sex”. And yes, all of that is its name.
Similarly, the abstract and creative aspects of bot design often merit their own recognition, and we do that with the Adrenaline Award, for the most creative bot. Fidchell and Vice once again received nomination, as did Team Gemini’s Slasher and Venus Flytrap II, from Team Braveheart. But the runaway favorite for this award is the bot that couldn’t run away, but instead floated away. There was simply no denying that Team FRA’s Heavyweight, the notorious ZED Leppelin, was by far the most creative bot that anyone had seen, certainly since Chaosphere, and perhaps ever.
Onto the Cow Tipper Award for the best-engineered bot. And by now it should be no surprise that Fidchell once again got noticed, as did Vendetta, both from Team FRA. Force Feedback, the Middleweight from Team Targeted also turned a lot of heads for its solid construction. No Joy was also noticed, but it was Team Omegaforce’s Superheavyweight Sidewinder, with its combination of four-bar flipper and mecanum drive wheels, that ultimately got the most appreciated. Sidewinder wins the Cow Tipper Award.
Lastly, we have the Armageddon Award for the best performing team this season. Close contenders were Team Corsair, Team Animal Cruelty, and Team Blood Gulch. But the best record overall this season goes again to Alex MacWilliams and Team Targeted for an impressive regular season record of thirty-two wins and eight losses.
Congratulations to all the winners, and really, all the nominees who also stood out among their peers. Keeping an eye out for all great robots and roboteers, I’m Bill Nye with this season’s Postseason Awards.
(second montage of Bill Nye in different poses popping up at various points of the screen atop a bed of BT’s “Hip-Hop Phenomena”, cut back to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green in the studio)
Tim: Thank you, Bill Nye, some excellent selections. Coming up next, the last of our finals, and the last of this season’s Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame inductions. Don’t go away; it’s Advanced Robot Combat.
(camera pulls away as the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy” plays, fade out)
(three minutes of commercials play)
(return with a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, camera shows footage of Zombie Mask and Bruce as Tim Green speaks)
Tim: Don’t forget to check out “The Series Must Go On,” created, written, produced, and starring members of the Drowning City community.
(cut back into the studio with Tim Green and Bil Dwyer)
Tim: Welcome back to Advanced Robot Combat, everybody, I’m Tim Green here with Bil Dwyer, and we are set for the Superheavyweight final.
Bil: Yes we are, but before we go there, Bill Nye is standing by to induct our ninth member in the charter class of the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. Bill?
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: Japanese School Girl is one of the all-time classics. This creation from Team Hunga is synonymous with carnage. Everywhere it goes, it destroys, and if you do defeat it, your bot will be barely functioning at the end of the match. The basic design has been touched up only once, for this season, and veterans and rookies alike are rightfully impressed with Japanese School Girl.
(cut to interview clips with other builders)
Dan Stickler: Japanese School Girl is unbelievable. It may be one of the most perfect designs ever.
Nick Fisher: When I arrived and sized up some of my competition, Japanese School Girl, more than any other bot, made me think I might be out of my league.
Mark Elam: Leave it to Team Hunga to have a bot so destructive named after something so... sub-cultural, if you catch my drift.
Dylan McCarthy: Quite a demon of a bot. Japanese School Girl is pure spawn from the underworld.
Nick Schuch: Japanese School Girl really does deserve to have the award named after it for most destructive bot. It’s a pure desecrater of all that you esteem about your own bot.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: Japanese School Girl, a killer with class, and classes, enshrined in our Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bil Dwyer and Tim Green in the studio)
Tim: Thank-you Bill Nye. Proof that Kipling was right: the female of the species is more deadly than the male. We’ll check back with you for our tenth and final induction in just a little while, but first, we’ve got a fight to get to: the Superheavyweight final. Bil Dwyer, what can you tell me about these finalists?
Bil: For time’s sake, I’ll forgo the jokes. (placard of Bad-Ass Barnacle’s picture and vital statistics appears onscreen as Bil describes) Bad-Ass Barnacle is actually a familiar face, so to speak. It took runner-up in Defiance, the very first season of Advanced Robot Combat, it also won the title in the last season of sister league Fantasy Robot Rumble. After toying around with some other interesting designs over the years, Team Animal Cruelty is returning to this classic design to give them their first championship in the Advanced Robot Combat competition series. It went eight and two in the regular season and advances to the final after beating Japanese School Girl in the quarters and Solar Smash 4 in the semifinals.
(placard with Sidewinder’s picture and vital statistics appears onscreen as Bil continues)
Bil: The last combatant tonight is Sidewinder, the latest ophidian-named Superheavyweight from Team Omegaforce. Its seven and three record in the regular season soon gave way to a quarterfinal win over Inflammatory Slammer 2.1, and a victory over Tali’Zorah in the semis. Team Omegaforce already has one championship tonight, and is looking for a second one.
Tim: A lifter versus a flipper, Mark Beiro is standing by with introductions.
(sweep down to center arena, where Mark Beiro stands, ready to announce)
Mark Beiro: This fight is for the Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon Superheavyweight championship! Introducing, in the Red Square to my right: it clings to the fight with all its might, and saps the will to win from its opponents. There’s just no getting free of…BAD-ASS BARNACLE!
(crowd cheers and applauds)
Bil: Earlier, we asked team captain Philip Bergman what his strategy for this fight was. Our camera ran out of memory before he could finish telling us.
Mark: And in the Blue Square: its figure may be snaky, its movement rather shaky, but make no mistakey, it’ll be you who soon feels achy. Here is… SIDEWINDER!
(more cheers and applause)
Bil: Earlier, Sidewinder was awarded the Cow Tipper Award for best-engineered bot. Will there be a Giant Nut to add to the accolades?
Tim: Care to join me, Bil?
Tim and Bil: The box is locked, the lights are on, it’s robot fighting time!
Bil: Thank-you, Tim. Always a pleasure to join you.
Tim: My pleasure, Bil. And already we see Bad-Ass Barnacle coming out directly for Sidewinder. Sidewinder, trying to use those mecanum wheels to drift off to the side and try to get around Bad-Ass Barnacle.
Bil: That drifting is actually called strafing, and it’s a really cool trick, but it takes a special kind of wheel to pull it off.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle moving in closer, bringing the plow right into Sidewinder, and Bad-Ass Barnacle now getting a good push going on Sidewinder!
Bil: And you can see Sidewinder still trying to strafe to the side, but Bad-Ass Barnacle is reconfigured to be much wider this season, and it handles the strafing pretty well.
Tim: Sidewinder now fires the flipper, and it pops the plow up in the air. Sidewinder moving in now and getting under the body of Bad-Ass Barnacle!
Bil: Bad-Ass Barnacle really relies on that plow. It’s the weapon as well as the only wedging on the bot whatsoever. You get past the plow, you can get under Bad-Ass Barnacle.
Tim: Sidewinder using that wedge-like body to slide under Bad-Ass Barnacle; Bad-Ass Barnacle trying to back off, but Sidewinder strafing and won’t let Bad-Ass Barnacle get away.
Bil: These two are matched speed for speed, and Sidewinder has better maneuverability thanks to those specialized wheels. Bad-Ass Barnacle is going to have to try something a little bit different if he hopes to beat Sidewinder.
Tim: Sidewinder is under Bad-Ass Barnacle and appears to be in control, and now he’s driving Bad-Ass Barnacle right into the Pulverizer!
Bil: Here’s a view from our SlamCam, you can see Bad-Ass Barnacle trying to ram back against Sidewinder, but it’s not doing any good.
Tim: Sidewinder backing off now, perhaps not to take any incidental damage from the Pulverizer. Bad-Ass Barnacle coming out, but Sidewinder’s right there, to greet him by attacking the side, and there’s a flip!
Bil: It was going to be a question of whether or not Sidewinder would be able to get that flipping arm into the game, and you see right there, the answer is undoubtedly affirmative.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle trying to back away, but Sidewinder rushing in and another flip!
Bil: Sidewinder having no trouble handling Bad-Ass Barnacle so far, but luckily for Bad-Ass Barnacle, that flip put him back on his original side, so he doesn’t have to bring the plow around one hundred eighty degrees.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle trying to get back into the this fight, ramming hard into the big snake, and he’s riding that plow, and getting under Sidewinder. Working that lifting plow and pushing, he’s pushing Sidewinder now into the Spike Strip!
Bil: I think Bad-Ass Barnacle was planning to flip Sidewinder. You know, return the favor. It isn’t quite panning out the way he intended to, though.
Tim: Sidewinder now firing the flipper against the lexan wall, pushing off and over Bad-Ass Barnacle. He’s free of the plowbot’s clutches and he’s getting another flip in!
Bil: Bad-Ass Barnacle having a tough time out there, but he manages to get that plow around to the other side so it can fight effectively again. Not that it has yet though.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle riding the plow to get under Sidewinder again. He’s lifting, but Sidewinder immediately fires the plow and has popped free! But now Bad-Ass Barnacle rushing in, and Bil, he’s jamming the plow into the elbow of that flipper arm!
Bil: Do flipper arms have elbows? I know what you mean though. Bad-Ass Barnacle’s got that extended lip of the plow jammed in there. Sidewinder can’t bring the arm down.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle taking full advantage of the situation and he’s pushing Sidewinder into the Pulverizer! The Pulverizer! And Sidewinder is taking hit after hit after hit from the Pulverizer.
Bil: Sidewinder had Bad-Ass Barnacle under there earlier, but backed out to avoid incidental damage from the Pulverizer, but you see Bad-Ass Barnacle isn’t backing off.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle’s not going anywhere. He is going to make Sidewinder take every last second of pounding Pulverizer punishment that the referees will let him.
Bil: But the referees are watching very closely, and they’re now signaling that Bad-Ass Barnacle must let Sidewinder go, or else they’ll stop the match, make the drivers power down the bots, and manually separate them.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle backing off now, Sidewinder taking one more shot from the Pulverizer before safely getting away, but now the flipper arm isn’t coming down!
Bil: Bad-Ass Barnacle kept Sidewinder’s flipper arm jammed upright for all that time. Throw in that many Pulverizer shots, and it’s a possibility of happening.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle seeing that Sidewinder’s arm is stuck, and Bad-Ass Barnalce is now charging fearlessly! He’s getting under Sidewinder now, and pushing him right into the Killsaws!
Bil: He took out the arm. Now he’s going after those mecanum wheels! Those are the two things that gave him so much trouble in the earlier part of this fight.
Tim: The Killsaws throwing Sidewinder. Sidewinder strafing to get as far away from Bad-Ass Barnacle as possible, but Bad-Ass Barnacle insists on keeping close. Bad-Ass Barnacle reaching Sidewinder, and he shoves Sidewinder right into the Drum!
Bil: Is he trying for a flip? I think he’s trying for the flip. If that arm’s not working it could be knockout.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle keeping the push on and there’s the flip! Sidewinder is flipped and resting on that arm!
Bil: Oh but look! Sidewinder’s still able to move a little bit. It looks like those hind wheels are still making contact with the floor. It’s not much, but it’s still better than being knocked out.
Tim: Bad-Ass Barnacle just lining up now and taking rams at him. A beautiful slam right there! And he’s pushing.
Bil: He’s not really pushing him anywhere. Just hitting him. A few good shots to please the crowd and possibly score some more points.
Tim: Ten seconds left, now. And Bad-Ass Barnacle even lifting the plow straight up into the air and hitting Sidewinder with his boxy body!
Bil: I think that was revenge for when Sidewinder used his wedge body to push Bad-Ass Barnacle around. Now the boxy body gets a revenge punch in too.
(buzzer sounds)
Tim: And this final is final! Too close to call, Bil. Seems like a fight of two parts.
Bil: That’s exactly what it seemed to be, Tim. (over a montage of fight highlights) Sidewinder had control early on, getting Bad-Ass Barnacle under the Pulverizer, and a handful of flips. But then Bad-Ass Barnacle turns it around and gets Sidewinder under the Pulverizer, incapacitating the flipper arm and keeping it stuck up high. And the ramming and slamming at the end.
Tim: Was it enough for Bad-Ass Barnacle, or did Sidewinder’s early dominance prevail? Let’s find out.
(cut to center arena where the head referee stands with the two teams, as Mark Beiro announces)
Mark: The three judges have turned in a twenty-five to twenty decision for the winner, and Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon Superheavyweight Champion… THE RED SQUARE: BAD-ASS BARNACLE!!!
Tim: Unbelievable! The curse is broken at long last for Team Animal Cruelty. And you can see Philip Bergman jumping up and down for joy before shaking John Garrison’s hand. Bil, give me the scores on this one.
Bil: Sidewinder showed slightly better in the Aggression and Strategy categories, nabbing those eight to seven each. But that busted flipper arm and the consequences thereof gave Bad-Ass Barnacle the Damage category by an eleven to four margin. Total score, twenty-five to twenty. And that’s how the red rammer won.
Tim: Traci Bingham is standing by with an exuberant champion.
(cut to Traci Bingham standing next to Philip Bergman)
Traci: It took you long enough!
Philip: I know! I couldn’t believe it either! When I saw that flipper arm on Sidewinder not coming back down, I said, “This is it. Go all-out.” And I think I did.
Traci: I would say you did, too. Now, you’ve constantly been a voice to counter those who say this is just a game. Your thoughts?
Philip: You know, it’s not. You know when it becomes “just a game”? It’s once you’ve already won. Even in video games, you usually don’t go looking for Easter eggs or trying to do things a different or crazier way until after you’ve beaten it once and feel more free to experiment with it. You notice most of those who say it’s just a game are those who’ve already won championships. If you haven’t won yet and still say it’s just a game, you probably don’t want it badly enough or haven’t been around long enough. But even now that I’ve won, it isn’t just a game to me. This is about the brotherhood we created with Advanced Robot Combat, and this is validation of that brotherhood, and I think that’s where some of the other builders who agree with me are coming from.
Traci: So what’s the future for Team Animal Cruelty now?
Philip: Boy, I don’t know. I’m turning thirty next month, and by the end of the summer, I’ll be moving to try and settle down and build a future with my fiancé, who will hopefully be my wife within a year. So I don’t know; it may finally be time for me to retire, to hang it up and make room for the other things that’ll be coming into my life. I don’t know though: the future’s so uncertain. I’m just glad I don’t have to find out if I would’ve still retired even without a title.
Traci: Well congratulations and enjoy the rest of the night.
(cross-fade to Jason and Randy Sklar standing by with John Garrison)
Jason: So the one thing we’ve got to ask first: did you take it easier on Bad-Ass Barnacle out of pity than you did against other bots?
John Garrison: Oh hell no. Sidewinder’s a new bot for me, and I wanted a championship with a rookie design. Besides, it’d gotten to be something of a running gag. But I am happy for Philip and all of Team Animal Cruelty. I just wish it didn’t happen against my bot.
Randy: I think every builder along the way felt the same. Now, you were dominating Bad-Ass Barnacle early on. What happened?
John: Sidewinder can only strafe when the mecanum wheels are unlocked, but when they’re unlocked, I don’t have as much traction, which you need going up against a pushy bot like Bad-Ass Barnacle. So I had to lock the wheels into place, which gave him enough time to get under me. And I thought I’d be able to free myself and get under the main body with my body like I did earlier. Only problem was his arm wasn’t nearly as high up the second time around, and he managed to jam it in there and do what he must have been planning to do all along.
Jason: Lost time locking the wheels into place. Possible design flaw?
John: Doubt it. Got me to the final, didn’t it?
Randy: Touché. Guys?
(cut back to the studio with Tim Green and Bil Dwyer)
Tim: Good sportsmanship. Always a pleasure to see.
Bil: And it’s not like the night was a total loss for Team Omegaforce. They took the Middleweight championship, and their bot Adrenaline was enshrined into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. And so is one more of theirs.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut to Bill Nye)
Bill: Copperhead was a speedy, ramming brick. Innovative from the outset in the pre-Advanced Robot Combat days, Team Omegaforce’s Superheavyweight juggernaut continued to rack up the wins and awards, eventually taking a Superheavyweight championship. Its signature V-shaped plow and detachable fangs and spikes made it a difficult opponent for any kind of bot. In the end, it’s one of the all-time classic powerhouses.
(cut to the pits, with soundbite remarks from other builders)
Chris Schramm: One of the members of the original rammer trio. It lasted the longest, evolved the most, and probably was the best one of the three overall.
Joe Hamilton: Excellent design. Very powerful too.
Lewis Matthews: Amazing bot. It almost never used hinged wedges because if it was slamming into you hard enough, it just didn’t matter.
Anthony Politzi: It was effective and creative. It just owned everything in its path.
Charlie Sheen: Epic winning. Win here, win there; win, win everywhere.
(cut back to Bill Nye)
Bill: And there you have it. Copperhead is a great addition to the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame. Congratulations to it and all our inductees in the charter class.
(banner of Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame logo, with shots of Bill Nye revolving around it, under a bed of the Twisted Sound And Vision Club Mix of Ono’s “Move On Fast”, cut back to Tim Green and Bil Dwyer)
Bil: Thank-you, Bill Nye. Excellent job tonight. When we come back, we’ll recap the night and award the Giant Nut to each champion. Hang with us. It’s Advanced Robot Combat.
(camera pulls away as the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy” plays, fade out)
(three minutes of commercials play)
(return with a bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, camera shows footage of Annihilation and Pinpoint fighting as Bil Dwyer speaks)
Bil: Annihilation and Pinpoint’s powerful weapons collide so hard that not only are both weapons incapacitated, but both bots are flipped in the process. THAT’S our Hit Of The Tournament, brought to you by Barq’s Root Beer, the official soft drink of ARCCon.
(cut back to studio with Tim Green and Bil Dwyer:
Tim: Welcome back everybody. What a night it has been. Four championships earned and about to be awarded. But before we sign off for the season, Bil, give us a recap of this one-hour special.
Bil: Four of the five hazards were the deciding factor in our championships tonight, and if there had been a fifth weight class of televised fights, I’m sure the Wedged Walls would have been the key factor in that fight, as well. In the Lightweight division, the Drum played a key part in the twenty-four, twenty-one victory of BlackRose over Falling Down. The Spike Strip kept Sarge trapped long enough to give No Joy the Middleweight title in a split decision, twenty-three to twenty-two. In our Heavyweight match, the Killsaws were entirely responsible for giving Tank Mk 4 the title over Parasite. And in our Superheavyweight division, it was the Pulverizer that did the deciding damage and gave Bad-Ass Barnacle the twenty-five to twenty win over Sidewinder. Also tonight, we inducted our first ten robots into the Drowning City Robots Hall Of Fame, and they were: Underall, AMP, Shockwave, Barrier, Suicide, Adrenaline, Tank, Truth Or Consequences, Japanese School Girl, and Copperhead.
Tim: The Armageddon season has been one of the most exciting and incredible seasons of Advanced Robot Combat, and I want to thank everyone who made it that way. To all the staff and roboteers here, thank-you. And on behalf of Jason Sklar, Randy Sklar, Traci Bingham, Bill Nye, Pete Lambertson, Mark Beiro, all of our roboteers, and also Charlie Sheen apparently, I’m Tim Green.
Bil: And I’m Bil Dwyer. I don’t know how he got in here either. I also say thank-you to everyone involved for a tremendous season. We leave you now with the presentation of the Giant Nut.
(cut to center arena, where Mark Beiro stands next to a table with four Giant Nut trophies, as he announces)
Mark: For excellence in design, and valor in the arena, we salute our Advanced Robot Combat: Armageddon champions!
(crowd cheers enthusiastically as Mark Beiro continues)
Mark: Your Lightweight Champion… BlackRose!!!!
(Kody Kunz steps forward as the crowd cheers, picks up the Lightweight Giant Nut, holds it triumphantly over his head, basks in the applause, and then steps back towards the lexan wall)
Mark: Your Middleweight Champion… No Joy!!!!
(John Garrison steps forward as the crowd continues to cheer, picks up the Middleweight Giant Nut, holds it victoriously over his head, basks in the applause, and then steps back towards the lexan wall)
Mark: Your Heavyweight Champion… Tank Mk 4!!!!
(Alex MacWilliams steps forward as the crowd continues to cheer, picks up the Heavyweight Giant Nut, holds it excitedly over his head, basks in the applause, and then steps back towards the lexan wall)
Mark: Your Superheavyweight Champion… Bad-Ass Barnacle!!!!
(Philip Bergman steps forward as the crowd keeps cheering, picks up the Superheavyweight Giant Nut, hold it jubilantly over his head, and then steps back to the other builders, as they all shake each other’s hands, camera fades out)
(highlights of this season’s fights play in a montage over a longer bed of the Stooges’ “Search And Destroy”, ends with the camera freezing on a still shot of the Advanced Robot Combat logo)
(fade out both audio and video)
(program ends)
--FIN--
Fantasy Fury 3 Finals Script - John Garrison
Well here we are folks. What started out with eight deadly combat robots has come down to just two! Dissociative Identity will take on Snow Storm for the Fantasy Fury 3 championship! You'll see that tonight, but also our rumble, where all 8 robots are invited to step into a brutal free-for-all.
Without delay, we'll head down to the obstacle course for our first event. Dissociative Identity is up first.
Dissociative Identity, naked as usual for this event, comes out fast. DI winds through the serpentine and puts those big tires to work as he glides effortlessly over the speed bumps. The first spinner steers him off course but his momentum saves him and it's up and over the ramp, once again showing off the ground clearance that helped him get this far. The second spinner is not problem for DI, as Ryan seems to have really gotten the hang of driving over them. One of the pistons pops under the rear of DI, completely flipping him just as it did in his first run at this event, but he presses on upside down. Between the spikes with no issues, DI takes a quick trip over the final spinner but over shoots and hits the wall. He quickly recovers and slowly makes his way up the conveyor for a final time of 36 seconds!
Snow Storm comes out fast as always, juking through the serpentine with no loss of speed due to his automotive steering. He gets over the speed bumps with some minor clearance trouble and hits the first spinner, powering through an easy 90 degree turn and up the ramp. Snow Storm sails over the top and lands on the downward slope, hitting the next spinner at a bad angle and slamming into the wall. After some careful maneuvering he's back on track, with a near miss from two pistons no less. Through the spikes and onto the next spinner, Snow Storm nearly loses control as he quickly turns onto the conveyor, but Alex keeps it in check and rushes up the conveyor, but comes in second with 45 seconds.
Wow! Dissociative Identity shows that with the right design features, he can beat a much more powerful robot in the obstacle course, but why "road cone orange"?
"Through extensive scientific research, it was discovered that the previous paint scheme of 'red', 'charcoal', and 'silver' were conducive to fight forefits. 'Red' was singled out to be the primary cause of the FFs, so it has been replaced by the rather sexy road cone orange. The patent pending 'TE Diamond' team logo has been also been enacted as a safety measure to aid in the prevention of voodoo attacks." - Ryan
Well let's go down to the Botball court and see if Ryan's voodoo magic can hold up as both bots are ready to go!
As you can see, Snow Storm sporting his two spike set up on the red side, and Dissociative Identity with his lifting plow on the blue side. 3... 2... 1... Botball! Snow Storm moves out to the left, capturing a red ball between his spikes and rushing to the goal. Dissociative Identity meanwhile traps the center blue ball with his lifting plow and cruises to the goal, scoring seconds after Snow Storm. As DI moves down the ramp and after his second ball, Snow Storm scoops up the center red ball and starts toward the goal. With both bots having effective ways of controling the balls, Snow Storm's speed seems to be the deciding factor. Snow Storm once again scores before DI, this time by an even greater margin. Alex seems to be driving more carefully now, clearly not wanting a repeat of his first Botball. As DI starts moving toward the goal with his final ball, Snow Storm rushes up the ramp and sends the third red ball through for the win!
Looks like Snow Storm had the edge in that one. Both bots have great ways of controling the balls, so the only thing that really separated them (barring a driver error) was how fast they could move the balls to the goals. Snow Storm once again dominated via his absurdly powerful drivetrain.
Let's go ahead and go down to the gauntlet where Dissociative Identity is waiting to make his final run of the season.
Dissociative Identity is still sporting his V-Plow for this one, and rushes forward. The glass and blocks are no issue but the timbers nearly completely stop him. After getting through he hits the drums, again nearly stopping but manages to clear them away, knocking one into Zero's kill zone. Zero flips it seemingly out of principle... DI hits the sled and now slows to a crawl, pushing the sled across the line at 35 seconds.
Snow Storm lines up on the gauntlet with his V-Plow.
Once again Snow Storm makes a breathtaking run that is pretty much too fast to be described, coming across the line in a neckbreaking 3.7 seconds to eclipse his previous record.
That was absolutely amazing although I think we all expected it to go the way it did. Next up we have the Gross Display of Power, and if we can go by precedents on this one as well, I think we'll see this fight decided in the final battle.
First up is Dissociative Identity, who now has his self contained drum assembly mounted. DI immediately goes for the blocks, tossing the first couple along with some light debris, but once he gets closer to the center the real carnage begins!
White dust and debris fill the arena until Ryan decides that the blocks are sufficiently busted up and scattered. He turns to move on to his next inanimate victim, but the buzzer has other plans.
Snow Storm now has his three spikes in place, and slams violently into the crates, smashing three of them. He then turns and lines up for a ram on the drums. As he hits the drums, two of his spikes impale one of them, severely damaging it. Snow Storm backs up but it seems he's only taking the drum with him. Snow Storm rams the wall in an attempt to get free, but it is no use. Alex decides to just go with it and use the impaled drum to ram a crate, busting it before the buzzer ends his run.
Judges decide in favor of Dissociative Identity!
Well there you have it, a 2-2 tie as we go into the main event of this season! But we'll get to that in a moment. First, let's see how the rumble went.
The following match is scheduled for 5 minutes and will be a free-for-all! Introducing: Force Field, Novastorm, Dissociative Identity, Revolver Ocelot, Painkiller, Snow Storm, Diamond Jim, and special guest, Adrenaline! Due to damage suffered in the tournament, Pressurizer won't be competing in the rumble.
Revolver Ocelot quickly backs into a corner with his blade facing out. Force Field shoves Adrenaline to the wall but quickly backs away to avoid the axe. Diamond Jim rams Painkiller into the wall, taking a light shot from the disc. Novastorm shoves Dissociative Identity, but loses control of him and gets his side busted up by the drum. Force Field now scoops Diamond Jim and rams him into Revolver Ocelot's blade, sending a skirt flying.
Snow Storm slams Novastorm into the wall, and it looks like one side of his drive might be out. Snow Storm now targets Diamond Jim, but is cut off by Force Field's massive plow just as Adrenaline drives his axe into Dissociative Identity's top armor.
Dissociative Identity escapes and hits Snow Storm, but his drum seems to be getting weaker. Revolver Ocelot maintains his corner position as Diamond Jim rams him, but gets knocked away and is only moving in semi-circles now. Painkiller hits Force Field's wheels, but quickly finds retaliation from the plow, leaving his disc non-operational. Adrenaline goes for Revolver Ocelot, and loses an armor panel but still lands a shot with the axe, breaking the weapon drive.
Adrenaline backs away, but is now dragging his axe along the ground, seemingly out of power. As we pass four minutes, Novastorm, Diamond Jim, and Dissociative Identity are all incapacitated. Adrenaline, Painkiller, and Revolver Ocelot are weaponless, and Snow Storm and Force Field are moving sluggishly. Snow Storm slams Painkiller into the wall, and now he's no longer moving. Force Field shoves Revolver Ocelot over Adrenaline, flipping him. Revolver Ocelot moves only a few feet before he seems to just die. The buzzer sounds, and the carnage is astounding. The only bots left are Snow Storm, who's steering seems to have died and can only love in a straight line; Adrenaline, who can drive, but has a completely dead turret and weapon; and Force Field, driving rather slowly and with little control. By a vote of audience applause, your winner is... FORCE FIELD!
Wow, that rumble was brutal, and 5 minutes definitely seemed to play havoc on their batteries. Now we move on to the main event, where we will crown a champion. First, let's take a look at how each bot got here.
Dissociative Identity won a hard fought battle against equally versatile Painkiller in round one. Ryan then piloted him to a brutal victory over Pressurizer in the semifinals. Snow Storm upset Force Field in the first round, grabbing a gauntlet record of 3.8 seconds along the way. Then in the second round he defeated Diamond Jim early in the events. Here's how they stack up.
Ryan St.John
Trapp Engineering
Newark Ohio
Dissociative Identity
"I doubt i'll be knocking him out in the early events like ive luckily been able to do in my previous matches, so this fight will probably be critical"
Alex MacWilliams
Team Targeted
Suffolk, England
Snow Storm
"Just keep control of him and never let go. If I have the chance, sweep around to his sides to gain a better control. Be relentless and aggressive."
In the red square, expect to beat this plow when hell freezes over! Here is Snow Storm!
In the blue square, he's got multiple personalities and homicidal tendencies. Introducing Dissociative Identity!
Dissociative Identity turns to leave his square while spinning up, but is caught by a brutal box rush from Snow Storm.
Dissociative Identity escapes the pin, and quickly gets to Snow Storm's side as he tries to reorient. Several pieces of gray rubber fly as Dissociative Identity chews away at Snow Storm's tires. Snow Storm rushes away and tries to attack again, but Dissociative Identity out-maneuvers him and escapes. DI tries to turn, but this time Snow Storm has enough space to maneuver and slams him hard into the wall, stopping the drum. Snow Storm backs off and DI retreats to the side, his drum still silent. Snow Storm rams him again, but this time he slips off to the side before hitting the wall, and the drum starts spinning. Taking advantage of the situation, DI hits Snow Storm's tires. Snow Storm gets lifted off the ground and loses control, heading toward Zero.
Zero rushes forward and sends Snow Storm flying, only to meet DI's drum yet again shortly after landing. Snow Storm moves away and reorients, but the buzzer sounds. Both Alex and Ryan are yelling excitedly and pounding on the lexan.
Damage: 10-5 Dissociative Identity
Strategy: 8-7 Dissociative Identity
Aggression: 9-6 Snow Storm
Final Score: 24-21 Dissociative Identity
May we present, the Champion of Fantasy Fury Season 3: Dissociative Identity!
Musical Worsts! - Philip Bergman
As with everything in pop culture, there are great moments, and then there are those that appear on lists like these. This one happens to do with music. So, sit back and enjoy the ride as we scrutinize so much about our musical world in as many facets as we can.
Worst rock and roll movie: Granted, I’m not an expert on the movies yet, but in my findings so far, none have been worse than Spinout starring Elvis Presley. Holes in the storyline, flat characters, bad dialogue. Some may not actually consider this a rock and roll movie though, since it wasn’t about rock and roll itself, or even in part really. It just happened to star the King of Rock And Roll and features some badly written songs.
Worst show about music: Many have been good and groundbreaking shows. One is groundbreaking alright, but definitely no good. Unfortunately, it’s still on the air. “American Idol” continues to give us blasé sap that bores holes into our brains, and probably even our teeth. The show’s egotism within itself and those who make it past the first round gives it repulsiveness unlike any other. I can’t wait until a winner’s debut single flops, and they just scream and berate the buying public with words along the lines of “But you HAVE to like me! I’m the American Idol!!” Very little of my vitriol for the show is aimed at the three most famous people involved with the show, surprisingly. Simon Cowell is a good producer, and good producers are not known for mincing words. Nonetheless, I do look forward to the day when he collapses under the weight of his own smugness. Paula Abdul is already getting her just desserts, and Randy will fade away, only to be later gossiped about by LeToya. Most of all, I hate that the show isn’t even about the music, primarily. It’s about marketability. Which acts can we market? Though I don’t watch regularly, I’ve seen acts close to rejection for being overweight, over 25 years old, or singing the “wrong” style of music. This show is quickly becoming its own farce, and needs to be canceled.
Worst premise for a song: Songs usually try to tell a story, but some just start on absurd premises. The worst that I have encountered has got to be “Tight Fittin’ Jeans” by Conway Twitty. From 1981, this is a song about a man who fulfills a society woman’s dream to be a good ol’ boy’s girl, even if for just a night. As the lyrics say “She said, ‘I married money/I’m used to wearing pearls/But I’ve always wanted to be/Just a good ol’ boy’s girl.’” Let’s get one thing clear here, folks: a woman who marries money does so to ensure that she is never, ever, EVER mistaken for a redneck woman. She does not want to be a good ol’ boy’s girl, unless that good ol’ boy is Jed Clampett, post-Texas tea discovery. The song would be decent, if not for this sad basis for the lyrics.
Worst phraseology in a song: This one kind of ran close. Avril Lavigne’s “Complicated” has some fractured lines, but the big raspberry goes to Kimberly Locke’s “I Could.” First of all, it’s hard to remember the title because it’s not really used as a hook, but even worse are the emphasized syllables in the chorus: “DO you really want/TO give your life to/Thinking you’ve found true love/WHEN it hasn’t FOUND you.” What the hell? Try speaking that sentence normally accenting those words. It’s just plain wrong! And worse, because it’s the chorus, it gets repeated over and over! Just so irritating.
Worst analogy in a song: This one, sadly, is from one of my favorite artists, too. Paul McCartney was really solid in the ‘70s. I could name off several songs that you don’t know kick ass from the former Beatle. “Arrow Through Me” is not one of them. His last hit of the ‘70s included the terrible analogy of “You couldn’t have found a more down hero/If you started at nothing and counted to zero.” Assuming this is a boxing analogy, what the heck is he talking about? Starting with nothing and counting to zero happens pretty damn quick! Anyone can be down for that long. You couldn’t be that badly incapacitated on account of this woman if that’s all the time you’re counting! A nice try for the rhyme, but no.
Poorest excuse for humor in a musical album: While my choice is an obscure one, there really is no competition for this one. Tip Jar’s album “Give ‘Til It Hurts” goes for humor that even South Park wouldn’t dare use. With lyrics like “Hush little baby, tell you why/Daddy drinks because you cry,” and “You’re different, and that’s bad” and the oh-so-flattering words about the Holy Mother, “She sells sex down by the seashore,” Tip Jar clearly prides themselves on being over-the-top crude. Too bad they can’t pride themselves on being funny.
Worst overdubs added: Imagine a brilliant piece of music, smooth, wonderfully sung, lyrics that reflect the nostalgic yet optimistic-for-the-future philosophies of some of the elderly. Now imagine that awesome piece of music crapped on in attempt to revamp it by adding Kenny G’s sax to it. That’s what happened to Louis B. Armstrong’s “What A Wonderful World.”
Worst engineering on a reissue: When Rolling Stones fans heard the news about “Forty Licks” coming out, they were excited. Then they heard “Forty Licks.” They were pissed. At least I know I was. The production quality on this was so crappy and sub-standard, that I actually thought I was listening to new re-recordings done by Mick and the boys. Well, I wasn’t, but Allan Klein and company has a great deal to answer for.
Worst production of a new song: Part of what has made supergroups effective in their campaigns, is that the artists get into the studio together to record a song. They show that this is so important, that they get together, despite egos and style differences, and record a song to champion it. Even with the Live 8 concerts, held at various points across the globe, it was a coordinated effort. Someone forgot to tell Yoko Ono and Sean Lennon this when they assembled the Peace Choir to cover John’s “Give Peace A Chance.” This did not sound like a bunch of musicians getting together for a project. It sounded like various artists recording clips of their parts, and sending them to Yoko, whereupon they were spliced together. Instead of sounding like an orchestrated effort for peace, it sounded like a Buchanan & Goodman type record, only without whimsy.
Worst music periodical: Having read through many of their lists, undoubtedly, Blender magazine. Seriously, in a move of “let’s blame the original genius for the bad knock-offs that followed” they named Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band as one of the fifty worst things to happen to music ever. Seriously? What utter balderdash. I can never take that magazine seriously again.
Worst usage of a featured instrument: A featured instrument can really make a song, except when that featured instrument is a slide whistle. For a painful example, I submit Chubby Checker’s “The Jet.” Chubby Checker sang many a song about dances, even some that didn’t exist, or were just imitations of other dances already out there. I don’t know what the Jet was, and after hearing how the slide whistle was used, I never want to know. It’s a nice idea, sort of concretely poetic, to use a slide whistle to conjure the idea of a jet ascending skyward. The trouble is twofold though: one, they use the whistle every time they sing “Do the Jet;” two, the chorus, which is sung two or three times, includes the phrased “Do the Jet” roughly eight to ten times. You see how quickly that gets annoying?
Worst dance with a song specifically written for it: This almost inherently makes it a sixties song (though Safety Dance is a candidate), and you’d be in the right decade. I give you the Flake. “Do The Flake” was a throwaway track from Gary Lewis And The Playboys, and it’s a forgettable enough track. Then, I happened to come along a photo of the single describing how to do this dance. The Flake was a dance (and the subsequent song) under the corporate sponsorship of Kellogg’s cereal. Oh yes, and part of the dance included holding one hand like it was under a bowl, and bringing the other arm from above your head like you were pouring Kellogg’s Corn Flakes into the bowl! What a fun dance! Having found this out, I will never eat Corn Flakes again (though Frosted Flakes are still acceptable), and I skip this song whenever I listen to the CD.
Worst Christmas song: I know people that hate all Christmas music. I happen to love it. Every year, I get into it. From the London Symphony Orchestra and Chorale performing Handel’s “Messiah” to Britney Spears’ “My Only Wish (This Year),” to even “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” by Elmo And Patsy. However, one song, I actually turn down the volume in the studio when it comes up. “Christmas Shoes” by Newsong is a sappy song about a kid who wants to buy their mom new shoes before she dies. If you haven’t been exposed to this supposed-to-be-heart-wrenching-but-actually-gut-retching, trite piece of crap, consider yourself lucky. P.S. A close second is Lord Douglas Byron’s “Surfin’ Santa,” but that song doesn’t appear like the inevitable fruitcake every year.
Worst novelty song: Novelty songs are supposed to make us laugh, not make us widen our eyes and gape our mouths in abject horror, like Susan Christie’s “I Love Onions” does. So many things wrong with this one: a kazoo as the lead instrument in the first few seconds, a nerve-shredding and mind-grating tune that is also an extremely infectious earworm (once it gets in your head, it gets stuck but good), a horrible chorus that’s badly written, a bridge featuring a nerdy and professorial male voice giving scientific facts about the onion, and a lousy Elmer Fudd impersonation at the very end. The only thing about this song that doesn’t suck is Susan Christie’s voice. As you value your soul, stay away from this song.
Worst cover of a song: And again, a category with so many to choose from. I have to spread this one out though. Different covers of the same song. When the Mamas and the Papas recorded “California Dreamin,’” it was the beginning of a great career. Unfortunately every version of this song since has been crap. It’s been a bad lite rock song, an ethereal but lousy electronica track, and even the Beach Boys’ couldn’t do this song justice. For the love of all that is holy, please leave this masterpiece by the Mamas and the Papas alone.
Worst original that was thankfully covered: What do James Taylor, Del Shannon, and Jimmy Jones all have in common? They all did covers of a song that was better than the original. You may have never heard of the Sparks Of Rhythm, and there’s a reason. They cut the original version of “Handy Man,” a version that is just plain creepy. For lyrics that are about a guy who helps women on the rebound, the song is delivered in a way that comes off as sexually predatory. Maybe that’s how some guys are, who catch women on the rebound, but they aren’t transparently ominous like this song is.
Worst hairdo: Do I give this one to a hair metal band? To A Flock Of Seagulls? The Crew Cuts? Bono’s ‘80s Irish mullet? No! In fact the worst hairstyle in rock and roll belongs on the head of Rod Stewart. It seldom has looked brushed, and usually looks like he styled it by sticking his head in a dryer. Here’s a joke for you: how can you tell if Rod Stewart has had electroshock therapy? Yeah, beats me too.
Worst fashion: Another one that could just as easily go to a hair-metal band, but doesn’t. Teenybopper hip-hoppers Kris Kross had a blatant gimmickry of wearing everything backwards, most notably their pants. I remember how many of my classmates tried to imitate this style. Boy did they look stupid trying to use the urinals at the start of recess.
Worst hair metal band: Again, I know people who’d say each and every one of them, but I happen to appreciate hair metal. It’s my inner Midwesterner. Sue me. But which one is truly deserving of the title of worst hair metal band? Part of the allure of hair metal was that it was different from the new wave and synth pop and disco. Unfortunately, one group decided to blend synth pop with hair metal, and the disastrous result was Whitesnake. Their two big hits, “Here I Go Again” and “Is This Love” had edge to them, but the edges were dulled by the synth pop blended into them. Even monster balladeers Firehouse never betrayed the genre this much.
Worst execution of a well-intentioned idea: Harry Kasey was a record shop worker who got sick of his idiot clientele. Frequently asked to identify songs based on either a lyric, often a misheard one, or by a hummed chord or line, perhaps off-key, he decided to do something about it. He formed his own band, and proceeded to record songs where the title or main hook of the song was repeated ad nauseum, so there could never be any confusion as to what song it was they wanted. Such a noble thought. Too bad the result was KC And The Sunshine Band.
Worst criminalization of an act: Which act has historically been treated the worst by music history, and unfairly so? There are a couple close contenders, but I’m gonna take the unpopular opinion and say Pat Boone has this one. Considered a bigger thief to the Black man than Elvis Presley, coupled with a squeaky clean persona, Pat Boone’s accomplishments as a gifted singer, a groundbreaking variety show host, record label owner, racial gap bridge builder, and rock ‘n’ roller in general have all been lost in sacrifice to both the gods of political correctness and the devils of the hedonistic lifestyle that rock ‘n’ roll is supposed to embody.
Worst misnomer: The name of a band nowadays often indicates the kind of music they play. From Black Sabbath to Smashing Pumpkins to C + C Music Factory, the name of a band can often give good insight into the style of a band. Every once in awhile, though, there is an incongruity. While Packaged Bliss is a strong contender, it really is a highly subjective opinion of mine based on an incredible disaster of a gig. However, the worst such case has to be Savage Garden. “Savage” as the first word in the name would really indicate a rock band of sorts. Instead, they have made some of the wimpiest, dingiest, softest lite rock ever recorded. Truly, madly, deeply, is how much I believe they should have come up with a more fitting name, like the Ambiguously Gay Duo.
Worst supergroup: They really do not get mocked enough. Few have been great, but none have been worse than the Jones Gang. How bad could a group be that is fronted by a member of the Who? How quickly does your answer change when you learn that said member is Kenny Jones, the guy who replaced Keith Moon after his death? Wow, that quick huh? Also including members of Foreigner and Bad Company, you think there’d be a chance to halt the train of crap, but as the lame “Angel” proved, some crap trains just have no brakes.
Worst girl group: Girl groups often feature awesome vocal harmonies. Unfortunately, there are also the Dixie Chicks. With pieces of crap along the lines of “Wide Open Spaces,” “Goodbye Earl,” and “I Shouldn’t Be Wearing White If You Can’t Afford No Ring,” the Dixie Chicks have twice grabbed desperately at straws by insulting the president. The problem with that is, I’ve seen them on game shows, and no matter how dumb Bush may or may not be, the Dixie Chicks haven’t got a dozen brain cells between the three of them. They may be ashamed to be from the same state as the president, but the state that gave us Buddy Holly, the Bobby Fuller Four, and Roy Orbison should be ashamed that their great state spawned these three rejects from the funny farm.
Worst album: It’s not often that every track on an entire album sucks, so it’s understandable if you’ve never heard of this album. Denali’s self-titled album sounds like Bjork stood out in a blizzard and laid down new tracks. At first, I thought, it’s got to get better, but by the end of it, I was banging the floor begging to the gods of cheap entertainment to make it stop.
Worst group: You know, I had to ponder this one for a long time. I almost chose Foreigner, because I truly hate them. I almost chose REO Speedwagon, much to the chagrin of Area51Escapee, but I just couldn’t justify it. What I’m left with, therefore, is ‘80s group Human League. The terrible outputs of "Don't You Want Me Baby" and "Human" are inexcusable crimes upon humanity.
Worst duo: Duos don’t often get considered groups, so I give them their own heading here as well. This also made choosing the worst group difficult, since so many acts I loathe are either solo artists or duos. For duos, I really thought about Air Supply and Tears For Fears, but neither of them are as bad as that of Daryl Hall And John Oates. From atrocities like “One On One” and “Kiss On My List” among others, they’ve practically been a non-stop crapfest.
Worst female vocal: I’ve heard songs by those who were marketed on the sheer fact that they were tone deaf. Even they sound better than Anita Ward’s voice. The schoolteacher turned disco diva did civilization a disfavor when she recorded the 1978 #1 hit “Ring My Bell.” Awful awful awful awful. That simple. That bad. Fortunately, she never came close to the Top Forty ever again.
Worst male vocal: Plenty of bad male singers out there, so what’s the worst? It would have to be the tone deaf William Hung. Kicked out of American Idol, he rode the wave of his suckitude to horrible heights.
Worst song: The worst song ever recorded? It’s flat and tinny, sung badly, bad lyrics, and a music video that was a borderline homoerotic train wreck that you couldn’t turn away from though you wanted nothing more desperately. Worst of all, it spent ten weeks at #1. This loathsome, disgusting, vile, malevolent, putrid, intolerable, vacuous, coffee-nosed, malodorous, perverted, plague upon the musical society is none other than Olivia-Newton John’s “Physical.”
Worst artist: The worst artist is without a doubt, the person who called losing their virginity a professional decision. Before her, artists who had sex appeal also had talent, but she ushered in a new age of “artists” that proved that the latter was not so important after all. One terrible song after another; one patently shocking stunt after another. As a kid, I used to listen to the radio. Her song “Justify My Love” is the very first song I ever remember having heard on the radio and NOT liking. After that came “Vogue.” I didn’t like that one either. The more I learned about her the more I despise her. None worse than her, and by now you’ve figured out whom I’m talking about. The one and only Madonna.
Worst ego: I don’t know how many strong candidates there really are for this one. But I couldn’t think of one that’s worse than Prince. He’s an anal retentive prick who really takes himself far too seriously. This asshole has even repeatedly turned down Weird Al’s polite requests to parody his songs! Sure Madonna, Michael Stipe, and Kurt Cobain all took themselves seriously as artists, yet “Like A Surgeon,” “Spam,” and “Smells Like Nirvana” all came about peaceably. Perfectionist is one thing. Overly pretentious is another. Prince is both of those and so much more.
Worst person: As bad as all that I’ve mentioned, there is one person who is above all others. The worst person ever to pollute the world of music is none other than Col. Tom Parker. The unfeeling, money-grubbing, usurping asshole of Col. Parker may have made the career of Elvis Presley, but also brought it down, down, down. Parker blackballed esteemed songwriters Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller from ever getting to pitch their songs to Elvis again after they bypassed Parker and got to the King without his help. The control freak chose scripts for Elvis’s movies, and was never there for Elvis as a friend, especially during the ‘70s, when Elvis needed some badly, and found them in the likes of fellow performers, such as Perry Como. Everything that is wrong with agents and managers is ultimately to be found in the asshole of Colonel Tom Parker.
Top 100 Best CFL Bots Ever - Chris Schramm
100. BASS, Doom Force
Super heavyweight
Claims: FF2 Runner-up
Design: A four-legged bot that has a gigantic diagonal spinner that is hard to get around and avoid. Good maneuverability.
This obscure looking bot surprisingly worked in the arean due to it’s strong weapon and awkward shape that made it hard to grip as other bots. It had limited playing time, but it was impressive enough to make the finals of the second Fantasy Fury season and only lost the finals due to lack of rp. Granted, there are bots that could definitely beat it, but it sill worked well for it’s competition.
99. Solar Flare, G-Force
Super heavyweight
Claims: Vengeance quarterfinalist
Design: Flat bot with skirts around the chassis and lifter.
This bot impressed in a tournament that was filled with tough SHW competition. The bot only was active for one season but he could have done a good job had he continued his CFL career. It takes on the biohazard type strategy, which makes him suck for creativity but really good for effective pushing matches.
98. The Lawyer, Komodo
Lightweight
Claims: 3rd place finisher in Defiance
Description: Low to the ground bot with skirts and a horizontal bar. Basically summed up with one; “Hazard”.
It’s the most blatant ripoff of a bot ever, but that doesn’t change it’s success. It went through the tourney slicing and dicing robots and dominating it’s competition. It eventually fought Celestial Slayer which ended it’s run but it was a menace to the competition.
97. Flatbot, bot257
Middleweight
Claims: Quarterfinalist in Vengeance
Description: Long wedge bot with good stats.
The bot was doing great in it’s season debut in ARC: Vengeance but sadly, bot257 disappeared off the face of the planet in the middle of the tourney so it wasn’t able to continue fighting. Therefore, it’s fate was losing due to FF’s. Great bot with potential to be a champ or finalist.
96. Gudfernuthin, toAst
Lightweight
Claims: 3rd place in Vengeance, quarterfinalist in Defiance
Description: Different faces of this bot had horizontal and verticle spinning bars and two wheels in the back.
You might think it was just a regular spin bot that wasn’t very interesting but it had good success in numerous seasons. Always was a threat in the LW division and also made it to the finals a couple of times. It had it’s moments.
95. Vector, NO2
Heavyweight
Claims: Quarterfinals in Vengeance
Description: Wedge bot with spike.
This became Jason’s most recognized combat bot with it entered in NO2‘s only season (I think). It was a solid wedge bot with a spike and a simple ram and poke strategy to get the job done. It had three solid wins and a lot of fight in it as it also served as Jason’s combat robot brought along in ARC Survivor (which had success in Survivor, too).
94. Giguere, Diacronic
Heavyweight
Claims: Quarterfinals in FF2
Description: Fast brick bot with ram attack.
A very speedy bot from Team Dia that showed it’s worth by owning a few robots in the Fantasy Fury competition. It only lost once before it was eliminated and never entered again but it showed that simple fast robots that rely on strategy work best sometimes.
93. Power Bar, Toxic
Super heavyweight
Claims: SHW Rumble Winner in Defiance
Description: Big, low and slow bot with huge horizontal spinning bar.
A very good intimidating design that suffered due to good counterparts and not so spectacular rping. His biggest claim to fame is his surprise rumble victory in the SHW Defiance competition which had some pretty menacing competition to face in the ring such as Reflector Shield, Gila, Wedge, Icy Stab, etc. Toxic’s had a lot of decent robots in his CFL career, but this is probably his best.
92. Netweight, Komodo
Middleweight
Claims: None, really
Description: Big wedge bot with a lifter.
It was a simple, yet well designed MW that had a lifter. It obviously wasn’t too exciting since I can’t remember exactly what it looked like but it had a good first season and only suffered due to poor Rping and tough opponents.
91. Scorpion Bite, Siphai
Heavyweight
Claims: HW champion of Ai: NaD
Description: A bot with ‘tude!!!!!!!!
This undefeated bot rolled right through the competition in Paul No. 3’s league, Ai: NAD. It eventually won it all and remains a undefeated champ. Too bad it only competed once.
90. DVD-RW, theorangehamster
Middleweight
Claims: Quarterfinalist in Defiance
Description: A verticle spinning disc with a long flat chassis. Wedge protection.
This bot carried some serious meat…right before he sliced you to shreds. He was quite a good competitor in his day with all of his matches (even losses) being close and well fought.
89. Riptide, DRD
Middleweight
Claims: Semifinalist in CFRC2
Description: Spinning spike treads on it’s wedge with a verticle disc in the back.
This bot was originally entered to be more style than success. However, as he competed in the two CFRC seasons, he became a good competitor and was even a possibility for the finals.
88. Homicidal, ERSCaptain
Heavyweight
Claims: Semis in CFRC2
Description: Round chassis with hammer weapon.
His only season (CFRC) was quite a good one with his run to the semis. He lost only because he didn’t rp and had an overall, very effective power hammer design.
87. Sgt. Andrewbot, Andrew
Super heavyweight
Claims: Quarters in CFRC2, Dethroning a champ
Description: Wedge bot with side clamping spikes that rotate upwards after clamp.
I know him best for absolutely embarrassing Solar Smash in his first fight after winning his title. It was a fight that was showed Sgt. Andrewbot’s truly effective style of fight. It grips a bots sides just before throwing them up in the air and landing them in all sorts of crazy position. It had some experience with three seasons of competition, but it lacked success.
86. Plague, Viper
Super heavyweight
Claims: Quarters in Vengeance, Semis in FRR-NCA
Description: Full body spinner with self righting pole.
This bot has twice as many wins as losses. It also has a successful spinning design that worked well. It toned down it’s weapon to allow more room for torque and armor to help get the job done. A very clever and effective stats idea that created a good competitor for the SHWs.
85. Hellraiser, Kiazi
Middleweight
Claims: Kiazi’s life
Description: Low body flipper with 4 wheels and long pneumatic flip arm, similar to The Matador.
Once again, I hate putting bots on that lack creativity but fortunately, it created success for tater/Kiazi/Uncle Willie/Stephanie/The Twin Cousins. It was basically Kiazi’s teashow bot even though Pissed off Poltergeist was more successful.
84. Hypercane, Ernie
Heavyweight
Claims: Quarterfinals in CFRC1
Description: Wedge skirts surrounding low chassis and giant spinner bar on the top.
This bot was another Hazard like bot but with an even longer spinning bar. It got robbed in the first seasons of CFRC and met a tough draw in Thracktar Ultra in the second season.
83. Clawdius Decimus Murderous, StevenMcG
Super heavyweight
Claims: 3rd place in Annihilation
Description: Piercing claw with a wedge in front.
The biggest shocker of Annihilation was when this seemingly puny bot from an inexperienced designer, StevenMcG, plowed through a good deal of heavily favored bots to make it all the way to third place. A lucky run? An overrated bot? I say a bot no one saw coming.
82. Danger Zone, DinoVenger
Lightweight
Claims: Runner up in FRR-NCA
Description: So…how about those Tigers?
One of the few bots Dino had success with. It made it to the finals in a league and division with some tough competition and was sitting pretty in the winner bracket finals until a bot named Underminer came along to make things tough.
81. Intergalactic, Gemini
Middleweight
Claims: Quarterfinals in both CFRC1 and CFRC2
Description: Thwackbot (long thwack tail) and spinner (spinning drum on the front)
This half thwack, half spinner created a bot with lots of potential. It even inspired Chris to do a SHW remake of it later on, a bot named Harbinger. Unfortunately, it lost due to technical reasons in both seasons.
80. LIGHTSout, Diacronic
Heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in CFRC1
Description: Big huge disc on four wheels.
This is pretty much all the other bots of Steve’s “OUT” series, but this one had success as well. In it’s only season, it made it to the finals after beating some stiff competition only to lose to Thracktar Ultra. It’s a deadly bot with a massive blow.
79. More Weight, Lord Ashley
Super Heavyweight
Claims: CFRC2 tag team win, quarters in CFRC2
This bot was a brief success back in it’s day. It was able to hang with some of the best bots. For example, it was able to beat Dylan and Andrew’s tag team of Fillet of Death and Sgt. Andrewbot pretty well with a disabled partner (Minion’s Blastoff). Overall, it had good fight in it. Probably the most reliable of Lord Ashley’s bot team.
78. Endeavor, G-Force
Super heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in Annihilation
Description: A wedgebot with a saw sticking out.
Well, let’s see. It’s only two losses came from Japanese School Girl (who has never lost a fight ever). And it’s dinky little saw seemed pretty unintimidating at first but once it started to pile on the wins, everyone knew they were competing with a high caliber robot.
77. Hard Target, Minion33088
Heavyweight
Claims: Quarters in Vengeance and Annihilation (I think)
Description: Low wedgebot with lifter/clamper.
This bot was always a competitor. Paul will always go out there and give it his best but this bot had a real good chance in all the seasons he entered. Good strategy and a great design. Bravo Team AC/DC.
76. Warper, Succotash 54
Middleweight
Claims: Laughter from everyone around…plus a runner up in Defiance and rumble winner in Vengeance
Description: Circular wedgebot with Dr. Inferno Jr. Style fighting.
HAHA! Got you, PHILIP! Well, even though everyone could be shocked that it actually had success, the truth is…Warper did in fact have success. It almost won Defiance and only lost to the deadly bot, Suicid. It also continued to have success later on but the shtick of Warper ran out and it was eventually retired…or so we think.
75. Fillet of Death, FishofDoom
Super heavyweight
Claims: Semis in CFRC2 and FF2
Description: Hinged wedges with overhead spinning bar.
This massive spinning bar robot was a big threat in CFRC2 and had a shocking loss to Destruction in the semis. It also had another close match to Gila in the semis for FF1, but lost again. However, it had won enough fights and had enough power to make it worthy competitor.
74. Andrewbot, Andrew
Middleweight
Claims: Quarterfinals in CFRC1, Semis in CFRC2
Description: 2 long thwack arms on both sides
The little thwackbot that could…well, at least he could until someone beat him up later in the tournament. His record doesn’t say much bot this bot had a lot of fight in him. A worthy competitor, especially back in the CFRC days.
73. The Godfather, NWOWWE
Super heavyweight
Claims: Semis in Annihilation, rumble winner in Vengeance
Description: The Mastadon
This bot didn’t do that well in the Vengeance tournament, but made a strong comeback to not only win the rumble match at the end of the season, but go the semis in the next tournament. Unfortunately, this underdog’s run was cut short by…clawdius…decimus…MURDEROUS!
72. SWAT, Omegaforce
Lightweight
Claims: Defiance rumble winner
Description: Fast bot with lifting arm similar to biohazard’s style.
This bot was quite the competitor for the brief time it competed. It provided some awesome matches in Vengeance and even won a rumble. When it was first displayed, many saw it as a threat to win a title. Maybe someday it will, it certainly has what it takes.
71. Dominion, Minion33088
Lightweight
Claims: Quarter in Defiance
Description: A wedge bot with a plow in the front.
It’s a fast, good bot with a plow and a lot of aggression. It’s simple but it’s strategy worked pretty well through the tournament of Defiance. It was a one time deal for Paul, but this bot did a good job and could have won even more had things gone differently or it was re-entered.
70. Copperhead, Omegaforce
Super heavyweight
Claims: Quarters in CFRC2
Description: A pushbot with plow.
Copperhead is technically classified as one of the “Pushbot Trio” original bots along with Reflector Shield and Gila. This bot didn’t see as much action as it’s other pushbot buddies but it’s design was just as impressive. It under went a few changes over the course of it’s career and has always been looked upon as a top contender.
69. Spin Suicide, Ry Trapp0
Heavyweight
Claims: Semis in FRR - NCA
Description: Full body spinner.
One of the longest running FRC bots and had success towards the end of it’s career. This powerful full body spinner ripped up it’s opponents pretty good. This is yet another bot that would be cool to see back again.
68. F-Bomb, toAst
Heavyweight
Claims: Semis in Defiance, Quarters in Vengeance
Description: Wedgebot with front spiked wedge
This bot had a very good record for just two seasons of play. It’s only two “real” losses came from Gemini’s lifters (King Draco, Slasher) and it was a just a good well designed pushbot with spikes to help push bots once it was on his wedge.
67. Andrewbot Jr., Andrew
Lightweight
Claims: Semis in CFRC1 and CFRC2
Description: Thwackbot and second version was a dustpan lifter.
This bot underwent a couple of stages. However, it did a great job in CFRC and was a tough little bugger to take down. One of the many retro bots that could still do a bang up job today.
66. Ring Around the Rosie, G-Force
Lightweight
Claims: Quarters in Vengeance, Runner up in FRR2, Most powerful bot in history
Description: Ring spinner
Probably the heaviest looking LW ever. It was also won of the most deadliest as well. Similar to Son of Whyachi, this bot made it far in the tournament twice. It’s power was incredible but it suffered due to lack of durability.
65. Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Minion33088
Heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in Defiance
Description: Wedge bot with flipper/hammer
What impressed me about this bot is that it was able to take down some good bots and also make it to the finals in it’s only season. I think it was slightly better than Hard Target and I would have liked to have seen more of it. Name is too long, though.
64. Pandemic, Viper13Black
Middleweight
Claims: Winner of FRR-NCA
Description: Numerous stages, the one that won was a double wedge
This simple wedge bot was able to win a tournament in a tough 3rd season of FRR. For god sakes, it beat both Barrier and AMP in it’s run. That’s pretty damn good.
63. Pocket Knife, Ernie
Lightweight
Claims: Quarters in CFRC1, Runner up in CFRC2
Description: Wedge with spinning bar in the back.
An old school bot with a design similar to Dreadnought, I suppose. It did quite a good job early on in CFRC. Did I mention that Ernie rules?
62. Adrenichrome, FishofDoom
Middleweight
Claims: Quarters in Defiance
Description: A full body spinner with self-righting pole.
This bot was originally considered to be one of the top 4 of MW for Vengeance and Annihilation along with Shockwave, Barrier and AMP. Unfortunately, it didn’t achieve nearly the success it was supposed to and had a couple of tough losses. It also suffered due to forfeits. A very menacing MW.
61. Something Different, Zigg
Middleweight
Claims: Final 3 in Defiance
Description: Spinner
A very pretty horizontal bar spin bot. It’s deadly weapon destroyed many opponents in the Defiance tournament. It landed numerous Kos but it missed out on winning it all due to losing to Shockwave and Barrier. I wonder what happened to Zigg anyways?
60. Stratos-Fear, Diablo
Super heavyweight
Claims: Vengeance final 3
Description: A bot with a huge pneumatic flipper.
Diablo’s monster SHW flipper was a massive threat in the seasons that he competed. Let’s just say that he was among the top predicted bots before the start of the seasons and almost unquestionable the best SHW flipper bot for his time. Diablo also had a really cool design with this thing.
59. Elmo, Ernie
Super heavyweight
Claims: CFRC1 runner up, CFRC2 quarters
Description: Four sides wedge with a flipper.
This simple SHW bot in the CFRC competitions didn’t look that intimidating but it certainly landed it’s fair share of KO’s. It made it to the finals in it’s first season and then wound up in the semis the next season. Quite a fierce some competitor.
58. Testbot X5, theorangehamster
Lightweight
Claims: CFCR2 semis, Vengeance quarters
Description: Bar spinner with wedge on the front.
When chuck first entered, he had a nice set of bots but one would go on to stand out. That’s right, Testbot is a successful spinbot that did a good job even without an overpowered spinning bar. He’s beaten strong competition such as Lightning and Celestial Slayer and is good veteran CFL bot. He’s also had some controversial losses before.
57. Cryptic Terror, Gemini
Middleweight
Claims: FRR2 runner up
Description: 2 wheeled horizontal disc spinner with forks on the back.
In it’s one season of competition, this bot not only dazzled as a nice and pretty spinner but also as a menace and a strong threat among it’s class. It showed when this bot made it to the finals of FRR and came really close to beating the dangerous Unlimited Limits.
56. Wringer, G-Force
Lightweight
Claims: Annihilation semis
Description: Full body spinner
This is much better and more updated version of Ring Around the Rosie except this time it plowed through a massive load of opponents including the UNSTOPPABLE DANDELIONESS!!! Anyways….G-Force is good with his LW spinners.
55. Cyclone, Metal Virus
Lightweight
Claims: Vengeance runner up
Description: Cage spinner
In it’s one season of competition, Metal Virus went through the competition and nobody expected it. He slowly made his way all the way to the finals. He lost to a tough opponent in Aggressive Blood Cell but he left his mark in Vengeance and was able to show his worth.
54. Breakaway, Diacronic
Super heavyweight
Claims: CFRC2 semis
Description: A pyramid shaped bot with a steep wedge and whacking hammer.
This old school paint bot was a fascinating design by Team Dia that included a small, yet very powerful hammer that could rotate around it’s axle so fast it could smash and pound it’s opponent to the point where it’s opponents were left bruised and all the more confused. It showed that it’s design was successful and made it to the SHW semis. It only lost due to a fluke by Toxic Hazard but it kicked some ass in the old days.
53. Neptune, Gemini
Heavyweight
Claims: CFRC1 quarters, CFRC2 semis, FF2 rumble winner
The first invertible FBS in CFL. It’s combined menacing look and dangerous spinning shell made it a popular back in CFRC. It was the closest bot to beating Cow Tipper and it always gave a good run for the title but never past the semis. However, it did later make a quick reappearance to win the SHW rumble (as a HW, too).
52. Miscreant, bot257
Lightweight
Claims: Vengeance quarters
Description: Wedge plow with whacking hammers at the end. A nice mix of Diesector and Bad Attitude.
This bot was probably the best bot ever that never got to show it’s full potential. Let’s make this clear. It’s design had everyone at the beginning thinking he’d make it to at least the semis. Let’s also note that bot257 was an awesome rper. It was kicking all sorts of ass in beating some top dogs like SWAT, then Celestial Slayer and finally giving a the massive Ring Around the Rosie a sound KO. Then…what happened you ask? Bot257 has never been seen or heard from since…leaving his awesome powerhouse LW to parish.
51. Adrenaline, Omegaforce
Heavyweight
Claims: CFRC2 semis
Description: Circular bot with rotating head for flipper.
Everyone loved the look of John’s sweet Tazbot like flipper bot and showed how cool it was to cad some real beautiful designs. As for how well he did in the arena? Well,he made it the semis before losing to SHUTout. You can’t blame him for that, though.
50. Eurypterus, Siphai
Super heavyweight
Claims: Annihilation quarters, FRR3 semis (I think)
Description: Big rambot with interchangeable wedge and plow.
When Siphai made this bot, the idea was to try and create a new pusher legacy by getting a title with Eurypterus. His style and stats resembled that of a grade A brick (I said “brick”, not prick, right?). He was well on his way by taking down Gemini’s Harbinger and then giving a surprisingly easy win over the huge favorite SHUTout. After that, it was eventually time for him to face off against Japanese School Girl and he lost. He was still pushing hard but he then lost again to Primary 3 and was never able to win a title as of yet. However, this pusher continues to fight on and has lot of ability.
49. Acid Drop, Ernie
Heavyweight
Claims: Defiance quarters
Description: Fast flipper with wedge protection.
This HW flipper by Ernie was quite a competitor and lost a hard fight to King Draco before he got eliminated. The next season he was predicted to be the winner. Unfortunately, Ernie stopped Rping but it could have done some serious damage, especially in a HW class that was very weak that particular season.
48. Demonic Visage, FishofDoom
Lightweight
Claims: CFRC1 semis, Defiance quarters
The paintjob, the flipping power, the evil eyes…..this bot has it all! It’s a LW flipper that has goes to the very first season and has even competed in some of the later seasons. His record is still very good and had a lot of close chances to make the finals but never quite got there. One of the coolest bots in CFL history.
47. The Mercenary, Gemini
Lightweight
Claims: Annihilation runner up
Description: Long wedge with lifting plow.
This bot was known for his unusual chassis shape, which made it a bitch for thwackers, spinners and even other flippers to beat. His speed and lifter plow design made him effective and it got him all the way to the Annihilation finals. His only huge weakness is any bot that is lower than him, which is why he couldn’t beat Underall.
46. Icy Stab, Ernie
Super heavyweight
Claims: Defiance semis
Description: Hinged wedges surround chassis with dual spinning discs over the front wedge.
Another great bot from Team Ernie that was just a well made, solid and successful verticle disc spinner. It made it the semis in Defiance and was looked upon as one of the better bot designs of the weight class.
45. Wedge, FishofDoom
Super heavyweight
Claims: Defiance final 3
Description: Well, it’s a uh…….wedge.
You have to love a bot that is so simple, it can beat up the majority of the bots in the league? That was the theory for Dylan with this bot and it did just that, it kicked some major ass in the Defiance season. Giving the previous SHW king, Gila, a sound beating twice. It also beat other good bots like Icy Stab, RW&B and was well on it’s way to a title, but unfortunately it’s last fight was a FF.
44. Untouchable, Diacronic
Super heavyweight
Claims: FF2 runner up, most indestructible bot in CFL history
Description: Circularbot with outer ring shell for ram and protection.
Untouchable is officially the most well armored robot in CFL history. It makes Overkill look like tin foil with it’s 12 or 13 chassis armor, plus an entire outer ring that protects every other part with a +2 armor. Meaning, it’s nearly impossible to KO by any bot ever. It absolutely killed spinner just by pushing them around a little while and even beat it’s fair share of wedge bots a few times. It made to the FF finals before losing to Reflector Shield (which was the only bot he lost to in this incarnation).
43. Slasher, Gemini
Heavyweight
Claims: Vengeance final 3, Vengeance rumble winner
Description: Lifting arm with clamping hammer.
This versatile spiked lifter/clamper generated some very clever tactics for beating bots. It was very good against other lifters, spinners and would always put up a fight. In it’s one season of competition, it lost to A-Bomb in the final 3 before it got retired.
42. Wrath of Draco, Gemini
Heavyweight
Claims: Annihilation Quarters, FRR3 quarters
Description: Circular bot with clamping claw and pounding axes.
This is Gemini’s third HW in the ARC tourneys and it was quite a popular bot before it even competed. It was first introduced in a Survivor bot making challenge, and got the highest rating of all the other bots. It’s beautiful design, weapon strategies, and design flow made it a well recognized bot for the upcoming Annihilation season. It got ranked #1 for predicted HW bots and it did well in action. It made it to the quarters and has had that fate in several occasions losing to only really good bots such as Truth or Consequences, Babaganoush, Heart Attack and Eurypterus.
41. Unlimited Limits, Ry Trapp0
Middleweight
Claims: FRR2 title, FRR4 quarters
Description: Wedge with long flipper.
Ry Trapp’s MW flipper shined in it’s first season winning the FRR2 finals against Cryptic Terror. The bot wasn’t quite as good in the next FRR league, but in FRR4, it was ranked #1 in the predictions. For good reason, this bot was a proven champ. It eventually fought it’s main competition, Barrier, in what was supposed to be a big clash of powerhouse Mws but turned out to be a coin toss because of a no show. Unlucky for Ry, Barrier won the toss and ended up losing again but could have potentially won the competition had he rped.
40. Uh oh! It’s a Red Hot Fridge!, FishofDoom
Heavyweight
Claims: Semifinals in Vengeance
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Slasher
Description: A 2 wheeled box with plate on front and forks to keep it low and effective.
Here’s a bot that was known for not only it’s unusually long, bizarre name, it’s simplicity, but it’s ability to completely own spinners in every way possible. The strong plate on Fridge’s front was indestructible and it’s speed and torque also made it a tough little bot for every other bot as well. It had a great rivalry with Slasher in the Vengeance season by first beating Slasher 24-21 (great fight) and then losing 24-21. His only losses were close and very well fought. His first lost was a travesty in some ways but nevertheless, he got eliminated from Vengeance and never returned again. However, to this day, everybody loves saying “UH OH! IT’S A RED HOT FRIDGE!”
39. Shredding Ring, Omegaforce
Super heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in FF1
Known for: Originality
Biggest rival: Gila
Description: An omni drive full body spinner with teeth.
It’s noted that this bot only had one season of play and that he eventually lost to Gila in the finals. However, in that time, he racked up some nice victories, including a dismantling of the tough Bad-Ass Barnacle and a close 23-22 match with Reflector Shield. He’s the ONLY bot that can claim he beat Reflector Shield for that matter. Then what happened after that? Well, he lost in the finals but it might as well have been a FF because as I remember correctly, Gila had a nice rp and John didn’t think he could have won (or something like that). So John just said “You win” and therefore ended the career of Shredding Ring. If it was an actual fight, though, I think Shredding Ring would have killed Gila. He was the very first CFL bot to have omni drive for that matter and this bot could have gone down as one of the best CFL bots in history had he sweated it out longer. He was so close to winning the FF title and could have killed a lot of the bots in ARC as well.
38. Blitzkrieg, ERSCaptain
Lightweight
Claims: Runner up in CFRC1, Quarters in CFRC2, Quarters in Vengeance
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Any spinner pretty much
Description: A low, fast hinged wedge bot with a pole in the back and great speed.
This is a bot that only competed in the CFRC leagues and then later in Vengeance. While he never won a title, the hinged wedge bot had the fierce powerhouse force of a bot like Maximus. He looked so simple and not even that great but looks can be deceiving. Especially when you have…a what? 13 speed? It was ridiculous how quick this bot was and it might have even been the fastest bot in CFL history. His powerful drive paid off in the box when he annihilated his competition in CFRC1 and much of CFRC2. His losses were to BLACKout and Celestial Slayer but he made it the finals and went out as a tough bot. He got resurrected in ARC Vengeance but was never quite the same.
37. Babaganoush, Succotash 54
Heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in Annihilation
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Heart Attack
Description: A circular flipper.
This bot looks like a hat…but it looks damn cool. As for the flipper? Let’s just say he had his fair share of tough draws (Wrath of Draco, Truth or Consequences, Shovearound 2, etc.) but he made it past them with him, his low circular wedges and his powerful flipper. A lot of the recent flipper bots have been more about lifting a bot up and tossing them around with either torque or speed (ie: Barrier, Shockwave) but Babaganoush took the old approach in using the power flipper style similar to bots like Toro and The Matador and made it cool again. His success has been on again, off again, but he came so close to winning ARC: Annihilation against Heart Attack in the finals.
36. Mech Kahuna, FishofDoon
Middleweight
Claims: Runner up in CFRC1 and CFRC2
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Suicide
Description: A giant vertical disc with 2 small wheels in back and a giant bar structure to keep it upright.
When I first saw this bot, it reminded me way too much of Nightmare. With it’s huge vertical disc and big legs to stand it up but I quickly realized this was quite a competitor. It was the only bot to beat Suicide (not including the Ffs) and it was in the finals for both CFRC1 and CFRC2 but lost to X-Combat and Suicide (wow, talk about your tough draws) and didn’t win either of them. His menacing look and corpse count was massive enough to make him a true symbol of power spinners back in the CFRC days, too bad he’s mostly forgotten at this point. Heck, some people probably never heard of him until now.
35. King Draco, Gemini
Heavyweight
Claims: Winner in Defiance
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Pyridoxine Hydrochloride
Description: A lifter with a back plow.
This bot was a one time deal. He was the original Draco in the series (followed by Wrath of Draco) and he did his job well. After an early loss in his Defiance season, he rebounded to beat bots like Acid Drop, Heart Attack and then PH in the finals to become the heavyweight champ. Since then, this champ hasn’t competed since. He was also the last paint bot by Team Gemini, which had a stylish paint job and nifty lifter with proved effective in his run.
34. A-Bomb, ACAMS
Heavyweight
Claims: Winner in Vengeance, quarters in Annihilation
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Babaganoush
Description: A hinged wedge bot with pneumatic spike over the wedge.
In ACAMS rookie season, he entered what was four identical bots in each weight class but just gave them different colors and names. However, A-Bomb was the bot that stood out with success and would later on win the whole tournament. While the competition was kinda weak, with the biggest competition being Fridge and Slasher, It won but many were skeptical about how well it would do in the future. Despite having a weak start in Annihilation, ACAMS once again proved that A-Bomb was a real top notch competitor. He won enough fights to eventually make it all the way to the quarter finals, only to lose in a close one to Babaganoush. I think it’s fair to say that this was the true pinnacle of success for ACAM’s team.
33. Double Dose, Minion33088
Lightweight
Claims: Semis in FRR1, Winner in FRR2, runner up in FRR3
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Underminer
Description: A double bar spinner.
Double Dose has been known as a FRR bot for it’s entire CFL career. This horizontal bar spinner has the drive power and the weapon power to combine for one dangerous adversary. It’s a champ and a darn good one at that. It’s beaten bots like Underall, Ring Around the Rosie, Mercenary, etc. It’s got 10 + wins at this point and it has never made it easy for an opponent. Some would say Double Dose only benefited from putting more stats into it’s design then some other bots did but it’s design and it’s strategy was good enough to be champion caliber bot. Will Double Dose continue to have the success that it has in it’s past? Time would only tell. However, it’s pretty hard to screw up a bot that is that good.
32. Warshrike, Diacronic
Lightweight
Claims: Winner in FRR1
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Underall
Description: A V-Plow wedge with back spikes.
Very similar to Copperhead in design. The main difference? Warshrike has had not only more success, but a championship title to go along with it. It’s undefeated run in FRR1 was due to good stragy in it’s design and it’s power in torque and speed. It’s definitely been the most successful V-Plow in CFL and it’s win against Underall showed how good it is (despite being a bullshit decision).
31. Primary 3, Clutch
Super heavyweight
Claims: Semis in Vengeance, semis in Annihilation
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Road Rage
Description: A multi-bot with three clusters that can also join together.
What can you say about Primay 3? They are annoying little runts. That’s what clutch is good at, making good but annoying bots. Primary 3 was a good example of that due to the multi-bot that used overwhelming amount of torque to gang up on bots and completely own them. Realistically based upon the stats and stat rules, I don’t think there’s too many bots that have a chance to beat this bot but it somehow managed to not have won a championship so far. Clutch I don’t think did the best job of showing it’s full potential. Nevertheless, it still had overwhelming success with making it to the semis in both Vengeance and Annihilation. Clutch showed what an multi-bot was capable of.
30. Toxic Hazard, DRD
Super heavyweight
Claims: Semis in CFRC1, runner up in CFRC2
Known for: Originality
Biggest rival: Destruction
Description: A barrel shaped spinner with a bar rack.
Yes, DRD has been notorious for having some of the worst bot designs in the history of CFL such as Death Chamber and One Wheeled Wonder. However, aside from all those obscure bot designs with crazy weapons, he actually made one that was very good. It’s name was Toxic Hazard, combining style, originality and power. It all equaled success without a title. Therefore being “Close, but no cigar, durd.” In CFRC1, it had good run before getting Koed by Solar Smash in the semis. A similar fate awaited him in CFRC2 when he made it all the way to the finals, only this time he lost to Destruction. Everyone thought he would win it all after he beat Breakaway but, his tragic end in CFRC2, meant the end for this very cool bot. His barrel shaped chassis along with his toxic thunder paintjob made this one of the coolest bots in CFL and his success was jus as equaled. If he were still competing today, he’d be just as good.
29. SHUTout, Diacronic
Super heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in CFRC1, Runner up in CFRC2, quarters in Vengeance
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Any rammer
Description: A gigantic horizontal spinner with 4 wheels surrounding the big disc.
SHUTout has been one of the most notorious names in CFL history. It usually represents the “spinner side” of the heated rivalry between spinners vs. rammers. It’s success early on was good because it got runner up in CFRC1 (under the name LIGHTSout) and then again in CFRC2 losing to Cow Tipper. Since then, it’s success has dimished only winning a couple of fights per season and hasn’t lived up to it’s hype. Instead, Japanese School Girl has been more of the success story on the spinner side but it still has made an impact and a design that was nearly perfect for a massive spinner.
28. Solar Smash, Gemini
Super heavyweight
Claims: Winner in CFRC1, quarters in Vengeance
Known for: Originality
Biggest rival: Elmo
Description: A punchbot with big ram and wedge protection.
Solar Smash first surprised people in the first season of CFRC when it won the title against Elmo in the finals. It kicked ass in the process by destroying Sgt. Scoop, surviving a brutal fight with X-Dragon, then it killed both Toxic Hazard and Elmo with it’s weapon. The weapon happened to be quite unique. It was a big ram that had spikes and punched out to serve as a major damage maker. As shown in CFRC1, that strategy worked quite well. After this champ entered it’s second season, though, it didn’t quite do the same damage. It lost it’s first fight in CFRC2 and made a comeback in Vengeance. It’s run in Vengeance was successful but made it the quarterfinals before it lost. To this day, this very old bot is fairly well recognized and very distinct.
27. Lightning, Clutch
Lightweight
Claims: Runner up in Defiance
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Celestial Slayer
Description: Giant spinner with 4 legs with spikes.
Lightning was a very good, powerful y-drive bot in the ARC fantasy leagues. It’s huge arms with side spikes combined for a massive beating and unleashed a deadly force in every punch. What did it do? It made it to the finals and almost won against Celestial Slayer. However, in Vengeance it wasn’t nearly as good due to Clutch making it an omni drive bot, which was a critical mistake. Would Lightning been as good in Vengeance had it not been omni drive? Absolutely.
26. Yeow! Hot Bees!, Diacronic
Middleweight
Claims: Runner up in Annihilation
Known for: Impact
Biggest rival: Amp
Description: Multibot with hinged wedges and spikes
What we have here is more of a controversy than anything. Let’s get everything straight first, Yeow! Hot Bees! Is a near unstoppable design based on it’s stat rules. It’s a multi-bot that uses the absolute best strategy a multi-bot can use. Get three little buggers that have wedges on all sides, give them good armor, torque and speed and let them lose. A single one of the multibots could be a contender as it is, but when you have three of them ganging up on you, you have one hell of a problem. AMP beat him, but it was a close one. Unfortunately, Steve sacrificed his opportunity to win a title with this beast when he Ffed in the finals for the second fight against Amp. I know for sure, that YHB could have won. It only competed once, but it sure made an impact.
25. Destruction, Kiazi
Super heavyweight
Claims: Winner in CFRC2
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Toxic Hazard
Description:
One of only five bots to still be undefeated in CFL. This bot was the ultimate underdog story. Kiazi, going into the league as a rookie and inexperienced rper had a generic vertical spinner design. Some of it’s big flaws was lack of invertibility, exposed side armor and small disc. However, what it did was shocking. It barreled right through the second tournament with very little trouble. It’s highlight was beating Fish of Doom in a stunning KO and then defeating Toxic Hazard in another KO. It was a surprising one-time champ bot that never competed again, but it’s mystique lives on.
24. Blood Thirsty, FishofDoom
Heavyweight
Claims: Winner of FF2
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Nobody in particular
Description: Clamping claws and lifter.
Talk about one of the coolest, meanest looking bot design you’ll ever see a bot tournament. Not to mention it’s a previous champion and has an interesting weapon design. This bot oozes with style and beauty, and doesn’t lack in design effectiveness either. After it won the FF2 tournament, it got resurrected in Annihilation, which brought upon some more success, but not quite enough to win it all. Blood Thirsty is one of those vets that is still cool today as he won back when he was first introduced. He also gave some poor kids some bad nightmares.
23. Pissed Off Poltergeist, Kiazi
Middleweight
Claims: Runner up in FF1, Semis in Vengeance, quarters in Annihilation
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Barrier
Description: A lifter with a wide base and wedges.
This is the probably the best bot from Team Search and Destroy. While it was never a particularly attractive bot, Kiazi always knew how to win with this thing. It never won a title, but it’s success, sleek designs (numerous design versions) and it’s inspired 50 billion different interchangeable weapons made it stand out as one of the best lifters in the league. It was invited to a rumble along with Suicide, Barrier and Shockwave for the ultimate MW lifters match up. It’s gotten well over 10 wins and numerous smaller accomplishments in his history, like making the finals in FF1. This is a vet that has been just as good back in the old days than it has been in the later years.
22. Heart Attack, Diacronic
Heavyweight
Claims: Semis in Defiance, quarters in Vengeance, winner of Annihilation
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Babaganoush
Description: Disc spinner was the first version, y-drive spinner is the second version.
Heart Attack has made his career being an ARC bot having competed in all 3 of the past ARC seasons. As far as his success, Heart Attack has made it to the semi finals and to the quarter finals before he won the finals in Annihilation. His first version consisted of a vertical disc spinner with a wedge on the back and a some decent speed and torque to support his disc power. It was effective enough to be a contender but his second version made quite an impact when his full body y-drive spinner won the whole thing beating bots like Wrath of Draco, Truth or Consequences, Babaganoush and Hard Target. He became a well recognized spinner after the first two seasons, but became even more after his title win. Probably the first CFL bot with major success to make a huge design remake and go on to become even more deadly.
21. Bad-Ass Barnacle, Succotash 54
Super heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in Defiance, Winner in FRR4, Quarters in Annihilation
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Russianation
Description: A plow lifter.
What can you say for Bad-Ass Barnacle? He’s been around for more seasons than any other robot in competition. He’s had a championship title, a runner up, and numerous good seasons aside from that. In his 8 seasons of play, he hasn’t had one losing season. Some of his designs were not quite as good as others, but he slowly got better and more effective until his unstoppable season in FRR4 when he beat the previously undefeated Russianation. He’s like the Cy Young of CFL. He could have potentially been known for having the most CFL wins and the most CFL losses of anybody.
20. Road Rage, Minion33088
Super heavyweight
Claims: Runner up in FRR4 and Vengeance
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Japanese School Girl
Description: A plow lifter and clamp
Road Rage is definitely the BEST bot of all time that had not had a single ARC title. He has yet to be crowned champ but comes very close season after season. If this great bot from Team AC/DC keeps it up, it’ll only be a matter of time before he gets his shot.
19. Dogpounder, Succotash 54
Middleweight
Claims: Championship in FF1
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: El Negro Muerte? I don’t know.
Description: Bismuth based thwackbot
One of the first thwack bots to really show championship calibur combat. Dogpounder easily handled all of his opponents in the MW for Fantasy Fury 1, which later on spawned a HW version of the bot, which had minimal success. Dogpounder is not entered that much these days but it’s MW version remains undefeated and it’s legacy will live on.
18. BLACKout, Diacronic
Lightweight
Claims: Winner of CFRC1
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Blitzkrieg
Description: Giant disc spinner
This unique, wide-based spinner started a craze that remains strong to this day. Pure power. The most powerful spinner of all time set the bar for future overpowered spinners to have one thing in mind; ripping the opponent to pieces. It proved to be a problem for other clones when well the bots would sometimes self destruct under their own power. However, BLACKout remains undefeated in his one season of play and will forever be known as the first.
17. Russianation, clutch1
Super heavyweight
Claims: Winner in FRR3, Runner up in FRR4
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Bad-Ass Barnacle
Description: Hinged wedge monster
The bot that will forever be known as “lame”. It’s hinged wedge all around skirting, top notch speed/torque and nearly indestructible armor made him almost the perfect winning machine. Isaac even admitted during the design process that he was intended for this. His championship proved his point. Eventually, though, his reign of terror ended when BAB stopped him in FRR4.
16. Thracktar Ultra, FishofDoom
Heavyweight
Claims: Winner in CFRC1, quarter finalist in CFRC2
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Cow Tipper
Description: A plow lifter.
Thracktar Ultra represents the old school of CFL and is one of the oldest and purest forms of one of CFL’s most coveted designs; the scrappy lifter. With good armor and power, while having the lifter factor in, TU was able to become the first HW champ ever. Despite him not competing since the demise of CFRC, TU remains one of CFL’s oldest pros.
15. X-Combat, Omegaforce
Middleweight
Claims: Winner in CFRC1
Known for: Impact/Design
Biggest rival: Dogpounder
Description: Horizontal spinner
As the only championbot from Team Omegaforce and first CAD bot champion ever, X-Combat remains one of the most sacred designs ever in CFL. His purely awesome engineered spinner, his pretty bot scheme and the success to show for, X-Combat was just damn good in every way and a fan favorite, too. Unfortunately though, this bot hasn’t competed much since the CFRC days and his big return got cut short from an early loss to Dogpounder.
14. Tank, Siphai
Heavyweight
Claims: Winner in FRR3, runner up in FRR4
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Truth or Consequences
Description: Wedge/plow rammer
You might say Tank is boring. You may say he is generic, but there is nothing underwhelming about Tank. Only the best have beaten him and he is one of the most dominant rambots in CFL history. With all the SHW rammer craze, before forgot to realize that there was a HW rammer craze starting, and it started with Tank.
13. Gila, Komodo
Super heavyweight
Claims: Winner in FF1, semi finalist in Defiance
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Reflector Shield
Description: Brick of doom
Gila started out as the most dominant of the rammer trio, and first showed that a New Cruelty-esque design could be quite effective. It wasn’t until Reflector Shield stopped Gila that Gila started to go downhill. He came back with a great showing in Defiance (getting to the semis, only to once again be denied a title). As of now, most people don’t remember Gila too well. However, back in his hay day, Gila was nothing short of a legacy.
12. Truth or Consequences, NWOWWE
Heavyweight
Claims: Winner in AI:NaD, Winner in FRR4, Runner up in FRR3
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Tank
Description: Flipper
Truth or Consequences emerged quite clearly as not only the best bot on Team Blood Gulch, but as the best flipper in CFL history. No bot was able to combine such scrappiness and brute power like ToC did. He hung tough with bots such as Tank and Dogpounder and was quite possibly, the ultimate king of FRR. His legacy shall not be forgotten. Whether he can claim that same sort of success in ARC that he did in FRR, only time will tell.
11. Underminer, Succotash 54
Lightweight
Claims: Winner in FRR3 and FRR4
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: None really
Description: A wedge
Underminer is the comeback kid of CFL. Period. He started out as a Team Animal Cruelty reject that was entered ages ago in CFRC2, and later on…out of nowhere, was brought back into FRR3. Since then, he remains undefeated and quite invincible. Two consecutive championships and a scrappy little bot like him. Where the HELL did this little fella come from??!!!
10. AMP, Minion33088
Middleweight
Claims: Winner in Annihilation, Runner up in FRR4
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Barrier
Description: Bar spinner.
The pinnacle of Team AC/DC is one of CFL’s most adored creations. He’s had quite a successful road as a former champ and as one of the biggest crowd pleasers in the arena. Whether you would call him the best spinner of all time or an overrated bot, you have to admit that AMP is quite popular and is one the marquee competitors season after season.
9. Aggressive Blood Cell, Diacronic
Lightweight
Claims: Winner in Vengeance, Semis in Defiance
Known for: Success/Design
Biggest rival: The Lawyer, which is actually quite funny
Description: Thwackbot
Almost undoubtedly the best thwackbot in CFL ever. ABC is a force to be reckoned with every time he enters. He only losses were tough ones and his championship in Vengeance proved he was all-star caliber. Whether Steve ever enters him again or not, most thwack bots that enter nowadays are often compared to this former champ.
8. Cow Tipper, Succotash 54
Heavyweight
Claims: Winner in CFRC2
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: None
Description: A plate lifter.
Cow Tipper has a little bit of myth to him. His reign of terror in CFRC2 was quite extraordinary. He won the HW title easily. Nobody came close to beating him. Then he adds insult to injury by immediately winning the rumble straight afterwards. Ever since then, nobody has seen nor heard about Cow Tipper since. When will he ever come back? When will his legend resurface?
7. Barrier, Gemini
Middleweight
Claims: Winner in FRR4, Runner up in Vengeance, Semis in Anni
Known for: Design
Biggest rival: Shockwave
Description: Lifter with hinged wedge array
Barrier is almost the symbol of flawless, well-engineered robotic design. He’s got it all covered. Great chassis design, surrounded by wedge protection all around, wide wheel base and a spiffy lifter. He can take on ANYBODY. However, it’s a bit of a head scratcher as to why he hasn’t been more successful. His Achilles’ heal seems to be Shockwave. For some reason, whenever these two fight, Barrier comes up short every time. However, Barrier remains one of the most well known bots in CFL. He also is partially responsible for the hinged wedge craze.
6. Shockwave, G-Force
Middleweight
Claims: Winner in Vengeance, Semis in Anni
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Barrier
Description: Lifter/clampbot
Never before has such a bot combined pure dominance, style, versatility and finess in a bot than Shockwave did. Not only that but he did it all in his rookie season! Shockwave took the Mws by storm when he went undefeated and became the first clampbot and multi-weapon bot to win a title. Since then, he’s had success but has never reclaimed his title. There’s no doubt about, Shockwave is one of the very best in CFL history.
5. Celestial Slayer, Gemini
Lightweight
Claims: Winner in CFRC2 and Defiance
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Lightning
Description: A spinner in plow design
As one of the few 2 time champs, Celestial Slayer has been just purely awesome in his CFL career. His oddball design with the horizontal bar scooping up bots in his plow, has been tremendously successful and has brought him 2 prestigious titles. The alien insect is a nice example success, design AND impact and the best of all worlds.
4. Underall, FishofDoom
Lightweight
Claims: Winner in Annihilation, Runner up in FRR1
Known for: Success/Design
Biggest rival: Warshrike
Description: Wedge
One things for damn sure, nobody can get under Underall to save their life. As the lowest bot in CFL history, Underall has flat out embarrassed his opponents by wedging them out and throwing them around. His hinged wedge strip design is quite innovative and seems to be the perfect recipe for the most popular form of wedge ever in CFL. Underall perfected the trend.
3. Reflector Shield, Gemini
Super heavyweight
Claims: Winner in FF2 and Defiance, Semis in FF1
Known for: Impact/Success
Biggest rival: Japanese School Girl
Description: Shield plow
The legacy of Reflector Shield and the rammers of SHW is epic. Reflector Shield emerged as the undisputed king of SHW by easily winning 2 back to back titles and going undefeated in that stretch. He took down every major spinner and rammer out there and set the war for the rammer vs. spinner battle to commence. After his second title, he retired and has not come back since. However, ever since Japanese School Girl took over as the new king of SHW and hence, claiming the victory to spinners, the anticipation of Reflector Shield coming back to try and reclaim his throne…and the war, remains unknown.
2. Japanese School Girl, FishofDoom
Super heavyweight
Claims: Winner in Vengeance and Anni
Known for: Success/Impact
Biggest rival: Reflector Shield
Description: Bar spinner
After Reflector Shield’s reign ended, the new king of SHW emerged. It was Japanese School Girl. Currently undefeated and 2 back to back titles, JSG remains the king of SHW for the time being and is almost unquestionably the best spinner ever. Many have anticipated the two kings (Japanese School Girl and Reflector Shield) to square off and determine the ultimate king of SHW. Only time will tell if that will happen.
1. Suicide, Ernie
Middleweight
Claims: Winner in CFRC2 and Defiance, Semis in CFRC1
Known for: Success
Biggest rival: Mech Kahuna
Description: A plow lifter.
The bot is pure and utter dominance. You have the undefeated JSG and Cow Tipper, but Suicide should also be undefeated as well. His only legit loss was to a very questionable loss to Mech Kahuna and later on two forfeits. Suicide fought the best of the best and came out on top each time. He even got revenge on Mech Kahuna later on and remained as consistently outstanding as any bot will ever get. The bot was highly influential to the new crop of MW lifters such as Shockwave and Barrier but was unfortunately unable to stick around and compete with them. It’s a good thing for them, too, as Suicide would have kicked their arse old school style.
Best of 2004: The Top 70 - Chris Schramm
After such a great year on ARC, I just wanted to recap the events and/or general facts over 2004. It had some negatives, but ultimately, it had more positives, because ARC is a great forum. It was amazing for me, myself, looking over all that has happened in 2004.
I know Diacronic said months ago he wanted to do a top list like he did in 2003, and I WAS actually gonna wait for him do one or ask him if he was, but I hadn’t seen him on in a long time so I thought it’d be fun to do one myself. He might still do his own, who knows.
I’d also like to thank Minion for supplying the Real Robotics area of the forum (mainly with the event parts). Here it is folks.
The ones that didn’t quite make it:
*Animations become popular
Eventually, several members begin to try out creating animations. Some of the members who did some animations were Minion, doom force, G-Force and Fish. Even today, animations are used from time to time. For example, the picture of Dominion in Vengeance is a spinning image.
*ARC’s Wordlist for iSketch
FishofDoom created a word list for iSketch with a little help by Gemini and Komodo. The list, however, was never added to the iSketch word list. Those bastards.
*G-Force’s ARCMap
G-Force makes a map of some of the well known members’ locations and posts it on the forum. That’s about it.
70) Omegaforce’s Car Reviews
Omegaforce briefly decides to use his knowledge of cars and give his insight onto good and bad quality cars. He helps out some of the members with his information, since he got to test them all out at his job. The topic doesn’t last that long, and there weren’t that many reviews.
69) A very brief name changing period
During the month of July, silly gags came out of Diacronic’s “Type your name with the following” thread. A gag was made about Komodo spelling his name “Komofo” and then Komodo encouraged others to do the same for about a week. Then all sorts of screwed up names came about like “ty;/';sazDSGTRYJH TRF” and “t6bny4rzn jgteqzakswt64e4r”. Some people got annoyed with it and some didn’t mind it much, but that period ended quickly.
68) Diacronic has a win streak of 14 in FRR
At least I think it was 14. In any event, it was probably the biggest streak anyone has had with any particular league. He did eventually lose a couple, and didn’t win the titles in the second season, but still quite impressive.
67) Beginning plans for ARCCon
ARCCon stands for “ARC Convention”. There where talks in the summer between FishofDoom, Diacronic, Gemini, Minion, Ragnarok and some others of having an offical ARC get together with several of the veteran members. There have been smaller ARCCon’s like Andrew, Adrian and Fish meeting and some others. As for the “big” convention, never happened. Will there ever be an ARCCon to come? Only time will tell.
66) The Steveo Show
As a personal prize for beating Diacronic’s ARC game, Mindgame, you got to see an episode called “The Steveo Show”. I never saw it personally, but it was supposed to be amusing, as I heard from others.
65) Clutch tries to make a HW RA2 tournament
The possibility of a Robot Arena 2 Heavyweight tournament was brought up by clutch (and several times before and after that) but nobody decided to do one considering it would way too laggy for any sort of decent quality play. Clutch was the first to push for one to be run, as he tried to run it as a tournament on all the forums, getting interest from all over, but it never worked. Ironically, the thread that the idea was first brought up in actually drew interest for the new idea of a Replica Tournament.
64) Omegaforce disappears
After Defiance began, Omegaforce was excited about the new season and even took the job as one of the result writers. After a couple of weeks into the season, he disappears. Nobody really know what happened to him for awhile.
63) Andrew gets to finals at AU, then the tourney dies for good
That basically sums it up. Remember last year when everyone got excited over Omegaforce’s tourney victory at AU? Well, this time, Andrew made it to the finals and might have won. Too bad nobody cared about the tourney at that point and it got to the point where it never concluded. That’s when the Onslaught tournaments pretty much died for good.
62) Diacronic holds a replica contest
As a house-warming gift in opening the new forum, Diacronic runs a quick little contest to see who can make the best Root Canal replica. These types of contests were popular on AU for awhile. Doom Force won the contest.
61) Ernie and Be0t win ARCT2
Not really an “event” but it both Be0t and Ernie got big recognition for their victories in the ARCT2. Ernie was an underdog with a simple design that came from behind to win it all against Andy’s deadly plowbot. Death Port, on the other hand, was the dominate powerhouse popup wedge that raised some controversy at the time. In the end, both did a job well done
60) Omegaforce returns….briefly
After returning at the end of Defiance, he had a habit o coming and go frequently. He stuck around awhile at the start of Vengeance, but after that, he came back and forth so frequently. Eventually, he gave his “Parting Words” speech, leaving for the military. However, that last part didn’t happen until 2005, so I shouldn’t be saying that..
59) Omegaforce’s “A Killer Walks Among Us”
Omegaforce had a good, well thought out mini-game on the forum where there would be a plot where one of the members of the forum was the killer. If nobody got them right in time, there would be more murders, and if somebody got murdered, they couldn’t participate int eh game for that round. It was kind of fun. First version was easy and quick, but still good. The second one was difficult but dragged out for way too long without any progress. It got cancelled in the middle of the second game.
58) Mascot Competition
At the start of Bot Bash, Gemini thought it would be fun to start a competition to make an ARC Mascot. Some good ideas were given, but Rejected technically was the winner. Even though, there were suggestions of combining Fish’s and Rejected’s mascots.
57) Zigg tries out “FRFW”
After Vengeance, FRR and WRWF were running, Zigg wanted to make his won league as well. The league never works out due to too many leagues of the same sort at the time. Some were being anal about the possibility, so that wasn’t necessary. However, it never took off.
56) Ted Shimoda builds One-Wheeled Wonder
Andrew told Ted Shimoda about the CFL jokebot “One-Wheeled Wonder”. Not backing down from a challenge, Ted decides to build it. It turns by leaning on one side. Oddly enough, it was the first CFL bot to be turned into a real robot.
55) ARC’s Chatroom (on the actual site page)
When the new ARC site first opened, Komodo set up a new chat room to, at the time, possibly replace Aim chats as ARC’s hangout place. However, the chatroom failed……miserably. Everyone had all sorts of problems with it. It kept on not loading, not showing anything if you could actually enter, kicking people out. It was just a problem that didn’t work out. It was quickly removed from the site and everyone just kept on using AIM for chats.
54) Robot Rage
A computer game that was brought up on nearly every message board. A few members got into it and some tried it out. Hey, RFS even gave it a personal sub-forum on RFSHQ! It never had nearly the longevity that Robot Arena 2 had. Not bad, but nothing special.
53) ARC’s Theme Song
Every forum needs a theme song, right? Well, our theme song, which was picked by Diacronic, was none other than the famous them of Cheers done by Lagwagon. It fit well with the whole idea of “Everyone knows your name”.
52) ARC goes down for a week
During summer, ARC’s host takes a giant shit and craps out for a whole week. Thankfully, it wasn’t down too much longer and everyone came back unharmed.
51) FF3: Winter of Discontent quickly ends
In the middle of the “Robot Arena 2 Era”, Omegaforce decided to open up his RPG again. However, after about 2 cards, it gets closed down. Oh well, worth a try I suppose.
50) Talking TDS head
One of the funniest things on ARC of 2004 was Diacronic making a talking TDS head using the Bud Lite face thing. The Talking TDS head is down as of now, but was very amusing at the time. To quote a fellow ARC staff member at the time, “this is the greatest thing I have ever seen”.
49) FishofDoom starts a Monthly Signature Theme
FishofDoom thought it would be a good idea to make a Monthly Signature Theme since sigs are popular on message forums. The idea itself was popular where a lot of people participated each month. The activity itself will presumably go on for quite awhile.
48) Pennbots "Hamboree" event
A Pennbots event which didn't even take place in PENNsylvania, but in Maryland on March 27-28th with Team Ragnarok and Doom_Force competing. Will's MircoClysm gets 3rd after flipping a bot or 2 over the wall.
47) Hacker never reopens RA-Reborn
RA-Reborn was one of the major forums for awhile, but then RA-R goes down. After this, it was left to rot as it was down for months. Hacker told some people from time to time, that it would be reopened shortly, but it never was.To this day, it remains dead. I suppose he gave up.
46) G-Force’s Extreme Object Wars
G-Force had a unique but fairly popular idea to start a new fantasy league being of just “objects”, so he created a league called “Extreme Object Wars”. It was an interesting idea, but didn’t really have any lasting power. It also had flaws when stuff like zombies with chainsaws, nuclear bombs and the T-1000 get accepted into the competition. It lasts for awhile, but never quite made a full season.
45) Replica Pack 2.0 is released
Like with the first ARC Replica Pack, the ARC guys compile a pack of simple, stock only RA2 replicas made by FishofDoom, Gemini, Doom Force, Diacronic and G-Force. It was just as good as the first one, and got respected for being very good quality replicas for no custom parts.
44) Gemini wins 3 titles in Defiance
In the end of the Defiance season, Gemini claimed a shocking 3 titles in the tournament, which was the most ever in a single tournament. However, the time period wasn’t exactly a happy time, either. It was basically in the middle of a flame war between some of the ARC moderators.
43) DSL Pack is released
Some of the bigger RA2 people (Darkrat, Starcore, Lu-Tze, etc.) created a big new pack for RA giving new robots of Robot Wars and Battlebots, new arenas, some new features and new components. The quality of the pack was fantastic, but it wasn’t enough to spring RA2 to life that much at the time.
42) DRD leaves the forum
The story of DRD (long time member of ARC) disappearing is weird and confusing. He seemed to be his regular self when one day his girflriend apparently broke up with him, which supposedly “changed” him as a person. He then had a few chats with some of the ARC mods, saying how he’s turned pure goth and wants to kill people. If he was doing if for attention or seriously became a blood thirsty serial killer, he left the forum and not much has been known of him since.
41) iSketch
This online pictionary game became popular with a lot of the ARC members for a brief time period. A late night game of iSketch was a lot of fun, even though it was mainly Fish or Dia winning nearly every game. It was even used a “Tie-breaker” and an actual challenge in ARC Survivor.
40) Old ARC members return as well as some new ones that join
This as well, is not really an “event”, but there was a time period where we got a lot of old members back (Kiazi, Shadywhtboy, Ashley, TMDustBunny) and a lot of new members that joined and got involved (NWOWWE, Zigg, Paul 3, Ryan, Deceptor) and even more members that came over from RFSHQ/FRR (Viper, bot257, Ry_Trapp, Panic Attack, cherry).
39) CAD Contest
G-Force decided to start a CAD Contest. The idea itself was good, with specific guidelines where it makes it more challenging for everyone. So far, the bots entered have been good and the actual judging should begin shortly.
38) Be0t gets disqualified from ARCT2
There were some reasons for having Be0t disqualified from ARCT2. The staff had a majority vote, it fell in favor of 3-1 in favor of him getting DQed. After that, the rest of the forum didn’t lie the decision. After a brief period of flaming and controversy, there was a vote to the public on whether he should stay or not. He ended up being allowed in and eventually won the tournament.
37) The FOD Show!
FishofDoom decided to make an episode of his own show, making a parody of The RFS Show. Of course it was funny as hell. It was also largely considered to be a lot funnier then the RFS Show. Job well done, FoD.
36) FishofDoom creates forum show “Cooking with Batista”
FishofDoom made 2 episodes of “Cooking With Batista”. It was basically a “show” using only text and words to as a half cook show, half comedy at the same time using wrestling figurines. It was actually hilarious and a delightful surprise to everyone the first time they read it. FishofDoom sure knows how to entertain.
35) Kiazi Scandal Exposed
After Kiazi closed down CRM, he went and told everyone he was a father. People never thought anything of it at the time, but afterwards, the username of Nathan came on to say that Kiazi had died and got shot in the back. Most everyone remembers the incident, no big sense in going into details. After the issue was proven to be false, we nailed it on him hard, and not hearing anything from him for months. A long time passes, and he returns, making a nice “I’m Sorry” speech. Thankfully, he is still a member today and well respected. It’s a good thing he decided to return.
34) Mad Scientist’s Bot Bash
The idea had been thrown around previous times in the past, but Mad Scientist eventually came up with the idea to have the first inter-forum RA2 challenge. It was AU vs. ARC vs. RFSHQ/Alphaforums vs. RA-Reborn vs. RA. The idea sounded very amusing, despite it being during RA2’s decline. It was hyped up and planned out as each forum prepared for this tournament. Mad never really managed it after he started it so Viper took over in a desperate attempt to save it. Even after that, it still died. If there was ever any hope in saving RA2, I think this was it, but it died.
33) Pennbots "Cabin Fever" event
Doom_Force and Minion33088 attend another Pennbots event on August 14th in York, PA. Hit or Miss gets third and Tyler places second in the rumble.
32) Pennbots "Summer Fair"
Doom_Force's Tastes Like Chicken gets 3rd and Minion's Hit or Miss takes the rumble at Yellow Breeches Middle School.
31) Diacronic’s Mindgame
Diacronic spent many hours into making a notpron type game based entirely on ARC themed bots. Everyone tried it out. It was challenging for a lot of people, when some people went through it fairly quickly. It was a big thing for about a week and it served it’s purpose.
30) Gemini creates CFL database
Gemini decides to start on a big compilations of all the past ARC fantasy leagues (completed ones) with the results from each bot and the decision. In the end, it miraculously worked and was a very well organized database. A very useful tool to check up old bots/results ad made everyone push harder for upgrading their overall ranking. It was basically the first title to give “CFL” as the general custom fantasy leagues (not necessarily being ARC only).
29) AU begins to die
After ARC moved onto running fantasy leagues and doing other things, AceUplink didn’t do anything. They were sort of running Onslaught 2.0 at the time, but that was pretty much dead before it began. Then AU experienced giant period of nothingness.
28) AU slowly becomes gaming forum
After realizing that RA2 wasn’t working out, ARC’s rival forum, AU, decided to invest their interest in gaming. Who knows if their relying on gaming to save AU or not, but it appears that they even started online tournaments with numerous games.
27) ARCT3 bombs, Gemini closes
Unfortunately, at a certain point in time, the game Robot Arena 2 lost about 50% of it’s interest. This made the tournaments impossible to run with success. It was pretty evident when the torunaments took a major turn for the worst, so the manager, Gemini, decided it was time to end them for good. However, AU went on for about 6 more months trying to make their RA2 tournaments work. That’s the spirit, fellas!
26) ARC Replica Tournament
Gemini came up with an idea to make a replica tournament in Robot Arena 2. It became an instant hit with the other members, so it was quickly set up as an ARC sanctioned tournament ran by Gemini and FishofDoom. The actual idea of the tournament was great, since people had to not only make nice replicas but they couldn’t throw on cheap Z-Tek/Tribar spinners, otherwise they’de be declined and not allowed in. The torunament itself ran well ½ the way through until RA2 lost a lot of it’s interest and was closed down.
25) 2004 RFL Nationals
Andrew competes with Disc Addiction in the 2004, by invite only, nationals. DA gets an awesome rebuild before the event and goes 3-2.
24) Motorama '04
One of the largest Northern events of the year featuring up to Super heavyweight bots at the Farm Show Complex in Harrisburg, Pa. Doom_Force and Minion33088 both competed with Paul's Hard Target getting 2nd.
23) “Top Lists and Awards” forum created
It was voted on by the ARC Staff tha this new forum should be created. It was established to put all the lists and awards threads all in one category. However, it also encouraged people to make lists of their own.
22) Team Testbot wins multiple bot titles.
Orangehamster's Test Bot wins Hobbyweights at Robot Battles, and second at Rocket City Robot Assault May! Nuclear Kitten also wins Beetles at Atlanta Area Bot Brawl 2!
21) ARC goes down for a week due to a hacker
At the very end of the year, the site craps out again and for about a week. Komodo got word from the host that it was due to a hacker and had to close down the site temporarily. Once the site went back up again, there were some changes that took place as far as the site design.
20) Forum Staff Divided: The Flame Wars
Unfortunately, there was a period in time, mainly during the beginning of Vengeance, where the staff was going against each other. There were small and big fights left and right. You name the macthups; Fish vs. Omega, Dia vs. Gemini, Dia vs. Minion, Fish vs. Minion (I think). In any event, a lot of the fights got ugly,and it actually lasted for awhile. Thankfully, everything has settled down where we get along great with each again.
19) Kiazi opens “WRWF”
With the success of Vengeance and FRR, Kiazi decides to start his own league including his own site, several match types, betting system, tag team tournament along with the standard tourney setup. You could also make 2 bots in each class.
18) Omegaforce leaves ARC Staff
After a long period of inactivity, Omegaforce decided to leave the staff knowing that he would be too busy. Not much changed after that actually, since he wasn’t on before much, anyways. The staff never filled in a replacement mod, we just kept going on with the same people and it worked fine.
17) RA2 rapidly loses interest
I know this fact as been mentioned in several other posts, but it did have a big impact in general. For the reason that it wasn’t popular anymore, it basically pushed ARC into a new stage. It also held AU up and put other boards that relied heavily on RA2 discussion into trouble. Thankfully, the decaying of RA2 didn’t kill ARC.
16) “Name that Bot” created by G-Force
This made us reminisce about some of the bots back in the days of BattleBots. G-Force started given a couple of clues to a bot identity, and then once that was revealed, there would be a new bot to identify, then it kept going on like that. Eventually, others joined in by giving clues. It was a fun activity and it lasted a long time.
15) FRR moves to new site
RFSHQ had remained to keep a high level of interest for awhile. Part of the reason was because Viper had setup FRR on RFSHQ, bringing in interest. Later on, Viper and RFS agree to move FRR out of RFSHQ and give it it’s own site. After this, RFSHQ slowly loses interest.
14) Presidential debate
The presidential debate was a hot topic for awhile before the election. I never got invovled with this, but it was a big issue for many people at the time. There were some who were extremely liberal or conservative and some who were neutral. In any event, the debate was mainly involving people like succotash, ry trapp, metal rectangle, komodo, siphai, and some others.
13) FRC gets closed for good
Diacronic wanted to just close down FRC for good after the third seasonc ame to a close, but Minion wanted to try and keep it open. So Minion was given the privilege of managing it in the next season. As expected, it didn’t last for too much longer and Minion shut it down to focus on the newer league of Defiance, which was coming up at the time.
12) G-Force hired as results writer
Unlike Minion, G-Force was hired as part of the ARC Staff but not as a Global Moderator. He was hired for the purpose of being the 4th result writer at the start of the new Vengeance season. Like Minion, he has been there to do his job and is responsible for his responsibilities.
11) Lu-Tze (Lucy Foster) dies
The saddest news of 2004 on the forums. It was talked about on AU, the DSL forums, and I think RFSHQ (not on ARC, actually). Despite never being a member of ARC, she was a really cool person and very helpful with RA2. She was a part of the DSL Team and gained respect by her abilities to make nice custom components. She had a brain tumor and wanted to see DSL be released in time, and she did. Lucy, you will be missed by us all. R.I.P.
10) FishofDoom creates “ARC Secret Santa”
When Christmas was quickly approaching, FishofDoom planned out a “Secret Santa” where members of ARC would give each other gifts. It was a nice add-on to the ARC Family and several of us got nice gifts. It was a good idea and a very happy time. Some didn’t get their gifts, but oh well. Could there be another Secret Santa next year? I don’t see why not.
9) Gemini creates “ARC Survivor”
Gemini creates a new online version of the popular reality show, Survivor. The game stuck with the same popular setup as the real show did. It included daily voting, immunity challenges, and alliance discussion. The show worked out very well and it was a success all the way through. Diablo won the game. It also succeeded in creating a backstabbing and extreme anger and hatred in the end. Season 2 should be coming up soon. Gemini said he wouldn’t run Season 2, though. Most likely, expect Fish and Diacronic to be running the show.
8) Minion joins the ARC Staff
At the beginning of Defiance, the staff was lacking result writers, so everyone agreed that hiring Minion was a good idea. His previous dedication and hard work in his work for FRC got him recognition. His work on Defiance and Vengeance has been good and consistently getting his results turned in on time. He has, in general, been a good moderator as well.
7) FRR moves to ARC
After lots of talk about a possible merge, FRR moves in with ARC and no longer has to rely on it’s independent forum. I think the merge was for the better, and hopefully it helps ARC and FRR continue on without trouble.
6) Diacronic becomes Administrator
Previously just modding the Off-Topic forums, Diacronic helped start the new ARC home by paying for the new site. In addition, he has proved to be a great asset as the webmaster (alongside Komodo), handling the ARC fantasy leagues (the biggest thing ARC has thrived on since April), keeping things in order and doing lots of updates and site changes along the way. For this, we are truly thankfully.
5) Viper creates new RPG called Fantasy Robot Rumble (FRR)
After ARC started their official CFL league, Viper decided to make a new league himself. As it turned out, the league drew a lot of interest. The setup of FRR was different then Defiance/Vengeance, as it used the money system to buy parts for bots. As of today, FRR still operates.
4) ARC’s “AIM Chats” resurrected
The top of the 2003 list was the ARC chats being formed, and for a pretty damn good reason. These daily chats not only kept the community active, but actually brought us closer together. It was like the ARC family was formed. After a certain point, the AIM chats were not being made nearly as much. In the middle of Defiance, it just seemed like they just sprung to life again. It was partially due to more things to talk about with the tournament. In any event, it brought us closer as a community then we had been in months.
3) ARC Vengeance begins
The fantasy leagues reach the peak of their success when the new competition reached a whopping 32 competitors (largest ever in ARC history). Some of the mistakes of Defiance were fixed and it was improved upon even more so to get a great season. It brought about some great new competitors and possibly the most fun some of us have had in the events over the years.
2) ARC Defiance begins
ARC has survived over the years due to the right timing. Battlebots ends, then the fantasy leagues become popular. After the fantasy leagues start to fade away, Robot Arena 2 becomes popular. No major lulls in between. After RA2 died, the ARC staff decided to resurrect the fantasy leagues. This time, the leagues were bigger, better and had solid management of not just 1 person running them (like in the past) but the whole staff chipping in. Making it fun for everyone and reliable enough to stay alive.
1) New ARC Site Opens
This is the turning point of ARC in many ways. We no longer had to deal with a free board and advertisements all of the place. It also brought about a better format for ARC’s home, with downloads, links, stats, hall of fame, and other neat new features. Yes, we did well before hand, but it probably improved ARC in general. We had to drag everyone into the new place. Some had to take a little while to fit in, but in the end, it paid off and we are still thriving on the new ARC.
Good luck to ARC in 2005!
CFL Olympics '08 - Philip Bergman
And the CFL Olympics were off with the lighting of the torch... which in this case meant my muffler backfired. And just like the Olympics, so many games to get through in so little time. 16 bots per division, with four pilots. How did it go? Let's look in. Our first fight was Warshrike, driven by yours truly, versus Double Dose, which creator Paul piloted. All stats given, btw, are WTSA: Weapon, Torque, Speed, and Armor. We didn't have printouts, so we had to approximate the stats of each bot. Sorry if they're not exact. It's the way it goes. The two people who DIDN'T fight in a match would decide who won each match.
With a 0,7,7,8 setup, Warshrike bested the 10,1,6,5 Double dose in a 24-21 judges' decision.
Next up was Miscreant vs. Blitzkrieg. Paul was back with Miscreant; with 4,5,7,6; looking to avenge himself against Chris taking control of the 0,4,12,6 rammer. And Paul did indeed avenge himself in a 25-20 decision.
Josh was next, as his 0,6,8,8 Zombie Killer barrelled past Andrewbot Jr., 3,5,7,7 and had Chris behind the controls; also in a 25-20 decision.
Chris would finally get his first win with Red Zone (3,5,8,6) taking down Demonic Visage (4,5,7,6) in the first real domination event... 31-14.
The first knockout came unfortunately at my expense. I was unable to get Testbotx5 (8,4,5,5) to even last the full fight as the Josh-driven Lightning (2,3,12,5) got the KO in 1:55.
Even though it was Chris's design, Josh got the honor of driving Celestial Slayer (9,3,5,5) against Paul who had BLACKout (15,1,1,5). Celestial Slayer got the 29-16 victory.
My own Underminer (0,4,10,8) look to avenge another LW of mine against the wily thwack Aggressive Blood Cell (1,7,9,5) driven by Paul. In a split 23-22 decision, Underminer advanced.
I had the pleasure of piloting Sovereign (0,9,7,6) but did not have the pleasure of winning with it, as Josh drove Underall (0,7,8,7) in a 30-15 rout.
We then moved into the Middleweight division. AMP (13,1,5,3) was up first, and Paul piloted his own pride and joy, while Chris handled Unlimited Limits (8,4,5,5)... handled it straight to a KO at 1:01. AMP advances.
I had the honor/task of handling Shovearound 2 (5,4,7,6) as it went against #1 all-time rated bot Suicide (5,6,6,5). I have to admit, I'm actually proud of how well I did, even though I did lose 25-20 against Paul.
Yeow! Hot Bees! proved to be a pain in the ass because we first had to devise our own multi-bot rule for this competition. I personally suggested we use The Aristocrats instead of the Bees, but for some reason, that suggestion didn't fly. Huh. Anyway, we made the three-parter each with 0,2,7,3 as Josh took on Chris, who had Mech Kahuna (whom I'd been erroneously referring to as "Mecha Kahuna") with 12,1,4,5. Another split decision emerged as the multibot got the losing side of the 23-22 decision.
I was back to pilot Adrenichrome (14,1,2,5) while Josh took JAKT (6,4,6,6) and showed how Omega's designs are supposed to be piloted as JAKT won 24-21.
My Hands Are Abandoned Factories Manufacturing Heartbreak And Hate For The World (7,4,5,6) was driven by Josh, while I handled my own Dogpounder (0,6,9,7). And luckily, thanks to a KO at 2:20, I'll be spared from having to type the really long name again in this tournament.
I was back with X-Combat (also known only by me and Omega as "El Negro Muerte") against Josh's Rooster Teeth. My efforts with the 11,1,5,5 proved fruitful as the 12,2,5,3 bot lost, thus proving that ROOSTERS DON'T HAVE TEETH! LOL! Score was 27-18.
Shockwave (6,5,6,5) was driven by Paul while Chris took the reins of Influenza (11,4,3,5) and at 2:43, the spinbot was counted out.
Last in the MW division was Pissed-Off Poltergeist Resurrected (6,4,6,6) who used the hammer against Barrier (2,4,8,8). Paul shed no tears as Chris took his own creation to a 26-19 victory.
Next came the HW division. Chris took his own King Draco (7,3,6,6) against Blood Thirsty (6,3,7,6) driven in this even by Josh. Chris took this one 29-16.
Josh took control of Heart Attack (3,6,8,5) while I piloted my own Babaganoush (9,2,5,6) in a rematch of the Annihilation Finals. This time, the flipper got the 23-22 decision, thus vindicating me.
Thracktar Ultra was driven by Chris while Josh had Stampede. Chris took the 4,6,7,5 bot over 3,8,3,8 Stampede. Unfortunately, we didn't write down the score, so we'll just call it 27-18.
Acid Drop (7,2,7,6) was supposed to take on Striker (6,2,10,4) but Paul felt he had no chance so the first Forfeit came to let Chris advance his own bot.
Adrenaline (3,6,6,7) was controlled by Paul while I handled my own Diamond Jim (0,8,8,6) and I won 27-18.
Next came one of the all-time rivalries... Truth Or Consequences (6,3,6,7) versus Tank (0,4,10,8). Josh looked to put himself firmly in charge while Chris took Tank. And poor Josh.... 24-21 Tank, thus eliminating all four of Josh's bots in this division of the Olympics, but he would return!
A-Bomb (6,4,6,6) was next as Chris took this bot over his own creation, Wrath Of Draco (8,4,5,5), thus proving I shouldn't drive Chris's bots.
The second Forfeit of the tournament happened when Chris had F-Bomb (0,6,8,8), and realized he had no chance against me and Cow Tipper (6,4,7,5). The Cow was back, and getting away easy, so it would seem.
The SHW Sweet Sixteen was next. Paul handled the 0,6,10,6 Copperhead to a KO at 1:57 over SHUTout (15,1,1,5) thus proving that even with me at the wheel, Steve should give his creations a better drivetrain.
Paul's creations were facing off as the creator took his own 14,0,5,3 JOLT against Josh driving the 6,4,7,5 Road Rage. Josh didn't want to face JOLT, and so forfeited.
Jack Frost (11,1,5,5) was driven by Josh (2,8,2,10) who took on Bad-Ass Barnacle (4,6,6,6). And while I had lost a few fights already, this was the first of my own design to suffer such a fate in a close 24-21 fight, but at least I made it close.
I was back in the ring with Gila (0,10,6,6) while Eurypterus (0,4,10,8) was controlled by Paul (3,4,9,6). And the lizard beat the creepy-looking louse/earwig hybrid 25-20.
The wrath of multi-bots returned as Primary 3 (0,2,7,3), driven by Paul took on Reflector Shield (0,8,6,8) created and driven by Chris (6,6,4,6). The rammer trio was no match for one member of the original rammer trio as the last multi-bot left the building 29-16.
For the second time in my entire RPG career, I Forfeited a match. I was supposed to have Shredding Ring (12,0,5,5), but with less weapon AND torque, I didn't feel I had a chance against Adreniton (13,1,3,5), so I made Josh happy and let a bot that he was driving advance by Forfeit.
Chris piloted Toxic Hazard (12,4,3,3) against the "LAME!" Russianation (0,6,8,8) as driven by Josh. Not so lame, apparently. 23-22 for the skirts (but not pink, cuz that's just ugly, apparently).
Paul said "Domo Arigato" to Chris as Chris said "Sayonara" letting Japanese School Girl (13,1,4,4) advance past Destruction (7,2,5,8) by Forfeit.
Try to understand... by this time, it was already after 7PM. So since four of the quarterfinals involved two bots driven by the same guy, we let the driver decide the fight. So by a Driver's Decisions... Celestial Slayer topped Lightning, AMP advanced past Suicide, Dogpounder moved past X-Combat (since Dogpounder beat X-Combat in Fantasy Fury), and Striker beat Mech Kahuna. We then went inside to do commentary for The Sequel Must Go On.
We retired back to the hotel to try and do both the Quarterfinals and ARCCon Trivia..... trivia ended up having to wait 'til Sunday at breakfast.
Back to LW's.... and I'm not gonna bother reposting stats. I took Warshrike against Paul with Miscreant.... and Miscreant won 23-22.
Josh's Zombie Killer went against Chris's Red Zone next, and the lifter went on with a 25-20 victory.
The Unders had it next as my Underminer sadly went under to Underall by not getting under Underall at all. 26-19. Josh advanced to the semis.
In the Middleweights, it was Josh with JAKT over Chris and Mech Kahuna 24-21.
Shockwave versus Barrier. Chris had been hoping to avoid this fight, and with good reason. It seemed that no matter which Paul was driving, Shockwave is almost always destined to come out on top 23-22. Poor Chris.
Onto the Heavyweights... which is better than having the Heavyweights onto you. Chris took his King Draco up the hill to knock the water out of the shaving basin (as Josh refers to it), but it was my Babaganoush who broke Draco's crown 25-20.
Chris was at it again with Tank, trying to beat me and Diamond Jim. But the deejay with the DJ would have none of it, and 24-21 would make Tank go down.
No more forfeits for the Cow. And with an overwhelming "MOO!", the Tipper driven by me defused A-Bomb, and so I beat Chris for the third consecutive fight, this time by a score of 25-20.
Chris would get some vicarious revenge in the SHW division, as Josh drove Chris's Jack Frost into Gila, which I drove, and got the Knockout in 2:45.
Josh would then have to take on Chris with Adreniton against Reflector Shield. In a tough decision, Reflector Shield advanced 26-19.
Josh was up again, this time against Paul. This time Russianation proved lame as Japanese School Girl manhandled the Josh-driven skirtbot 33-12.
Chris wanted to move on to the Semis, but Paul was under the table... literally, fighting to stay awake, so we called it a night. Called what a night? Exactly.
After breakfast on Sunday morning (wherein we did trivia at Denny's... really) we got back to the room and started the semis. There was talk about doing it online since I really wanted to get going to Montoursville to meet up with my other friend. But we decided to bear it out.
In the Lightweights, Chris was in charge of Red Zone and proved to be in charge as he took down Paul and Miscreant 30-15.
In the other semifinal, since I didn't have a LW semifinalist, I took the reins of Celestial Slayer so that Josh wouldn't have to control two bots, and left him to handle Underall. It was a pretty lousy RP on my part, I admit. Underall won handily 26-19.
In the Middleweight division, AMP driven by Paul drove right through Josh and JAKT, with the Knockout coming at 2:35.
In the other semi... I steered and spun my own Dogpounder to a 25-20 decision over Shockwave, driven by Paul; thus giving Chris the satisfaction of helping decide a fight where Shockwave lost. lol.
By this time, it was almost noon, so we got out of the room and checked out before we got charged for another night, and kept going in the parking lot. Seriously.
The Heavyweights were next as I took my Babaganoush to seek revenge against Striker, but Chris would get to laugh on this one in a split decision, 23-22, thus frustrating the pith helmet.
In a return favor, I gave Josh control of Diamond Jim to pilot my own Cow Tipper. I would at least be happy knowing one of my designs would be in the HW finals. But which one? In a 26-19 decision, I proved that only I should drive my own bots. Moo, bitches. (Interestingly, as I type this, "Eye Of The Tiger" is playing, and I think it should be changed to "Eye Of The Cow".)
The Superheavyweights threw down next as Paul took JOLT against Josh and Jack Frost. The spinners threw down and in a Knockout at 2:02, it was JOLT who was triumphant.
Our last semifinal of the tourney saw Chris take Reflector Shield against Paul piloting the Japanese School Girl. In a hard fought, knock-down drag-out fight, it was Reflector Shield who advanced to the finals, 29-16. Next up, the Finals... in the parking lot at the Red Roof Inn. The suspense heightens not just because it's the Finals...
It's Finals time!!
Chris was stoked to be in the Finals with his Red Zone (3,5,8,6) while Josh was happy to be in the finals as an RPer, even if it wasn't his own bot. Underall (0,7,8,7) went with the pointed wedge-teeth for the final. In a struggle of driving and strategies... your winner by a 23-22 split judges' decision, and Custom Fantasy League Olympics Lightweight Champion.....
RED ZONE
Sorry Josh, no soup for you. About this time a cop car pulled into the lot. A K-9 unit car, no less. We were worried that since we had already checked out, the hotel considered us to be loitering, and the cop was there to make sure we left. We really didn't have anywhere else to go, so if we were asked to leave, we planned to beg for mercy. Luckily, the cop was there on other business. So onto the Middleweights.
Paul prized AMP (13,1,5,3) was facing off against my Dogpounder (0,6,9,7). AMP's strategy was the stuff we've come to expect from Paul. I, however, decided to grasp at straws and employ a completely different strategy than the one I'd been using. Would it pay off? Chris and Josh actually deliberated on this one for a little bit. Paul and I were both kinda nervous. But in the end... your winner by a 29-16 judges' decision, and Custom Fantasy League Olympics Middleweight Champion.....
DOGPOUNDER
No kidding. When Paul heard that Striker and Cow Tipper were due next, he kinda groaned. So we gave him the choice of doing the SHW final next, which he decided to go with. So with his JOLT (14,0,5,5) taking on Chris with Reflector Shield (0,8,6,8), the classic SHW saga of spinners and rammers lived on in this final. No real surprises in strategies here as... your winner by a 24-21 judges' decision, and Custom Fantasy League Olympics Superheavyweight Champion.....
REFLECTOR SHIELD
Sorry Paul, no soup for you either. So it came down to the HW division. The dinner table from hell called Striker (6,2,10,4) took on the CD case from hell known as Cow Tipper (6,4,7,5). We both had a lot of pride on the line in this one. Would Chris repeat Defiance and take three titles, or would I maintain the bragging rights to having one of the best-known juggernauts (not Jaugernaut, though) in CFL history? Paul and Josh took their time thinking this one out, and while they did, I called my friend and apologized for running late, which worked out, because she had been behind schedule that day too. By the time I got her off the phone, the decision had been reached, and... your winner by a 23-22 split judges' decision, and Custom Fantasy League Olympics Heavyweight Champion.....
COW TIPPER
Moo, bitches.
WW2 First Person Shooter